August 1817
'It is beautiful,' Verity said as she looked out across the parkland. 'I have never seen such a magnificent view.'
'I knew that you would love it,' Cassie said as she looked at the delighted expression on her sister's face.
The baby that was perched on Verity's lap gurgled and flapped his arms up and down, before looking up at his mother and then his aunt. 'Charles loves it as well,' Verity said as her son grinned at them both in turn.
'And, we all love Charles,' Cassie said as she tickled her nine-month-old nephew under the chin. Charles gurgled again, and then unceremoniously hauled himself of his mother's lap. Once he was free, he began to crawl purposefully towards his aunt. When he reached her, Cassie picked him up and kissed his cheek. Then she sat him on her lap and, much to his delight, she bounced him up and down.
Even though it was nearly the end of September, it was a warm and sunny day and felt more like a summer's day in June. It was the middle of the afternoon, and the two sisters had decided to take advantage of the unusually warm weather by sitting outside on a rug, under the shade of a large cedar tree on the lawn just outside Silverton Grange: the main country seat of the Earl of Silverton, in Norfolk.
'I cannot believe it has been over a year since you got married,' Verity said as she looked at her sister, who was still bouncing her son up and down on her lap.
'It feels like only yesterday,' Cassie said smiling at her sister, 'yet so much has happened over the past year. Damien has made his maiden speech to the House of Lords, Lady Harrington launched me into London society and, most important of all, I became a doting aunt to a handsome nephew.'
'It has been a busy year,' Verity said in agreement.
After a long silence, as both sisters looked at the fluffy white clouds that were slowly ambling their way across the sky, Verity, at last, broke the silence. 'You are happy, are you not?' she said as she touched her sister's arm.
Cassie smiled warmly at her sister. 'Yes, Verity, I am. I have never been happier.' But Cassie knew that this was not the question her sister wanted to ask. She had seen the look of concern in her sister's eyes. 'I know that you are worried about me,' Cassie said, looking down at baby Charles, who was sitting in her lap happily gurgling away to himself. 'But you must not be,' she then added, 'I have been fortunate. I have found something not everyone can find during their life. I have found love.'
Verity smiled and touched her sister on her arm and said, 'anyone, with any sense, can see that.' Then after a short silence, Verity said, with a look of concern on her face, 'do you still think about what happened to you when you were under the control of Ellington? I can only imagine how difficult it can be to forget something like that.'
Cassie sighed. This was the conversation that both sisters, over the past year, had avoided, but it was something that they both needed to discuss. 'I would not be telling you the truth if I said that I have never thought about it,' Cassie said as she smoothed the baby's soft, wispy hair. 'I sometimes dream I am still there,' she paused, as she looked into the distance. 'But I soon become aware that it is only a dream. And, when I do eventually wake up, Damien is there, with his arms around about me, comforting me.'
There was another long silence as both sisters looked towards the horizon. 'Reggie was sorry for what he did to you,' Verity said, a little hesitantly. Cassie said nothing in the short silence that followed. In truth, she could think of nothing to say. Did it really matter what Reggie thought anymore? It has been over two years since his death, and during that time she had barely given him a second thought. 'He matured during those weeks leading up to Waterloo. Before he went with his regiment to the battle, he wrote me a letter. He wanted you to know that he was sorry for everything he did to you. If he had lived, I do believe he would have made an effort to put everything right.'
Cassie felt a lump develop in the back of her throat. Maybe it did matter, she thought to herself. Perhaps forgiving her brother was indeed the key to her future happiness. 'I do not blame Reggie,' Cassie eventually said, as a tear fell down her cheek, 'he fell under Ellington's spell in the same way that I did. It was hard not to be charmed by Ellington. And he was the first person that made our brother feel like a man, and not at all like the boy we all thought he was.'
'I am relieved,' Verity said, looking at her sister, 'I do believe that if he had survived, he would have faced up to his responsibilities towards you. James managed to get him away from Ellington's influence. He told me that with time, he would have grown into a good man.' Verity whispered. 'His body was buried in Brussels,' Verity said, her voice full of sadness, 'it is one of my regrets that I was not able to attend his funeral. But, I was planning on having a plaque commissioned, as a memorial to him, in the village church close to Hadlands. I was hoping that you would help me choose the text to place on the plaque, and perhaps travel back to the church once it is on display.'
'Yes, Verity, I will help,' Cassie said decisively, 'I need to go back to lay to rest the ghosts of my past.'
'Cass,' Verity said, after a long silence. 'If you could go back in time to that stormy night, the night when you first met Ellington on the doorstep at Hadlands, and you were given the opportunity to relive your life. Knowing all that you know now, would you do it?
This was not a question Cassie could answer immediately. As she thought about her sister's question, she bounced baby Charles on her lap, until he let out another gurgle of laughter. As she amused Charles, she began to ask herself several questions: If she had not gone to Ellington's bedchamber that night, would she have gone meekly to Scotland and become a governess? Would she have been happy closeted away from the world teaching young children for the rest of her life? Would she have eventually found the true love that had made her life worthwhile? These were all questions she was finding difficult to answer. How could one tell how one's life would turn out if the decisions one took were different?
'No,' Cassie said firmly, shaking her head, 'no, I do not think I would.' Cassie readjusted Charles so that he sat more comfortably on her lap. 'If I had not had an affair with Ellington, and if I had not gone with him to France and then Brussels, my life would have been very different.' She then said smiling at her sister, 'it is funny how life works out. If I had not been in that brothel in Brussels, and if you had not asked James to help me, I would have never met Damien. Without the pain and the suffering, I would never have found love.'
Verity reached over and gave her sister a hug. 'Oh, Cass,' she said, as she began to cry, 'you are not just saying all those things to make me feel better? I feel responsible for what happened. I should have stopped you.'
Cassie put her hands on Verity's shoulders and looked at her. 'You must not feel any guilt. When I was seventeen, I was far too headstrong to take advice from anybody. I was proud and arrogant, and I thought I knew best. There was nothing you, or anyone else, could have said, or even done, to convince me that Ellington was using me. I had to make that mistake and find out what he was really like.'
Charles, who was still sitting on his aunt's lap, looked up at the two women, flapped his arms and then crawled unsteadily out of Cassie's lap onto the rug. 'You will make a wonderful mother,' Verity said, 'Charles does not like just anyone.'
'I cannot have children,' Cassie said, looking at Charles, who had rolled over onto his back.
'Oh, Cassie, are you absolutely certain,' Verity said, 'you have only been married just over a year. There is plenty of time.'
Cassie shook her head and told her sister about what had happened to her when she first went to London. She had told her that Ellington had organised their unborn child's termination.
'Cass,' Verity said as she reached over and hugged her, 'I am sorry.'
'I am sad for the child I lost,' Cassie said, 'and I also regret that I cannot have any more children. But I cannot spend my life grieving for something that is beyond my reach. I have got to learn to be content with my life, just the way it is. I have a nephew, and in the future, you will make me an aunt again. I will love your children as much as I would have loved my own.'
A large cloud obscured the sun, and it suddenly became chilly. 'We had better get back to the house,' Cassie said, looking up to the sky, 'we do not want Charles to catch a cold.'
When the two sisters had stood up, Verity took Cassie in her arms and gave her another hug. 'I do love you,' she said, 'and I want you to be as happy as I am.'
Cassie held onto her sister tightly and said, 'and I love you, my dear, dear sister. And please, believe me, I have found the same happiness as you. I love him, Verity, I love him so much that it hurts me to think of what life would have been like without him.'
'I understand,' Verity said as she looked up once more to the sky. 'I do believe that it is going to rain.'
As large droplets of water fell from the sky, Verity picked up Charles and said, 'let us go back inside and find our husbands.'
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