It was times like these that I wished we owned a car so that, when I showed up at the prestigious front porch of Vic's house, I wouldn't be sweaty and breathing heavily like I'd ran a marathon. But I knew I had to sprint here because, if I walked, it would give me too much time to think and I may have turned around.
I had so much to say to him and had so many conflicting emotions running through me. On one hand, all I wanted was to stay at home and mourn my dad and be miserable; on the other hand, moping around would achieve nothing and, if I wanted to fix one of the best relationships in my life, then I had to act. Vic did not want to break up with me - he wanted to break up with how I was treating him recently.
I had been so stressed for the past few weeks. So much was going on: Mike broke one of my most prized possessions, my dad passed away, all he left me was a useless house, I still did not have a job, my grades were slipping when I needed a scholarship, my brother hated me. Everything was just falling apart around me and I did not realise it before, but now I certainly knew that one of the only things keeping me sane through these awful experiences were the memories I had built with Vic. I clung onto them desperately, as they were one of the only positive things in my life.
The amazing concert he took me to; those times we just messed around at home; or even doing something as simple as helping each other revise for tests. Those were some of the happiest moments of my life and they were all with Vic. I could not let them go.
His house, and especially the door, had never looked so intimidating before, but I quickly knocked on it before anxiety would get the best of me and I would turn away. I tapped my foot impatiently as I waited, thinking of all the possibilities of what could happen.
Finally, the door opened up and there stood Vic, looking like he was expecting me. He had this slightly defeated look in his eyes, but I could see them brighten when he realised how desperate I was and that I probably ran here as fast as I could. I wanted to hug him more than anything, but he was not my boyfriend anymore. He probably was not even my friend.
"Kellin," he said my name in an exasperated way.
I just jumped straight in to my unplanned speech. "Vic, I'm so sorry, so unbelievably sorry. I know that I've been treating you like trash recently and I finally understand that. There's just been so much going on and, when I'm stressed, I do really stupid and impulsive things. I was taking all of my negative feelings out on you and I know that I shouldn't have done it, but I didn't realise it at the time."
Vic just looked even more deflated and I had no idea what I was doing wrong. I just wanted us to be happy again together.
"You were right about everything and I'm sorry. I pushed you away when you tried to help me and it was so, so wrong. You had every right to hit Callum, and I was stupid for saying all those things about you the other day. I wish I could take it all back, but I can't. I said that this between us was just a meaningless one night stand - and it was... until I woke up next to you. Baby, you mean so much to me."
I was trying my hardest not to cry by then, but my speech was strained due to the huge lump in my throat. Desperation laced my voice like a vine. He had to believe me, he just had to. It would break my heart to have Vic leave me and I would be the one to blame for our baby only having one parent. I would not be able to live with myself.
I gazed at Vic through watery eyes, hoping and urging for him to give me a sign of what he was feeling. I wanted him to open his arms and let me fall into him and cry into his chest and apologise a thousand times more. I wanted him to take me back.
But, instead, a distasteful expressed dawned onto his face.
"How do I know you're being truthful?" He said bitterly, staring at the ground and not daring to make eye contact. "You've said those things to me before, but you still hurt me. I was trying to do what was best for you, I tried to help. How do I know that this won't happen again?"
My face fell. He was not going to take me back, he did not believe me. I felt utterly broken, but I needed to try harder.
"It won't, I swear. Vic, I love you. Why don't you believe me?" I cried, covering my face with my hands as I sobbed into them. I hated myself for being the way I was. If only I was born a different way, a way that did not hurt people I loved, everything would be so much easier.
"Because I honestly don't know if I can trust you anymore. All we've been doing recently is fighting. I just need to think everything over again. You should go now."
Vic looked like he was in pain when he stepped back into his house. My swimming eyes widened when I saw him reach for the handle. He began closing the door on me, locking me out of his life. I needed to do something quickly before he shut me out completely.
"My dad died a few days ago," I blurted out in a surprisingly even voice.
Vic froze in place, an expression of shock prominent on his features. He looked so surprised, and his mouth opened and closed constantly ad if he was trying to say something but didn't know what would be appropriate.
Finally, after a few moments, Vic composed himself. He stood up straighter and seemed conflicted.
"I'm so sorry to hear that, but it doesn't change-"
"My dad died a few days ago," I repeated, cutting him off. "And it made me realise something very important."
I took a deep breath in preparation for all I would say.
"It made me realise that the time I have with people I love is limited, so I should live with them in the now and make nice memories and share amazing experiences," I paused, collecting my thoughts and biting my lip, before looking up, straight into Vic's eyes, and carrying on. "Every minute I spend with you is a new happy memory, and all those days I didn't talk to you feel like I wasted them. Everything has been completely going to shit in my life recently and the only thing keeping me grounded are thoughts of all the great memories I've made with you and the ones we could make in the future. I don't want to lose you."
Vic's expression completely changed with the more he heard from me. It was like I was opening his eyes up to how I viewed things. He seemed hopeful, but uncertain as he played with the sleeves of his shirt, as if he was weighing the difficult pros and cons. Finally, the boy looked up at me through his eyelashes and, in a small voice, said, "Really?"
"Really. I love you so much and I'll never hurt you again."
I was crying again, but this time it was tears of joy and relief as soon as a smile blessed Vic's face and extinguished his previous grave expression. All I needed was some validation that we were okay again for me to take pride in, and it came in the form of Vic opening up his arms.
I crashed into his hug so forefully that both of us were pushed backwards into the house. I was beaming as I craved the closeness of Vic's touch. His fingers tangled into my hair and I could not help but carry on apologising into his ear in a desperate whisper. I cried so much, I could not help it. I had been so afraid of losing him that getting him back was almost overwhelming. He constantly repeated that he loved me and it made me feel so much better.
Standing there, with Vic's protective arms around me, made a strange sensation come over me. It was a feeling that, no matter what stood in our way, whether it's bullies or financial difficulties or family problems, the two of us (soon three) could get through anything as long as we stuck together. It was a connection like no other and, although we were still young, I just knew that we would last.
***
To say that life went uphill from there was an understatement.
I was there to see Vic graduate and felt so proud of him. During the summer that followed, we made some very hard decisions. Vic decided that, despite mine and his parents' protests, university was not his thing and he would not be attending it. He had never been the academic type, so it was a justified decision, but I felt uneasy with it. It did, however, help when the baby came and I had to go to school, so Vic could stay behind and look after him.
Giving birth was a strange experience. It was especially weird because, although the pain I went through was the worst thing I had felt in my life, I felt like it was worth it. It was also quite amusing as, during the actual birth, Vic got so overwhelmed that he passed out. Doctors had to drag him away, meaning that he did not get to cut the umbilical cord, but it still served as a good memory, because those were the most important.
Luckily Vic dropped his crazy baby name ideas and we decided to call our little boy 'Raymond'. He mainly stayed in Vic's house, as his parents supplied us with most of the items we needed, mainly because they could afford it and we couldn't.
Although we missed his prom, Vic was able to attend mine and we had a great time while my mum looked after our baby. Next came my graduation and the news that I had, indeed, received a scholarship. Finding that out was one of the happiest moments of my life.
As soon as I left school, Vic and I decided that we wanted to move away. It was a difficult choice, but we felt as though it would be a good route to independence for us. We finally found a good use for the house my father had left me in his will, so we ended up moving all the way from California to Michigan. I missed the weather, but at least I ended up being accepted to an amazing local university. Vic's dad had given him a very well-paying job in a branch of his label which was based in our area so, for the first time in my life, I felt financially secure.
I had a job too, but it was only part-time so that there would always be someone to look after Raymond. He rarely saw both of us at once, but the weekends were like a blessing to our little family in which all of us could spend time together.
My transition had been postponed for a while, but Vic and I did not particularly want another child, so I started HRT as soon as it was safe to do so. That was another great moment.
As for Raymond, I had a test done to see who the real father was. This was all mainly out of curiosity because, to me, Vic would always be the real parental figure for our little boy. I wanted to open up the envelope with him, but Vic refused and said, "I don't care whose baby he really is - I'll treat him as my own either way". It was strong and respectable of him to say that, but I gave in more easily. I saw the results and, although they were not the ones I had been wholeheartedly hoping for, it was like Vic said. The results did not matter, we would always be Raymond's real parents.
Our family had its ups and downs, but overall we were so happy and content. Vic and I were still young and inexperienced, but we knew that we would raise an amazing son who we would grow to be proud of. Every moment spent with each other was a new memory, and every memory we made together was a new reason to smile.
The End
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Whoop there it is, the end. I hope you guys enjoyed this story and how it turned out. It was fun but I started getting bored of it close to the end but whatevs.
Thanks for sticking with me and reading my shit lol