Chapter 6
I think I was drugged a couple of days ago.
Yep, that’s definitely the reason. My mind was dusted with fuzzy pictures of flying unicorns and talking zebras, hence the reason why I allowed myself to think of indecent images of Gabriel fucking Augusto whilst getting fingered by my girlfriend.
Oh God I’m a horrible person...
Ave Maria, [Haily Mary}
Cheia de grace [Full of grace]
O Senhor é convosco. [The Lord is with thee.]
Please Father, don’t send me to hell. I can change; I can be a better person. I mentally pleaded, whilst my eyes were transfixed on the white-wash ceiling.
Funny how you would associate white with paradise or more specifically heaven and here’s me already seeing the black, iron gates leading to the fiery pits of hell.
I growled and hit my head on the wooden desk. The impact did little to block the memories of my encounter with Gabriel out of my head, Very much to my dismay.
The memory of Gabriel’s eyes engulfing mine as I was getting pleasured.
The memory of Gabriel’s groans sending my pussy pooling with wetness.
The sweet memory of imagining Gabriel’s fingers inside me, pumping my pussy faster and faster-
Shit, I’m going to hell.
The thought alone was turning me on, making warm liquid caress my thighs. Note to self, never ever wear a skirt to school. I squirmed and shifted in my seat, I felt hot, flustered and dam right uncomfortable.
I’m a lesbian for Pete’s sake!
Aren’t I?
Yes.
No.
Yes.
No.
Maybe?
Grrr, this is like high school all over again. Poor little old me at the age of eleven, debating on weather I preferred men or women, if I wanted a dick inside me or just a pussy to rub, if I was straight, gay or bisexual?.. And here I am experiencing it all over again.
God, I’m so fucking confused.
I blame Gabriel for this.
If you want someone to blame it should be yourself, for falling for his boyish charms in the first place. My inner voice contemplated.
I’m not falling for him!
Yes, you are.
No, I’m not.
Admit it; you are totally wrapped around his finger.
It’s just a stupid crush! I will get over it.
Sure, you will. You keep telling yourself that.
The bell rang at that precise moment and I was more than happy to leap from my seat and get the hell out of here.
Bewilderment is certainly not an emotion I want to be experiencing right now.
Most of the class already departed- or should I say dashed out the room just as I was collecting my things.
Eager much? Urgh, what does it matter? I want to get out as much as them.
I swung my bag over my shoulder and was about to walk out when I heard thud.
I groaned not so subtlety. Damn it, I was about two freaking centimetres away from the door, the gateway to my freedom from this taunting edifice.
Taking a puff of air knowing I will have to see what the problem was. (The problem that kept me from escaping, may I add). I turned to see that the textbooks had fallen off the desk and was now currently sprawled across the surface of the laminate flooring.
Seeing as they were not going to magically pick up themselves, I quickly ran over to help Mr. Seabrook, who was already crouched down picking them back up.
I was about to bend down to give him a helping hand but he raised his hand to stop me, “No, no it’s alright Cecília. I’ve got it.” His deep voice spoke, his grey eyes taking a quick glance at me.
I nodded and stood up straight taking a step back. I observed him as he picked up the rest of the books. His fit physic caused his arm muscles to flex as he placed the book back on the desk. His rose, semi-full lips were parted slightly as he drew in breaths. The dark brown stubble that sat neatly shaved under his chin and jaw line matched his mid-cut hair that was styled perfectly on top of his head.
As if they had a mind of its own, my eyes travelled down to his ass. The fact that he was bent over, highlighted his backside and the plumpness of hit butt. His grey blazer was rose slightly, revealing his un-tucked shirt which exposed the rim of his Calvin Klein boxers.
He has a very sexy ass indeed.
Not bad for a guy in his late twenties.
Once, all the books were collected from the floor, he stood up and faced me.
That. That, ladies and gentlemen was when reality slapped me across the face.
Holy shit I Just fucking checked out my English teacher!
My male English teacher may I add.
I began hyperventilating. Fuck, fuck, fuck-
“Cecília? Are you alright you don’t look to good.” Mr. Seabrook questioned, his grey eyes glazed over with worry.
I slowly released my hands from the grip they tightly hand on my hair and gulped. “I- I- fine. I’ve got to go now bye!” I blurted out, turning on my heel and sprinting out as fast as my legs could carry me.
My eyes were glued to the floor, my arms were enveloped around my chest and my heart seemed to pound at an unhealthy speed. The squeaking of my shoes was the only source of sound as I made my way rapidly down the hallways.
It’s a Friday and everyone has just had their last lesson, so they were pretty much as enthusiastic to leave as I was.
I didn’t even realize I was walking so fast until I collided into a body. My eyes darted up to face chocolate ones.
Guilt seemed to invade my stomach when I looked at her innocent face.
“There you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Melissa spoke, her eyes for of relief.
I swallowed. My mouth was dry and I didn’t have the courage to speak, which resulted with me nodding.
She continued, “We’re still up for your house tonight right? Your parents will be at work won’t they?” She asked, nudging my shoulder playfully.
Oh fuck! I totally forgot about that.
I fiddled with the buttons on my jacket, my stomach bubbling with what felt like toxic gases.
“You see- erm- Melissa, I’m just- I’m kind of busy tonight so you won’t be able to come.” I stuttered, diverting my gaze to the wall behind her.
“I need to be alone for awhile, and get my head cleared of all this confusion.” Is what I really wanted to say.
She bit her lip and nodded.
Shit, now she looks pissed, either that or she wanted to say something... really, really badly.
“Fine. I guess I will see you around.” She stated before walking past me and leaving.
My stomach dropped. I’m such a bad girlfriend. What the fuck did I just do!? I pivoted to see that she was already out of sight. I sighed and suppressed the urge to breakdown.
I felt sick as I made my way through the parking lot. Now, is not a good time to regurgitate last night’s meal, Cecília.
I’m so confused about my sexuality that it’s hurting the people I care about. Fuck my life, this is not easy. Not one bit.
“Hey Cecília, wait up!”
I groaned and continued walking, “I’m not in the mood Gabriel, go away.”
He grabbed my arm and spun me around. “That’s not very nice is it? I want an apology.” He pouted, his eyes capturing me in a mini hypnotic stare.
If I could pick a character to be from Fantastic Four to be at this precise second, I would be Sue because right now I really feel like disappearing.
Then again... I would also be Johnny and go all Armageddon on Gabriel’s ass! After all he caused all this.
I shook my head form my internal fantasies and raised my eyebrow. “I will apologize to you when you admit that Ricky has feelings for you.” I shot back.
I wasn’t exactly teasing him after the meal I think he and Gabriel exchanged numbers...
Gabriel shuddered, “You know what? You’re right you don’t need to apologize.”
I breathed a laugh, “Okay Mr. Hotshot, now what do you want?” I got straight to the point hoping he would take the hint that I really needed to get out of here.
He nodded and paused for a second as if he was thinking of what to say. “Oh yeah, actually I wanted to take you to a party... well you could bring Melissa if you want.” He mumbled the last part.
Melissa name made me crumble slightly but I covered it up by furrowing my eyebrows. “A party?” I asked skeptically.
“Yep, this guy James is hosting a party for his nineteenth. The party’s tomorrow so I will pick you up at nine.”
“But-”
“I’m not taking no for an answer. I will see you there tomorrow, besides you look like you could use the cheering up.” He replied as his eyes roamed my facial features. I probably did look terrible to be honest, today just isn’t my day.
I scoffed, “Gee thanks.”
He shrugged, “See tomorrow night CeeCee.” He winked, pivoting and walking away.
I tilted my head and thought on the bright side. Well maybe if I consume enough alcohol I will be able to be wasted enough not to remember any of this confusing bullshit about my sexuality. So it can’t be that bad can it?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
“I think we should break up.”
I sighed. I knew this was coming, ever since I entered her room and saw that painful look in her eyes, I knew this wasn’t going to end well.
I nodded, “You’re right.”
“I think it’s for the best. Not that you have done anything wrong- well- I think It’s- I just think you’ve been a little distant lately.” She tried to explain. She was sat opposite me on the bed, her legs currently crossed; I too was mimicking her gesture.
Again I nodded taking in her words. I didn’t agree nor disagree with her I just listened to what she had to say.
It’s the least that I owe her.
I couldn’t stand the guilty feelings nagging at my stomach when I got home. The nausea was just too much to handle, so I decided to man up and talk things out with Melissa. It’s probably the smartest thing I’ve done all day.
“I’m so sorry, it’s just... I’m confused.” The last part came out barley a whisper. Weather she heard it, I’m not sure...
Melissa put her hand on my shoulder. “Trust me I know. It’s Gabriel isn’t it?” she asked.
For the first time my eyes connected with hers and by the look on her face she knew what my answer was.
“How did yo-”
She raised her hand, stopping me mid sentence. “Cecília, I know you. Come on, I think I’ve known you long enough to notice your pupils always dilute when I mention his name. Or the fact that for the past couple of days you’ve been staring at him from across the canteen whenever we eat lunch.”
My cheeks warmed slightly at the observation.
I was only looking at the way his jaw line flexed when he chewed his food...
Fuck, I’m such a girl.
“Oh and did I forget to mention the fact that when I fingered you in the restaurant, your eyes did not once leave his.” Her eyebrow cocked upwards as if to say ‘Yes, you’ve been caught red handed.’
And there goes that guilty feeling. I’m officially a bitch.
“I’m sorry-”
“Don’t worry about it. Its fine- well it’s not but I get it. You’re confused about your sexuality; you’re going through all these different emotions, which is exactly the reason why it’s best we break up. You need to get your head sorted- not that you’re mental- oh you know what I mean... Anyway in the meantime we can still be at least friends right?” her voice was hopeful.
I embraced her in a hug. “Of course we can. Melissa, I’m so glad you understand. I know I’m a bitch for being such a shitty girlfriend and I really am truly sorry.” I was being blatantly honest with her.
She rubbed my back. “Don’t apologize, you can’t control your feelings. Besides as long as you’re happy then I’m happy.”
I pulled away from her and for the first time today I actually smiled genuinely at her. “Melissa, you seriously don’t understand how lucky I am to have you.”
What I said was true. She truly is one of a kind. She doesn’t hold grudges, she honest and most of all she loyal. I think it was those qualities about her that drawn me to her in the first place.
She waved me off, “It’s nothing that’s just the awesome friend I am. But I want something in return.” I couldn’t tell if she was joking or not in the end but nevertheless I had a proposal.
“Well actually, there is this party that Gabriel invited me- well us to, so how about we go to that? He said he will pick us up but we can go as friends of course.” I offered.
She nodded, “Yeah, why not it’s been awhile since I’ve been out on the map. But how about I meet you there, I’m sure Gabriel would want you all to himself.” She winked.
My ears perked up slightly and I tried to bite back the smile.
Yeah I’m sure he would.