Chapter Twelve: Mixed Feelings
It had been a week since my mother called to tell me that my father had died and I was doing a lot better than I had been a couple of days ago. JYP bought me a ticket back home for two days where I was able to go to his funeral and help my mother with everything but I knew I had to go back.
Mark was starting his world tour and was leaving tomorrow for the Japan to start off the tour. It was hard for me as in this situation I really needed somebody to hold onto, which is what I used Momo for. She was my rock through all of this even going home with me for the couple of days and holding me throughout the funeral.
I was back in Korea now running through the motions with the rest of the girls who were all very supportive. When they found out what happened we had a group cuddle session in the living room, with sad Korean Dramas that caused us all to cry so I wasn't the only one. When I got back I received a hug from each of them and we had a random dance party in the living room. They were very supportive and helped me get over the initial shock and I was actually really glad to have them.
It was late on the day I got back when Mark called, he was taking a break from packing to check in on me. "Hey how is being back" he asked as a loud crash sounded from somewhere behind him.
"It's alright the girls are a great help and I actually really missed them and you" I said even though I had only been gone for a couple of days.
Mark gave a laugh and I heard a door open and close from his end most likely him moving away from his members. "I wish I could see you before we leave but we still have a lot to do" he told me. I understood as both our schedules were crazy though it was hard for me to not see him regularly and now he was leaving for tour. We weren't sure how long he would be gone for but he was upset that he had to leave so soon.
"It's alright, we know how our schedules can get" I said doing my best to not make him upset. He was already hard on himself for not spending a lot of time with me and I knew if I said the wrong thing he would get pissed at himself.
He gave a small sigh and gave a small laugh almost as if he was trying to cheer himself up. "I swear when we get back i'm spending three solid days with you" he said laughing at his own joke. I laughed with him both of us knowing that we wouldn't be able to do that as we both had crazy schedules.
"So how are the other boys are they excited for the tour" I asked changing the topic from the crazy schedules.
His mood instantly changed as he loves to talk about his members, almost as much as I loved to talk about mine. "There all excited most of them are freaking about being away the dorm" he said.
It would be a while until we went on our first tour so I wouldn't experience that for a while. "I hope you all enjoy yourselves and I want video calls" I said.
"Of course I want to see you too" Mark said causing a smile to break out on to my face. "Alright I have to go the guys are calling me back and we have to finish packing" he said his voice filled with sorrow.
Taking a deep breath in I said "Okay I'll see you when you get back" I said waiting for the dial tone.
"Bye Ivy see you when I get back" he repeated with a soft voice before the dial tone sounded as he cut the call. Taking in a shaky breath I moved back into the living room where all my members were seated playing some sort of video games.
Nobody even batted an eye when I took my seat again tuning into the game of mario kart on the screen. We had the day off but tomorrow we were going back to work on our dancing and some of us had singing workshops. Our schedules were become busier with the growth of our fan base, as we were running around doing performances and such.
Momo gave me a small look when I sat next to her but didn't question where I had been, though I'm sure she could figure it out. "Ivy do you want to go around" Jihyo said turning around as she passed the finish line.
"I don't think so I think i'll keep my pride" I said as she had beat everybody who had tried to play her lost by a long shot.
Jihyo gave a smile and a shrug before turning back towards the screen to start another race. It was relaxing to sit here and just be with my members none of us being overly loud or crazy.
Momo gave me a small look figuring there was something up but she could tell I didn't want to talk about it and kept quite. The two of us had grown close over the last couple of months and could read each other now to know what to say and when to say it. It was nice to know that I would always have a friend in the group no matter what, and I would always have someone to talk to.
"When is Mark leaving" Momo asked me leaning over to look at my phone thinking I was talking to Mark. "Oh never mind" she said after seeing the name on my phone did not read Mark but instead Jungkook.
"Mark is packing he leaves tomorrow morning" I told her watching her nod from the corner of my eye.
"Jungkook and you have been talking quite a bit, what do you guys spend so much time talking about anyways" she asked watching me type on my phone. Almost constantly now I was texting the boy on my phone ever since he helped comfort me when I received the news of my father.
I laughed knowing Momo wasn't going to understand me when I told her "he is introducing me to all of the kpop groups I should know" I said as another picture of a group came through my phone. "He tells me what groups I need to get into as an idol in Korea and I tell him what he should look into for American music" I told her. She shook her head knowing that I we were just innocent kids.
"Well at least Mark doesn't have to worry" Momo commented confusing me at the random statement.
Turning away from my phone I tilted my head to the side "What do you mean of course Mark doesn't have to be worried" I said.
Momo laughed with only confused me further "All guys have to be concerned when their girlfriends are talking with other guys" she said. "It doesn't matter for what reason a girl and a guy can never just be friends, though I think your going to prove me wrong" she said looking at my phone again.
Jungkook and I were still going back and forth about different music both of us responding within seconds. "What do you mean i'm friends with lots of guys" I said thinking back to Jason from back home.
"I mean they can be friends but eventually someone catches feelings" Momo told me with a simple shrug.
I brushed Momo's comment off not wanting to think about my feelings wavering from Mark. "Whatever believe what you want" I said with a shrug turning my attention back to my phone.
"Alright I got school tomorrow so i'm going to sleep" I said standing up ready to head to my room. Tomorrow I had a full day of work as I had school and then I have practice after school for a couple of hours.
A couple of the girls gave me a quick goodnight before I disappeared into my room, falling right to sleep.
Walking into school the next day I was happy to see Jungkook already in his seat looking down at his phone. "Hey how has school been" I asked as I had not gone in about a week or so, as he didn't see me walk up he jumped when I spoke.
"Hi, glad your back, school was quite boring" he said which didn't surprise me all that much as it was school after all.
Giving him a smile I took my seat pulling out my materials from my bag. As this was the first time we were together since he comfortable around me it was slightly awkward. "You went back home right, how was America" he asked me moving away from the silence that threatened to take over.
"It was pretty good ran into a lot of old friends didn't realize how much I missed them. My mom was happy to have me back even if it was for two days" I told him. It was first time I had made it through talking about home without crying because of my dad and I was really proud of myself. "Momo came back with me too so she got to see what my home was like" I said with a smile.
Jungkook nodded "That's cool, I haven't been to America yet but i'm looking forward to the first time I go" he said.
As both of our groups were gaining more fans it was more likely for a world tour where 7you can go to america. His group was older so he was going to most likely be going sooner than me but it was nice to know that we both were looking for the same thing. It was nice that he didn't bring up my dad I feel like that's all I have talked about the last week. He seemed to understand that I was still a bit upset over the whole thing.
We talked about everything we possible could and by the time the teacher walked back in. I was feeling much better after our conversation, no longer worrying about any of the pressures of being an idol.
Slowly the lesson went by with a class of people slightly listening but most of them were doing anything else. Jungkook was scribbling in his notebook but from what I could tell it wasn't anything the teacher was talking about. From what I watched he paid attention to his notebook, for the entire lesson drawing doodles.
When the bell rang a couple of the students stood up beating the teacher out of the room for lunch. "Are you eating with your members today" Jungkook asked me before I stood to leave.
"I think so they're a little worried about me" I said after everything that happened the last time I was in the building.
Jungkook nodded standing up from his seat "I'll walk you, I feel a little protective as well" he said. A smile was on my face as I stood up thanking the boy as we walked out of the classroom. Because he was the one to find me I could tell he blamed himself slightly and wanted to keep this from happening again.
When we got to the cafeteria I thanked the boy again and made my way quickly towards where my members sat. The whole cafeteria was looking when we walked in and I knew there was nothing good that would come from that.
"Why are you coming in with BTS's Jungkook" Dahyun asked once I sat down at the table.
Turning to look at her I saw that the rest of the idols were looking at me waiting for my answer. "He didn't want a repeat of what happened last time" I said knowing that my members would understand. There were rumors flying around the school and because JYP never released a statement nobody is sure about what really happened.
"Are you sure you're not getting yourself into a Drama" she asked me after I had finished explaining. Our group had a thing with Drama's that include love triangles and we always joke about them so I understood what she was trying to talk about. Turning slightly I delivered a deep glare towards her as she knew that it was tough for Mark and I right now. "Sorry, sorry but he doesn't look at you as a friend" she said before turning away.
Glancing over at Jungkook I saw him talking with the guys at his table laughing at something one of them had said. Our eyes connected for a moment and he gave me a breathtaking smile before I turned away.
Chaeyoung who had watched the exchange was giving me a small smile obviously sensing something. "Confusion is okay at your age just trust your heart" she told me before digging into her food. Chaeyoung was always so kind to me and despite her age she talked as if she had been through the hardest challenges in life.
I participated in the conversation about american music most of the girls taking me very serious as I had lived in America. Surprisingly most of the girls knew quite a bit about American pop and were able to hold conversations with me.
By the time the bell rang for class I was slightly nervous about going back because of what Dahyun had said. Jungkook and I were friends both of us only thought of each other like that, he knew about Mark and I so I was sure he didn't like me. There was something in the back of my mind that I should listen to my member about boys as they are older than me.
"Ready for our presentation" Jungkook said when I got back to the classroom. As I was gone all last week we were giving our history presentation today during class. Jungkook had been kind enough to finish the small portion of the presentation when he found out what happened to my dad. Our teacher was also very kind in waiting until I got back and did not make Jungkook give the presentation alone.
Giving him a smile I watched as he walked to the back of the room to grab the poster we had worked on. "Ready as I'll ever be" I said walking with him to the front of the room.
As he spoke I watched him nodding along and really taking in the boy that my members seemed so obsessed with. When I had first met him I was started off my relationship with Mark and I wasn't even thinking of him in a romantic way. But with everything that my members are saying and even more with what Dahyun had said I really took in Jungkook's features. Even though he was only seventeen he seemed to have already gone through puberty and didn't seem to have an ounce of fat on his body. His hair fell flat in front of his face and didn't help to hide his eyes that seemed to pierce through everybody's soul. I had never noticed before but it was hard to look at him for more than a couple of seconds, he had that presence that made you feel as if he was better than you. He never acted on it though and instead had a sweet caring personality that he seemed to use with everybody not just as a stage persona.
He glanced at me a couple of times during the presentation giving an encouraging smile right before I was to deliver my lines. Even though he was a very famous idol he took his school work very seriously which differentiated from most.
"Nice job and after everything that has happened in the last week I am very proud of you" our teacher said giving us a kind smile. Jungkook and I gave a quick bow to him before making our way back to our seats both of us with smiles on our faces. The class jumped right into the next topic as Jungkook and I were the last presentation.
It was hard for me to participate in class for the rest of the day as I was thinking about what Dahyun had told me. From what I could tell Jungkook thought nothing of me but as a classmate but from what I have witnessed he is used to hiding his emotions. It felt like every other minute I had to pry my eyes off of the boy next to me. A couple of times he caught me and I couldn't stop the blush from spreading across my cheeks.
When the final bell rang I practically jumped out of my chair to leave for the day, though I knew I just had practice for a couple of hours. "Ivy" Jungkook said grabbing my wrist to stop me from leaving the room.
Turning to face him I swung my backpack onto my back waiting for him to say what he wanted to say. Jungkook was rubbing the back of his neck with one of his hands glancing at the ground every couple of seconds. "Are you and Mark still together" he asked catching me off guard, as I was expecting anything but that.
"Why" I asked wondering what in the world was running through that boy's mind to make him ask that.
The idol dropped from his neck resting next to him as he looked down at me his eyes wide. "Please just tell me I need to be reminded" he said barely whispering it, his hand reaching forward slightly before stopping.
"I'm still dating Mark" I said before turning and exiting the room without saying a goodbye. That wasn't anything that I had expected I have no idea what he was going on about but he wasn't a boy to act like that. Jungkook was never one to say his feelings there was a couple of topics he never commented on and that was one of them. It was as if everything I knew had changed just from the very short exchange between us.
When I stepped outside I found my van immediately as all of my members were inside with the door open as we hs rehearsal right after school. Letting my eyes wonder around I found the BTS van a couple of feet away with three of Jungkook's members waiting for him.
I watched as my seat partner walk towards his members mumbling something to them his head facing the ground. I couldn't tell what was said but one of his members patted him on the back and steered him into the van. "End of autumn ready for winter" Momo asked as I slid into the open spot in the van.