DEAN
I walk into our room. Cas sits on his bunk with a book in his lap. "Well that was nerve racking." I sigh. "Really? You seemed calm." He says. His voice is muffled. "Nah. I was far from calm." I say sitting on my bed. I kick off my shoes tossing them to the other side of the room. "So you studying?" I ask. "Yep." He replies in a mutter. "Good." I say.
I've gotten over Cas almost completely. It wasn't as hard as I guessed it would be. Or at least didn't take as long as I thought it would be. There's still this emptiness feeling in me, but I just ignore it.
~
Things stay normal for another week or so. I brought Leo home today, everyone seems to like him which is good, but Cas hasn't met him yet.
I sit on the couch with Leo, my arm is behind him resting on the couch, my hand touches his shoulder.
I was about to ask Leo something but then the front door opened and I got distracted. I turn my head to see who it is. Cas walks in. "Hey Cas, Er this is Leo, Leo this is Cas." I say. "Nice to meet you Cas." Says Leo. Cas just stares at us-me-blankly. Then he continues walking up the stairs. I look back at Leo. "Uh, sorry about that, he's usually not like that." I say. "Nah, it's cool." Leo says. I wonder why Cas acted that way, I mean yeah we used to date, but he said he was over it.
"I'll be right back." I say, my curiosity getting the best of me. I push myself off the couch and jog up stairs.
I go into out room, shutting the door behind me. "What was that about? You could've at least said hi." I say. He rolls his eyes. I watch him as he takes his shoes off. "Dude seriously?" I say, somewhat annoyed. He just glares at me then hops up to his bunk. "What's wrong with you?" I ask. He looks at me. "Hmm let's see, I am failing. You wanna know why? Maybe it's cause I go to school for about eight hours and get called a: fagg, stupid, bitch, worthless, and get told: I shouldn't be alive, Everyone hates me, no one cares about me, I'm a disgrace to this world, that I should kill myself, I'm too stupid for this school, too stupid for life in general, etcetera. Oh and also the boy I love's boyfriend is in my living room. I don't know you tell me what's wrong with me." He says, raising his voice a bit. We just stare at each other for a while. I mean to say something but am to shocked to. His eyes fall to his lap. "Sorry.....I just got a little overwhelmed." He mutters. "No, no it's fine, I just. I didn't know you were getting bullied. ...... Holy shit. Cas I'm sorry." I say.
All of a sudden I wish I hadn't broken up with Cas, I wish I didn't get together with Leo. Sure, I liked Leo, a lot, but I love Cas.
"You should go." He says in a hushed voice. I nod slowly and step to the door. Before I open it I glance back at Cas. He is looking down at a school book that lies on his lap. I sigh then exit the room.
I go back downstairs with Leo. I push what Cas told me out of my mind.
I look at Leo. He has dirty blonde hair spiked up just the right way, and crystal blue eyes. I smile, unable to stop it. "I would stay longer but, I got to go." He says with a small frown. "Okay, I'll walk you to your car." I say.
He leans on the driver's door. "So when's the next time I can see you?" He asks. I think about this a while. "I don't know. Wanna hang out tomorrow?" He says sure then pushes him self off the door. My eyes drop from his eyes to his lips. And I can't help myself, I lean forward pressing my lips to his. It's our first kiss and it's amazing. I don't want to pull away but I have too, so I do. We say bye then I go back inside.
Cas is in the kitchen talking to his mom. All of a sudden I get this wave of emotion that I want to be with Cas. This isn't right, I just kissed Leo why am I having these feelings towards Cas? Now I know, I know what Cas felt like when he saw Josh. What he was thinking.
I need someone to talk to, someone I trust. I call Benny and tell him to meet me at the railroad tracks, not knowing where else would be private.
When I get there the sun is just starting to set. We sit on the train bridge, our legs dangling over the side. I stare at the water rushing below us as I tell him.
After, he says; "Hmm. Well who do you like, or love, better? Cas or Leo?" Benny asks. I don't reply for a while.
"I don't know. I mean, I hardly know Leo, but on the other hand I know almost everything about Cas." I say, more talking to myself than him. I sigh, loudly. "Hey, this doesn't have to be hard, just follow your gut instinct." He says.
After a few minutes of silence I finally say; "I guess.........Cas."
I thank Benny for helping, and after he leaves I sit by myself for a while. Then eventually go home.
"Cas we need to talk." I say. He looks away from the tv to me. "Okay?" He asks. I glance over to our parents in the kitchen. "We need to talk alone." I say. "What about?" He asks. I sigh rolling my eyes. "If I didn't need to talk to you alone I would've said it already." I say, getting a little bit annoyed. "Fine." He grunts.
I sit on my bed. Once he shuts our door he says; "What's up?" I think about how I should put. "I still have feelings for you." I suddenly blurt out, not knowing what else to say. "I thought you were over it?" He says, with sass. I roll my eyes. "Would you stop being a bitch?" He looks away. "Sorry." He says through gritted teeth. "What are you trying to get to? You have a boyfriend already.." He says looking at me again. "I know but.....I miss you. I miss us." His eyes fall to the ground. "So, what? You want to get back together? " I nod, slowly. "Mmm, okay. But you have to breakup with Leo." He says. His eyes meet mine. "I will. But I have something to; I want us to come out, as a couple tell them everything, well almost everything." He nods with a smile. I stand up. His arms wrap around me and I wrap mine around him. I close my eyes as I hold on to him.
I hope I'm making the right decision.