(A/N This gif was so cute that I wanted to share it lol. X)
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"And what is that?" My breathing was becoming heavier by the second. How could he hide so many things from me just like it was any ordinary thing for him?
"Promise me that you won't get angry." He meekly asked like a child.
"Harry, I can't make promises that I won't follow. Tell me now." It was taking everything in me not to snap at him.
"I have already told you how much of a big fuck up I am so please try to understand me." His voice was completely vulnerable by now asking for apology even before telling me anything.
"Harry." My request came out low and almost threatening.
"The night when you kissed me for the first time."
He paused and took a deep breath while I was busy blushing at the memory. "Just the same day I-I um, I fucked another girl."
What the real shit?
This cannot be happening. "Tell me Harry this is not true." I was on the verge of crying.
"Unfortunately it's true, I don't even remember her name. She was gym's member, what's her name... Was it Steph? Or Jess? Yes, it was Beth." He tried to reminiscence and I hurriedly stood up already planning to run away from him.
Beth? That whore Beth who was in the same school as mine? It's true that she was 18, she could do whatever she wanted. She also mentioned the other day that she went to a gym where Harry was a trainer. Ciara you are stupid, you should have known, you should have known this before. Now suffer.
"Please, please, don't leave me like this. I know, I did terribly wrong but I was so disappointed for the fact that you were not talking to me. I don't know what got in me-" He started reaching out for my hand.
"Don't you dare blame all this on me!" I barked and moved away from him.
"I'm not blaming you at all. I am just saying that yes I fucked up pretty bad because I was afraid that you would deny me. You would never have the same feelings like I have for you. I felt vulnerable, broken and it all happened because of my thoughts. Please, try to understand, baby."
An unwanted tear drop slipped from my eye. "Don't call me that." I wanted to slap him, beat the shit out of him, yell at him but my voice was playing games with me that I couldn't even utter a word. My hands were frozen on my sides.
Finally, after gulping back a lump in my throat I said. "I am going. I can't think straight right now."
I teared opened the door which made an unpleasant noise, not much that I cared of and ran down the stairs. I didn't even know how many steps I skipped, my vision was blurry because of my tear filled eyes.
I heard Harry calling out for me and obviously he was just a couple of feet away.
"Ciara, wait!"
He shouted just when I was about to close the main door behind me. I stopped in my tracks but didn't turn around.
"Will you come back?"
His tone was so soft, so broken which almost persuaded me to turn back and hug the life out of him. Almost.
I didn't say anything and closed the door with a loud thud physically separating ourselves with the only barrier I could see right now.
After blinking back the tears, I noticed that the road in front of me depicted the same state at what my mind was.. Dark.
Harry said he used to mess with girls two years ago. Fine. He said he cheated with my brother's girlfriend at him last year. Acceptable. During that time I didn't even know that a person named Harry Styles existed on the earth. He repeated the same activity just the day when I admitted my feelings for him. Too much.
I was made a fool in here. It felt as if my complete heart was in his hands and he carelessly threw it in a pan full of boiling water leaving me to get it fixed again. How could he?
How could he forget the time that we spent together? When I opened my heart out to him describing every insecurity that I had in my life? How could he forget the day when I yelled at myself for not being attractive and when he said things to me which were not told by anyone ever before.
"Let me start from your hair, God they are so soft. I can play with them for how long even I don't know.
Your eyes, they are so pure, so innocent that makes me want to protect you so much. They are so readable, but only I want to study them. The perfect lashes which covers them, fuck, you don't even need make up like other girls. You are so pretty.
These lips, hell I can do so many things with them you don't even know.
This jaw, even when you don't go to gym, then also you have pretty good jawline. Everytime I see it, I want to hold it, caress it, kiss it.
This neck, so soft, perfectly shaped. And I kissed it. Only I can do this to you..." Still remembering the day when he opened up to me for the first time and when we were in his car, he demanded me to speak my heart out to him. I had to push him away because of the way he was telling me; so intense, so truthful. No wonder he could enliven my body and mind just by his presence.
"Are you planning to stand here for the whole day, my dear?"
A familiar voice chattered behind me. Oh, I was standing in front of the house, my house.
"No mom, I will go inside."
"So are you back from Harry's?" Mom enquired while unlocking the door.
Do you think my fucking ghost is standing here?
"Yes, I am back." My voice was short and it asked for no further questions which mom thankfully understood.
When we entered the house mom sucked in a breath. "It's so cold! Didn't I turn on the heater?"
Fine then, if Harry didn't bother me physically then let coldness do.
"I'm going upstairs. I want to study." I murmured and with loud thumps. I started making my way towards the room without listening to mom's reply.
I switched on the lights and as expected, my room was empty. Harry always brought life and happiness to it. We both would run in and around the house many times irritating my mom, end up in silly fights and then laughing.
We always weren't that crazy. There were times when we would spend hours talking about anything but reality. The way he opened up to me, how he said 'I don't care' in huge amounts yet he was the first person to care.
Our conversations on the night sky were the best. We both shared the same point of view in this case. We both thought that the sky full of stars was having a special immortal force which dragged everyone to stare at it. If anything can never get old, can never get any more better, it was the sky. Sky full of stars. It gave people a hope. A hope of looking forward.
He was the only one who had ever seen this side of me. He made me believe on the phrase 'Thank God at least someone knows me.'
Three months had passed since I had known him but it felt like three years. We got along so well even when I irritated the shit out of him.
Having said that now, he has shattered all my hopes, all my feelings that I had developed for him. I was on the extreme verge of falling hard for him, just about to.
But you were never in any relationship, maybe he was just messing with you. My subconscious mocked me.
Just be careful with Harry. I mean, he's a confusing person. And confusing people are deceiving.Jason's words started ringing in my ears.
All I am saying is that stay away from him because he's not good for you, or put it into right words, you are too good for him. What Max told me.
He really did everything on purpose?
No, he would never do that. He has also shared his part of past with me. Why would he do all this to me? Would he? Did he feel the same way as I did? Did he get butterflies whenever I touched him? Did his hands crave to touch me just like mine? Did he feel possessive for me just like I cringed whenever he mentioned any girl?
He is a boy. He has dealt with numerous girls before you. You were just another one for him.I decided to shut up my inner pessimistic voice for a little while.
"Ciara?" Mom's voice echoed throughout the house. "Come downstairs." Her voice had an edge to it.
I sighed. Almost a distressed sigh and slowly made my way to the kitchen, she was placing plates on the dining table for the two of us.
"Did something happen between you two?" She asked once she noticed my gloomy face.
Yes, Harry has fucked literally the entire female population of Holmes Chapel and I am falling like a crazy bitch for him.
"Just a little but of tiff. It's fine." I dismissed the first option in my list of answers.
"Oh, come on. Sit here with me." She sat and motioned me to place my ass on the chair next to her. I rolled my eyes and weighed the possible sarcastic dialogues I could throw at her, but I decided against it.
She placed an arm around my shoulder. I raised an eyebrow at her asking 'Now are you showing your goddamned affection?' with my eyes.
"You both bicker like kids, I know that. You have feelings for him, it's clear by the way you look at him, you both will get together no doubt. But right now, I'm happy that you both are away from each other at the moment."
What the fuck?
She noticed my expression which must be looking like a confused clown.
"Your dad is coming home tomorrow and he won't like seeing you with any boy like this."
***
Take care. X
Until next time,
Much love,
Mohika Arya.