The truth hurt sometimes and that pain was numbing; it was a brutal flood of emotions that could suck the light from your soul. We liked to claim we always wanted the truth, that there was some universal desire to know the truth, and not be weighed down with lies. But sometimes, lies were much easier to deal with. Because sometimes, the cold hard truth simply destroyed you.
"I'm feeling really good about our exams this week," Gwen was saying Monday afternoon as we exited Midtown High, the afternoon light warm against my skin. Our end of semester finals were upon us with only a week left of the school year. The weeks had gone too quickly, and now there was a doubt filling my chest knowing my grades might not shine bright with everything going on lately. "I aced my last pop quiz for Spanish, and Flash has been helping me study."
There was a bitterness in my heart, "That's really great, Gwen."
Gwen noticed the snap, but didn't say anything, didn't even blink an eye. She knew something was going on in my life, something I hadn't mentioned lately. She was clever like that, always noticing the little things. We had been friends for years and naturally she knew something was bothering me, but she also knew I wouldn't talk about it, which was why she didn't press the wound too harshly. "Summer vacation is so close, I can practice taste the freedom!" Gwen went on, pushing away my foul mood.
There was a tightness in my chest, seeing her bright eyes and brilliant smile. I realised that out of all my friends, I wanted to be in her shoes right now. She didn't have dreadful powers on her shoulders, wasn't keeping any secrets, didn't have grief on her heart and didn't have the feeling of being unwanted and lost either. She was honestly just happy, and I would have traded anything to be that happy again. Suddenly, I was not only feeling bitter and jealous about her own happiness, I felt terrible about not telling her or the others about what was really going on in my life. I honestly felt like a lousy friend for lying to her, and for slightly envying her about being so happy.
"--my parents are spending a few weeks in the Hamptons, did you want to come? I thought about inviting Mary Jane and the others too, since it could be fun. You know, before school starts back and we're sophomores." her chipper voice was still babbling on but my attention snapped, spotting Peter waiting at a lonely table in the courtyard. He tilted his head, giving me a slight smile and silently telling me he wanted to speak with me privately.
My hand touched Gwen's arm, a friendly way to say goodbye. "Yeah, that sounds fun. I'll ask my parents." her eyes fell upon Peter too, her lips turning up in a familiar grin. "I'll see you later, yeah?"
Gwen was humming out a response as I slowly headed over to where he was waiting for me. The last few days had been quiet, everything still a little fresh in my mind and heart. Cindy Moon had not been gone for long, but she still sat in my mind, along with the kiss. I didn't blame them for what had happened, it was just another strange thing to do with their powers, but it was still burnt into my skull.
When I finally reached him, he was sitting on the table top, his shoes placed on the seat. I wanted to reach for him, just to simply hold his hand, to remind myself that his was the very same boy who had helped me through the heartache last year with my brother. He was the same boy that soothed my mind at nights and liked me even when I didn't like myself.
"Hey, you." his voice was quiet, almost a whisper. He had stayed away from me, trying to be respectful about my wishes. He might have been keeping his distance, but I noticed the red and blue blur in the streets when I walked home in the late afternoons. He couldn't be walking beside me himself, our hands linked together as we joked about something mundane, so he swung above me, making sure I got home safely.
I pushed some hair away from my face, blowing out a sigh. "I didn't see you in first period, is everything alright?" Despite not speaking with him every second of the day, I noticed when he wasn't around.
That brought a smile to his lips, "You noticed, huh?"
There was a stupid flutter in my chest with his simple question. It was odd that he didn't notice how my heart jumped just seeing that smile of his and that he had no idea how much I cared about him, so much it shocked myself sometimes. "Of course, I noticed."
Peter gave a nod while lowering his gaze to his hands, which were currently wringing together. That was a nervous tick, something I had picked up on months ago. Without thinking, my hands covered his own. "It was just some harmless Spidey stuff. Nothing to worry about." he started, his gaze jumping up to watch my face. "I just wanted to, uh, see if you're alright. You mentioned last week your parents might have found a breakthrough with your powers."
I had mentioned it in a brief conversation by his locker, something in passing. Although we were keeping a little distance between ourselves while figuring out the mess with the kiss, we still shared important things with each other. My head was nodding, my heart a little hopeful. "Yeah, I'm actually heading over there now. They want to talk about it. Hopefully, it's good news. It would be great if they could fix me today and I could simply just focus on my finals."
"You don't need fixing." Peter's words slipped out before he could stop them and my shoulders arched back uncomfortably. He knew I didn't like him saying things like that because he believed my powers were a gift, like his own. He didn't understand why I didn't want them. He was blinded by faith and optimism in me, but I was not. "Uh, I just mean--"
Stepping away, my teeth sunk into my bottom lip. "I know what you meant, Peter."
He was slipping off the table, his eyes pleading with me. "Don't. Please don't push me away." he turned his face away from me and I was shoving my hands into the pockets of my jeans, hating how we couldn't see eye-to-eye on the topic of my powers. Peter Parker had been given a gift, something that made him a hero. My powers messed with my mind, they caused darkness with stupid fragments of unclear futures. They were a burden. "I know you hate these powers, I get that. But they could be a gift, Flo. Come on, we were figuring them out slowly--"
"And look what happened, Cindy Moon's gone." I snapped out, not intending to sound so harsh. Slowly, I heaved out a long sigh, shaking my head. Peter watched silently, wanting to help me, maybe trying to think of a way to calm that doubt in my mind. Suddenly, his phone was ringing and our conversation was cut short. "Look, I'll call you tonight and tell you everything. I just...I'll call you, okay?" I told him and he nodded, his jawline tightening.
I was moving away, but before I got too far away, Peter's fingers were circling around my wrist and bringing me back to him. His phone continued to ring, but he didn't bother answering it. "Things are hard right now, but just know, I believe in you and always will. If you have powers or not, you'll always just be Florence to me."
I blinked away tears, "Thanks, Pete."
***
My parents' lab was cold that afternoon, leaving my skin stiff and laced with goosebumps. I was seated on a chair, my hands clenched in my lap. My parents were too quiet, both facing me and deciding who should break the news.
"Darling, we've been running tests for weeks on your blood and the serum. We've tried everything and we know you've been dealing with these dreams, visions sorry, and it has been a challenge but--" My mother started weakly, her voice remaining emotionless.
There was a sinking feeling in my chest. "You can't get rid of them."
My father stepped forward, readjusting the glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. My mother was much better at concealing her emotions, my father was an open book. There was a haunting look in his eyes and suddenly, tears were gathering in my eyes.
"When the serum mixed into your bloodstream, it was a tiny dose. It's a miracle you were affected at all. The serum reacted quite differently, but only minor damage was done to your blood cells." he paused, glancing back at my mother quickly. "That's why we believe your visions are just fragments and why they're commonly linked to the periods when your brain in less active, when you're calmed down at night and sleeping. We strongly think we can improve your powers, Florence. But there isn't any way we can reverse what has already been done."
There it was, the cold hard truth. I had been trying to push away the idea that my parents couldn't fix these powers and putting too much hope into the possibility of being normal once again. But like being dragged underwater by a wave, my heart was sinking. Sloppily, I wiped away the hot tears under my eyes and chewed at the inside of my cheek, tasting blood. "We know these powers have been unpredictable, rather painful too. But if we inject you with more, it can allow the harmful side affects to subside and--"
"You want to put more of that serum into my blood?" I choked out, shaking my head. That sounded like the worst possible idea ever.
My mother came forward, dropping to her knees and taking my hands in her own. "By giving you the actual calculated dose, we can ease the burden. The visions won't be blurry snippets, they'll be more cohesive, maybe more easier to understand. They won't be painful, they won't impact your sleeping habits. It will be less of a burden." she explained slowly, "You weren't given the correct dosage when you accidentally exposed yourself, which is why the powers are so unpredictable and painful. We can ease the pain, we can help you."
"But you can't fix me." I mumbled out, tears thick in my throat. I had hoped they would tell me good news and would be able to take away the pain today, which meant I could finish off my finals without worrying about something else, but apparently, that was not the case. Reality was hitting me terribly, and slowly, it became very clear. I would never be normal again. "Can I at least think about it?" I didn't really want to expose myself further, but maybe they were right. They were the brains behind the serum after all.
My mother nodded her head, "Of course. Just try and focus on your finals right now, despite how hard that's going to be this week." her eyes were glassy, and I knew she was sorry she couldn't actually get rid of my powers. "Why not think about it over the summer? We could continue running tests in the meantime."
With tears heavy, my body drained from hope, I gave her a tiny nod of my head, despite knowing my parents were only trying to give me false hope. There was no way to take back my mistake, and that truth hurt too.
- author's ramblings -
I hate writing Florence in pain, because she deserve so much happiness but plot. Sorry for the late update but I've been busy lately with university work and watching The Defenders. Where are my Defenders fans at?
With the new show, I'm getting floods of ideas on how to incorporate the Netflix universe, which I've lowkey hinted at a few times. It's not going to be a massive plot linkage because I realise some don't watch the shows, but I've already planned on bringing in a familiar face from the shows, something that was always going to happen in this story because I love him so much, Matthew Murdock, so y'all can bet he's coming. Highkey self promotion, it may drop hints at my story Church Bells with him and my lovely oc Juliette Allen (she's not related to Liz), so check that out if you want to.
I got a few comments about wanting more Peter, and not to sound petty or whatever but this isn't just about Peter Parker anymore. This is a story about Florence Parsons too, so get used to things being centred around her, like they have been from the very beginning. My stories are always centred around my main original characters, where y'all been at? Like come on, you've been here from the beginning, you know how I roll.
Anyway back to this chapter, Flo's powers are complicated and it's a curse for her. They are powers she never wanted and would like nothing more than to be normal (a bit like Bruce Banner and Hulk, God he considers his powers a curse for sure) and that comes up again soon. I think Peter would love to have her believing in herself like he does, but that's not Florence and she's burdened. Help, sorry I'm rambling and I promised I would stop, but yeah. Thank you for reading and shout out to all the readers that vote and comment with each update you're all very kind and please as aways, leave your cool thoughts.
- tinkertaydust