When Harry trudged out into the kitchenette of the bus slumped and moving at the speed of a sloth I knew that today wasn't going to be all that great for the youngest of us. His eyes were hardly open until he tripped, exposing the bloodshot whites and dilated pupils as he caught himself on the counter.
"You look like crap H..." Niall dead panned from his spot on the couch.
Harry's lips twitched and he rolled his shoulders back with a deep breath, "I'm okay."
I frowned to myself, scanning over his shaky posture. It was obvious the poor guy was exhausted. The last few nights had been pretty late ones as we weren't getting back to the bus until two or three in the morning which meant there wasn't a lot of time for sleeping before the early morning rises. The rest of us, we'd learned to manage the shorter sleep times and wacky patterns enough to function and get used to it but Harry was a bit of a different story, and it definitely wasn't his fault.
Sleep was a major priority for him, if he didn't get enough things would happen and they were things he hated to talk about and hated even more to experience.
When he didn't get enough sleep he panicked, which resulted in even less sleep. There wasn't a lot we could do for him sadly.
"Don't forget your pills this morning Hazza," Liam reminded with a soft pat on Harry's shoulder blade as he wandered past. I hoped he was changing his socks before we went out to this photoshoot, those ones he had one were damn near atrocious.
Harry swallowed and nodded his head, already sluggishly popping a tablet out of its capsule.
"We have an hour before we need to go mate, you can try get some sleep if you'd like? I'll wake you," I suggested as he sat down beside me, leaning over a bowl of cereal. He rubbed at his temple and shook his head, "no, that's okay. I'd rather stay awake."
"Just relax then, you look dead on your feet," I sighed empathetically, "rough night I take it?"
"Rough nights," Harry corrected quietly.
I bit my lip worriedly. I couldn't help it. I knew he didn't like us even thinking about it at all but I was worrying fiercely for him. I'd only ever seen on of his episodes and that was enough to know I never wanted to see it again. He was so embarrassed and sickly when it was over and I just didn't want him to ever have to go through it. I should've monitored his sleeping more closely, I should've been there for him. So what if he's an adult, I'm still his friend.
I huffed, disappointed in myself.
An hour later I felt awful for dragging an over tired Harry out into the cool wind blowing outside. Thankfully the actual shoot was indoors where it was at least warmer but it didn't mean any less activity, being bossed around by photographers and such. Liam and Niall kept shooting me glances as well as each other, silently questioning whether the day was going to carry on as normal or if we were going to have a possible episode on our hands.
I say episode, and I mean seizure.
As in full blown, out to the world, flailing fit.
Harry told us years and years ago he had epilepsy, he was on medication, sleep deprivation was a main trigger, and that was the extent of the conversation before he clamped up and walked straight out of the room, cheeks on fire. We assumed he didn't like to talk about it and left it alone, as if he'd never said anything about it at all.
It had all been fine, I'd almost forgotten to be honest, until Harry had that seizure a year ago. Then it truly hit me what all this was and just how scary it could be. He was okay afterwards, considering, but still, scary stuff.
An hour and a half later and the photographers had finally decided that they'd had enough of us and let us sit down by a snack table to wait for a bit while they checked to make sure they had everything they needed.
Harry tucked his knees in and rested his head on top of them, straining to keep his eyes open.
I frowned, "sleep if you need to Hazza."
He shook his head stiffly, "can't."
Now Niall and Liam were mirroring my confused look, he definitely could, he was practically unconscious already.
"You can H, nobody's gonna mind," Niall said carefully, obviously still unsure.
Harry rubbed his eyes roughly and shook his head in a stubborn manner, lips pursed, "no, I can't."
"Is this about..." I blurted, trailing off uncertainly. His eyes glossed over for a moment and he sniffed, "maybe."
"Well, are you feeling okay? Cos I'm sure there's a clinic close by or something where we can take you if you're not," Liam questioned.
"Just, um, I get nervous," Harry sighed, colour building in his face already. "I get nervous to sleep when I'm so over tired because sometimes it just, I just, um, I spaz out."
"It's not a spaz Harry," I corrected hurriedly, shaking my head fervently, "don't say that."
He shrugged, sitting up a little more in an attempt to stay awake.
"You took your medicine this morning though right? Shouldn't that keep you safe?" Niall gestured widely in confusion.
"The majority of the time," Harry replied quietly, looking away.
Liam stood up, "I'll go see if we can go back to the bus now. You can sleep there and if something does happen it'll just be us, you won't have to worry about anyone else. If nothing happens you'll look less like a zombie and more like our curly haired friend again." He grinned with a reassuring nod, "I'll be right back."
Harry's jaw was clenched and before I could talk myself out of it I started rubbing his back to try relax him a little.
Ten minutes later we were allowed to leave. Poor Harry was complaining about a headache all the way back and even struggled climbing up the few steps into the bus he was so tired. We literally had to give his long legs a boost.
Once on the bus I cast a glance at the bunks and decided the couch was the best place for Harry to rest. If he really was frightened he might seizure then the couch was a lot safer than the constricting bunks where he could hurt himself, or fall further onto the ground. I off loaded him there and Niall chucked a few blankets over him.
He closed his eyes for like five seconds and then they opened again, wide and afraid and perking around at all of us.
"Go to sleep Harry," I said softly, "shut your eyes."
He inhaled a shaky breath and listened, his body losing stiffness as it relaxed into the cushions. He shifted for a moments and then promptly fell asleep much to my relief.
"He'll be okay right?" Niall whispered.
"I'm sure he will be," Liam replied.
I definitely hoped so.
Half an hour later I was in the kitchen putting together some lunch. Usually Harry helped when it was our turn but he was still asleep and Liam and Niall were immersed in their game in the back room. I didn't mind it that much, I was just humming to myself quietly and enjoying the silence as I put together the toasted sandwiches.
My whole body froze and my went went into hyperdrive at the sudden sound of the repetitive whacking noise from behind me. I didn't want to turn around. I couldn't. I had to.
And holy shit, Harry was quaking as if he'd been electrocuted.
A lump grew quickly in my throat as I rushed over to the couch, racing on adrenaline and fear. I yelled out for Liam and Niall as my hands started moving around, unsure of where to go. I pulled all the pillows around to the back so that he couldn't hit his head at least.
"Fucking hell!" Niall exclaimed frightfully as he caught sight of Harry. I threw my hands up, "what are we supposed to do?"
"Make sure he's not hurting himself and wait it out. If it goes for much longer we'll call an ambulance," Liam replied. Some of my panic disappeared at the calmness in his voice but I still couldn't quite blink.
"Uh, I need some air," Niall murmured quietly and then I heard the bus door open and close briskly. I didn't blame him, it was seriously hard to watch our friend seizure like this and not be able to do anything.
The shaking dulled slowly until Harry's eyes were just darting around beneath his lids and he was making pained sounds, still asleep. The fear leeched away and I let out a sigh of relief as he opened his eyes blearily. He weakly kicked the blankets off and pushed himself to sit up.
Then he stood and much to my surprise wandered straight off the bus, hardly sparing Liam or I a glance.
"He's still way out of it," Liam muttered.
"At least the seizures over," I said breathlessly and gratefully.
Liam huffed in agreement and we followed Harry outside.
He was standing beside Niall, looking up at the sky as if it was the most fascinating thing in the universe. Niall looked at me quizzically and mouthed the words, 'what's going on?'
I shivered in the wind, "Harry, it's time to come back inside, you can go back to sleep now."
Harry finally looked at me, although his face was blank. He then screwed it up but followed me back onto the bus nonetheless. His arms were covered in goosebumps so I put a jersey on his unresponsive limbs while he just stared at me like a creepy doll. It was highly uncomfortable but I got there in the end.
Then without a word he got up back under the blankets on the couch, rolled over, and went back to sleep.
Niall rubbed his face in distress, "well, that was mildly terrifying."
"He's gonna be so upset next time he wakes..." I uttered sympathetically, stroking Harry's hair away from his face.
"He might not even know," Liam shrugged, "we'll see later I guess."
I finished up the lunch, my thoughts somewhere else up entirely, and I ate, despite feeling the opposite of hungry. I was still worried out of my mind and my gaze kept finding its way over to Harry's still figure on the couch.
I was sitting on the floor playing cards with the other lads when there was a low moan, "ugh, I have the worst headache..."
My head perked up and I spun to face the voice. Harry was awake and gingerly swinging his legs over the side
of the couch, holding one hand to the side of is head. He blinked and saw us all staring at him. I couldn't look away in time to stop the look of realisation that crossed over his face as he glanced down at his jersey in dismay, "I wasn't wearing this before, was I?"
Liam scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, "no."
Harry dropped his head into his hands, mumbling things I couldn't quite hear. I leapt up and grabbed some pain killers from the cupboard along with a glass of water before plopping down next to him and offering the small pills.
He uttered a quiet thanks and swallowed them back, rolling out his shoulders.
"Are you okay?" Niall said slowly, blue eyes frightened and curious. Harry's pale face turned blush red again as all the attention was diverted onto him. He answered with a short 'yeah,' and drunk the rest of the glass of water.
"I'm really sorry, if I scared anyone."
"Don't be stupid Haz, we were all scared for you, not of you," I promised truthfully, rubbing his knee.
"Still, I'm sorry," he repeated, "I know it's scary."
"The scariest part was probably when you went catatonic afterwards, wandering around like you'd lost your brain," Liam chuckled. Harry's eyes widened, "I can't remember."
"We presumed that," I smiled, "how about you just get some more sleep before dinner., there's plenty of time."
Harry yawned widely proving that he was in fact still tired, unsurprisingly , "you guys don't mind?"
"Not even the slightest, it would make me happy to know you're doing better," I replied, "now lay back down, get comfy. I'm tired too, mind of I join ya?"
Harry grinned tiredly and shook his head. I grinned and laid down in the gap, snuggling into the toasty warm spot with ease. I stretched my toes out and shut my eyes peacefully, knowing that my friend was back to being alright.
That's another short one, but it's something different so that's cool! It was a bit hard to write because I've only ever witnessed one seizure in my life and I had to do what Niall did and leave for a few minutes because I just couldn't handle it, like the fright it caused just made me feel so bad and guilty because I used to be the one who caused it and I couldn't quite believe it. It really is scary loves, anyone out there experience this kind of stuff my heart really goes out to you, personal experience helps me understand just how shitty the situation is so if there's anyone who wants a chat I'm always around :)
Also let me know if you have any unique requests like this one!