"Well, I guess you don't know everything about women yet." - Princess Leia Organa, Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back
Leia watched Han stride into the quarters. She shouldn't be so distracted while she was helping the recruit navigate the snowy land from the new system, but Han had always been that. A distraction, she thought to herself bitterly. Why did she allow herself to feel, when it would only hold her back? Everyone she'd ever loved was gone from her life - what was the point in allowing anyone else into her heart when they'd simply abscond at a moment's notice?
A small part of her knew that Han didn't have much of a choice in the matter; his life, after all, was on the scales and he'd already escaped Jabba's clutches far too many times. But they could protect him here, couldn't they? He hadn't even given it time to consider; after Ord Mantell, he and Chewie had already begun on the Falcon's repairs to get them out of the base. Out for good. She harboured no illusions of him ever coming back. She wasn't a fool, no matter how foolishly she may have behaved when it came to him.
He had just returned from scouring the base after that meteorite had hit; he was telling the General about his findings - there were no lifeforms - but she couldn't bring herself to feel relief. She caught the hesitation in his face; he was going to tell the General he was leaving. And as soon as he voiced those words, she turned away. There was only so much emotion she could hold back.
As soon as she managed to school her features into cold nonchalance, she looked back to find him already looking at her. She couldn't read his expression now, but as he walked towards her, a small part of her hoped that he'd change his mind.
"Well, Your Highness, guess this is it," he spoke with casual indifference; as though nothing had changed from the time they'd met. But if he was hoping for her a tearful goodbye from her side, he wasn't going to get it.
"That's right," she nodded coolly and she caught a glimpse of hurt beneath the insouciant façade, as his gaze dropped and he nodded, before his arrogance returned and he retorted, "Well, don't get all mushy on me, so long, Princess," and strode out the door.
She didn't care that the General and the soldiers had overheard; she didn't care that they were probably watching her now. She followed him out into the passage, even if it was a fool's errand, even if she did the one thing she had promised herself she wouldn't.
"Han!" she called and he stopped.
"Yes, Your Highnessness?" he turned, almost lazily. She would miss that; she'd miss the name-calling, even if he did it to provoke her.
"I thought you had decided to stay," she stopped in front of him with all the dignity her five-foot stature could muster.
"Well, the bounty hunter we ran into on Ord Mantell changed my mind," he reminded her.
"Han, we need you," she blurted out before she could think better of it. Something flashed across his face.
"We need?"
"Yes."
"Well, what about you need?"
She pretended confusion; she'd already said enough. "I need?" He nodded and she knew he was waiting for something more, but she wouldn't give it to him. "I don't know what you're talking about."
He clicked his tongue with a sardonic half-smile, "You probably don't," and walked away.
But, she kept following, against all her better instincts, ignoring the curious glances of the soldiers passing them, "And what precisely am I supposed to know?" If they were going to get this...thing...they had between them out, she wasn't going to be the one to voice it first.
"Come, on! You want me to stay because of the way you feel about me."
"Yes! You're a great help to us, you're a natural leader," she baited him.
He stopped in his tracks and pointed at her with evident exasperation, "No! That's not it."
She stared at him; what did he want her to say? His brown eyes held no glint of sly mischief; for once, they were perfectly serious. "Come on," he repeated, this time more softly, and stepped back to allow a boy to pass through between them, who scuttled away with his crate as quickly as he could. Every solider in the base knew to never come between the two during one of their arguments - literally or metaphorically.
Han leaned back towards her, more insistent, "Ahh, come on!"
"You're imagining things," she protested.
"Am I? Then why're you following me?" he taunted, "Afraid I was going to leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?" That leaned far too close to the truth and the hot flares in his eyes were far too frightening; their antagonism always seemed to spark attraction and she resisted the conflicting impulses to both push him away from her and pull him against her. She was a powder keg of raw instinct at the moment, but this was not the time.
"I'd sooner kiss a Wookiee," she retorted.
"I can arrange that," he stalked away just as quickly as she'd responded, "You could use a good kiss!"
And she watched him leave; regret curbing the fire, even as she thought to herself that this was probably for the best. She didn't need the heat or even the warmth. She might be the Ice Princess of the base, but that was the only way she would get things done.
Han worked at the ship, fuming. Leia had made her choice and he had made his. Now, he was leaving.
He accidentally hit his thumb with the wrench and he stepped back, cursing. He hadn't wanted to leave things between them like that, but it wasn't as though she had given them any opportunity to reconcile with matters. She refused to come to terms with her feelings and perhaps it was better for her, better for her base this way.
He sighed and Chewie stuck his furry head into the hatch inquiringly, "You alright?"
"I'm fine," he grunted.
"You don't look it. Had another fight with the Princess?"
"Don't talk to me about that one," Han muttered.
"Ah," his friend chuckled, "You're upset you didn't get a loving, heartfelt farewell."
"I wanted nothing of the sort," he retorted, working back at the control panel he was upgrading, "I wanted her to admit what she wanted from me."
"But, she's as stubborn as you are," Chewie shrugged, "What did you think would happen?"
Han didn't answer and the Wookiee paused before giving voice to his thoughts. "You would've stayed. Had she told you what she felt for you, you would've stayed."
Han fumbled for a moment, about to send his friend a cutting retort and then slumped his shoulders in defeat. "I would've stayed."
"Even though you'd risk your life?"
"Aren't I risking hers if I stay?"
"No bounty hunter would find you here," Chewie shook his head, "No, this isn't about endangering her life, you know that."
"She gave me some drivel about me being good for the men," Han avoided the hanging statement between them. "She wants me to stay, but she doesn't want me to know why."
"Because it's better for both of you this way," Chewie shrugged, "You'll get your freedom, she'll retain control of her base. She knows you influence her rationality."
"Well, she's made her choice," Han pointed out, "And now I've made mine."
"Your pride's getting the better of you."
"It's lasted me this far, hasn't it?" Han climbed out of the ship and pulled on his thick, fur-lined jacket and gloves. The cold in this place had seeped into his bones, he told himself, it had done him and his senses no good.
C-Threepio waddled his way towards him, the droid sidekick trailing behind and Han sighed. Great. Possibly the last farewell party he wanted to see. Goldenrod said something about the Princess wanting to see him. Well, if she wanted to see him, she could come herself, he wasn't about to obey her every command. "I don't wanna talk to her," he said, irritated.
But then the droid said something about Luke still having not returned. Han knew something had to have gone terribly wrong for his friend to not show up before the curfew. Well, he wouldn't stay behind for the Princess, but there was no way in this ice hell he'd leave his friend out there alone.
Leia paced the hangar worriedly. Now not only was Luke missing, but Han was too. She'd pushed her emotions to the back of her mind in front of the men - she refused to break down in front of them - but her stomach was churning. To think earlier she'd been concerned about revealing her feelings for Han; it was too late now. And Luke? If she lost Luke, she'd lose the one bit of pure goodness in her life. It had been all to easy to love Luke; he was more than her friend, he was practically family. Han, on the other hand...well, he'd sneaked his way into her heart unexpectedly, but she loved him too. He made her feel alive. Losing either one of them would destroy her - but, to lose them both? She'd implode. There was only so much death she could take and yet, death didn't seem to care.
She should've been the one to go after Luke, not Han. Han had been ready to leave. But no one would've allowed the Princess to go out after hours in that desolate wilderness and no one would've sacrificed their lives for Luke. No one except Han. Perhaps it had been unfair of her to send word to him that Luke was still out there, but she had clung onto a shred of hope that somehow he'd be able to find him. Fool's hope. Now she had doomed them both. The doors had already been closed; how could they possibly survive the night?
She fought back the bile rising in her throat and continued her pacing. She wouldn't sleep, wouldn't go back to doing the things she probably should be doing as a commander. She couldn't do anything else. And even though the odds were against her friends, part of her still continued to hope. And perhaps she was a fool for it, but she no longer cared. The ice had cracked a long time ago.
As soon as they landed in the hangar, the nurses had rushed over to retrieve Luke on a stretcher. The poor kid was barely breathing, but he'd make it. He had to. Han shivered uncontrollably even as someone draped a thick blanket over him.
"You need to get warmed up in the Falcon," Leia approached him, looking weary, but relieved.
"What about Luke?" he motioned with a trembling hand.
"They're going to put him in the bacta tank. Han, he'll be fine."
He nodded, but took in the dark smudges under her eyes, "You okay?"
She looked surprised, "I should be asking you that question."
"Leia, listen -" he started and then stopped as she abruptly drew her arms around him. She was so small, but so warm and his shivering immediately began to lessen.
"I am glad that you're alive. That you both are," she told him quietly, then pointed to his ship, "Go on. I'll send a nurse to come check on your vitals."
Part of him wanted to ask her to come with him but too many things had been left unsaid between them and this wasn't the time. He'd be leaving as soon as he could after all. There was nothing to be said.
It didn't matter that she'd almost lost him; he still managed to aggravate every nerve in her body. After Luke had recovered and they had taken him out of the bacta tank, Han had gone back to his usual saucy self. The storms outside had worsened, so the General had refused anyone to leave the base until it lessened considerably and they managed to activate the energy field. And that meant Han was still sticking around for the time being. Evidently he had taken that to mean he would use every last possible minute of his time here to needle her.
"That's a good story," he looked positively smug as she explained why he couldn't leave the base just yet, "I think you just can't bear to let a gorgeous guy like me out of your sight." Behind him, Luke rolled his eyes.
"I don't know where you get your delusions, laser brain," she responded calmly, earning a hearty chuckle from Chewbacca.
Han turned to his friend, looking injured, "Laugh it up, fuzzball." He strode towards Leia, "But, you didn't see us alone in the south passage." Leia's eyes widened; what tale was he inventing now? "She confessed her true feelings for me," Han put an arm around her, which she immediately shrugged off as her ire increased, "My-? Why you stuck-up, half-witted-"
Han begun to back away from her as though she were a wounded wampa, but he had infuriated her beyond measure. How dare he make light of the subject? And how dare he say anything in front of Luke? She knew perfectly well the boy adored her - the whole base knew it. Her tone increased as she continued to curse him, "...scruffy-looking...nerf-herder!"
Han turned back to her in mock indignation, "Who's scruffy looking?"
Her chest fell and rose rapidly as she caught her breath. How could the man be so utterly insensitive?
Han turned towards Luke conspiratorially, "Must've hit pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh, kid?" Luke said nothing, but Leia could see the hurt in his eyes. That was it. She had enough.
Han strode out of the medbay, feeling considerably disheartened. Had he mistaken Leia's feelings for him or had Leia simply intended to get a rise out of him? Han didn't know. He had always assumed Luke's puppy love was one-sided, inconsequential. The kid just had a crush, that was all, he had thought. Or had he thought wrong?
All this time he'd been trying to get Leia to admit her feelings for him, but did Leia really even feel anything for him beyond friendship and attraction? After all, he was an ass. If he had proved anything just now, it was that. What had possibly incited him to say those things in front of Luke? Even if the kid wasn't in love with her, it still wasn't right. And it had clearly upset Leia as well.
He damned well wasn't going to apologize for it, though. Maybe he wasn't good enough for her and maybe he was a scoundrel, but Leia had hurt him too in her own cutting way. A slap in the face would've been an easier ordeal than watching her kiss his best friend.
A/N: Aaaaand, we're in the ESB arc. I can't believe this story's come this far, thanks for all the love and support for it <3