"I found your mother." a cross of excitement and confusion settled in his eyes.
I opened my mouth, shutting it seconds later when I realized I hadn't broken my aunt's news to Toby. He had absolutely no idea that I had technically found her too.
"She's in a rehabilitation center in New York." He waved a manila folder in the small gap between us. "I thought it'd be a great birthday present. Didn't know you're entire family would be here though."
I could hear the hurt that had replaced the excitement in his voice; I didn't need to look up at face it too. Prying the file from his hands, I decided it was best to let him have the satisfaction of thinking he'd found her before I did. It was the least I could do for being such a bad friend.
"This is great, Tobias! Thank you!" I exclaimed, shifting on the bench I was sitting on.
He dropped his hands to his sides, "You already knew."
It wasn't a question, and I didn't have to lift my head again to know there was disappointment in his eyes.
"Eleanor called me last night. She explained everything." I opened the folder on my lap, "She didn't get into detail or tell me where my mother was, but she said she was going to fly me out so I can meet her."
He fell into the empty spot beside me and laid his head against the wall, "I'm sorry. I don't have a present and-"
"I should be the one apologizing. I didn't invite you here today and I should have. You're my best friend and deserved to be here as much as Griffin did. I don't need a present, I'm not six anymore, Toby."
He brushed the back of his hand across my cheek, "You've grown so much in the last couple months."
"What do you mean?" I didn't know whether to be flattered or offended.
"You've matured, mentally, I mean." I watched his cheeks flush as he stumbled with his words.
"Thank you." I leaned against him and rested my head against his shoulder, "I think."
*
I toyed with the thought of telling Evan about our mother before leaving; I just had to do it once my brothers were gone. If I had it my way, I would tell them all at once and hope that they accepted it without confusion. I'd learned over the last couple months that wanting things to happen my way usually didn't turn out exactly how I planned them too.
Waiting for Jace to close the door behind him, I offered Griffin a small smile and turned to my twin, "I've got some exciting news."
"You brought more cupcakes?" He questioned, eyebrows raised.
"I wish." I laughed, "We found Mom."
I don't know what I expected of Evan. I hadn't thought far enough to wonder whether or not he wanted to meet her in the first place. There was a slight probability that he wanted absolutely nothing to do with her.
"Oh." he eventually croaked, leaning back into the pillows Griffin had made sure to help fluff.
My smile slowly began to fade when I saw the sad and vacant look cross my brother's face.
"You aren't happy." I whispered.
"No, no. I am. It's just. . . she didn't want us in the first place, Alex. She left me for dead and gave you up. If she were a real mother, a good one, she would have tried reaching out to us over the years. Hell, if she was a good mother she wouldn't have left us in the first place."
Bitterness seeped in and dripped from every word.
"Did you ever think she gave you both up because she thought it would be what was best for you?" Griffin pushed himself from his position against the wall, "Maybe she understood she wouldn't be able to give either of you the life you deserved."
"She knew I was dying." for the first time since I'd met Evan, I saw anger igniting in his eyes.
"I'm going to meet her." I turned my body away from both boys.
"Where is she?" Despite the cold tone in his voice, I could still hear the curiosity.
"New York. She's living in a rehabilitation center. From what Toby researched it's a place like Safe Nest." I answered, rubbing my sweaty palms against my jeans.
"You're really doing it then? You're going to embrace the neglectful mother that gave us up in the first place with open arms?" He snapped.
"I'm not saying that, Evan." I took his hand. "I want to meet her, hear her side of the story. There are so many questions that have been left unanswered and the only way to get them is to talk to her."
"What if she pushes you away?" His words came out following a sigh of defeat.
I leaned back so my head was against his leg, my eyes fluttering shut, "Then I guess I'll just have to accept it and come back home. I can't live my life knowing what could have been if I don't do this, Evan. I hope you understand my side too."
*
When I limped into the triplets room after lights out, I was surprised to find the three of them still awake, all on phones. Johnny's glasses were illuminated by the bright light that would lighten and darken on occasion. All eyes went to me when I pushed the door open a crack and stepped in.
"What are you still doing awake?" James asked, dropping his phone on to his bare chest.
I pushed the door shut behind me, "I couldn't sleep. I have a lot on my mind."
"Ah, the joys of being seventeen." Johnny smirked, "Are you thinking about all your life decisions and wondering where all the time went?"
"Sort of." I replied with a laugh. I hugged my stuffed dog against my chest and looked toward Jace. "Can I stay in here? I don't want to be alone."
He nodded and moved over on his bed, folding the blankets back so I could climb under them. Falling onto the comfortable mattress, I glanced over to find Jason laying on top of the blanket, arms stretched behind his head as he yawned.
We both stayed quiet until we could hear the heavy breathing of our brothers, signaling they had fallen asleep.
"Melissa wants to meet with us." Jace whispered, eyes drifting from the ceiling to me beside him. I laid my crutch on the end of the bed and smiled weakly.
"That's great."
"Is it?" He shook his head bitterly, "She ran out on us, Alexis. Dad's fault or not, she could have tried to explain to the three of us why she did what she did."
His words reminded me of the conversation I'd had with Evan this morning about our own mother. I guess there were various ways of looking at our situation, one that always seemed to fall back on our father.
I loved the man that was buried somewhere under all the mistakes my father had made. There would always be a part of me that yearned for the childhood I could have had if he had stepped up and became the father he was meant to be, but I understood that there was no changing the past and he was trying to change so he could be part of our future.
"She cares about you, Jace. All three of you." I looked over at our sleeping siblings, "Maybe she was too young to understand her mistake. Now she wants to make up for it. I think you should give her a chance."
My brother sighed and sat up, "You know, I wish it was that easy, Alex. I wish I could just walk up and hug her, forgive everything. But eighteen years later and I still can't make my own decisions. I'm not blaming our parents for my shitty life, I can't. We all make choices in this world and we have to live with the consequences of those actions. I blame them for trying to be here in the first place. If Dad had left years ago, maybe both of our lives would have been a little different. A little better."
I stared at the midnight blue wall ahead of us, gnawing at the inside of my lip as I allowed what my brother said to sink in. I looked back at him to respond, only to find he had stood up and looked ready to head for the door.
"Where are you going?" I asked a little too loudly. James stirred a little at the disruption of his peaceful silence.
"Downstairs to get some milk. You want to come?" He began to outstretch his arms; a clear offering to carry me. I nodded, sliding off the bed. He caught me a few seconds before my feet hit the floor. I draped one arm around his neck and made sure to keep a safe distance from his bare chest.
The light snore coming up the stairs was a sure sign that Griffin had passed out on the couch again. With all the rooms on overflow, he's been sticking it out and falling asleep on the sofa. In all honesty, it was a lot more comfortable than my bed.
"I'll be right back." He set me down on the end of the couch his best friend was sprawled out on, careful not to wake him. I waited until my brother was in the kitchen to turn and look at Griffin.
It was strange how serene and peaceful people tended to look when they were sleeping. Griffin looked like a different person entirely without the conceited smile and cocky brown eyes constantly ridiculing me.
His thick, dark hair had grown to a little below his ears, a slight wave curling them around the lobs. The slight slant of both eyes and his soft expression forced his cheekbones into the spotlight. My own slid from them to the sharp jawline that finally led to his lips.
"You're totally checking me out." his voice was barely audible. I jumped back, my nails digging into the top of his foot to keep from falling.
"I'm not." I lied, huffing out a sigh as warmth crept up my neck and into my cheeks.
A smile curved his lips upward as my brother walked back into the room, unaware he had a milk mustache. "What are you looking at?"
"Nothing." I shook my head, moving my hand over my mouth so I wouldn't burst out laughing. He seemed to take the hint a minute later and swiped his arm across the top of his mouth.
"We should-"
"I'll just stay down here." I said quietly, "I don't really mind waking Griffin up from his beauty sleep if I need help. He seems to think a few hours a week will do it for him. Nothing can make that face beautiful."
My brother shook his head and muttered under his breath before jogging back up the stairs. I leaned back against Griffin's leg as the door upstairs clicked shut.
The devil himself sat up and wiped at his eyes, "What are you doing awake, Lex? Do you need another pi-"
"No more pills." I cut him off.
"You need to sleep."
"I don't care anymore, Griff. If I can't sleep, I can't sleep. Trying to is only going to make it harder." I wrapped my arms around myself and tried to lay my head back against the cushion.
"My mom has a remedy for insomnia." Griffin sat up and curled his feet under him so I could move closer. "Come here."
Skeptical, I slowly scooted until I was pressed against his warm side.
"Lay your head on my lap." He demanded.
"I am not laying my head on your lap, you pervert." I shuddered, disgusted.
He snorted, "I'm serious, Lex. Just do it."
I eyed him to be sure he wasn't going to try anything before laying down, my hair a mess on his lap.
"As hard as it may be for you to believe, I use to cry a lot. Especially at night because I had terrifying nightmares." He brushed a strand of hair off my face, "My mother would take me on her lap and tell me a story, would run her fingers through my hair soothingly until I finally dozed off again. It was funny, too. Because any time I fell asleep on her lap, I didn't have any bad dreams."
I stared at him in surprise, "That's why you wet the bed for so many years."
"Yeah." he shifted a little, "I never told Jace about the dreams because he'd only talk shit. Call me a bitch and all that crap."
I didn't push anymore, but rolled over on his lap so I was facing the muted TV, my heart falling back in its normal rhythm. I felt his free hand against my side, hearing him utter a few words just as I began to doze off.
"Sweet dreams, Princess."
***AN***
Hope you guys enjoyed!
The next chapter will be Alex on her way to meet her mother. Exciting? I think so!
Let me know what you thought!
~ChasingMadness24