"Hello"
"Hi"
"I'm dr. Caroline , nice to meet you"
"I'm Alvin , nice to meet you too, you can take a seat on the couch , sorry about the mess "
" it's fine , I wanted to speak to you about your relationship with your brother "
"What about it ?"
" I wanted to see your point of view in this whole thing, it's not normal to just detest someone with such passion "
" you want to hear my point of view? Wow first time I've heard that"
" so tell me how did this whole thing begin "
"As you already know my brother and I are twins , fraternal ones to be exact , somehow we're both homosexuals, well , this whole thing started when I was 7 years old , him and I both liked a boy name Samuel , Sammy for short , we both wanted to date him.
He asked for us to compete , Sammy would date which ever one of us he liked most , we did and Sammy chose him , I was mad and hurt , later that day the whole family was in the living room , we were having a family game night , he was sitting in front of me and smiling,I remember that.... that that was the first time I've ever asked myself, what did he have that I don't?
He teased me everyday about Sammy's choice. Every time him and Sammy would fight Sammy would come to me and hang out with me , I knew Sammy was using me to make my brother jealous but I didn't care , every thing was fine until one day ,Sammy and I were playing in the backyard , I tried my luck and kissed Sammy , it didn't last long , my mom came rushing out the door and grabbed me and pulled me inside the house .
" how could you do that Alvin , you know his dating Darien , you can't just kiss your brother boyfriend " she said.
I was mad , my three older brothers Oliver, Michael and Luke were laughing their butt off , but I didn't care about that , I only cared about the fact that my mom had ruin my moment, Sammy moved away a month later and everything had died down , In elementary school, I was a nerd , he was part of the cool kids , or as they like to call themselves 'The Crew' , I wasn't completely alone , I had three friends, Bethany or Betty as I liked to call her , Carlos and Ryan , in the fifth grade, Betty moved away , she was the closest to me out of all of them.
Betty and I are still friends to day , every time I'm in Colorado she and I hang out . Anyways back to the story , after Betty had moved away , I was left with Carlos and Ryan.
I remember Darien and I had gotten in a fight , I don't Remember over what but he said , that I was a nerd and that I had no friends," The only people who even talk to you are Carlos and Ryan, I bet , I bet they only talk to you only because they feel sorry for you , you know what ! , I bet I can make them stop talking to you "
A couple days later Ryan had moved away . The only person I was left with was Carlos , Carlos would come over and him and I would play video games and stuff like that , one day Darien decided to join us , him and Carlos we slowly becoming friends, but I didn't care, he was still my friend . At lunch I usually sat with Carlos , things started changing after and him and Darien had gotten close, he always had something to say to him.
" I need to telling your brother something I'll be back in like five minutes "
"oh.....ok"
As the days went on, five minutes turned into ten , ten to fifteen, fifteen to twenty until he didn't come at all , I decided to just spend lunch with my teacher instead of alone in the cafeteria, I would go downstairs, get lunch then go straight back up, the only person I had to talk to was Betty , almost every day after school we would Skype , she would tell me about all the things she would do during the day and I would tell her about mine , if I wasn't talking to her , I would be reading or drawing stupid things ,the next major thing happened when I was in junior high , there I would just spend lunch at the library, I would seat in the back and get lost in the magical world of imagination, at first the librarian was getting mad at me because I would be so loss in the book that I would not hear the bell that signals it's time to move to my next class , she wasn't allowed to give out passes to the kids but she did for me anyways, she made a habit of every time the bell would ring she would walk to the back and tap me on my shoulder.
Every was fine until one day there was testing and I wasn't allowed to be in the library , I went to the guidance office and the lady at the desk told me that unless I wanted to speak to a guidance counselor I couldn't be in their , I tried my luck and decided to just go to the cafeteria, I got my lunch and was about to go to an empty table when someone knows my lunch on me then pushed me to the ground.
The whole cafeteria was laughing, even Darien, the only thing that surprised me that day was Carlos " Demarcus ! That was rude why would you do that ! "
Carlos pushed him "dude come down , it was just a joke "
Carlos helped me up then said " I got five dollars, do you want to get another lunch ?"
" no thanks , I'm ok "
"are you sure ?"
"Yeah, I'm just gonna go get cleaned up " I walked to the bathroom and stared at my self , a single tear slid down my cheek, I wiped it off then cleaned my shirt.
when I had gotten home I ripped off everything I had on the wall , my mindset was , if I was more like my brother then what happened today wouldn't have happened. I walked into my brothers room and he was getting dress.
" where are you going?"
"What's it to you ?"
"I just wanna know "
" fine , I am going to a high school party " he applied some lip gloss then turned to me.
"what ?"
"I wanna go " he scoffed.
"you , wanna go to a party?" I nodded.
"ok fine go get ready , be careful you don't get caught"
"ok"
I returned back to his room a couple minutes later , he was laying on his bed , leg crossed and a magazine in his hand.
" that is what your wearing... "
"yea , what's wrong with it "
He rolled his eyes and walked into his closet he pulled out a Marilyn Monroe oversized shirt , it was white and the picture on it was back and grey , except for her lipstick, he gave me some black volleyball shorts , even the shirt was longer then it , I felt naked but I didn't complain.
We snuck out and went to a party , when we arrived they were boozed and drunk people everywhere, smoking , loud music I felt out of place , I turned to look for Darien but he disappeared, I started looking for him everywhere and was asking everyone until someone said that they saw him go upstairs, I climbed up the stairs and was still looking for him . I heard moans coming out of the one of the doors , I opened it slowly and peaked in , that was the day I realized that my brother was not a virgin.
I had gone back downstairs and decided to enjoy myself at least . A girl handed me a cup of alcohol.
"drink "
I took a sip , then spit it out, it was disgusting.
"ok fine at least hold it in your hands "
I started dancing slowly and started to get lost in the music, I felt someone grinding up against me but I payed them no mind , the person started touching and feeling on me , I didn't stop stop him , I liked the attention I was getting , he started to pull me upstairs, I know what took place upstairs and I didn't mind if drown did it , so could I .
We were on the bed making out , the lights were off , everything was fine until he hands started to go down below , I was getting uncomfortable and asked him to stop , he didn't want to he continued, I cried , pushed , punched but he continued , he grabbed me by my throat and was squeezing it .
I started fighting his hand , I couldn't breath, he moved my short to the side and did his deed , as soon as he entered me , I froze , I don't even think I was breathing , he finished inside of me then exited to room , tears were sliding down my face into my ears but I wasn't moving .
I was in the back of my parents car with my mother yelling at Darien and I , I wasn't paying attention to what she was saying, instead I looked towards Darien.
To say that he was pissed was an understatement.
" why would you call them you little piece of shit , I hate you , I'm never gonna take you anywhere with me again " he whispered between his teeth.
My parents didn't ask why I was crying, I guess they just assumed that it was because I felt out of place since I was an introvert.
When I entered my room, the first thing I did was shower, I was disappointed with myself, I felt dirty and icky. I scrubbed myself until I was red , I sat in the bathtub trembling, I didn't want to get out .
I was looking all around until my eyes focused on the broken razor that was in Between the toilet and the sink . I shook my head and for out of the bathtub. The next morning I woke up , I felt numb and didn't move off the bed . I heard a scrub sound come from the door so I sat up . It was a posted note at the bottom of my door , I opened it and on it was written 'I hate you ' I scrunched it then threw it in the garbage, of course I knew who it came from , I walked into the bathroom and picked up the broken razor , pulled out one of the blades and did a cut , it felt good , I enjoyed it , it was as if it took away some of my pain ,I rinsed out the blood from my hand and then showered, I came up with the rule that.... that every time I received a note , I would do one cut , the notes, were coming on as six or seven a day , then four to five, then three to two until nothing.
I started to get impatient, I wanted to cut , I felt as if I needed to , I started to sit in front of my door , I was shaking until a miracle happened, I received a note , it said 'don't think I forgot ,I still hate you ', that was the longest cut I've ever done .
I started and I didn't want to stop, it started from my wrist to my elbow ,here wanna see "
"Wow"
"Yea , my mom , who came into everyday , started to get desperate she would come in , beg me to talk to her, I would just stare at her ,she would try to force me to eat , she even said that she would unground me if I said one word to her , I didn't even know I was grounded to begin with, my older brothers and my dad did the same even Darien but him when he came, he would just talk down on me , he was convince that I was just doing it for attention, I didn't care , I just stared as usual.
That was up until one day....... one day I don't know what happened but I just couldn't take it anymore I punched my mirror , I hated myself, I hated my brother, I hated this life , I ram sacked my room , I screamed.... I screamed as if my life depended on it, I just let it all out , my brothers were holding me down, my mother was crying, she was trying to calm me down, she was try to hold me but.... but I didn't want to be held by her , I hated everyone in this house , specially Darien , I felt as it was his fault that that happened to me , he made me want to be him , he made me hate myself but deep down I knew it wasn't his fault, he didn't force me to go with him , I chose to .
Well that landed me in a mental hospital. It wasn't all bad, I never mentioned the fact that I was raped but my therapist did help me , she got me back to my old self, well almost at least, she can't change the pass now can she? anyways there I met Thomas , him and I recovered together , I got back in touch with Betty , every thing was getting almost getting back to normal, Thomas and l even had sex , wanted sex this time , to this day of someone asked me who Was my first I would say him ,I ended up leaving a week early then him .
I told my parents that I had an unofficial boyfriend.
"wait...wait...wait so his your boyfriend but he doesn't know it yet "
Everyone in the car burst out laughing even I did too , anyways after Thomas got out , we started hanging out a lot , him and I would do stupid things together, everything was fine until one day , at dinner , I saw Darien wink at him , I didn't freak out, I made up that it was just a pigment of my imagination.
Later that night Darien stayed over , it was three when I woke up and Darien was not on my bed , I thought maybe he went down to get a snack or something right ?
I got off and walked slowly downstairs, well , Thomas and Darien were making out on the couch. Tears were streaming down my face at that point , Thomas finally saw me and pushed Darien of him.
"Alvin I'm so sorry, I can explain, it's not what you think I swear "
Darien , him on the other hand was laughing as if my pain was funny to him , that was the first time him and I physically fought , we would argue but we have never put our hands on each other until that day , when my mom came downstairs, you know what she said .
she said "to be fair , you did it too , remember when you were little , honey it was just a kiss , don't let that ruin your relationship with you brother "
I went back to my room that night and cried myself to sleep.He did it again when I was a junior in high school with another boyfriend of mine , only difference was that he apologized, it wasn't sincere , I knew it wasn't so I fought him again.
I avoided him at all cost , if he used something of mine and I find out , I would throw it away, I started telling him how much of a slut he really is , at this point I was disgusted by him , I couldn't stand him , I felt as if he was a curse put into my life to torment me , One of the best days of my life was the day I went to college ,one of the best thing about it was the fact that I got to move way from him , on my second year there I met Joshua , at the time , I was in love with him , I was head over heels for him , I swear that I would've taken a bullet for him .
We were at the park , on a walk when I told him I loved him , he didn't say it back , it sting but I didn't want him to lie to me either, I was just going to wait for him to actually mean it when he decides to say it to me .
I decided to go home one summer , him and I was going to spend a month at my mothers house. We got there and I warned him , I told him to stay away from Darien , I told him what Darien did with my exes , I told him how much I hated him but he didn't listen to me he became quote on quote friends with Darien.
I knew what what gonna happened , I tried to avoid it from happening by always interrupting their time together but ....but ...but you know what I got in return, he ...he yelled at me , he called me clingy he said that I was getting annoying and if I kept this up he was gonna break up with me.
" look baby listen I would never cheat on you he said , I'm not gonna throw away eight months together just for sex he said but .. but you know what he did ? He fucked my brother , he pounded into his ass with such pleasure, I remember it as if it was yesterday. But .... but that wasn't the worst part, the day after , I overheard them talking and you know what he told him , he .... he told him the three words that I wanted to hear said to me , the three words I've been dreaming of hearing, the three words I would put in my prayers every night that I hope he would say to me ....... eight months .... eight months he never felt it towards me but I'm just three weeks he felt it towards him .. I just .. just ... I'm sorry , I didn't mean to cry but this just hurts "
" it's ok ,let it out , I don't mind "
"But yea , the only good thing about that was that not even a week later Darien broke his heart , he even had the audacity to try to get back with me . Pfff , but anyways , my mom called the other day and told me that Darien had gotten in a car accident, I told her the truth , I told her I didn't care , she started cursing at me yelling about how I'm cold blooded and I'm an asshole, I wasn't on the mood so I hung up on her .
To be truly honest with you , I was happy , I was happy he got hurt , he deserved it in my opinion. This Christmas that just past I went for the family dinner and my mother was avoiding me ,Darien was on a wheelchair ,apparently he broke his leg , I stared getting tired of the silent treatment from my mother and I said if she wanted me to leave all she had to do was ask , that was the wrong question because now she started screaming at me about how much of a bad brother I was to Darien and bla bla bla , I was getting irritated so I yelled back that Darien could have died and I wouldn't still wouldn't care , I wouldn't even have gone to his funeral, well that earned me a slap across the face .
I did cry because that was the first time my mother ever raised her hand on me , my dad tried to convince me that she only did it because she was still traumatized from seeing Darien in the hospital and Darien could have actually died . I just packed my things and left . I haven't spoken to anyone in my family since then , a couple days ago I received a letter in the mail saying that my mother have signed Darien and I for family boot camp so that him and I could reconcile and I denied which is probably why she sent you here right ?"
"Yes it is "
"Well ..."
"Well My time is up , I will come again next Thursday to speak with you , it was nice getting to know you Alvin , have a good day "
"You too "
Authors note :
Please vote and comment , this was my first short story and I am currently feeling very proud of myself . Thank you for reading