I waddle in from the kitchen and fall back onto the sofa, I couldn't see over my swollen stomach which was quite annoying. I had a bowl of ice- cream with melted chocolate swirled on top which had since hardened up slightly. I switched on the TV and found titanic, despite it always making me cry, I was already in a weepy mood anyways. I was sick of being pregnant and I wasn't due for another 2 weeks, my partner had to travel with work but they're due home in a week, perfect timing before the baby comes incase she decides to come a day or two early. "Ali?" I hear a call and turn to see jinkx with her arms laden with chocolate, poptarts and a hot water bottle, ive been using them throughout my pregnancy to ease cramping pains and such. "thank you jinkxyy" I say, reaching out my arm to hug her, se sets the things down an hugs me as well as she can over my huge bump. she sits next to me and takes my hand, I place the hot water bottle on my stomach and share out my goods with jinkx. I place my hand on my abnormally big stomach, I didn't think i'd be anywhere near as big as this but I read online that I could just be retaining a lot of water. "you jump I jump" I mouth along to Leonardo Decaprio, knowing almost every line in this movie. jinkx laughed at me and I batted her away playfully, as Rose begun to climb over I felt my stomach tighten, not exactly painfully. As rose slips I feel a sharp pain in my stomach, the air leaves my lungs and I'm left winded. I clutch my stomach but don't make a noise, i'd been told i'd experience Braxton hicks but I didn't expect it there, jink leans forward "you okay?" she ask, worry evident on her face. I nod and give her a mix between a grimace and a smile "yeah..." I try to say reassuringly, he gives me a doubtful look but doesn't protest. we go back to watching the movie, I moved the hot water bottle to the bottom of my stomach in hopes that it'll make me more comfortable but it hardly did. i stand to head to the bathroom, maybe i just needed to pee or something, i don't know I've never felt it before. "are you okay?" jinkx asks, worry written across her face. i nod and give her a false smile "yeah I'm- arghh!" I'm cut off with stabbing pains cutting into my stomach, i look up at her and am about to speak when a gush off water drips down my legs. my eyes widen and i looked at jinkx who mirrored my expression"holy shit" she mutters, i cradle my bump and lean against the sideboard unit. "i'll call an ambulance, you call your dad!" shesays, jumping into action and tossing my my phone from the sofa. she gets up and wraps her arm around my waist, she lads me back to th sofa and sits me down, propping me up with pillows. i dial mydads number fairly quickly, hoping i don't have another contraction when he answers. "hey pussyface!" he greets cheerily, i gulp. "dad! I'm_" i cry out as i have another one, i hear jinkx speaking to the ambulance director on the phone across the room. "I'm having the baby" i manage to breath out, i knew it wasn't going to take too long now. jinkx runs over "they'll be here soon" she gives me a sympathetic look. "when? how? are you in hospital?" my dad starts firing questions at me, jinkx must have heard the buzz of his rapid voice and she took my phone from me which i wasgraeful for, i wouldn't be able to explain it well enough. "she's okay, the kid isn't hanging out of her just yet" she says with an eyeroll and continues. "I've called an ambulance and its on its way, yeah just meet us there then... sure, just bring them yeah, okay, okay bye" i look at her, waiting for her to tell me what he said. "he's gonna meet us at the hospital with adore,Trixie and katya" i nod and stand, jinkx stands i front of me, blocking me from moving to go anywhere. "where are you going?" she asks, i stifle a giggle and take both of her hands, she looked so worried in contrast to her casual attitude when she was on the phone to my dad."im fine, the baby's fine, i just have to get the hospital bag" she shakes her head and sits me back down, i try to hold back from rolling my eyes at her. "i'll get it, you stay here an relax" this tim i did roll my eyes. "jinkx i'm perfectly capab-" i was cut off yet again with anoer contraction, i grit my teeth and try to breathe through it. when the pain dies down i look at jinkx who had a 'i-told-you-so' look on her face, i just nod "okay okay fine, its under my bed" she gives me a thumbs up and runs out to get it, when she left there was a knock on the door, i push myself up into a standing position and waddle awkwardly over to the door. just as i went to open the door jinkx comes in "what now?" she asks, i point to the door and then turn to open it, two paramedics stood. "Aliyah?" one asks, i nod and place my hand on my stomach, jinkx comes up next to me with the bag. "okay, lets go?" she says, grabbing her jacket as well as my own. i shake my head and pout "i wanna watch titanic first" i whine, i hear one of the paramedics chuckle but jinkx rolls her eyes. "he dies, can we go now?" i pout and glare at her, she links arms with me and pull me towards the ambulance, when I'm set up in the ambulance jinkx run back and locks the front door. "can you give me anything for the pain?" i ask, feeling a contraction about to start, the paramedic who was hooking me up to a heart rate monitor shook his head "sorry ma'm, we cant do anything until you get to the hospital" i tense my muscles as my abdomen convulses in pain, i whimper loudly and breathe heavily .
The ambulance ride consisted of more contractions, cursing the world for my contracions and asking god to stop my contractions. it was only a 15 minute journey to the hospital and when i got there a nurse with a wheelchair rushed out. The nurse helped me from the ambulance to the chair and wheeledme into the building with jinkx running alongside us, i said a quick thanks to the paramedics, jinx and the nurse spoke animatedly in whispers "whats going on?" i ask, jnkx turns to me "the nurse thinks with th amount of contractions you've had with the amount of time between them and with how long they're lasting you might be almost fully dialated. the baby couldb on her way now" my eyes widen and my breath quickens, then a thought hits me "what about Y/P/N?" jinkx shakes her head and grab my hand as I'm wheeled along. "they'll have to deal with it, you cant cross your legs" i bite my lip and tear enter my eyes at the thought of them not being here. i sniffle and nod "should my dad be here soon?" i ask as I'm wheeled into a private room to wait. i get out of the chair and sit on the bed as comfortably as i can which is not very. "i'll call him" she says, pulling out her phone and dialling his number. "hey, yeah we're in room 203 right now. i'll tell you it all when you get her, how long should you be? just parking? okay, see you soon" she hangs up and sits on the chair next to my bed. The door opens and a doctor walks in with white latex gloves on "hello, miss Haylock?im doctor payton and i'm just gonna give you a quick examination if that's okay?" i nod and slide off my leggings and panties, he puts my legs in the stirrups. i flinch uncomfortably when i feel two of his cold fingers go inside me, after a feel around he pulls his fingers out and takes off his gloves "you're 7 centimetres dialated so not long left. do you want and epidural?" i shake my head, i had always had a fear at even the thought of getting an epidural. "is there any way i can get morphine or something?" i ask, my stomach beginning to cramp up again."are you allergic to it?"he asks, i look at jinkx before looking back to him with an incredulous look on my face "of coarse not! i wouldn't fucking ask for it if i was allergic! numbnuts!" i exclaim, feeling irritated. He just nods "I'll get you some right away" he says, clearing his throat and leaving the room. Jinkx cackles "sure, call the doctor numbnuts... ya know, the doctor who'll save you if anything happens today" I just grab the edge of the bed as a painful contraction claws my stomach, jinkx puts a hand gently on my shoulder as a sign of support. "fuck everyone" I hiss painfully, I hear the door again and in walks the doctor, again. "well, miss haylock. about your request, the staff as well as myself wouldnt be too comfortable with giving you morphine, it wouldn't effect the baby but its a precaution in the event that you start to vomi-" I cut the doctor off just as I hear the creak of the door, I don't bother to look though "give me the goddamn morphine!" the rooms filled with silence that was broken by a small "well then" I tur t see my dad, Trixie, adore and katya, all in drag, obviously I had interrupted a show. my dad elbows Trixie and gives me a smile "hey Ali... you sound pissy" he says in a nice voice but I glare at him. "fuck you" they all come into the room, my dad and jinkx sitting either side of the bed and the other three dotted around the room. The doctor goes into his pocket and pulls out a small baggy, from that baggy he pulls out a syringe and a small jar with clear liquid "don't say I didn't warn you" he says with a shrug, I just give him a look as he loads the syringe with the clear liquid. He takes my arm and prods about with his finger, looking for a vein. He eventually makes a small triumphant noise when he finds it, he lowers the syringe to the underlying blue line lacing my arms. I wince as the sharp metal pierces my soft skin, the morphine flows through easily but I do feel a slight tingle as it races through my bloodstream. "thanks" I say simply, he nods at me and leaves. "can you call Y/P/N?" I ask, directing it to my dad who nodded and dialled they're number. "hey Y/P/N, yeah everythings...fine... well, Aliyah's about to pop out your child but other than that. okay, yeah, of coarse i'm sure you asshole" he rolls his eyes and I giggle. "okay, i'll tell her, bye" he slides his phone in his pocket. "they're gonna-" his phone starts ringing and he answers it "hello. shit..." he chews on his bottom lip. "okay... bye" he hangs up but this time he doesn't look me in the eye "they're boss isn't letting them off until next week, the original time they asked for" my eyes widened, I didnt know whether the cramping in my stomach was anger or a contraction. "WHAT?!" I screech, I think it was a mixture of both, I squeeze my eyes shut and whimper. Jinkx takes my hand in a soothing way, I hold her hand so tightly that I know i'd have to apologise for it later, it stops soon after it started. "this morphine better work soon" I breathe, rubbing my stomach, sadness washes over me as I think of Y/P/N, they'd be so disappointed. A new feeling hits me "guys... she's coming... I need to push" my dad grabbed the alarm button an hit it repeatedly, panic gracing his features. The doctor runs in "whats wrong?" I quickly explain and his eyes widen, he grabs his walkie talkie like hospital phone and types something out. "we've been trying to contact your midwife but we aren't getting through so you might have to do this without her, I've contacted a nurse and we'll get you moved to the delivery room" I curse, not only would Y/P/N not be coming but now my midwife couldn't make it! I just nod and focus on my breathing "only two people can come in with you" I look at the bunch and give them apologetic looks "sorry guys... dad, jinkx, will you come with me?" they both nod but I notice they both look slightly worried. despite the situation I chuckled "don't worry, you can stay at my top half" to this they nod and I notice slight relief in both their expressions. The door opens and two nurses come in, along with the doctor they wheel me on my bed and the heart monitor to the delivery ward and then into my own room with jinkx and my dad hot on our trail. They get me hooked up again "okay, you're gonna have to push as best as you can for us" The doctor says, standing between my spread legs, the nurses either side of him whilst jinkx help one hand and my dad held the other. "NO SHIT!" I cry, I grit my teeth and push with all my might, I could feel her getting closer, I stop pushing and breathe heavily. "cmon Aliyah, you're so close" my dad says supportively, I feel tears spring to my eyes. "I'm tired dad, cant you just get the doctor to reach in and pull her out" he laughs and shakes his head. "it doesn't work like that honey, no cmon, keep pushing,i wanna meet my granddaughter" I just humph and push again, the pain making me dig my nails into the guys hands. "one more big push and your baby will be here" this makes me determined, I groan as I push as hard as I possibly could, suddenly I felt a release. I stop and sigh as I see the doctor wrap up a small bundle. the only thing was, there was only silence anmy heavy breathing. "why isn't she crying?" I ask in a strained voice, the doctor looks up with sad eyes, my dad lets go of my hand and walks to where the doctor stood. My heart beats faster "give me my baby!" I command, my dad looks up at me with tears in his eyes "Aliyah... I'm so sorry" I shake my head, not wanting to hear or believe their sad tones, this wasn't happening, I wouldn't let it happen. "give me my baby!" I scream, the doctor nodded and grabbed some scissor like tools "who would you like to cut the cord" I give my dad a small nod, he takes the tool from the doctor and makes a cut in the spongey cord. I see the doctor reach his arms out to hand me my little princess when my stomach tightens and I let out a cry, I get an odd look from the doctor "somethings wrong!" I feel another surge of pain, the doctor hands my girl to my dad who runs to my other side. The doctor examines me "its not unusual for woman who've just given birth to also pass the placenta, it shouldnt be too painful though" I moan in pain "well it fucking is!" I feel another need to push, I sigh. of coarse it would be painful for me to birth the placenta, why wouldn't it be with my luck. I close my eyes and push with all my might, not thinking it would be this hard for just placenta. when I feel the familiar release I let out a relieved sigh, I was so tired. I was snapped out of my sleepy state when I hear cries, cries of a baby, my head snaps up and happiness fills me, maybe they got it wrong and managed to save her. I look up to see the doctor holding a tiny bundle, I look back at my dad who was holding the silent lump. my eyes widen "what the fuck?" I ask weakly, the doctor looks at me shocked "ddn you know you were having twins?" I shook my head, surprise filling me. I reach out to my dad "give me my baby" my voice was cold, he handed over the limp bundle, her eyes were closed and her dainty nose lay perfectly centred on her face. I started to sob, I held the baby close to me. "who'll cut this cord?" the doctor asked sadly, I look t jinkx and she nods. I just hold my baby to my chest unable to believe I had twins, it being even worse that I lost one. I heard an undistinguishable buzz around me which I knew was the others talking. "I'm gonna go look over her files and try to find an explanation to this" the doctor leaves and I hold my small baby girl to my chest and cry, that's all I feel like doing. "Ali?" I look up at the soft voice of jink, she also had a bundle in her arms, this one smaller. "Heres your baby boy" she says, leaning down and showing me a tiny baby boy sucking his thumb. I turned away, I couldn't bear to see him right now, despite it not being his fault in any way I just wanted time with my girl, we had decided to name her Hallie... I had nicknamed her my little bumblebee when she grew inside my belly. jinkx looks at the baby sadly and takes him over to my dad "can you leave us for a minute?" I ask, they look at each other and grudgingly nod, they leave holding the tiny baby in their arms. "hey baby, i wish I got to meet you. you're so special and when I found out about you I knew i'd love you with all my heart and I do. My amazing little bumblebee" tears fall from my eyes and onto the knitted blanket she was wrapped in. "I'm so sorry I couldn't save you" I hear a brief knock on the door, I don't say a word but in walks the doctor with my dad, jinkx and the baby. "hi Aliyah, I realised what it was... your little boy was lying behind your girl and because he's fairly small we couldn't detect him" I just nod blankly, I felt numb. "we have to take yor boy to run some tests, do you want to hold him first?" I shake my head, not saying a word. my dad has tearstains n his face as does jinkx, they're trying to hold it together when theyre with me, I can tell. The doctor nods and gently cradles the boy and leaves. "Aliyah, you have to hold it together, for your boy" I turn to my dad "it shouldn't be like this! I should be holding Hallie and latching her on right now! not holding her dead body" I sob, my dad comes to my side and hugs me close. "you're right, Hallie should be here but she's not, that little boy is and he needs his mother!" I pull away from him and hug Hallie close, brushing our noses together. "can I hold her?" I look at jinkx and give a small nod, I pass her delicate body over to her. jinkx cradles her close and lets a tear fall from her eye, sadness was written on her face. she hugs her and rocks her back and forth gently "little Hallie... you are such a special little girl and i'll make sure no-one forgets you, although who would? with a face like that you'll always be in my mind" she sniffles and looks at my dad "do you want a hold?" he nods and gently takes her, I noticed that his eyes immediately filled. "I'm gonna go out and have a minute with her, is that okay?" he asks, I nod and he goes into the bathroom connected to the room. I don't hear anything he says but I don't mind, its his time with her. "I'm so sorry Ali" jinkx says, holding my hand, I let out a guttural sob as she pulls me to her. she strokes my back as I cry, the pain in my heart unfading. I pull back "i cant do it jinx... I don't think I can keep him, its too hard" I say tearily, she pulls away and sighs "no! I'm not accepting that! you are not giving that little boy up and you wont give him a shitty life, I know Hallie's not here but you cannot forsake that baby trough your grief" she says hardly, I just let more tears fall. Before I could reply my dad walks out of the bathroom with tears covering his face, he was hugging Hallie to his body. He looks down at her once more, kisses her soft forehead and hands her over to me, I cradle her in one arm and gives my dads hand a squeeze with my free one. The door is pushed open yet again and in walks the doctor, I look at him and hold Hallie tighter to me. "i'm afraid we're going to have to take Hallie now..." I shake my head and my eyes widen "no! you cant" I hold her to my chest, not wanting to let her go. "Aliyah if you don't give her to me i'll have to forcibly take her and nobody wants that" I shakily plant a kiss on her forehead and whisper a quiet "sorry" in her ear, I hold herout to the doctor who scoops her up. "I'm sorry Aliyah, I really am" he walks out an I sink down in the bed, loud sobs rips from my chest and I struggle to breathe. I feel a hand land on my shoulder "don't touch me!" I hiss, wanting to wallow in my self hatred. As I sobbed loudly I couldn't catch my breath, tears blinded my vision. "just breathe Ali, just breathe" those words made me sob louder, I hear shuffling and when I look again jinkx and my dad were heading towards he door "we're gonna go check on the other three" I nod and they leave
well, that was 4 years ago and my baby boy has grown into an amazing character. I named him cody and every night before bed instead of reading him a storybook i'd just create a new adventure for Baby Hallie to go on in heaven. He knew about his sister and he knew that the angels were keeping her until we were able to see her again, when he asked why they were looking after her instead of us I told him It was because she was such a little angel that the angels wanted to make her one of them. He never questioned it and some nights after i'd tell him a story I would hear him speak to her. I postponed the funeral until Y/P/N got back but Hallies death took a toll on us both, they threw themselves into work and I tried to work through my grief by giving cody all I could offer. Eventually I found out that the had slept with someone from work and they were engaged, they moved in with her and said they wanted nothing to do with Cody or I. All of the queens dote on Cody and he loves them as well as their drag personas which I found absolutely adorable. At first I could hardly bare to look at him but soon enough I fell in love, throughout it all jinkx, my dad, Adore, Katya and Trixie stuck with me.Today is the day of the twins birthday so after we give Cody an amazing day we're gonna go to the highest point we can get to and let off lit lanterns, we're gonna write messages to our forever young angel on the side and hope they're carried up to her in heaven. No matter what challenges comes our way or what tests our strength I know i'll always have my family, not just Cody and dad but all the queens too, I love them all more than words can say and I've gotten through lie following great advice
just breathe
A/N- ah! I've given myself too many feels writing this, I didn't expect it to go in this direction but hey
I hope you all enjoyed it and I hope it having so many parts wasn't annoying but when I started I couldn't stop
word count: 4237
thanks, much love