Kennedy Fain
It's been three months since I first started talking to him. Im getting pretty better at talking since I haven't for a little over six years.
We sit on our living room couch, cuddling and laughing, but trying to make a big decision, a decision that could impact the rest of our lives.
"Nate, I think this is a wonderful idea for us." I say to him persuasively.
"Kennedy, I don't know if we are ready for that kind of commitment yet."
I have been trying to persuade Nate to adopt a child, to live with us & to call our own. The house is so big and we would have plenty of room for one, but he doesn't feel like he would be a good parent.
How exactly do you persuade a man that he is a good parent?
"Nate, you know as well as I do that we would be amazing parents to a child."
"Ken, I know you would be an amazing mother, but I just don't see myself as a father, y'know?"
He gets up from the couch and begins to walk towards the kitchen.
I get up from the couch, too, and walk behind him huffing.
"And what makes you think that you wouldn't be a great father?"
I lean on the closed door of the refrigerator, while he stands in front of the opened one and looking inside.
"Since when have I ever proven that I would be?" He gives a real serious look.
"All those times we took Andrew to the park and let him spend the night."
"And?" He asks, seeming to like the idea of him being a father.
"You played with him on the structures, pushed him on the swing, and even carried him home when he was tired. Let's not forget how you tucked him into bed also."
He closed the door with food in his other hand, and just smiles down at the ground while walking over to the stove.
I walk over behind him and wrap my arms around his stomach, tightening in a squeeze.
"Promise me you will think about it, babe?" I ask him.
"I promise, babe." He says as he turns around to me, wrapping his arms around my body.
I look up to him, and place a kiss on his lips. I have learned throughout these amazing months that nothing helps him think about a decision more is a sweet kiss on the lips.
I let go of him and let him finish what he was beginning to do. Walking over to the hallway mirror, I examine my morning hair and smell my body odor, yuck.
"Hey Nate, I'm gonna go take a shower really quick." I inform him.
"Kay babe." He didn't look up to me, but was focusing on the stove. I just shrugged my shoulders and then jogged up the stairs.
Nate Ruess
As soon as I hear the click of the bathroom door shutting upstairs, I relieve myself and begin to lean over the sink, trying to catch my breath and gather my thoughts.
Adoption, why does she want to adopt all the sudden?
I mean, I think it's a wonderful thing to do for a child sitting in a foster home, but me and Kennedy haven't been dating for two years yet.
I then just remembered, that box under the cabinet, still sitting there, waiting for the perfect moment.
The ring is ready for the moment. But the question is, am I really ready?
I love Kennedy with all of my heart. I would do anything for her. From take her everywhere with me to singing her to sleep at night.
I am so confused on when I should ask her. I'm afraid she will tell me no.
I realize something else too, the way she acted at the park with Andrew.
She would kind of look sad to the mothers with their children.
As if she was jealous of them, upset she didn't have any of her own.
But if she wanted some of her own,
why did she bring up adoption?
I then stand up from the sink, and look to the stairwell.
She brought up adoption, because either one, she is afraid to have her own, or she is unable to.
I walk over to the stairs, and step on them slowly and carefully.
Making my way down the hallway, I reach the bathroom door. Not wanting to let Kennedy know I'm standing there, I lean my left ear onto the door and try to listen to what is going on inside.
I hear the shower running, tapping onto the bottom of the bath tub, and I also hear whimpers of sadness.
When I'm almost tempted to open the door and comfort her, I stop myself in hear of her saddened voice.
"Why...why must it be me, dear lord? Why?"
I stand still, looking down at the end of the door, noticing the fog peeping out of the cracks of the door.
"I wish I was able to become pregnant so I could make Nate's dreams come true..."
She thinks I wouldn't be happy with her if she couldn't give me children of my own?
That isn't true, at all. It's a nice thing to have children that look a lot like you, and you know you created them, but that is and never will be a reason for me to be upset with Kennedy.
I jiggle the knob to confirm wether it is locked or not. Bringing me relief, it was unlocked. I open the door slowly, being introduced immediately by so much fog from the hot water.
"Kennedy, are you okay?" I ask calmly.
She clears her throat and takes a few moments trying to clear her voice to make it sound like she hasn't been crying to begin with, when I know she has.
"Y-yeah, I'm fine Nate." She says back softly.
The shower curtain is still closed, but I could tell that Kennedy was standing up, but leaning against the shower wall, according to her shadow.
"Kennedy, I could hear you from crying outside. I know you're not okay."
I sit on the lid of the toilet, and await for her to show her face from behind the curtain.
Sadly, she still hasn't chosen to do so.
"Kennedy, do you need company in there?"
She still gives me no answer.
I blow out a big annoyed huff, then stand up from the toilet and begin to take off my clothes.
"W-what are you doing out there, Nate?" She asks from behind the curtain.
"I'm jumping in there with ya."
She says no more, and I am just about completely naked.
When I am finally naked, I pull on the other side of the curtain, not too much so Kennedy won't feel really exposed.
I step in, smiling at her, while she lays back on the back wall of the shower, her mascara running down her face.
I walk over to her with the water running down on my body, and pull her closer to me.
I let her lay her head on my right shoulder, while I wrap my arms around her, rubbing her back while she softly cries.
"Kennedy, how could you possibly think that I wouldn't love you just because you couldn't have a baby?"
She looks up to me slowly with a even more saddened look, and shrugs her shoulders without a word being said.
I place my finger tips under her chin, then lower down slowly to reach her lips. She refused to let go in the kiss.
"Kennedy, I will love you forever, unconditionally."
"Nate, I know they wouldn't be OUR children, but I would just love to have some little ones running around the house, y'know?"
I nod my head in understandment.
"I'm sorry I am unable to give you children of your own." She says to me in a low voice.
"Kennedy, listen to me."
She looks back up to me, curiously.
"You are perfect to me. And I love everything about you. You may not be able to give me children of my own, but I WILL love you forever. I will give you everything you need. I will spoil you. Even if we do decide to adopt someday, I will raise them children with you and give them everything they could possibly need. I will make sure they feel loved. I will make sure that they feel cared about. I will make sure they will graduate high school. If they want to make it through college, I will make sure they do so. I know I don't have much to offer, but I have a heart you can hold in your hands, forever. I am here to protect you. I am here to be the keeper of your heart. I will place all of the pieces in the right spots. I will make it one again. And I WILL make you my wife someday, and this is a promise I am willing to make. I love you Kennedy, and please don't ever forget this."
She looks up to me with a smile, but I can tell she is shocked at my choice of words. She has no clue what to say. She is too happy right now to even say anything, in fear of messing up the moment.
"I-I love you, Nate." She says to me softly.
"And I love you, Kennedy." I say sternly.
I lean down once again to kiss her passionately, and slowly.
"And Kennedy," I say in the middle of the kiss.
She looks up to me, stopping the kiss.
"Hmm?" She asks.
"I would love to adopt as many children you want. You pick any number, and I'm okay with it."
She smiles even bigger at me, and jumps into my arms. Wrapping her arms around my neck, she begins to kiss me even more, my back to the shower wall.
"I love you so so much, Nate. Thank you."
****
After our intimate shower, we both spend most of our day in the bedroom, being lazy and rolling around in bed, watching old classic movies, wearing barely to nothing in clothing.
I lay on my left side, watching Kennedy be beautiful, as always.
She rolls over to her other side, her back facing me, and I notice something I have never seen before.
I squint my eyes at the sight, and then come to notice, it's a tattoo.
A butterfly tattoo.
I scoot in closer to her, and begin to kiss on the right side of her neck, which causes her to giggle.
"Since when have you had a little tattoo on your back?" I ask in a silly manner.
"Oh, that thing? It's nothing..." She tried to cover it up, but I caught her hand and placed it back in its original spot.
"Don't cover something so beautiful, Kennedy." I told her.
She rolls her eyes and flips back over to face me.
"It's a tattoo I got back when I was seventeen. It was a symbol of happiness in my opinion. I wanted something to be on my body to remind me to always stay positive, and stay happy."
I smile at her comment, then lean in to kiss the tip of her nose.
"What was that for, Nate?" She asks while laughing.
"Oh nothing specific," I say.
"You're just too damn adorable."