Levi didn't feel good about storming out on Dylan, but he couldn't stay with her looking so desperately at him, as if he was the one who kept throwing barricades between them. He needed to apologize; he had said really hurtful things for the sake of hurting Dylan. The cognitive dissonance between loathing himself and being angry at her kept him walking up and down the corridors, the thudding of his crutches punctuating his pounding heart.
"Levi! Corlevi Hark!"
He stopped; he hadn't heard his full name in a long time. Alcott was at the intersection of the next corridor with her hands on her hips. He smiled faintly when he saw her and then immediately felt guilty about it. He didn't smile when he saw Dylan nowadays, he just didn't want to talk to her.
"Hey," he managed. "What wrong?"
"You've been stomping down the halls long enough," she said. "Come over and let's talk."
"Alcott, I'm not sure talking is the best idea," he sighed. "It's basically how I'm in this state. I think I just want to walk."
"You're going to fall over. Stop being difficult and come on."
She took his arm and steered him down the hallway to her berth and sat him down on the couch. Levi slumped in the couch and stared at the wall, replaying what he had said to Dylan. The crushed look on her face.
"Stop it," Alcott ordered and handed him a glass of water. "Look, I don't even want to know what happened. Tell me how you feel."
"I feel like a terrible person," he said, sighing. "You know, any normal guy would be happy that his partner has moved back into the berth, and she's back on congress and doing things that she cares about, but I don't think the things Dylan cares about actually include me, you know? Seasons, she wouldn't say two words to me three weeks ago, and now she's found energy to take Dashiell? Seriously?"
"Oh Levi."
Alcott sat beside him and he rested his head against her shoulder as she wrapped her arm around him.
"I wish things could be normal for you," she said. "But you aren't a normal guy. You're Levi Hark. First person born in space. You have codes to the base, dead languages, and plays stored in your brain. You know you're special."
"You sound like my mother," he scoffed.
"Then your mother sounds like a wise person," Alcott replied and smoothed his hair out of his face. "So what are you going to do about Dylan? You can't leave things how they are."
"How did you know to come find me?" Levi asked, sitting up to frown at her.
"Dylan messaged Tyson and Tyson messaged me," she explained. "She tried to cancel playing baskets later and he went to find what was really wrong."
"Oh. Merci."
Levi settled back against Alcott's shoulder, finding the position comforting.
"So?" she prompted. "What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to message Walsh and ask to stay there for the night," he told her. "And tomorrow, when I've had a chance to calm down and think about what I want to say, I'll message Dylan and see if we can talk." He frowned. "Alcott, you know you're not a Dylan stand in, right?"
"What do you mean?" she questioned.
"We became close recently, but I don't want you to think when Dylan and I work things out that we won't be friends anymore. I love her, but I care about you too." He smiled up at her. "And I'm looking forward to being a godfather."
"You are so moonshy," she laughed. "And merci. The thought had crossed my mind, but...I'm really glad we're friends, Levi. I couldn't have gotten through these past cycles without you. But you should work on patching things with Dylan; this can't be forever. You're still partners."
Levi sat up again. "Alcott, can you keep a secret?"
Alcott looked skeptical, but Levi gave her his most winsome smile.
"Is this going to get me into trouble?" she inquired.
"Congress is considering abolishing partners," he explained. "We weren't supposed to say anything, but I'm not on congress anymore. They think they can achieve genetic variance through genetic samples and in vitro fertilization. The thing is, Dylan knows this too."
It took Alcott a moment to find words. "All the more reason to patch your relationship," she managed. "Because if you want to stay with her, it has to be for more than genetics. You have to love her and her love you in return."
"I know," he sighed. "And I do, but she makes it so hard."
"You'll figure it out, Levi," Alcott assured him. "You always do."
"I was supposed to mind botany for the lunch hour," he remembered, moving to stand. He grabbed his crutches. "Oh, Winston will be wondering where I am."
Alcott rose as well and followed Levi out of her berth. He paused to stare at her.
"I'm not letting you out of my sight," she told him. "Carry on, if you must."
"I'm not going to drink myself into a stupor," Levi grumbled.
She laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. They walked down the hall together and Levi felt a little better. He had a lot to make up for, but now he had a plan. Once they got to botany, he'd message Walsh. And eat like, three tomatoes.
"I wish that we could have one normal week, even if we can't be normal ourselves," Alcott mused. "Maybe next week, huh?"
Levi laughed. "Oui, perhaps. Or maybe..."
"Don't finish that sentence," she said sharply. "Don't you do it."
They laughed again as they entered botany. Winston hopped up from his seat and sighed.
"I thought you had forgotten about me," he said. "Thanks for coming."
"You have plans, Winston?" Alcott teased. "A lunch date?"
Winston ducked his head with a faint grin on his face. Levi whistled at Winston as he hurried from the room. Alcott laughed and sat on the stool as Levi busied himself with straightening the fruit and adding to the vegetable bins. He didn't expect many people to come by, but they never knew.
"What's your favorite poem?" Alcott inquired as he worked.
"Favorite? That's not fair," he complained. "I don't have a favorite. There are just some poems that are more relevant than others. I've been working on relearning Nevermore, but that's because I've been in a sad and morose mood. Edgar Allen Poe is good for morose."
"Do you have any happier, relevant poems?" she pressed.
Levi had to consider the question for quite a while; the poems he had memorized were, on the whole, more depressing that happy. The happy poems he did know were love poems and that would be strange to recite to Alcott.
"You are thinking about this too hard," Alcott observed. "You can tell me a sad one instead if that's easier to remember."
"No, no, I have a couple of monologues, I'm just thinking through them," Levi promised, finding one in his repertoire. "If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended—
That you have but slumbered here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend.
If you pardon, we will mend.
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearnèd luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long."
He heard voices come in the room and he turned from Alcott, ready to greet them. But it was Dylan, accompanied by Tyson. They stared at each other for a long time.
"You getting fruit for the baskets game?" Levi managed to say. It felt like his body was too far away to move.
"I didn't realize I would be walking in on you and Alcott," Dylan observed coldly.
Levi scrunched his face in confusion and glanced at Alcott who was very still. Tyson also didn't look surprised.
"I don't know what you're implying," Levi said slowly. "What did you want, Dylan?"
She looked like she was going to say something that had nothing to do with produce, but Tyson touched her arm.
"We can get a couple apples and cucumbers," he said. "Oh, and garlic, since you're out at your berth. And do you have a lemon or lime?"
There was something strange happening in the room, Levi could tell. He just didn't know why.
"I think we have a lime tree in the back," Alcott said when Levi didn't reply. "I'll go check for any fruit; I think you're the first person to ask."
"They were plentiful back on Earth, I forgot about the constraints of the base," Tyson said as Alcott left to look farther in botany.
"You hypocrite," Dylan snapped the moment Alcott was out of sight. "You give me a venting lecture about being more present with you and then, what? This whole time you've been with Alcott?"
"Um, Dylan? I'm not with Alcott. She came to check on me just like Tyson went to check on you. You're making this up."
Dylan scoffed as Alcott returned, carrying one lime in her hand. Levi found a bag and gave Tyson the apples and cucumbers, deciding that it would be better to eat the cost than to fight Dylan anymore.
"I heard you quoting Midsummer," she accused.
"She asked; what does that possibly mean to you? Can we talk about this later tonight? Tomorrow?"
"I thought you needed space," she shot back.
"Dylan, we're going to be late," Tyson mentioned. "Come on."
She shot another glare in Levi's direction and walked out. Levi was flabbergasted by the turn of events.
"What was she talking about?" he questioned, turning to Alcott.
Alcott didn't respond for a moment, twisting the hem on her sleeve. Finally, she sighed and looked up at Levi.
"People have said we act like a couple," she said. "Dylan wouldn't be the first. She must have seen us and assumed."
"But why, why would she..." he sat on his stool with a thump. "I told her not an hour ago I loved her; that I wasn't over her. Does she think I can so easily cast that aside?"
"I don't know, Levi."
"And you know that I don't have feelings for you, right? Because we're just friends."
"I know."
It slowly dawned on Levi what the problem was here. He had been confused because it hadn't been his feelings so apparent in the room. It had been Alcott's. He turned on his seat deliberately watching her with this new information. She had her arms crossed, fidgeting with her sleeve without looking at Levi. Alcott's eyes darted up to glance at him, but then back down at her fingers.
"Tyson said something to me, last week," she mentioned, not looking up from her lap. "He thought that our relationship had progressed past friends. And he's probably right, for me, at least. I'm still not over Marcus. I'll probably never be over Marcus. And I know you'll never not be with Dylan, or at least, I assume not, even with this new situation with congress. But I can't help my feelings, Levi. I can just not act on them."
Levi opened his mouth to say that he wished she had said something, but that wasn't true. He wished he didn't know, even now. How could they be just friends after this? What if, seasons help him, this ruined his ability to patch things with Dylan? He didn't know what to say.
"Alcott," he whispered.
She stood suddenly, smoothing her shirt over her stomach. "I'm sorry, Levi. I'll go."
Dumbfounded, he watched her leave.
____
Yeah, so this was probably a surprise to no one. A little rough way to find it out, but Levi has had a lot on his mind. And this was his first section in this book; that was on purpose. Levi has been strung along by many circumstances of this and last book.
In other news, I'm working on a podcast of What Dreams May Come! It's on my website at https://www.jaeshanks.com/podcast and is also available on iTunes. I'm still working out all the kinks and things, but I'm hoping that this will be the start of cool project.