"You're an asshole" she nagged at him, clearly upset by whatever comment he had just made.
"uh-uh-uh, language, babygirl" he warned her mockingly with a playful grin on his lips.
"And stop calling me that!" she warned him this time, seemingly annoyed by the nickname.
"Why? I thought you were into the whole daddy kink" young-Kai said playfully, gaining a scoff from her.
"Well I'm not!"
"Is it because your dad's dead?" he asked innocently and I thought she'd tense up at what sounded like a very insensitive comment but she seemed indifferent by it.
"Said the one with father issues" my young-self retorted and he clenched his jaw.
"Watch it" he warned her, as they kept walking "and there's a difference, your father died and I plan to kill mine as soon as I become the leader of my coven"
"Good for you" she jeered, quickening her pace.
"What's gotten into you today?"
"Hmmm, I wonder, maybe it's the fact that you're forcing me to hang out with you and that I don't enjoy your company at all" she answered annoyed.
"One can only wonder so much" Kai said mockingly but she remained quiet. Both stayed silent, the sound of some branches crunching as they kept walking filling out the silence between them, until he hummed thoughtfully, chuckling afterwards.
"What?" she inquired failing to hide how curious she was about what had made him laugh.
"'What' what?" he answered innocently and she just rolled her eyes.
"Whatever"
"I have to ask, you seemed quite unfamiliar with the whole daddy kink the first time I brought it up, why?" Kai asked, his question throwing her off guard and she lowered her pace.
"I don't know what you're talking about" she replied shyly avoiding his stare, which only made him chuckle.
"So it's true, no wonder why you're so uptight. Then again I'm not surprised, you have 'vanilla' written all over you" he concluded and she frowned, looking unsure of what he had just said.
"What are you talking about?" she asked puzzled.
"God, you're so predictable" he jeered, as he stopped walking, the playful smile vanishing from his lips. His mood completely changing out of the nowhere and she stopped walking too, the familiar hint of fear in her eyes making me realize it was the exact same look I'd probably had whenever this side of him resurfaced.
"'Madison', ugh, even your name is annoying. I didn't have to look at you twice the first time I saw you to know exactly what you were like. Golden girl, innocent eyes, angel face... so revolting. You think you're better than everyone, don't you?" he said harshly, the coldness in his eyes successfully intimidating my younger-self as she lowered her stare, avoiding to meet his eyes"That the world should bend its knees at the sound of your voice? 'Oh, poor Maddie, she lost her parents and has to deal with her sister's supernatural drama' but you love the attention that gets you, don't you?" he continued accusingly, walking towards her, cornering her against a tree "The innocent little Gilbert, too perfect and too good for this world. You want everyone to think you're so humble and kind, when all you want is for them to worship you at your feet. It's honestly boring and pathetic, your whole existence is pathetic, Madison"
For a moment I thought she wouldn't say anything to him but something shifted in her, as she looked up at him, only she didn't seemed hurt by his words but by something far more complex than that.
"I am so sick of your bullshit, of you criticizing me the whole time and judging me for having morals when I've never judge you for having none. You don't know me, you want to think that you do so bad when in reality you have no idea of who I truly am and you never will because it's all black and white with you... good or evil... right or wrong, sorry to break it to you but life's never so simple" she snapped at him but Kai didn't seem to react to any of it.
"That is exactly what I thought you'd say, do you see where I'm going with this?" he said mockingly, gaining a scoff from her.
"Screw you" she spatted, shoving his shoulder as she walked away from him.
"I know the truth hurts but don't take it out on me"
"Was that supposed to be truth? Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't notice since all you do is lie. Funny how you say I'm predictable when you're the representation of the word itself" she nagged at him and she stood in front of him, without a single drop of fear in her eyes "Bad guy, tragic past, takes it out on the world. You want everyone to think you're this big mean bad wolf when deep inside you're just begging desperately to be loved–"
But he cut her off, shoving her harshly against a tree once again, hitting her head due to the impact making her wince in pain which only cheered him on. The familiar darkness lingering on his eyes, as he stared at her viciously,"Keep taking and I will snap your neck" he threatened her, lowering his voice as he pinned her against the tree.
"Do it, I don't care. If it means I'll be anywhere other than here then by all means, go ahead" she challenged him.
"Martyr, much?" he said mockingly, pressing his body against her even more, as if he wanted to intimidate her but it didn't work.
"No, Kai, just the desperate need to get away from you" she answered, leaning in closer to him, the sudden closeness throwing him off guard and he immediately backed away.
"So much for not hating me" he said coldly and she shook her head in disagreement.
"I don't hate you, you're the one that hates me. What do you want, Kai? What's the point of keeping me here with you if all you're going to do is threaten me and insult me? I get that you want company but if you find me so revolting and annoying, I'm sure you'd rather have no company at all. So, why Kai? There must be a reason why I'm still here, why you feel the need to always bring the 'I hate you because you're good' thing up, why you need to constantly let me know how much you detest me" she said, stepping closer to him and he stared at her warily, the roles inverting as he now seemed more intimidated by her words.
"I don't care about you enough to hate you. You're just an easy target and the only one here, it's not that deep, but of course you'd find a way to make it all about you since that's what you do best" he deflected, completely avoiding her questions.
"You're the one who does eighty percent of the talk in our conversations and actually make everything about yourself but somehow I'm the one that's narcissistic? I never talk about me or tell you how I feel or what I think and it's not like you care anyway"
"That's because you're boring and I already know everything about you" he said and she snorted.
"Right. 'Madison-church-going-Gilbert'. 'Too vanilla to know you're kinky as fuck in bed', yeah, you know everything about me" she said with irony and she kept walking, leaving him a bit startled.
"So you're even worst, 'good girl who hasn't been caught yet'" he accused her, slightly annoyed.
"Now you are the one who's getting annoying with the whole 'good girl' thing, just stop"
"I tell you what I want... I want you to admit it, admit you think you're better than me, that you think I'm a bad person and you judge me for it" he demanded, pinning her against a tree once again.
"I'm not better than you, Kai. I'm not better than anyone. Want to know what I think about you? I don't think you're a bad person... and who knows maybe you are, but I just think you're misunderstood... people judged you from the second they knew you were different and tried to fix you when you didn't need any fixing. So, no. I'm not going to judge you, you've had plenty of judging for a lifetime" she said truthfully, her eyes softening as she stared at his cold blue eyes.
But Kai only laughed at her words, giving her a pathetic look "Adorable, is that what you think this is? A cry for help? That you're somehow going to make me change and be a better man? That I'll be good like you? God, can you get any more pathetic?"
"That's the thing Kai, you think I'm trying to convert you when the thought had never even crossed my mind. You're evil, I get that. Like you said, it's not that deep but I don't hate you for being evil and I'm not trying to change you, where did you even get that idea from?" she admitted and he squinted her eyes at her, suspiciously.
"So you're okay with me wanting to kill my entire coven when we get back and with me treating you like you're nothing?" he asked almost accusingly.
Only this time he didn't seem to meet the same warmth in her eyes as he did last time, her mood changing drastically as if she remembered something and instead she stared at him without a single hint of emotion in her eyes "Honestly? I don't care, it's your life Kai, not mine. You can do whatever the hell you want, this whole thing, it's just a blip. We don't care about each other and none of this will matter once we get back"
"You're right, we don't" he answered with the same lack of emotion and they both continued to walk in silence. Their figures slowly vanishing as the memory came to an end, leaving so many things unsaid and so many questions still unanswered.
"Like I said, it wasn't pretty" Kai pipped up from behind me and I turned around once our young-selves completely vanished.
"I lied... the last thing I said when you asked me if I was okay... I think I was lying" I mumbled, replaying the whole thing in my head again and he nodded slightly.
"We had a lot of conversations like this one and they even got messier the more we interacted with each other" he said as he began to pace around me "It all began to happen after the night at the shed. We would bond, have a few laughs, lightly tease each other... then the teasing would turn into bickering and into some 'I-hate-you' kind of thing... mostly coming from me, then we would fight and fight, it was exhausting... and just as the fighting would turn into something more real... we would stop and shut the whole thing off... back to acting like we didn't care at all... it was a weird cycle"
I frowned a bit puzzled, it did sound confusing as hell "Why would we do that?"
"The bonding would mostly come from you, every attempt to have a normal kind of interaction with me was always on your behalf and then I would turn it into some teasing crap, throwing away all your effort. Then you'd notice it and gave it another shot but this time I would be the one to notice it so I'd began with the whole bickering thing and get you fed up, I did it every time... I'd caught myself thinking about seeing you as something more than just the girl I kidnapped to have as my company. At first you didn't argue back but after that night... everything changed, you would argue back because you let yourself care from that night on... you let yourself care about me... so we would fight and begin to get into the truth but I didn't want to go anywhere near it or at least that's what I convinced myself of... and I would shut you out... and so would you"
But for some reason, I can't focus on anything he just said, all I could think about was everything young-Kai had said about me and as much as I'd like to say it was just me being narcissistic... I was focusing on it because it hurt... coming from him.
"Did you mean it?... the things you said about me?" I asked and he stopped pacing.
"At first... maybe that version of me did... then I realized why I did it... it was my sort of defend mechanism" he answered, almost too regretful to admit it and I just nodded, hoping I didn't look too hurt but he immediately picked up on it and he walked towards me "You don't see it do you?" he asked suppressing a smile and I frowned confused. Kai chuckled lightly, cupping my face in his hands before continuing again "How could you tell you were lying?"
"I just know it... the way my mood shifted... it's what I do when I'm trying to hide something because I want to avoid the truth" I answered and he gave me a warm smile.
"And you saw the way mine shifted before I began saying all of those things didn't you?" he asked and I gave a slight nod, my heart fluttering as I realized what he was saying "Do you know why we kept shutting it off?"
"No" I answered innocently, my heart picking up its pace as I did.
"We couldn't let each other know... that we were beginning to care a lot about one another" he said and I couldn't help but smile at his statement "There were always so many things left unsaid..."
"I... I think I didn't want to push... you" I said and he tilted his head "Well, connecting this memory and this one... what if the reason why I would drop the subject was because I didn't want to make you feel pressured? I... I–I feel like there's a reason why I didn't want that"
It was the feeling... like the one I got when I first saw Katherine and thought she was Elena but then I realized there was a reason why she couldn't be at that bar until I remembered why. The difference was I couldn't remember this time, no matter how hard I tried... I just couldn't. I took a few steps back, shaking my head and I sighed frustrated, turning my back on Kai.
"What's wrong?" he asked concerned, walking towards me and he tried to hold my hand but I stepped away.
"I hate this, I-I... I don't understand why I can easily recall my memories around everyone but you... it doesn't make any sense" I answered frustrated and he attempted to get closer to me once again, so I let him.
"I know, I hate it too... but we're making progress, that's what matters" he reassured me, holding my hands as he slowly pulled me towards him.
"It's weird... I said I wasn't trying to make you good... but you told me–" I began but he interrupted me.
"That's the funny thing about all of this, Maddie, you never asked me to change... you always accepted me just the way I was and you saw some light in me... there was only one thing you wanted but you never allowed yourself to ask for it... and I didn't know how–... how to give that one thing to you" he admitted as he fixed his eyes on mine "I didn't understand it... the whole concept was just completely foreign to me... new"
"What was it?" I asked curiously but he didn't answer my question.
Instead, he let go of one of my hands to caress my cheek as he continued talking "then I finally understood and realized I'd been doing it for quite a while... in my own way but you knew that already just as I knew I had to become worthy of your affection towards me... of your caring... so I began to change... for you, and when I told you that... you said you wanted me to change for myself... because then nobody would be able to take that away from me"
"Show me what happened that night" I said softly but he didn't say anything else, giving me a half smile in response.
"ab intus" and with that we were pulled back into reality, into the living room of his house to be exact. I opened my eyes slowly, meeting his blue eyes already locked on mine and he squeezed my hands slightly, reminding me that we were still holding hands.
"There are some things you need to know first" he said cautiously.
"Okay, tell me"
"Uh... let's go for a walk, like the many ones we had back then... who knows it might trigger something" Kai suggested cheerfully and I raised my eyebrow at him, knowing he was probably just doing it to avoid the subject.
"Will you tell me then?"
"Better yet, I'll start right now if we get going" he answered, slowly pulling me with him as he began to head to the front door and I finally gave in.
I stopped holding his hands as I began to walk next to him but he grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers and I couldn't stop myself from smiling at the gesture. We continued walking hand in hand, heading to where I figure we were going in the memory he had showed me.
"Thought you were about to share something" I said looking up at him.
"Right, you know... I've been wondering what are your thoughts so far about all of this?" Kai asked and I rolled my eyes at him, knowing he was avoiding the subject again "It's related to it, I swear"
"Honestly? There's not much I can say" I answered and he hummed tilting his head "The less I think about it, the better"
"What do you mean?" he asked confused.
"If I stop and begin to analyze every little thing that has happened... well, I'm not sure if I want to go down that road. I've already started to overthink some situations and..." I paused, clearing my throat, avoiding his stare as we kept walking "The last thing I need to do right now is start jumping into conclusions that just keep getting more delusional by the minute"
"Care to elaborate?" he inquired and I shook my head slightly in denial.
"They're just crazy theories and thoughts" I avowed shyly.
"Maybe but who's to say there isn't even a bit of truth among those crazy theories of yours? Only one way to find out" he said temptingly and I sighed.
"Fine but it needs a little polishing before I can share it with you and to do that, I need to... figure you out first" I said and he gave me a nod.
"Fair enough, which brings us back to what I need to share with you" Kai concurred as we wondered deeper into the woods "When we met... I was too far gone, at least I thought I was, to this day I have absolutely no idea what you saw in me that made you try to pull me back from my darkest place... and you managed to do it single-handedly, with all of the odds against you"
"But it wasn't pretty" I said quietly and he gave me a slight nod.
"It's no secret I tried I hurt you... hell, I even tried to kill you. Back then, I didn't care about anyone but myself... and nobody cared about me, so I didn't see the harm in not reciprocating the feeling" Kai paused, knitting his eyebrows together "I believed the world was out to get me and I was willing to do whatever it took to survive... but that's where it all got messy... it wasn't just survival, no, I was sick of being the prey so I became the hunter"
"I've been looking out for myself my whole life and the reason why I believed the world was out to get me... it's because it was, worse than that... my own family was after me" Kai continued, and I felt him tense up a little bit "Remember how I told you I never had a pet? I did have one, at least you can say I did... witches sometimes 'bottle up' magic or energy into some objects for some of their spells but some of them found out it was more effective to do it with living things, which was a crime against nature, so my coven being 'righteous' as they are, hunted them down. Of course, only after they discovered it was one of us that had came up with the idea of using animals as their own personal magic batteries. One of those witches, I didn't know much about her but she lived nearby and she had a cat, a black cat... the thing hated everyone and it always seemed on edge but for some strange reason, it liked me..."
I smiled a little, as the image of Kai with a black cat appeared in my head and he almost let himself smile, as I figured he had remembered it as well.
"One day, when I was home... I heard a strange noise coming from the basement, so I went down to check it out and I found Mrs. Ciresi's cat looking rather ill... it had sneaked in after the storm, it was meowing like crazy... the sound was just horrible, he was in pain. So I aided him... I was probably around six at the time, the thing is, when I touched the cat... magic was literally pouring out of him... I accidentally siphoned him and I thought he was going to die like my father told me ever since they found out I was a siphoner... he used to constantly tell me that if I touched anyone I would siphon and kill them... so I lived with this crippling fear of doing something like that before I even learned to form a proper sentence... of course, I later on discovered it was all bullshit and he was just mentally fucking me up..."
And for a brief moment, there was a faint hint of pain in his eyes as he stopped talking but he quickly brushed it off, his eyes reflecting no emotion or whatsoever.
"Anyway, I siphoned the cat and since magic was the one thing hurting him, he got better... it was the first time my siphoning had proven to be something other than an 'aberration, sickness or the devil's doing' and I remember being so happy because I thought my father would finally realize that I was good and not evil like he always made me believe... that it would prove him I was not the monster he was so convinced of... that instead of seeing the disgust in his eyes every time he saw me, I would see the love a father would have for his son instead..." he said with a bit of irony in his voice and he laughed coldly, before continuing "Oh boy, was I stupid. He found out and do you know what he did?" and suddenly his lack of emotion turned into pure hatred as he clenched his jaw, bitterly smiling, whatever memory of what his father had done coming back to him.
"He decided he had to take further measures to fix my nature, that if I believed my siphoning could be good, I was becoming into something a lot worst than a monster... so he made the great sacrifice to take it upon himself to fix me and when I told him that I had saved the cat's life with my siphoning, that it was living proof something good could come out of it... it just made him snap and he said I was blinded by own sickness, so to make me learn my lesson... he made me kill the cat with my own hands and bury it where I would be able to see it every time I looked out my window, that way it would always remind me that by siphoning that cat I had just sealed his fate"
And before I begin to even question myself about how could anyone survive going through something like that at such a young age without having some serious post trauma... I don't have to because I already know the answer, truth is no one would be able to survive that and still be okay, and the lack of emotion from him as I feel my heart shatter into bits after hearing possibly the most horrible thing someone has ever told me, lets me know I'm not wrong.
"You were just a kid..." I mumbled quietly and I looked down at the ground feeling my eyes watering, the thought of him being hurt in such a heart-wrenching way getting a hold of me "I'm so sorry... you had to go through that" and something in me suddenly shifts... like an old reminder that being this emotional with him in such topic it's not a good thing... that it would only make him push me away.
"He started to punish me and 'fixing me' not long after that... I was walking on eggshells... questioning my every move... it always came down to avoiding getting caught on his edges. I was weak and pathetic... powerless... right where he wanted me to be. Until one day I decided I've had enough of it and I made a choice to guarantee my own survival..." he said, as we stopped walking and I thought he was about to let go of my hand but he kept holding it, his grip gently getting tighter "On my sixteenth birthday, after the worst sweet sixteen celebration anyone can ever get, I made the choice to turn it all off... of course, I was not a vampire, so 'turning my emotions off' didn't exactly come down to flipping a switch"
"How did you..." I trailed off and he looked at me warily.
"I came to terms with what my father had slowly been forcing me to become... a sociopath. It started as a defence... I didn't want to care or feel any pain, even if that meant not feeling anything at all and as the years went by, it turned into something else... to me, there was no greater pleasure than having dear dad go above and beyond to torture me and think he had the upper hand when in reality I had stopped caring years ago, the physical pain still hurt like a bitch, I'm not gonna lie" he began to answer, loosening his grip "Having nails being screwed into your head or spells specifically cast to wrench your insides isn't exactly easy to shut off, you do get used to it though, but things like his fist or my naked flesh meeting the end of the burning chain that's being used to whip me... well, I guess you could sort of say they lost its meaning in translation... those kind of things only fuelled the one thing I allowed myself to feel... hate"
"You were a sociopath..." I said almost in a whisper and he let go of my hand, giving me some space.
"As a sociopath, I didn't care about anything or anyone other than myself... things like guilt, empathy, remorse... love... they didn't matter at all... I had a complete lack of emotions, which meant I lacked the ability to establish anything slightly resembling a real relationship with anyone... hence my current 'one-friend-only' status. I had accomplices or victims, nothing else, I always acted with an ulterior motive... I was manipulative, selfish, and a liar... I had no regards for human life and the thought of hurting people was alluring" he confessed, his wary eyes examining my every move and I realized he was more concerned about how would I react rather than the fact he had just described what oddly resembled the description of a serial killer.
And though by now I would've probably begin to consider whatever chances I have of running away from him, like any sane person would do, I didn't move at all. The thing is, in a way it felt like I was just being reminded of all of what was obviously new information for me, well to the compelled-me, which was probably more of a good sign rather than a bad one.
"At first I kept myself contained, that side of me rarely surfaced, then something happened... and I snapped... I did some bad stuff and my father sent me away as a punishment... I had eighteen years to master my sociopathic and psychotic tendencies... I turned into a monster whose one and only purpose was to unleash hell on every single person that had wronged me..." he continued, slowly getting closer to me, still seeking for my reaction to all of this "driven by the thought of killing my father and destroying my coven... that's the Kai you met and who you decided to bond with"
Given my past, I can't say I find it hard to believe I would ever bond with someone like him, which is probably why, Klaus' words when I finally came to terms with our friendship, were the only thing I could think of at the moment. The one question he had back then and the only question I had right now, 'at what point did I decide he was worth saving?' but I knew it was different with Kai, that what I should be asking myself instead was, what made me decide he was worth saving and also worth fighting for?
"Madison?" I heard him call out my name and I glanced back at him.
"You did what you had to..." I said without giving it much thought.
"Not good enough" he demurred a bit angry "Did you know your family and friends... all thought you were my victim, that you had some serious stockholm syndrome... and part of me thought so too. It made zero sense, that you'd become friends with a sociopath and they even held an intervention for you but you proved them wrong... you proved me wrong" he said, his eyes softening as he held my hand once again "But this, this 'agreeing with everything I say' thing, that's stockholm syndrome, this isn't you"
"What do you want me to say?" I sighed frustrated and he frowned, a bit annoyed by my response.
"I want you to give me hell for it or to at least tell me why you're acting like if I just told you I saved some kids from a burning bus, tell me how you feel or what does this makes you feel!" he demanded, angrily, the familiar darkness in his eyes returning but I remained silent, nonetheless which only made him angrier "Just tell me anything, for god's sake!"
"I don't know how I feel! Okay?" I huffed and I sighed afterwards "I... I don't know. You were a sociopath... it's not like that's what you are now, unless you were lying about our friendship"
"No, I'm not. I changed and everything was going great... until something happened and I had sort of a regression... huge one actually but it was different that time... and I was driven by something much more stronger than hate and well, I turned exactly at my worst moment... the whole vampirism thing only heightened those emotions... suddenly I was back to being my old self and I got blinded by my need of vengeance..." he paused, his eyes softening once again "... I lost sight of the things that were far more valuable... in fact, I lost everything and here we are now... five years of hell, two flips of a switch and one compulsion later"
Suddenly I know exactly how I feel... angry... I was angry at him, for no apparent reason or whatsover, yet all I could feel was pure anger, instead of sympathy like I was feeling just a few seconds ago "and that's on you... everything that went wrong after you made that choice, it's on you!" I gibed and he looked at me completely astounded by what I had said, it was surprising even for me because I had no idea why I was even saying that but the slight hint of his peculiar dark grin forming on Kai's lips made me realize he knew exactly what I was saying and his mood instantly shifted just as mine did.
"On me? How is any of that on me?!" he said exasperated "Try blaming your precious little excuse of friends for a change, oh but you wouldn't dare to do such thing would you? No, you're too scared to accept the fact that they are the ones to blame for this mess"
"You're such a coward! You can't even admit that what you did–" I snapped at him but he cut me off.
"No, I warned you, Madison. But you wanted to wait one more week... so of course, I listened to you and let my guard down, only to literally be stabbed in the back by your bitch witch friend Bonnie!" he said harshly but I recognized the pain behind his words, the way his emotions were taking over him, having a toll on him more than they were on me because just like I have an unknown built-up anger trapped inside me... so does him... and unlike me, he knows the reason behind it.
The anger I have towards him immediately turns into what felt a lot like a heartbreak "did you even care at all?" I asked, still unsure as to why and he laughed bitterly.
"Did you? I mean it's just funny how the only way I can trigger any real emotion coming from you is if we're fighting... maybe the only thing the real you feels towards me anymore... is hate" he said failing to hide the fear behind his voice after the conclusion he had just made.
And the side of me that always seems to know best, becomes just as frightened by his words, the need to mend the damage I've caused by saying all those things coming back to me in a matter of seconds "No, I don't hate you" I tried to reassure him "I don't know why I said any of those things but I can tell you how it felt... this anger I have towards you every time you bring something up that triggers it... it's not the 'i-hate-you' kind of anger... I think it's more of a 'you-hurt-me' and I wouldn't be saying all of this to you if I didn't care about what thinking, that I hate you makes you feel" and it gets through him, because he knows it's coming from the real me.
"And maybe I should be scared that you were a sociopath... but I don't feel like being afraid of you because that's not the Kai I met... and maybe the reason why I unreasonably side with you it's because the 'real me' is forcing me to..." I continued, a bit unsure "when you told me about the things that you did to me, I wanted to run... truth is, sometimes when you tell me stuff like that... it makes me want to run but I can't... there's a part of me that's forcing me to stay... I think it's the non-compelled me and she was long gone but you brought her back the second I first heard your voice when I woke up in the back seat of that car"
"I'm sorry, Maddie, I–... I shouldn't even be– I'm sorry" he apologized, raising his hand up to caress my cheek.
"I guess it's a good sign we're fighting, taking a tip from our old selves, it means we care about each other or that we like fighting" I teased him and he chuckled lightly.
"Come on or we'll miss it," he said extending his hand out to me and I took it, as we began walking once again "You know, it wasn't always bad. We had our fun together, in fact, I think it's safe for me to say I became your favourite person in the whole world"
"In the whole world? Hardly" I teased him, chuckling.
"I mean it's no secret you're my favourite person probably in the entire universe and maybe I just like the idea of being yours but despite our dysfunctional bits... we were a great team, you and I..." he said, squeezing my hand a little and I couldn't keep myself from smiling "I was devoted to preserving our friendship... one of the benefits of befriending someone who's never had a friend before is that they will do about anything to keep that friendship alive"
"Is that what I wanted and never dared to ask?" I asked but part of me felt like it couldn't be that simple, though I did not fully understand yet how meaningful his friendship was to me or to the old me.
"You see, I had no morals and I was only loyal to my cause but after we became friends... I placed your needs above mine, your enemies became my enemies and your fears became things I had to put an end to but... I was still learning how to properly behave myself, emotionally-wise I was a bit of a mess..." Kai paused, looking a bit unsure if he wanted to keep sharing details about our friendship.
"I know I said sometimes I might feel a little freaked out but we both now I'm not going to run, regardless of what you say, you can trust me" I assured him and he sighed, nodding faintly.
"I was a bit dysfunctional at the time, maybe I still am... I don't know... I–... never mind, let's just forget I was– maybe another day" he mumbled, bringing his eyebrows together into a furrow and he stopped holding my hand.
"Why? What's wrong? What were you trying to say?" I asked tilting my head and I stopped walking.
"I just... I don't want to make you uncomfortable and maybe sharing that side of me... will do more harm than good" he admitted as he stopped walking too and I stepped closer to him.
"Only one way to find out" I said encouragingly, holding his hand once again to reassure him.
"The ways I displayed my commitment to our friendship... and how much I cared about you... it was a bit... too much" Kai acknowledge and I looked at him a bit puzzled "Remember how I told you I had some trouble figuring the whole friend thing out?" he asked and I nodded in response "As a sociopath... the only way I figured I could express the way I felt... was by being possessive and overly protective... my usual paranoia didn't help with that either... I had this constant voice in my head telling me, that it was only a matter of time until you realized that I wasn't worth the trouble and I hear it now more than ever... I guess it just means I'm really scared of losing you"
"I think I know why you were my favourite person..." I said, raising my hand up and placing it in the crook of his neck "Look around us, the whole world might be falling apart and yet being here with you makes me feel like none of it matters... and maybe I might be wrong but I think we were the kind of friends that would go above and beyond for each other, you've already proven that to me by going through all of this just to bring my memories back... your loyalty... to us... it makes you worth every bit of trouble..."
And it hits me, the tragic side of our story, even if I don't know the half of it... I could feel it. The way he talked about me, about us... like if I meant a great deal to him, more like I ever had to anyone else and now I had no memory of what was probably the best friendship I ever had in my entire life. To have someone care that much about me... suddenly it wasn't hard to understand why the non-compelled me was forcing me to stick around... whatever we had sounded more real than anything I had ever experienced and it was all gone.
"We should keep going wherever we are going" I said quickly, the sadness taking over me as I walked away from him.
"Right" I heard him say and I began to follow him as he led the way, focusing on the orange-ish rays of sunlight shinning down on us to keep me from getting more sentimental about the whole situation "You okay?" Kai asked and I nodded slightly, avoiding his stare.
Kai slowed down a few moments later, the peaceful sound of water flowing slowly, filling out the silence between us and he extended his hand out to me once again, walking hand-in-hand towards what seemed the end of the tree line, revealing a small clearing that gave us a fair view of the side of a lake. The soft rays of the sunset that was now happening in front of us making the water look like liquid gold, glimmering, as every single surface around us turned into a fiery shade of yellow. The enchanting sight shushing away all of my thoughts, as I felt the soft beams of light warming my body pleasantly.
"I'm glad we didn't miss it, it's beautiful" I said quietly and I looked back at Kai, his blue eyes bathed in the yellowish shade as he stared at me.
"I know sunsets are kind of your thing, so I figured you could use one" he said taking off his jacket and he placed it over the grass, sitting next to it, so I could sit on it.
I sat down next to him, setting my eyes on the breathtaking view, beginning to feel a lot more at ease as I watched the sun sinking down slowly over the trees. I rested my head on Kai's shoulder, this time feeling his muscles relax as I did "Thank you for this" I avowed quietly and he leaned his head over mine.
"I used to come here to take my mind off the bad stuff... I showed you this spot when we were here the first time" Kai began softly, pausing shortly "then one day, when things took an ugly turn... I found you here and... the thought of you... coming here to take your mind off it, the same way I did because of my father's actions... I realized I was done being mean to you"
I removed my head off his shoulder and I turned to see him "When you asked me about turning into a vampire... maybe we should consider it, as plan B" I suggested and he frowned.
"No, we're not turning you into a vampire just to undo the compulsion" he said upset.
"It's sort of a last resource, if nothing works, then we'll have no other choice and since we're not kidnapping Bonnie and torturing her into helping us, without risking you getting killed by her–"
"You don't even know if it's going to work, it's not just a compulsion, it's a spell. You're not turning into a monster for a 'maybe'" Kai cut me off, getting angrier.
"What's the worst thing that can happen? I can't handle the bloodlust and turn into a ripper? I mean, if anything after all I've seen, I think I'd be good at controlling myself" I said trying to remain optimistic but he shook his head in denial.
"I'm not turning you into a vampire and that's final"
"So you don't want me to move on and grow old to have a normal human life but you refuse to give me the one thing that would guarantee none of those ever happen?" I scoffed and he frowned.
"It's not like that" he answered, avoiding my stare.
"You do know I will eventually die, don't you? You'll lose me, no matter what you do, you're going to lose me. I could easily not wake up tomorrow or get sick and die, all I'm saying is that maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing after all, if I turn, I'll remember everything and even the odds at beating the devil, which I doubt I'll be able to do as a simple human" I said, slightly annoyed and I thought he'd react the same way but he remained still, even looking much more calm than before, like if all the things I had just said didn't bother him at all.
"I won't lose you" he said firmly, staring back at me once again, the confidence in his eyes surprising me a little "I take the bullets for us, not you, if you knew why I turned... then you'd understand. Just trust that I have everything under control, okay? No one will ever hurt you, I'll make sure of it"
I sighed in defeat, knowing there was no use in keep arguing about it "Maybe forcing Bonnie to undo the compulsion it's not such a bad idea"
"That's my contingency plan, actually" he admitted and I frowned confused.
"Why not plan A?"
"It would've been plan A... if I'd known sooner but by the time I found out about the compulsion, Bonnie had already gotten stronger, I was completely outnumbered and your friends had already beaten me once... and well, the last time I underestimated them... it didn't turn out too good for me" he began to explain, humming thoughtfully before he continued again "if I had come for Bonnie, I would've risked giving them the chance to get to you first... which means they would've successfully turned you against me or worst... you would've never even know I was back"
"Back from where?"
"I want to be honest with you, I really do but I can't" he said a bit frustrated.
"You can be honest with me, Kai. Today you told me you were a sociopath and yet here we are, watching the sunset together" I assured him and he looked at me cautiously.
"I was back from... hell" he said warily and I thought he was trying to be funny but I realized he was being serious.
"Wait, 'hell' hell?" I questioned him, feeling confused "So, all those times you've mentioned it, it was actually real?"
"Yeah... uh... Damon, he killed me and I ended up in hell" he answered knitting his eyebrows together.
"What?"
"I lied to you before... that's where I met Katherine, we met in hell" he confessed and I raised my eyebrows, a bit startled.
"Damon killed you?! Why would he...? Was it because of us?" I mumbled, afraid of what he would answer.
"Sort of, he and Bonnie did something to us, then I retaliated and ended up getting my head chopped off by him. Good times." he said, chuckling lightly and I felt sharp pain at the back of my head, making me gasp instantly as it got stronger "Maddie? What's wrong?" he asked concerned, cupping my face in his hands and I closed my eyes, hoping it would help me shut off the pain.
Suddenly my thoughts became invaded with an overwhelming amount of images... small glimpses of what I figure were memories but they were going by so quickly I could barely even focus in one, until some became repetitive and they immediately stopped, the pain going away with it. Leaving the images of a very ancient-looking book, a page with some sort of ritual and Cades's name written on it, and a voice replaying itself in my head over and over again.
"'portae... inferi... revelare'" I repeated after the voice and Kai looked at me a bit astonished, recognizing whatever incantation I had just said.
"How do you...?" he trailed off, his eyes widening as he came to the same conclusion as I did.
I was no witch myself and spells weren't exactly my speciality but if I had to take I guess, I would say it had to be related to the devil... and hell, which could only mean one thing. I believed now more than ever that the bond between us was as strong as he claimed it was because if what I had seen was real... if I was really willing to go as far as finding a way out to get him out of hell... it meant I cared about him just as much as he cared about me"I think I was trying to get you out of hell"
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Author's note:
Soooo, I got carried away binge watching the originals, sorry for taking so long to update but damn what a good show. I felt like I needed to catch up with it since we are soon approaching the whole Mystic Falls plot in this story and I didn't want to get things wrong and mess up the whole timeline which luckily we are ok with. SPOILERS: it's now 2019 in the vampire diaries & the originals timeline, which is precisely the year this story it's supposed to take place on and I sort of feel like I should make it as accurate as possible as I can with what I have planed, *EVEN BIGGER SPOILER: Hope is now at the Salvatore Boarding School, so I don't know if it will involve Mystic Falls in a big way but I know Maddie might meet her at some point since she's there (I think this is a spoiler for my own story lmfao) not that it will matter if they plan to do a ten year time jump for next season. Anyway, even if I know there's no reason why Kai would even show up on the show I still have hope hahaha. Ok, this got longer than I thought it would bye.