Pssht, is it just me or was the Bad Liar music video super weird?
*ducks from people throwing stuff at me*
Chapter Thirteen: I Think It's Time To Call Off That DNA Test
Note to self, when someone asks you how Thanksgiving went you do not say the words, "I think my boyfriend has an illegitimate child."
There's a technical error here. Cole and I are not married, we're not even engaged. Well, we're half engaged, I guess. The point is that there's nothing that legally binds him to be loyal to me so if he did happen to father a child with another woman, the child wouldn't be called illegitimate would it?
Wonderful, I can't even dramatise my heartache without worrying about the context.
Beside me, Leila chokes on her quinoa porridge.
Listlessly, I stir my coffee and for what seems like the thousandth time that day look at my phone which thankfully has stopped being bombarded with texts and calls. Any other girl would be thrilled that their significant other cared enough to be persistent and did not give up. I, however feel nothing but relief that Cole's gotten the message loud and clear.
If I so much as I go near him right now I will snap and end up saying something I could never take back. All the anger from the past few days comes rushing back as I think about how I'd left home. I didn't even think to stop at home to grab my things, just grabbed the overnight bag I'd packed for the hotel and made a run for it. A very grave looking Travis and Beth had delivered the rest of my things and my brother had kindly offered to put the fear of God into Cole but I'd obviously refused because the two needed to resolve their own problems first. So I'd held my head up high and refused to talk about the incident to anyone. My parents were concerned but I'd reassured them that I wouldn't relapse in high school Tessa who'd fallen apart at the seams in the aftermath of heartbreak. I'm a grown woman now and although I'm hurt, I know that you can't really hit pause on life.
But there's something so comforting about sharing your problems with a stranger. Although I've been working with her for over a month now, Leila and I might as well be just that, strangers. I don't really know much about the girl and she just has the most bizarre assumptions about me which she gathers from stalking me online. Just the other day she asked me right to my face if I'd gone under the knife to lose the amount of weight thatI did and if I would mind sharing my doctor's number because she couldn't deal with her cellulite any more.Firstly, I don't even know how she stumbled upon my Fatty Tessie days and secondly, what cellulite? The only excess fat the girl looks like she's ever known is the one she purposely gets injected into her lips.
Back to the matter at end, it seems as though the weekend straight out of Days of Our Lives has her interested and she pushes aside her breakfast to sidle up to me.
"I smell drama."
We've just left a meeting and taking a breather in the break room when it all comes pouring out. Call it the coffee or the fact that I really haven't talked about it to anyone since the fight with Cole happened but all of a sudden I'm pouring my heart out to Leila and surprisingly, she listens without interrupting me once. There's a gasp or two when needed but for the most part she lets me recount the previous weekend's happenings without stopping me.
"And I thought my family had problems."
"Do you think Lainey could be his kid? I did the math and it doesn't make sense. For him to be her father he'd have to be what seventeen years old and I don't think he could've had the time to leave military school and have a child when his parents had him on lock down at all times."
"You this might sound like a crazy theory but I think the kid isn't his." Sarcasm oozes from her voice and of course anyone who isn't actually experiencing Cole in the Twilight zone would think I'm crazy.
But what other possible explanation is there?
"You want my opinion?"
"Sure, if you have one."
Sometimes strangers also give the best advice. They don't know or honestly care about you so whatever piece of advice they give you is the possibly the most practical one. Family and friends will be too cautious of your delicate feelings but somehow who barely knows you won't be afraid to steamroll right throw them.
Leila is steamrolling and crushing anything that comes in her way.
"I think you're reaching because you're obviously upset and understandably so. The only reason you can come with to explain why your precious boyfriend tossed you aside like you're dollar store beer to play house with someone else is that he's donated his sperm to the kid. But that's just way too crazy, even for me. Here's what I think."
I lean towards her as if the next words to come out of Leila's mouth should be taken down and inscribed into rocks so that generations to come can learn from her wisdom.
"I think he's bored."
"What?" I stare at her profile as she examines her gel manicure.
"You guys have been together for what like, six years?"
"Almost."
"And you got together when you were seniors, in high school? That's such a cliche, no wonder you're having problems."
"I don't understand why the fact that we've managed to establish a healthy long term relationship is problematic."
"Because, Tessa," Leila blows out an exasperated breath, "people change. You want different things at twenty-two than you want at eighteen. You two were glued to each others sides up until a month ago so of course things would change when you actually spent some time apart."
See there's the difference I'd been talking about. My friends would never, ever voice my worst nightmare out loud. But Leila just has and she's got no intention of stopping.
"You think he...he doesn't love me anymore?"
She rolls her eyes, "I'm sure he does love you in some capacity. But the thing with men is that they always want something they can't have right? So you're always there and available and then there's this hot older woman who also happens to be single mother who makes him feel needed and wanted. He gets to be her knight in shining armour and voila, it's something completely different from all that he's known before."
My thoughts are spiralling out of control and I realise that being around Leila isn't the best idea right now. Despite thinking that I might possibly have to play the role of a step-mother soon, I'd never considered that Cole would actually have feelings for Mel.
That he's fallen out of love with me.
My mind did not go there at all. I never stopped to think about our own relationship, the current dynamics of it and have spent hours analysing what kind of things Mel is blackmailing Cole with to have him at her beck and call. Maybe I need to step back a little and take a good look at us.
No.
Leila's wrong because that's the downside of her being a stranger, she doesn't know me or Cole at all and the things she's just said about our relationship? It's so far from the truth that I almost find myself laughing for the first time in days. But hey, it's a good thing I talked to her because at least now I know what exactly I don't need to speculate over.
I think it's time to call off that DNA test.
As the workday winds down, I find myself thinking about Cole and about how to move forward from this point on. I'm angry, so angry at him but I know that if only he'd tell me what it is that ties him to Mel and her daughter, that I could try and understand. He's a good guy, one of the best and I'm sure that when he saw a young mother in need he went out of his way to help her out. Lainey, from what little I've seen of her seems to be a cute kid. Cole being the kind hearted soul that he is must not be able to say no to her.But the fact that he'd just refuse to have any kind of conversation with me about them is what stuns me. That he'd bail on me during our weekend, which I'd planned so tediously so that we could spend time together for another woman drives me up the walls. The fact that he apologises but when I ask him to tell me what happened that night completely walls up fuels my anger so I've decided that unless and until he rethinks his priorities, he can go have a grand old time with his neighbours.
"So what are you going to do now?" Leila asks as we're slipping on our coats and getting ready to head out. Surprisingly despite the bad advice, she's been willing to lend me an ear and be my sounding board. But there's not much I have to tell. I'm here, Cole's back at school and there's a huge wreck of unspoken words and regrets wedged between the two of us.
"I'm not sure but I do know that I need some time to cool off."
The elevator descends and absentmindedly I check my phone, skipping the texts from my friends who're worried I might be descending into a deep, unescapable despair but really that's so circa 2012. I might be hurting but life goes on and sometimes on this wild ride called life, you run into the most unexpected people, like Leila for example.
"Do that. Don't let him think that you're weak and that he can treat you however he likes and you'll sit back and take it. Better yet, make him jealous so that he doesn't think he's the only one with a sidepiece."
"Mel isn't...sidepiece is so offensive I can't even."
The cold December wind ambushes us as we step out of the building, our heels clicking on the ground. "Besides, I don't do mind games. We'll talk about this like normal, rational adults just as soon as I don't feel like driving a Basilisk fang through Melissa."
"That sounds painful."
"Oh it is."
"But think about it..." She stops mid sentence as something catches her eyes and the sound that comes out of her mouth is the sound can only be described as a purr.
"Oh who is that?"
I follow her line of sight to see a man leaning against the building that houses our office. But he isn't any man and the fact that Leila's melting into a muddle right next to me does not bode well for our somewhat delicately established piece.
Why is Jay loitering outside of my office? When did he become a loiterer?
When he spots the two of us, he begins walking in our direction. From the look of his still immaculate suit, he must have just gotten off work and I know that the expensive looking designer briefcase in his hand has a large part to do with just how much my co-worker is panting.
"Oh my god, he's coming this way. Oh my God, how do I look? Does this dress make my stomach look bloated? I knew I shouldn't have eaten that bag of kale chips for lunch."
I swat her on the arm, "Hold on to your dignity woman, it's just Jay."
"You know him?" She hisses as he comes closer, "Introduce me now!" She grips my arm tightly, long pointed fingernails digging into my skin.
"I will if you could just stop cutting off my blood circulation." She removes her hand, puffs out her chest and fluffs her hair when a poor unsuspecting Jason Stone reaches us. I'd have thought that he'd seek me out sooner following last week's fiasco but to his credit this is the first time he's tried finding me and it's about as awkward as you would expect.
"Hey,"
Beside me, Leila is buzzing with energy and the need to sink her claws into her next victim.
"Fancy seeing you here. Do you often hang outside of people's workplaces?"
He shrugs, "I knew you wouldn't answer my calls or texts so I thought we could get some food, maybe share an Uber home?"
Cole would hate that, he would hate the access that Jay has to my life and the fact that he can come pick me up after work, take me out to dinner and make sure my thoughts don't get the better of me. Instead he's playing family in another state and I'm stuck with Jay.
"Aren't you going to introduce us Tessa?"
Right, my utter silence in wake of Jay's invitation has made the moment awkward and Leila dives right in.
"This is Leila, we work together. This is Jay, we went to high school together and he's kind of my boyfriend's brother."
I'm sure there have been more animated introductions in the history of introductions but when all you want to do it go home, get into your pyjamas and watch videos of cats dancing on YouTube, matchmaking isn't your priority. Besides, I don't think Jay's particularly into Leila. He has a type and usually goes for gullible weaklings who'll worship the ground he walks on. Leila would eat him alive but hey if she wants to have a go at him why not?
"Hey." She extends her hand and I see Jay's eyes go wide when he reciprocates and Leila grips his hand a little too tight. "Oh so you're from that cute little town as well? Tessa was just showing me pictures. It's so quaint." She giggles as though she hasn't called my town a shit hole every chance she's got.
"Hi, yeah we grew up together."
She wrinkles her nose in distaste. "That's...cute. But you live here now?" She's trying to salvage the situation and make sure that her possible future husband doesn't live in a hick town. I've tried telling her that my town is home to some of the richest families in the country and I that's the only fact she's managed to retain. Plus Jay looks like such an investment banker cliche that Leila must be salivating at the thought of all those trust funds.
Still, I do think I like the woman.
"Just moved here for work a couple of weeks ago. It's good to be back near friends again." He looks at me meaningfully and I think Leila scowls.
"I bet you must know a lot about my friend Tessa here. I've gotten to know her so well these last few weeks but you'd have the real dirt right?" She giggle again and it makes my ears hurt. Is this what she'd reducing herself to? Blatantly lying and demeaning herself enough to call me a friend? I roll my eyes. Jay ducks the question but she tries making a few more efforts to engage him in conversation but we're standing in the middle of a crowded street with people rushing to get home or to the bar, depending on the kind of day they've had so far so now's really not the time for polite conversation.
"Yeah so, I don't know about the two of you but I'd really like to get home and order a large pizza."
Jay seems relieved, Leila angry.
"Well, I'll let you guys go but how about you bring Jay to my party this Saturday?"
I'm confused and about to ask her what party, except the pity themed one that I've been attending the entire week could she possibly be talking about. "You know, I just sent you an e-vite to that. It's a small, intimate gathering at my home and you should definitely come with Tessa."
She tilts her head as if threatening me to go along with her bed of lies or else she'd make my life more miserable than how much she already does.
"Yes, party, Saturday. You should come with me?" I turn to Jay and he acquiesces. Poor guy he seems lost in a confusing mess of Estrogen. But by agreeing to go to this newly thought out party, he's put Leila at ease and makes a run for it before she's even done dictating her number to him which she insists he puts in his phone.
On our way to a hole in the wall Chinese restaurant, he actually begins laughing and I think he's having a little hysterical meltdown because that tends to happen after you first meet Leila. But when he doesn't stop, I have to intervene.
"Are you high."
"What? No!" He wipes actual tears from his eyes.
"Then what's so funny." We're greeted at the door of Chinatown restaurant by the lovely couple who run the place and although Jay and I have told them multiple times that they don't need to play the mood music or put the candles on our table, they still seem to think that we're in the middle of an angsty love affair. I think Mrs. Xiang has a whole backstory for us, which explains why she gets all giddy and enthusiastic whenever we show up. Today we're given a private table for two, so that we have minimum interruptions as she kindly informs me. We place our orders and then it's just the two of us.
"This is weird right?"
"So weird?" He's still got a huge smile on his face, eyes secretive and playful.
"What is it? Do I have something stuck in my teeth?"
"No," he laughs, "your teeth are perfectly fine. It's just that...I can't believe you came all the way to New York, four years of college later to end up..."
"What?"
"Another Nicole."
"I don't understand what you're trying to say here." I really don't.
He looks incredulous, like I'm missing something that's right in front of me. "You don't see it?"
"Stop talking in riddles or do you magically turn into a fortune cookie when you're near Asian cuisine?"
He huffs, "Your friend Leila..."
"She is not my friend. Some days I won't even consider her my fellow human. She straddles the line between barely human and a man eating cobra most days."
"Okay so this acquaintance of yours, do you realise she has an uncanny resemble to your former best friend and my ex who shall not be named?"
"Nicole and I are okay. I liked her Facebook status the other day but then again it was basically her saying that she was tired of her saddle bags."
Serves her right for making fun of my hard earned excess fat.
"You need to pat yourself on the back for going out there and finding someone just like her then."
I think about it and realise that he makes a valid point. The weird, we're civil but she kind of hates my guts but still can't leave me alone kind of thing that I've got going on with Leila is oddly similar to my relationship with Nicole.
Huh, I think much like Jay I've got a type as well.
"She was tripping on her own two feet to get you to ask her out. She really must be like Nicole. Why do we always fall for the toxic and vapid mean girl Jay?" I ask dramatically and he shudders.
"My days of toxic and vapid are done. Girls like Nicole and Leila? They corrode your insides and by the time they're gone? You're half of the person you started out as."
"Wow, sounds rough."
He chugs down the beer they just brought out. "It was."
We're quiet as our food arrives and pensive as we dig in. There's a lull in the conversation as Jay gears towards asking me about Cole. I haven't made it easy for him though. Whenever there's even an inkling of him talking about the weekend, I change the topic. So far, I've made him agree to going to Leila's party on Saturday because unless I drag him to it she's not going to stop. And I'd rather not be worrying about my coffee being poisoned while I'm at work for the foreseeable future.
He insists on paying the bill when it arrives and I insist that he shoves that regressive notion back where it came from. We end up splitting the amount and Mrs. Xiang seems crushed that we still haven't managed to end our little spat. She kisses my cheeks as we leave, making me promise to give the 'good boy' another chance. I humour her and tell her that he's been lying to me and that he's getting really friendly with a girl at work recently.
She holds on to both of my hands and whispers in that gentle voice of hers, "If you love him, you will do everything in your power to make it work. Love, if it's true and honest doesn't disappear when things get difficult. You have to look after it, nurture it like a living, breathing thing. Understand dear?"
I'm spellbound. Her hypnotic voice has reached out to a part of me that I'd locked away and although she doesn't know me or know my story, remember what I said?
Sometimes strangers give the best advice.
***
When I get home, I do the math and then look at my schedule. My boss Amy's been in a good mood lately, probably because she's thrilled about the December issue has come out. The cover star is a current media darling who's touted to win an Oscar in the new year. It'd been a huge deal for all of us when we got her to agree to shoot for the cover and from that moment onwards we'd worked out butts off for said issue. Although my work demands that I constantly be on top of things and the beauty industry never truly sleeps, coming into this month our work load has been significantly lighter.
So when I email Amy, I'm quite hopeful. She might either agree be completely okay with it or I might find myself unemployed. But I'm put out of my misery surprisingly quickly when she responds and gives me the go-ahead. Apparently my wallowing at work has been making her consider giving me some time off to deal with whatever I had and that if she saw me for one more day staring tearfully into my coffee, she was going to drive me to her therapist herself.
Nice to see that I've got such a caring boss.
But with Amy's blessing, I jump into action. I'm determined and not thinking too much about the future or considering the what-if's. Right now, I need to act and that I do. With a few clicks, the travel arrangements are made and I cancel my midnight pizza order for a much better cause.
***
"You're crazy." Cami hisses at me but as much as she'd like to, she can't attack me through the phone.
"Not that I'm nervous or anything but if I were, you'd really make me regret calling you." I hiss right back as I pass through airport security. I took the first flight I could find and as a result I'm walking through a reasonably empty O'Hare at three in the morning. Those who were unfortunate like me to be travelling through the night, chug their coffees and bury their heads in their iPads.
I'd called Cami because I knew she would be up studying right now but had I known what a negative nelly she was going to be, I'd sooner have called Megan.
"I'm all for grand gestures and any other day I'd be cheering you on from the sidelines, waving giant ass pom poms as you fly hundreds of miles to get to your boyfriend but when said boyfriend has been acting like a major douchebag? Yeah, I'm not on board at all."
My hearts sinks because of course in the thrill of the moment I didn't really stop to consider my options. I'd been driven by the words of the nice lady who ran my favourite Chinese restaurant and made my favourite Kung Pao chicken. I'd repeated those words to myself as I rushed to get to Cole but now that I'm actually in his city, self doubt comes flooding back.
"Oh no, what have I done." I cry and instead of heading out the gate, I end up heading to the Starbucks inside. Maybe I should go back right now. Cole will never know that I came and perhaps that's what's best. Perhaps I should let him come to me and just...
"Stay calm Tessa, stay calm. You're already there so don't do anything rash. Are you sitting down somewhere right now?"
"Yeah, I'm at Starbucks." I longingly stare at the racks upon racks of pastries that they're just bringing out and decide that the least I could do for myself is stuff my face full of a few flakey almond croissants.
"Get yourself some food while I'm on the phone and let's regroup. We got this."
And so in the middle of the night while most people in the country are fast asleep, I have Coach Cami in my air, talking me through my incoming panic attack.
***
Unlike my initial plan, I don't go straight to Cole's and instead get myself a room in the best hotel in the area for the next three days. If I'm here, I might as well treat myself right? I'd be missing work tomorrow but Amy had been quite understanding and in her email had added that I desperately needed the time off.
So that's exactly what I do.
I order myself some room service and run a hot bath. I'm exhausted and there's only so much I could accomplish at this time so its best to take a nap. I don't even charge my phone, here's hoping the world doesn't end as I sleep. With food in my belly and freshly washed hair, I dawn the comfiest hotel provided robe and fall into a bed that swallows me whole.
Ah, bliss.
Tomorrow, I take on the world, today I just rest because God knows I've been crying myself to sleep enough nights.
***
My first official day in Chicago starts off well, with room service fit for a queen. I chill out, watch some TV and catch up on my emails. The urgency from yesterday is gone but there's still a determination to get things done. I wear clothes that make me feel good about myself, namely my most worn pair of skinny jeans that I know Cole is a fan off and a grey ribbed v-neck sweater that fits me just right and does incredible things for my boobs. The weather demands that I throw on a wooly coat and scarf but I don't sacrifice my shoe game, opting for unpractical and painful thigh high boots with a chunky heel. I spend some time on my hair and makeup and when I feel like I don't look like the bottom of a shoe anymore, I head outside for my first day of exploring.
Well, I'm not exactly exploring, I'm on a mission. The doorman has kindly called a cab for me and as I give him the address, I have time to finally check my phone and it seems like someone finally decided to check on me again. But before I allow myself to be distracted by thoughts of him, I turn my phone off and steel myself for what I'm about to do.
It shouldn't be making me nervous but it definitely is. In the time that I've worked at the magazine, I've interviewed a lot of famous people. Before meeting any of them, I'd have the most sleepless and restless nights and would be sweating like a cow at the butcher's shop before meeting any of them. I feel some of the same nervousness right now even though I don't have any reason to. I think about Cami's pep talk the night before and try to channel some of the strength. By the time I reach my destination, I've calmed down a little. After paying the driver, I take a deep breath and regroup.
Focus Tessa, focus.
So once I've centred myself, I let my power heels walk me into the lobby and put on a smiling face.
"Hi, I'm a friend of Melissa Gilbert. Could you call and let her know I'm here?"
This could end two ways. Either we'd have an open, civil discussion that would help me get to the bottom of things or once of us would make it out minus a few chunks of hair. I touch my freshly curled locks.
Yup, it needs to be her.
"I'm sorry ma'am, who did you say was here?"
"Oh my bad, could you tell her it's Cole's girlfriend? Tessa O'Connell."
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And she's back with another update!
Sorry there's no Cole in this one! I promise he'll be back in the next chapter and boy is he going to be surprised. What is Tessa up to though?
Thank you all so much for your lovely comments about my graduation. I just went back and read all of them and it made my heart so happy. Best of luck to all of you still in school, work hard because it'll all be worth it in the end!
I've received a few questions about when the published version of The Bad Boy's Heart will be releasing and at the moment I don't have a definite date but what I do know is that I will be thoroughly revising the book. The Wattpad versions of all the books in the series will stay up but because I've been given the chance to edit and revise, I do plan on making some changes. Look out for book 2 later this year!
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Twitter: BlairHoldenx
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See you all soon with a new update!
P.S On the side I'm quietly working on a new romance book and it's just, ugh beautiful even if I do say so myself. But don't worry. I know I have a whole bunch of books I still need to finish after TBBF :p I'm on it!
Love,
Blair