~NICO~
Ow…
My eyes fluttered dizzily, a hazy blur of flickering fluorescent lights shone overhead… Was this what death was like? I hate fluorescents. Huh… Maybe I'd ended up in Hell after all.
Homophobic asshole, I grumbled inwardly, who knew God really payed attention to all that crap?
I struggled against the heavy thickness that had seemingly glued my eyelids together, groaning slightly as a faint din of noise became apparent. Hm. Maybe I wasn't dead after all…
The thought sent a chill of panic down my spine - my eyes flew open, emotions choking, screaming in my throat - Did I… fail?
I blinked - once, twice, eyelids frantically fluttering as I glanced around me, gaping at what I saw… The room I was trapped in was clinical - too-white, too clean, as the putrid reek of bleach and Dettol attacked my nostrils. Dingy mould was pattered across the off-white ceiling as annoying, metallic machines beeped and blipped besides me - a slight itch under my nose alerted me to the an annoying plastic tub that'd been tabled over my top lip, and another faint tickle across my arm revealed an even worse sight: needles were shoved under the skin of the back of my hand, bands of sticky, white tape pulled across my taunt, pale knuckles, as, over both my forearms, thick, white bandages were fastened around my arms.
I've failed.
You can't even kill yourself… what can you do right? My inner cynic sneers. Despondently, I shifted my heavy, tired eyes around and realised one more thing: the room wasn't empty. Three tense, angry figured loomed above my squeaky, uncomfortable metal hospital bed - three figures I recognised.
The very first person I saw was Andy; he was hovering awkwardly by the doorway, gnawing on his silver-studded lips, his curving black eyebrows, normally graced with a grin, furrowing together darkly. His browny-green eyes were stormy, troubled and filled with a glinting rage. I'd never seen him look so angry, before, or so… hurt. I bit my lip softly, guilt flooding my weak body.
Was this my fault?
The next sudden sound I heard made me jump - a snarl ripped through the throat of a figure as she crouched before the row of too-shiny pastil chairs that lined my bedside. Blinking rapidly, I realised that the flowing, ebony hair and fiery black eyes belonged to… 'Mum?' I heard myself rasp pathetically.
Mum whipped around, the lines of anger instantly disappearing from her pale face, replaced by something else - something worse. She gaped at me with a look of absolute horror - of worry, anxiety, of emotions pooling too deeply, too painfully in her gaze. I forced myself to drop my eyes… I couldn't do it. I couldn't look into my Mum's deep, black wells of hurt, regret, pain - not without crying.
What have I done? I thought desperately to myself, my bottom lip beginning to tremble.
'Nico!' she cried, the panic in her voice only thinly veiled by an overtone of relief. 'Oh my god… y-you're awake? How are you feeling? Are you okay?' she breathed, then instantly looked as though she regretted the last question… I gritted my teeth.
Great. I've done it now - a failed suicide attempt, and now they're never leave me alone. A feeling of black, horrible doom washed through me, causing my little body to physically shake. They'll never leave me alone. They'll never let me touch a knife again - they'll put me under suicide watch - they'll time how long I take in the bathroom - they-they-they probably won't even leave me in the house alone! Ever - panic suddenly replaced the dread, the doom - all the feelings mixing around in a hectic swamp of hopelessness.
I was done for.
Why… why couldn't I have just died?
'I'm okay.' I sighed the painfully-numb lie when as I realised Mum was staring at me expectantly for an answer.
'No, you're not. And I think we all know it.'
My head snapped up - it wasn't Mum who uttered the dark, pain-filled words. It was… Chase? He stood in a stupor of shadows by the doorframe, along with another figure - the person besides him, with unkempt locks of brown, blonde and auburn hair and piercing, blue eyes brimming with an insane kind of panic - his body was tense, his breaths too quick, his hands screwed up into painfully tense fists.
'Nico!' he cried, his voice trembling, 'Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod…. I… I… Ohmygod…' he panted frantically, unable to form a coherent sentence. He seemed catatonically riveted into place, unable to move a muscle, even though through his bright, blue eyes he looked like he longed for nothing more than to reach out and touch me. I shuddered, my lip curling in disgust. A stab of pain arched through my fragile body as Christian's panicked face came into focus - he was too sharp, too clear, blue eyes too bright and beautiful.
'Nico,' he huffed.
'What,' Mum growled dangerously, her shoulders shooting up to her ears, 'do you think you're doing here?'
Christian blinked and gaped at my fuming Mother - almost as if, in his state of panic, he hadn't realised she was there. He took one shaky step backwards, his breath still unusually quick. I'd seen a lot of people freak out - but the the too-bright glow flickering in Christian's brilliant eyes… he was frantic. Beyond frantic.
Christian's gaze snapped back to me - 'Nico,' he rushed, his entire body shaking like a leaf in a violent storm, 'Nico - please - p-please… I'm so sorry…. Please - please forgive me - I'll do anything… I'm sorry… I'm so… so… sorry…'
'NURSE!' Mum shrieked, sprinting from the hospital room - her rapid footsteps echoed across the hard, cold floor, her voice ringing out through the hallways: 'GET THIS BOY OUT OF HERE.' Andy was standing completely still - he wasn't blinking, he wasn't speaking, I don't even think he was breathing - he was just staring, eyes wide in silent screams, at Christian; as if the next words that spilled through his trembling lips were to either destroy or save the fate of the universe. Chase was doing nothing other than looming, uninterested, in the shadows, a bored expression plastered on his face as he observed the spectacle silently.
Everyone was staring at Christian.
'Please,' he pleaded once more. 'Please. Forgive me.'
I simply gazed at Christian, my eyes as cold and hard and steel. Forgive me. His hollow please echoed through my mind, bouncing around, tempting me to the extreme. I could just forgive him. Give him another chance. Everything would work out… right?
'No,' I rasped, my voice a mere, horse whisper. I cleared my throat, furrowed my eye brows and squared my jaw - lifting my face to stare Christian straight in the eye. His brilliant, blue, hysterical gaze flitted across my feeble body. 'No,' I repeated once more, my voice harder, this time - certain.
'You… won't… N-no - please - p-please, Nico -' Christian began to beg, only to be interrupted by a bulky security guard as he burst through the door and pounded in the room - he seized Christian by the arm, yanking him towards the exit, as Christian became more desperate, more frantic - he was starling to tremble.
'NO!' He shrieked, flailing and fighting against the iron grip of the bulky man - those blue eyes were ablaze with a wild, insane blue flame as he screamed - his screeching of protest echoing through the empty, polished hallways - 'No!! PLEASE, NICO, PLEASE… No - I - I love you… n-no…. NICO!'
My name bounced around me, but I stayed firm, cold, emotionless. 'No,' I murmured as I watched, silent and serene, as Christian was dragged from my presence. 'I can't forgive you,' I whispered - Christian's heart seemed to break on the spot. 'I can't forgive this. Not this. It's gone too far.'
'Nico…'
'No,' I spat through gritted teeth. 'You have your second chance. It's over Christian - I'm not going to forgive you for what you've down to me.'
Christian swallowed painfully, pathetically, his body growing limp in the arms of the security guard, who propped him up with a grunt - until, suddenly, he straightened - his back went rigid, his lip curled, and he stared at me with a refreshed kind of triumph:
'I'll get him back for this,' Christian muttered, his gaze unwaveringly riveted onto mine. 'I promise, Nico, I'll make him pay.'
'Wh-what?' I demanded.
'Jason will pay,' Christian repeated calmly. His eyes were too bright, too blue. 'I'll make him pay, I fucking swear - I'll fucking kill him. I'll kill him!'
'The only way you could ever right your wrongs,' I spat back, 'is if you killed yourself.'
As I uttered those hard, cold words, a lump formed in my throat - Did I really mean that? And I really so bad... to wish my first lover to same fate as me?
Yes, I decided. Yes. I am. My chest seemed like a heartless, empty cavity. Filled with ice.
Christian winced, slightly, but didn't lose his resolve - he whipped around, shoved past the perplexed-looking security guard, and sprinted from the room at full speed.
'Wh… do-do you think he's actually going to…' I stammered nervously, staring up at Andy in panic.
Andy's eyelids fluttered, the black lining his soft, greeny eyes flickering in and out of view with every blink, as he freed himself from the paralysis he'd been in before, his muscles slowly relaxing as he glanced around him, then fixed his calm, deep gaze back on mine.
He attempted a reassuring smile - managing to slightly lift one corner of his metal-studded lips. 'Nah…' Andy said shakily. 'He's not gonna do it, okay? Just don't worry about it - you should rest.'
I nodded slightly, the drowsy, dark blackness beginning to drift over me, as I pulled myself back down into the covers of the squeaky, metal hospital bed and felt my eyelids droop with a heavy sigh.
Why? I wondered miserably before I drifted off to sleep, why me? Why am I still alive? I just wanted to die but… now what? What do I do?
Where do I go from here?
With a heavy sigh, I let myself sleep.
I didn't think it could possibly get worse than this… But, hell, was I wrong.
Okay guys... so it's not a very good chapter... BUT THE NEXT ONE WILL BE BETTER I SWEAR
<3 bye guys... VOTE AND COMMENT AND SHARE THE LOVE <3 :3