・・・ xci ・・・
When he opened his eyes,
Ao was in a hospital.
He stared at a bleak, white ceiling.
The steady silence was broken by the hum of the ac.
There was a faint smell of alcohol and medicine.
For a moment, Ao was confused.
He couldn't remember anything.
His memory drew a blank.
"—You're awake."
The voice sounded faint. Distant.
Ao turned his head.
"Le...o?"
He blinked.
Without a doubt, his childhood friend was the one sitting beside him.
Leo looked terrible.
His hair was an unruly mess.
His clothes looked rumpled and worn.
His eyes were strained and red, with bags underneath them.
Leo wasn't looking at him.
Instead, he was staring intently at the floor, his expression hard.
Ao didn't know what to say.
Leo spoke once more, his voice strained.
"Do you... remember what happened?" he asked, whispering.
Ao looked at his face.
It took him a moment to realize what he meant.
When he did, he finally recalled everything.
・・・ xcii ・・・
The two of then were the only ones in the room.
Ao sat up on the bed. He winced in pain.
Something was wrong.
One side of his head throbbed painfully.
Ao raised his hand.
There was a tight bandage wrapped around it.
But... there was something else that felt strange, however.
Unnatural.
Uncomfortable.
The realization dawned on him a second after.
Ao stared down at his slightly shaking hands, now understanding why everything seemed to sound quiet to him.
Ao...
He couldn't hear from his right ear anymore.
He closed his eyes.
No... No. No. No.
A heavy, horrible pain settled over him.
He opened his mouth and uttered a single name, remembering.
"—Ame," he whispered.
・・・ xciii ・・・
Those two syllables ripped through his chest.
Ao gripped the sheets tightly,
his knuckles turning white.
He breathed in.
He breathed out.
He couldn't stop himself.
Suddenly, Ao was telling Leo everything that happened the night before.
The words spilled from his tongue without pause or hesitation.
Everything.
He told him everything.
Ao couldn't look at Leo in the eye.
Instead, he stared at his hands the whole time.
When he was done, Ao's voice broke.
He was on the verge of tears.
"Leo... Ame... she—she—"
"—she's dead," Leo said.
・・・ xciv ・・・
Ao flinched unconsciously.
Leo's tone was cold.
Spiteful.
Harsh.
He had been quiet the whole time Ao was speaking.
Slowly, Ao finally looked up to see his expression.
When he did, he froze.
Leo had silent tears falling down his face.
His hands were trembling.
He refused to meet Ao's eyes.
He opened his mouth.
"—She's dead, Ao.
You... killed her," he rasped quietly.
Ao blinked.
I know... I know that already.
I...
Those words were enough to make him feel worse.
Slowly, hesitantly,
Ao reached out for him.
He hadn't expected Leo to act this way.
Maybe somewhere deep down,
he had wanted him to understand.
Leo had always been there for him, after all.
Ever since they were young.
Even after all these years.
—A few inches before he could touch him,
Leo pulled his hand away.
He said three words.
"Don't touch me."
・・・ xcv ・・・
Ao froze.
Leo stood up abruptly, fists clenched.
He was shaking.
The tears fell on the floor.
He opened his mouth,
still not looking at Ao.
"—It's all your fault," he said.
Ao blinked, slowly.
His chest ached as he heard those words.
There was a lump in his throat.
'It's all your fault.'
'It's all your fault.'
'It's all your fault.'
Ao finally understood the weight of those words.
It was one thing for him to say that to himself.
It was another for Leo himself to say it out loud.
Leo's words hurt.
They hurt more than Ao could ever thought.
'It's all your fault.'
'It's all your fault.'
'It's all your fault.'
Ao tried to speak something. Anything.
But he couldn't.
・・・ xcvi ・・・
"So... you have nothing to say, huh?"
Leo's voice sounded muffled and wrong.
Everything was wrong.
He shook his head.
Then, without saying another word, he turned around to leave.
—Wait.
—No.
—Don't leave me.
The words were stuck in Ao's throat.
All he could do was watch as Leo held the doorknob, turning it open.
When he opened the door, he paused, hesitating.
Leo turned back, finally looking at Ao in the eye.
Ao flinched again.
In all their friendship together,
he had never seen Leo's eyes as hateful and as sad as it did at that moment.
His friend opened his mouth slightly.
Leo looked like he was about to say something.
In the end, however, he decided not to.
He turned away.
He closed the door.
Just like that.
・・・ xcvii ・・・
The silence that followed was the worst.
All he could do was stare at the door, hoping that Leo would come back.
But he never did.
He didn't even cry, because he didn't deserve to.
Leo was right.
It was all his fault.
In that moment,
Ao finally understood something.
He was alone.