I wake up after a deep and relaxing dreamingless sleep. I'm crouched in a very warm and cosy place that seems to invite me to fall asleep again and I'm about to accept that proposal when the whole place boggles and I open my eyes definitely.
I immediately realize that I am on the passenger seat inside Optimus and quickly all the memories of the prior day come to my mind forming a soft smile on my lips. I fell asleep just like a baby. I try to get up a little bit in order to glance outside the window and I notice that we're already travelling.
"I see you're up" the radio greets with Optimus' voice.
"Why didn't you wake me up before?" I ask and then yawn.
"You were sleeping profoundly. And you looked peaceful. I didn't want to break that."
An idea comes to my mind and I turn towards the radio as if I'm talking directly to him.
"Were you watching me sleep?"
"Uhm... I've happened to, maybe" he answers hesitantly.
An instant blush colors my cheeks.
"I am sorry" he continues.
"Oh n-no, no need to be. I'm okay with that" I say quickly. "Me too, you know. I happen to watch you sometimes."
Geez, what did I just say? Some conversations shouldn't exist. Can I disappear instantly?
"I noticed."
Damn.
"Did you sleep well?" he asks.
"Actually way better than I had in a long time" I answer sighing.
"I'm glad."
I smile and wonder if he can see it.
We keep travelling for hours and stop only for a break at lunch-time. We are moving towards Iowa and the street we are following is always more surrounded by woods as we proceed.
It's about three o'clock when we leave after the break. The sun has reached its usual killer-mode.
"We should talk about something" I go casually, after few minutes of silence.
"What do you suggest?"
"Mmmh, I don't know..."
"I could tell you all about the Decepticons."
I sigh realizing that that was not what I am looking for.
"I'd rather know about you, actually."
"There's not much."
"Oh, I think there is, on the contrary. You know, I..." am I really about to say this? Evidently. "I'm trying to figure out more about you since the first time that I met you. I am strongly convinced that there's more under there."
"Excuse me, where?"
I laugh a little bit.
"I meant that I am sure there's something more behind your Prime-warrior-mode."
"Have you ever thought of it being private?" he speaks with a sudden super serious tone that makes me shiver.
I begin to fidget.
"Oh, I... I didn't mean to.. well, uhm. Forgive me" I want to disappear once again.
"It's okay."
Some moments of silence pass.
"What's your favourite colour?" I ask nonchalantly. "Or is that private too?"
He chuckles. It's such a beautiful sound. It warms me.
"Dark blue" he says.
I actually wasn't expecting a true answer. So it seems that Transformers have favourite-things too.
"Like your varnish?"
"More like the night falling. That dark blue which is occasionally contrasted by stars."
"That's deep."
I wasn't expecting anything like that.
"And you?"
I reflect rapidly.
"I guess light blue."
"Like the daylight sky?"
"More like a shiny light blue in the dark. Something that enlightens..." I suddenly block.
I was describing his optics and I just realized it. I feel my throat dry suddenly.
"Yes? Go on..."
"Uhm, well, that's it. Your turn to ask anything."
"Mmmh... Who's your favourite Autobot?"
I raise my eyebrows.
"Apart from the Prime?"
"Obviouly, if you counted me in I would have already won, of course."
I laugh openly. He was honestly right.
"I'd say Bee. He's the one who saved me when I desperately needed it."
As soon as my words escape my mouth I regret it. Wrong words.
"Understandable" his voice is suddenly aloof and slightly sad.
Shit.
"Optimus, not again! Please. You're not guilty of anything and I prohibit you to believe otherwise!"
No answer comes.
"My life was hell. It couldn't even be defined life. You have no idea, honestly. And Bee took me out of that. And thanks to him I met my new family: the Autobots. I met you. I can't do but be grateful to him."
"You feel grateful for having met me?"
I swallow, feeling my throat dry again.
"You already know the answer."
The stars shine bright above us in the dark blue sky. We're in our break as always before going to sleep. We haven't said a word to each other after that last sentence of mine and I can't resist any longer. But suddenly Optimus speaks again. And I can't do but listen. Silently.
"You were there during the fight. Do you remember when Starscream told me You're forgetting who you are?"
I nod.
"He also mentioned Megatron. Megatron is the leader of the Decepticons. My worst enemy. We fight each other since ages. But... Once it was different. In a very far past, I was Orion Pax and he was Megatronus. We were such close friends that we considered each other as brothers. Cybertron was quite peaceful. But everything changed when the Matrix of Leadership chose me to lead the Autobots, made me a Prime and changed my name. Megatron began to hate the Primes for his arrogance and therefore hated me too. His blue eyes turned red because of his hate and he created the Decepticons. This is how everything began."
During his speech I climbed on his leg once more and sat on his knee. He let me do it without interrupting. As he finishes to talk, my gaze is lost among the stars.
"This is a part of my private past."
Is he opening up with me? My heart accelerates as my curiosity grows.
"I have always wondered if you all had feelings. Now, if you are able to hate... then you can also... love?" I ask shyly, unable to keep myself.
"This is... the other part of my private past."
"You love someone?" I ask with wide eyes but suddenly I realize how broken his expression looks.
"I loved. She... was killed by the Decepticons."
I just stare at him with wide eyes and mouth open. I had no idea. He told me his secrets. And that means he trusts me.
"I'm sorry, Optimus" my voice is sincerely sad.
"I'm fine, a long time has passed."
"I had no idea that you could... love."
He finally turns and his optics meet my eyes: it's like magic.
"Trust me" his gaze is intense, "I can."
I feel surprisingly warm once again, his optics shine brighter than the usual.
"I see."
My voice comes out weak. I keep staring, not realizing that I am softly caressing the metal next to where I am sitting. I don't even realize how close he is to me. I only feel a mixture of emotions, fast heartbeat, trepidation and shivers all surrounded by a warm, quite hot, atmosphere.
Just when I am sure that something is about to happen, he breaks the moment standing up suddenly after putting me down with a quick yet gentle move of his hand.
I feel suddenly cold. I raise my eyes and see how confused he looks even if he tries to hide it. I pass a hand on my face trying to recover. He transforms and opens the door not saying a word.
I enter and crouch on the seat not saying a word.
I just realize.
After all this time. That is it. That is what I wasn't able to figure out.
I have never felt such a strong feeling inside of me. I can't even explain it. But by now I cannot ignore it anymore.
My eyes are wide open in the darkness.
I fell in love with that same mystery I was trying to solve.
What now?