Draen's PoV
"Draen!" Astoria shouts from above me. I gasp as my eyes fly open to see her face, eyes wide, looking down at me. For a second, all I can see is blackness and her face painted with worry over me. Very slowly, I begin to notice my surroundings again. It starts with what I can feel: legs pinned one on each side of me, warm hands gripping my shoulders, my chest heaving with labored breathing, the sheets below me. Then I begin to hear again, the sound of the captain's panting, the waves crashing against the ship, wood creaking.
"It was just a dream. Just a nightmare. Nothing more," she murmurs to me, concerned eyes scanning my face over. "A nightmare and nothing more." I swallow the lump in my throat and focus on her. I can't seem to speak, my voice not wanting to work right now. Astoria understands, she doesn't ask me to speak, she merely stays exactly where she is, staring down into my eyes and letting me look into hers. This is real. I am aboard the WindFlyer. Astoria is with her crew. We left Pirates Cove in the afternoon. This is not Alture. I finally break the eye contact and look about the room. There is sunlight streaming in from a window. It must still be the same day. The captain turns her head to look where I am and she smiles softly. I pin my eyes back on her while she examines the sky and sun and sea. Her smile is like a memory of warm days and sea breezes. Of sailing and freedom and happiness.
"You have been asleep for about a day," she says looking back at me. A day? That can't be right, I closed my eyes just a few hours ago! I must have a horrified expression on my face because Astoria laughs slightly. "I didn't have it in me to wake you. It's been a long few days and I thought you could use it. I only woke you when I heard whimpering." Her voice gets soft at the end as a small frown manifests on her lips when she looks down at me.
"I'm okay," I croak, sounding like I had just been screaming. "It was just a nightmare, nothing more," repeating the words Astoria said to me. Words she whispered to herself like a prayer. Over and over again. As if saying them took away the dreams power, made the terror dull. I don't know if it worked, but I do it anyway.
"Do you want to talk about it?" the captain asks as she eases herself off of me. I shiver a little at the loss of body heat. Sitting up in the bed, I pinch the bridge of my nose. Do I want to talk about it? It would be nice, but I can't go back into it. Especially not with Astoria seeing as I... oh god what I did to her.
Just a dream. Just a dream. "No, thank you though." Not real. Just a dream. She looks at me with kind eyes and I know she gets the feeling. It's one thing to deal with your own demons but it's another to trust someone else with them. I don't mind fighting mine off but I really thought they were gone. I haven't had a nightmare since the day before I left for Roltem. That one was likely brought on because I was going to meet my betrothed, the woman who would finally bind me to my throne forever. It seems so long ago. Like I was a different person.
"Was it because of the meeting and what they said about your father?" the pirate asks, looking down at her hands. I nod once and also watch her hands. They clench into fists, shaking slightly as her nails dig into the flesh of her palms. The captain sighs and looks at me with an almost pained expression. "I want you to know that whatever was said in that meeting need not weigh on what you do and what choices you make. The crew and I, we can take care of ourselves and... and we can take care of you, too. You don't need to worry about us or kings coming after us; trust me, many have tried and failed and this will be no different. What you choose to do is completely up to you and I want you to do what is best for you." With that Astoria rises from the bed and and walks toward the door. I want to reach out and stop her, but I don't. I need to make this choice alone. She's right, I need to do what's best for me.
And so I will sit here and think. I have questions that I need to answer. Like, would Astoria even allow me to go back to Alture? That's a foolish question, of course not! But, she hasn't killed me yet and I haven't been marooned. But she stands to lose so much if she lets me go. It would be a lot to ask. But I would never tell anyone what I saw or what happened or who she is. I could add fuel to the flames or I could make up a lie completely about how the Royal Navy ship sank. Astoria said I could make a choice, didn't she? Was that a choice to stay on her crew or stay in Oneiro or was the choice to go to Alture or to stay with all of them? I can't think about that question, I have no way of answering it.
So, assuming I could go back to Alture, do I really want to? Alture has its problems, yes. But it is my home. I grew up there. I have family, my mother and two brothers. My father. I have people who will someday look up to me. I have people who need me. I could change Alture, I could make it a place like Oneiro. I could get rid of debtors and the assassins who lurk in the shadows. The place could be cleaned up. As king, I could make that all possible. But... is it possible? I mean, it's hard enough to keep laws in place and enforced, would it be feasible to even try and change the whole system? Likely, nothing will end up different and I will sit on the throne built on poor people's backs.
If I go back, I will be chained to my throne. I was so ready to accept that when I departed from Alture. I love my people, I still do. I was willing to do anything for them. For my kingdom. What about now? And then there is the betrothal question. My father will find me a new marriage alliance and she will become my wife and rule at my side. She will have my children and I will raise on of them to take the throne. I will never sail again. I will live out the rest of my days well fed, in lavish comfort, but trapped in that palace. I won't get to hear the sound of seagulls in the bay or the sound of waves against a ship while I sleep. There won't be salt in the breeze through my hair. And a marriage. A marriage for politics. Can she ever love a man she was forced to marry? Can I ever love a woman I was forced to marry? I don't know that I want to spend the rest of my life with a political alliance. I want someone who will challenge me and joke with me. Someone who makes me laugh and can make me smile. She doesn't have to light up the room, she just has to light up my room. Someone who doesn't just want me for my crown, but for what's under it. For the man who has to wear it. For the man who wears the shackles out of love for his people.
If I stay I can have the space I need to learn about the man who has had to hide under a mask his whole life. I can learn what it means to be free and have a life. The sea will be there as my constant companion and so will Astoria. Her smiles and her mischievous smirks. There will be Festival and music. There will be laughter in the streets and I can laugh. No crime or debtors or assassins or slaves. And perhaps I can even find love. Real love, not the arranged kind. Not the kind that has to be learned. The love that you feel for someone who you would do anything for. The love that means you don't want them hurt or suffering. That kind that begs you to switch places with them if it only meant easing their burden. The kind of love that means you are there for them when they are weak and they are there for you when you are weak. I can have what I always wanted, can't I? Freedom? The weight of the shackles gone forever. But those shackles are also the people of Alture that I swore I would lead and protect. Can I go back on that? Is my happiness worth the happiness of my people? It sounds awful selfish to think of it like that.
If only I weren't a prince, this would be so much easier.
And I guess that's just it, isn't it? On the one hand I have the option of being that prince and the other I have the option of nobody. I never wanted to be well known or famous. It never mattered if people knew my name, but they always did. Who do I want to be? Prince Draen Marve Alture or Draen?
I stand from my seat on the bed and walk the length of the room. I said once that I could be happy in Oneiro. I have made an answer to my questions, answers that lead to more questions and hypotheticals. It's a never ending cycle.
I walk out of the captain's quarters to the familiar sights and sounds of her deck. The crew milling about and doing their daily work. The smell of salt and sea. The sun beating down on us with the breeze offering just the slightest reprieve. The breeze carrying the great blue silk sails of the ship and pushing her forward. The captain at her post, blue coat on and her three point hat with a red rim on it, her hands on the wheel. I walk up the steps that lead me to her. Astoria's eyes, ever watching, catch my approach.
"So, have you given my offer from Festival any thought?" she asks calmly.
"Aye, I have. I've given it quite a bit of thought. Thought for two weeks after you asked and then thought again now," I reply.
"And have you made a decision?"
I breathe out sharply before filling my lungs again. I feel my heart jump a little in my rib cage. "A part of me could stay here and be happy. A large part of me. But there is another part that demands I return to Alture, to my kingdom."
Astoria looks at me fondly albeit sadly. "I thought this would be the case, Prince Draen," she says, giving me a formal bow. Not mocking or using my name as a weapon. Simply putting me back into the role I must be. "Which is why I set out corse for Alture after leaving the Cove. Ah Draen, ever the loyal one. I find myself trusting you and while I had hoped you would have chosen differently, I cannot bring myself to kill you or maroon you. I never could in the first place either. I find that I trust you enough with this secret. I will trust that you will not speak of me or what you have seen and done. I will return you to your home, Prince. I will return you and hope to the sea that you will never speak of my home and never try to return with the Royal Navy. And if you do, we will fight. We will spill blood for our home and for all it stands for. I would gladly kill you if it meant protecting Oneiro, no matter what I feel."