"Distant Roses"
by Zutara26
Cover: The cover is alright. I like the quote on it, but overall it's sort of plain. (I saw that it's still in progress though! Haha, so I'm sure it will be great)
Title: Ooooh, sounds interesting, though kinda odd. I wonder what made you pick that title, guess I'll find out! ;)
Description: Okay, the summary is perfect. It's not too long or too short, and it makes sense. If I was a reader I would probably check out your story based on the description, rather than the cover or title. It's amazing!
Premise: It seems like a cute idea to me. I can't wait to see where this goes. It's a premise that is very relatable to many people in long-distance relationships.
Plot: You have a clear plot, but sometimes it's a little fuzzy. Have you outlined the plot/chapters? I think that would help it flow more smoothly if you haven't.
Characters: My favorite would have to be Leo. He's witty and cute and he has a unique personality as well. Axel could have been fleshed out a little more. The main character (Rose) seems well-developed and I like her too. I'm not sure how I feel about Cole yet, but overall your characters are pretty relatable.
Writing Style: In general you are a really awesome writer. Your story pulled me in and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Howeeever... sometimes I think you could use more detail in your writing, especially when describing characters.
Step-by-Step
Chapter One: I felt like the story began in kind of a mundane way. I didn't really get hooked immediately and I'm not sure what the trivia game has to do with the plot yet. But I laughed when I realized that Rose was playing the game in class! I suggest putting a little more detail into Leonardo's physical description, but I really like the dialogue between them and felt like it was well-written.
"I've tried to pay attention in lecture hall, but my mind zones out so frequently that often I will walk out of class not even knowing what the professor has said." - Same, Rose. Same...
Leo and Rose are so funny together! Also, I liked how Rose used to have a fear of driving, it made her more human and relatable. It makes the reader care for her. Here's a tip: You're writing in too much backstory at a time. It was nice learning about her grandpa etc. but maybe you might consider giving that information to the read a little bit at a time, instead of all at once.
You should add a better cliffhanger or ending sentence to the first chapter, so that the reader will want to keep reading.
Chapter Two: I liked how this one started! Great job :) Again, Leo is great and I would totally want to be his friend. And I finally understand why the trivia game is so important, it's how she meets Cole! That's such a cute idea.
Pssst.... your paragraphs are too long! Sometimes it's hard not to skip through some paragraphs, maybe you could shorten them a bit? I really liked the ending of this chapter, though. Some nice plot development too!
OVERALL: Unfortunately, you have a lot of chapters and it's too much to write about here, so I'm just going to give you a general idea about the rest of the story here:
Axel and Rose's relationship developed well! And your characters make me laugh a lot (in the good way). The plot flows pretty smoothly but sometimes the plot points seem unclear.
You are a very talented author and I am confident that you will do some great things! It was a super fun read that I enjoyed. With a few small improvements, I know that Distant Roses can achieve greatness!
RATING: 7/10 stars. Great!
PAYMENT
I would love it if you checked out my book "The Young Cure", but you don't have to if you don't want to! :)
Reviewed by mangoskies_