The thing is about this place is that you quite literally have no concept of time, if it weren't for the sun that shone through the tiny windows of our cells or common rooms, we would never know whether it'd be day or night. I haven't really wanted to leave my cell because I'm too afraid to leave the fucking room. I made a mistake the other day, I would say when, but once again the fact I have no concept of time stops me. It could be days, weeks. Probably not months, because I'd probably have a beard by now. I've gotten considerably worse, if I think about it. I haven't eaten a decent meal in a long time, and the hunger pains are unbearable. I kept a sheet from my razors that I popped out, hidden in the springs of my bed. I've been using it a lot, too much. I've become addicted to the sudden rush of numbness that takes over me during the moments of self-harming. This place is supposed to be rehabilitation for the mentally unstable but this place is so horrible, it makes me want to kill myself even more. I haven't heard anything from my parents, or Stan or anybody. I'm alone and I'm getting closer and closer to killing myself. It's been probably weeks now, since I had even seen my mother and I'm starting to forget what she sounds like. I'm forgetting what the outside world is like. I feel sorry for the people that have been here for ages, and I feel worse for the people who are going to rot away in here, forgotten to the world outside forever. I have a friend, I think, he's going to die in here. He's never going to be forgotten in society but he's basically dead already and he'll just be a myth for everyone to joke about. His name is Harry and I made a mistake with him. I kissed him and he kissed me back. He left within 30 seconds of the kiss, without a word being said. I should have known it would happen because Harry isn't gay. He loved someone a lot, and I know how much he loved Jade, because he always talks about her in the most adoring way. I felt like that once upon a time, and I still do, but Stan ruined me. I hope he realises that Jade won't ever come back because he needs to realise and take responsibility for killing the one person he cared about. He's really strange. One minute he can be the most witty and kind person and the next he can be violent, scary and murderous. I don't want to run into him ever again and I just hope to god I accidently overdose on my medication because I'll have to leave me room soon. My guard wants me now. I better go. Goodbye, for now.
---
Louis finishes his sentence before posting it onto his blog, that he finds useless but has to do it anyway, his arms hurt and his neck aches from the position that he's been sitting in for the past few hours, because it had taken him so long to write the journal entry. Liam leans on the wall, a few meters behind Louis, arms folded over his chest, and muscles bulging through his coat. When Louis stands up and turns to Liam, Liam gives him a sympathetic smile and it's without question that Liam probably read that entire post and before Louis could even ask, Liam holds his hand up a bit, and the shiny metal sheet that had been digging into Louis' skin so many times before, flashes in front of him. Louis exhales and tries to hide the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach and the sudden anxiety that's rushing through him because that was the only thing that was keeping him sane in this fucked up place. Liam's eyes are warm and friendly, the friendliest Louis has come to meet ever here, and Liam definitely is the kindest person. Even though Liam was a guard to this asylum, he and Louis had bonded and talked quite a bit. Liam knew a lot about Louis, basically his entire life story and Louis knew about Liam's shamble of a love life, but hadn't yet learnt that Harry and Liam were related. Liam wishes he could tell Louis, but he can't because it could possibly ruin his career at this asylum. Liam loved Harry, and he knew what his brother was capable of, and once reading the post Louis had made about kissing Harry, he could see the warning signs. He needed to protect Louis, get him away from Harry. Liam wishes he could tell Louis, tell him everything he's ever known about Harry and how Harry has taught himself to hide his psychopathic tendencies behind a smile and silence. Harry's a manipulative person, and will lie and smile his way into someone's head and will attack, and Liam knows this. The thought of someone as innocent, kind and messed up as Louis becoming involved with someone like Harry makes Liam feel like he's having a panic attack.
"I know you want it Louis, but it's not helping. If you really want to be rehabilitated and become mentally stable enough to get out of here, you're going to have to stop with all the self-harm. We can provide you with the best service that'll fix you up in no time, you just need to try,"
"What if I don't want to be fixed? Why can't you all just accept the fact that the world is a better place without me?"
"That isn't true at all, not in the slightest. You were sent here because your family wants you to get better, and your best friend wants you back. You can be home in like a couple months. I know your mum was devastated when she got the call from Stan, and she was even worse signing the papers that handed you into our care,"
"You don't know anything about my mum. You don't know anything about Stan. They didn't even know I had issues. They just found me and sent me straight here, and mum hasn't even bothered visiting me or writing letters to see if I'm okay. She's left me here, to rot away and die, without leaving a mark on this world. I'm just going to be forever unknown and forgotten in society, if I haven't been already,"
"You haven't been forgotten and you won't be forgotten,"
"I'm not going to get better, I never will get better. You don't understand what I feel, or what I have to endure. I'm going to spend my life in here, without a boyfriend, without getting married, without adopting children and raising them and without dying peacefully in my own bed. I am going to die slowly, painfully, alone."
"Louis, you have friends here,"
"Like who? I'd like you to name them,"
"You have me, you have Zayn, and you have Harry,"
"Harry. Harry isn't my friend. I don't want to be anywhere near him,"
"That's understandable, and to be honest, that's probably the best option. Harry wouldn't be the best type of person to even socialise with, I'd love to stay here and chat, but we have to go and meet the new arrivals,"
"I don't really want to, can't I just stay here? I'm really tired and I just want to sleep,"
"You slept for 14 hours, you do realise oversleeping can cause deep depression. You need to get out and socialise until you make friends that make you feel a bit more positive,"
Louis stands up and grabs the clothes that Liam has neatly folded onto the bed. Liam stares at him until finally getting the message that Louis is changing into clothes. He turns around until Louis coughs, signalling he's gotten dressed. This is his first change into real clothing in what seems like forever. He's gotten so used to the itchy and dry fabric from the clothes here, that when he wears his soft cotton shirt and jeans, he feels slightly normal again. His hair feels so much softer than usual now, since he's been able to ask for special shampoo. He's feeling slightly more at home. He still has to deal with the disgusting food and grotty cells, but he'll take what he can. He watches as Liam pack away the laptop, and Louis automatically cringes because he remembers psychologists will read this, and then they'll know about the kiss. He doesn't know what the punishment is here for engaging in things like this, because isn't it illegal to engage in any type of relationship here?
He follows Liam out the door, and jumps at the sound of his door slamming shut behind him. The hallways are crowded, more crowded than usual, but this is because everyone is getting ready to move to the common room, where we'll be introduced to the last of the remaining new people. Louis freezes up and stops following Liam when he feels someone's hand rest on his shoulder, he slowly looks over and breathes a sigh of relief when meeting Zayn's bright eyes and long eyelashes.
"Hey there, why are you so uptight?"
"I don't like crowds. What are you doing?"
"Well, I'm pretty sure we're all heading over to the common, unless you're going to go fuck your guard? Are you hiding from someone?"
"No, who would I be hiding from?"
"Harry,"
Louis swallows thickly as soon as the name escapes Zayn's mouth, and shakes his head.
"I don't know why I'd be hiding from him, I have no reason to, and except for the fact he scares the living daylights out of me. I don't understand how he doesn't scare you,"
"Oh he does scare me, and there's no reason to be scared of running into him. He isn't going to be in the common room today,"
"Where is he?" Louis raises an eyebrow
"Not sure, apparently something went down. I don't really know but it is Harry and what do you expect? He was bound to have a snap or something soon," Zayn yells over the noise of all the people in the hallway
"We better get to the common's before Liam freaks out and thinks he's lost me, he's already stressed out because I'm self-harming,"
"You're still self-harming?" Zayn mutters
"Yeah, I have been. I haven't really been able to stop, why?"
"I'm here for you. I know I attacked you and all, but that was just a mental snap. I can help,"
"You can't really, but thanks anyway Zayn,"
Once entering the common room, Louis and Zayn can just see over the few dozen heads, and notices a mousy brown haired boy and a brown haired woman next to him. The guy is wearing a plain white t-shirt and black jeans, and the woman is wearing a singlet and shorts. The two almost look alike, both sharing the mousy brown hair and the bright blue eyes and slightly large nose. The girl is a whole head and a half shorter and Louis seems to believe these two are brother and sister. Zayn shuffles through the people, and Louis tries to ignore the swearing and grunting and the general overwhelming foul smell of all the unhygienic people in the room. Zayn ends up pulling Louis to the front, and when Louis can get a proper look at the two people, it's evident they're related. He's curious as to why a brother and sister have both been put in together, the most obvious and explainable would be they both murdered someone, but you could never be too sure. There's one more male that takes a step onto the mini stage, and he's tall, and extremely lean. He has light blonde hair, which is pushed up into a styled quiff, and dark green eyes. His face is angular, and his skin is so pale it almost glows. Louis is surprised because this guy could pass as an angel and the best part about it, is that he isn't dressed like a patient here. He's wearing dark black jeans and a dark blue shirt, with a name tag, obviously a new guard. It takes Louis a good 5 minutes to get a decent view of the name tag, and the name suits him so well, it makes Louis think he isn't even real: Oliver.
"Check out cutie at 12 o'clock," Zayn chuckles
"Shut up, you can't even deny that he's great looking,"
"I know you're gay and all but please, I smoke all these bitches here,"
Louis can't deny it because even though Zayn is an angry, fucked up man, he is extremely attractive, so he just nods and Zayn smirks.
"Okay guys, we have two new patients here. This is Laura and Niall Horan. They're twins, so we decided to bring everyone into the commons so they can make some friends, you can all formally introduce yourselves to Laura, but we'll be taking Niall straight up to his cell. Thank you,"
Zayn throws a look at Louis, who stares back eyebrow raised and before he can say anything, Zayn is already walking towards a very nervous looking Laura. She's a whole lot shorter than Zayn, but in Louis' opinion, they look good together. Laura stares at Zayn with wide and watery blue eyes.
"Don't hurt me please,"
"I'm not here to hurt you, just a friendly introduction. I'm Zayn and this is my mate Louis. We are here to cause no harm, how are you?"
"I'm Laura, in case you haven't realised. I'm freaking out, I don't like it here, and I would have preferred the death penalty rather than coming here,"
"Why did you come here?" Louis raises an eyebrow
"I faked having schizophrenia because my brother was coming in here because his massive panic disorder like he can't talk to anyone without passing out and he hurts himself a lot and he didn't want to come in alone, so I decided to fake it, so I could also be here and support him,"
"You could be in here for the rest of your life and you will probably go insane in here," Zayn whispers
"I know, but I'd rather be in here and go insane then be on the outside world and leave him in here to probably rot away and die," Laura whispers
"You're a good sister," Louis smiles, thinking of his own sisters
"I know, so why are you two in here?"
"Well, I tried killing myself and my mum sent me here for rehabilitation," Louis sighs as Laura's smile falters
"I killed a guy in a club because he was trying to get in with my girlfriend, although she hasn't contacted me since I've been here so I can count her as an ex," Zayn recounts the events of what happened, as normal as he would in a normal conversation
Louis can automatically sense the discomfort Laura is feeling, and he quickly intervenes.
"I'm really sorry about him. I'm good friends with him, and he isn't that much of a bad guy, we're probably the sanest people here, there are some really fucked up people here,"
"Do you guys know where Harry Styles is? Like isn't the most dangerous murderer from Cheshire, he's quite attractive and I haven't seen him?"
"He got taken away for a bit, not sure why," Zayn shrugs
Louis turns his head, noticing the new guard with the blonde hair talking to another person in a white coat and he can't help but want to get closer, so he pushes through all the disgusting, sweaty people and he gets close enough so he can hear it all.
"Have you given him the injection? You need to make sure it's in the bloodstream straight to his heart okay?" The blonde asks
"I haven't yet, he's in D block. Head Mistress Landles demanded us to take him there because it's quite remote so if he screams no one will hear him. No one's noticed his disappearance yet, which is great. We'll give him the injection and how long should his heart stop for?" The man in the white coat replies
"It should stop for about 1 and a half minutes and then you need to inject him with adrenaline and wake him up. Hopefully the lack of oxygen to the brain will change the chemical balance and he might wake up less insane,"
"I can only hope, I've tried so many things with his kid for the past years. Electroshock, needles, almost death experiences. I think the last option is this and a lobotomy. I hope something changes sooner because if he keeps going the way he is, he'll get the electric chair, I can't have him hurting anyone else here okay and have to make sure no one else finds out about the bodies, especially the media,"
Louis doesn't hear the rest of the conversation because he's sort of pushed away by the psychos that are wondering around the room and screaming and yelling and he can't help but lock eyes with Zayn from across the room and walk over and all he can think about is what he just heard and once he reaches Zayn, before Zayn can even ask, the words tumble out of Louis' dry mouth.
"Harry's disappeared because he murdered someone here and he's about to be killed himself,"
(Authors note: In this story, Niall's hair is his natural colour: brown, but later on in the fic, he'll go blonde :) hope that clears this up for you and don't forget to vote and please comment what you think!!! thank you for 12k views already! amazing xxx)