Phil's POV
"Hi! Nice to meet you!" Dan says excitedly, but I can hear the tiredness in his voice. A
few people ago, Dan said we were nearing the end of the meetup, but I'm not sure how many are still waiting for a Happy Dan and Phil. It's always wonderful to meet our fans, but after a while it gets repetitive. I get worn out a lot sooner now than I used to. The faces used to blur together after a couple hours of meeting people, but now I don't even have that stimulation to keep my spirits up. Some fans went the extra step to bring in textured gifts or audio cards which they presented to me and Dan with what I can only assume to be grins on their faces.
After Dan's greeting there is a slight pause and I can't help but wonder what is going through this person's head. I don't know if they're too emotional to speak or what's going on when suddenly the young girl speaks. She sounds about twelve as she tentatively begins to speak. "Hi! Do-"
However, Dan quickly cuts her off, to my confusion. "I remember you!" He practically shouts. I furrow my eyebrows together in confusion and do my best to try and squint through my glasses to figure out who on Earth Dan has recognized in the meet and greet line.
The girl giggles, probably elated that Dan recognized her. "Really?! I'm so glad! I was afraid you wouldn't, and that would have been a little awkward," She says shyly.
I know that voice, I think to myself. I'm just not sure who it belongs to. Everyone's voices, hold for Dan's, have kind of just muddled together as the line of people dwindled. I then feel something soft brush up against my legs. Is that a dog? Then it all clicks into place and I feel a smile of recognition find it's place on my face.
I reach down and offer a gentle pat to the top of the dog's head. "Oh, we could never forget you and Mickey!" I say cheerfully.
"I'm glad. How's Nevada?" She asks us.
"She is doing great!" I tell her. "We brought her with us, but because of health issues we couldn't have her at the meet up."
Amy nods. "That's understandable," She says.
"Would you like a picture?" I hear Dan ask. I can practically feel the happiness radiating off of Amy and I can't help but smile even wider and I'm sure Dan is doing the same. Amy is just such a bubbly person that she passess happiness to everyone she meets.
I hear a shuffling noise and assume she is handing Dan her phone or a camera. "Look slightly to the right," Dan instructs. He's been telling me this for the entirety of the meetup as fans ask for pictures, and now Amy is benefiting from it too. I hear the shutter of the camera as the picture is taken and then Dan hands the phone back to Amy. "Now look straight ahead for the professional picture," he says. I turn slightly to face the cameramen. "Done," Dan says after a few seconds and the sound of multiple shutter clicks.
"Is there anyone else in line?" I ask curiously.
"Nope," Dan answers.
"I'm the last one," Any confirms. "I wanted to be the last one so Mickey and I could just hang around the back and not accidently distract anyone or get too close and have people want to pet him because technically he's working right now," she explains.
"Hey, uh, could I take a picture of us on my phone? I know it sounds weird, but you've actually inspired me a lot. When we first met, however long or short ago that was I can't remember, I couldn't stop thinking about how happy you seemed despite being, you know, blind, and well- it got me thinking that I wanted to be like that a-again. Anyways, I'll only take it if it's okay with you and your mum?"
Amy doesn't reply at first and I'm worried she thinks I'm being creepy. Afterall, I am over half her age. Of course!" she finally says, relieving me of my doubts. "Mum?" She calls.
"Yes?" I hear an older woman's voice and assume that's Amy's mum. I'm not exactly sure where she's standing but I try to angle myself so I'm at least maybe facing her general direction.
"Phil wants to know if he can take a picture of the three of us for himself?" Amy asks.
"I didn't want you to be weirded out by a man you hardly know taking a picture with your daughter who is less than half his age," I say a bit sheepishly. "So I wanted to ask you permission to take a picture of us on my phone. "She's really been a big inspiration to me, and I wanted to be able to capture that.
"Of course! I can take it for you, if you would like," she offers.
I nod and hold out my phone, smiling, "Thank you so much!"
Dan stands next to me while Amy is in front of us. I put my hand on her shoulder and crouch down a little to be a little closer to her height. "One, two, three!" Amy's mom says, counting down to the picture. "There you go!" She says. "Dan, can you give this back to Phil for me please?" She asks. A second later, Dan's hand brushes mine and I feel him slip me my phone.
"Thank you so much," I say to both Amy and her mom.
"Of course! I'm Mrs. Dinkman, by the way, I don't think I've introduced myself." she says.
I hear her and Dan shake hands. "I'm Dan, but of course you already know that," he chuckles.
Mrs. Dinkman laughs. "Oh, yes, Amy talks about you two all the time."
"Well it's nice to finally meet you," I say politely.
Mrs. Dinkman laughs quietly. "Oh no, the pleasure's all mine. Ever since Amy found out that you're blind too, she's been so much happier. I think you've inspired her just as much as she's inspired you," she says.
I feel a grin take over my face at her words. "That's so wonderful to hear! I'm so glad you guys were able to come out for this!"
Since Amy is the last fan in line, and we have nowhere to be after this, we don't mind stalling to talk for a little bit.
"Ah, yes, this was Amy's twelfth birthday gift, isn't it honey?"
"Yeah!" Amy answers excitedly. "It's a birthday gift in addition to a 'good grades and good getting around' gift."
"Aw that's lovely," I say. "Well happy birthday!" I say to Amy.
"Yeah, happy birthday!" Dan says too.
"Thanks you guys," Amy bubbles.
"It's so great that we got to meet up with you guys again," I exclaim.
"It was amazing getting to meet you guys again, too." Amy says. "No pun intended, Phil," she laughs.
"Of course," Dan and I say in unison before breaking out into laughter of our own.
"Hug?" I hear Dan offer. I hear the jangle of Mickey's tags and realize he must be directing Amy closer to Dan.
"I can do hugs too!" I say. "It just might be a bit awkward," I admit.
"That's alright," Amy assures. "All hugs are good hugs."
"Well," Ms. Dinkman says, "it was very nice seeing you two again but we should be getting off to the next meet up. Who was it with, Amy? Tom? Tyde?"
"Tyler!" Amy chuckles. "Tyler Oakley, remember? You know, the guy you said had nice hair when I showed you his videos?"
"Right! He's the guy who you-" She begins, but Amy quickly cuts her off.
"-yep, that's him!" she says, seemingly embarrassed by whatever her mom was about to say.
"Well, thank you so much, again!" Mrs. Dinkman says as they begin to walk away.
"Thank you!" I call after them, waving as the pair walk away.
"Hopefully we'll cross paths again sometime," Dan calls.
"That was so cool! I'm so happy we got to see her again," I say to Dan after we reunite with Nevada and begin to walk back down the halls towards our hotel room. The conference has been going pretty well so far. All the fans we've met have been nice, and it's been fun catching up with all of our YouTube friends who we don't get to see all the time.
"Me too! She's so wonderful to talk to," Dan says.
I nod in agreement.
"Here we are," Dan announced as we arrive at the room. Nevada leads me toward the door Dan is holding open and the two of us walk into our hotel room. I promptly sit down on the bed, taking my shoes off. Standing for such a long time is exhausting.
"Nevada! Laptop!" I say authoritatively. I hear Nevada sniff around and then come back a few seconds later. "Oof!" I grunt as she surprises me by jumping onto the bed and practically on top of me. I can't help but laugh. "No!" I tell Nevada and try to gently push her off of me. "I guess she hasn't quite learned that one yet,"I say to Dan.
I hear him chuckle from across the room. "Yeah, not quite. Your laptop is just to the left of you, by the way. It's on the nightstand."
"Thanks," I smile and reach over for the device. Dan recently helped me to research and order keyboard stickers with Braille on them for my laptop as well as a "Braille display" device that is like a mini keyboard attached to the end of the actual keyboard. It reads text on the screen and has bumps on it that raise and lower into Braille, so that you can read what's on the screen. Dan still helps me to record and edit videos, of course, but this way I'm able to read emails, tweets, Tumblr posts, and Wikipedia pages by myself. This is especially helpful when we are in a quiet public place or when we want to talk while working. In those situations, a voice over is inconvenient.
"What else do we have today?" I ask Dan after a few minutes of sitting side-by-side in silence, each of us engrossed in our laptops.
"One more panel and then another party," he answers. "We don't have to go to the party if you don't want to, of course." Dan says.
I think it over. We've had a long day and I'm not so sure how Nevada would do in such a noisy, crowded environment. "Could we skip out on the party tonight? I think I had enough partying for a year last night," I tell Dan.
"I am so glad you said that because I am exhausted," Dan says.
Last night's party wasn't too horrible. At first it was really fun and exciting. It was nice getting to catch up with friends we hadn't had a chance to talk with in a while and we even met some new people. However, the party became less enjoyable as people got more and more drunk and the music got louder and louder. We didn't think Nevada would do well with that big of a crowd, so we left her back in the room. I didn't want to attract a lot of attention, so I left Nevada and my cane in the room. Instead, I just linked arms or intertwined my hand with Dan's for most of the night. and I didn't want that attention anyways, so Phil agreed that he would be okay holding onto me the entire night. Thankfully no one questioned us about anything. I guess they all assumed it before and it wasn't much of a surprise. After only an hour Dan and I had decided to call it a night.
"Are you sure?" I ask Dan. If he wants to go see friends again, I'm willing to go out. I'd just rather not. "If you want to go, we can-"
"-No, you spoon, I don't want to go, honestly. We can stay here and watch TV or rent a movie or something," Dan says, cutting me off.
I smile up at him. "Great."
••••
"Hey, Dan?" I ask, muting the TV. I'm not sure how engaged he was in what we were watching anyway because I know he's on his laptop. I can hear the click-clack of his keyboard every so often.
"Hmm?" I hear him shut his laptop, a signal we use so I know he is paying attention to what I'm saying since I can no longer just see him looking at me. I want to try something new with him, but I'm a bit scared for how he may react.
Once I had been diagnosed with retinitis pigmentosa, I started to do research on what it would be like to live life as a blind person and how my relationships would change with the people I know. One site recommended the blind person to touch the other's face to try and recognize the features they remember that way it feels more intrapersonal when talking to them.
I might as well just go for it. Dan and I have been best friends for years, and I know.. er hope he doesn't hate me for my suggestion, but there is only one real way to find out.
"Please don't think I'm crazy," I say nervously. One of the big things I'm still not used to is the fact that I can no longer read people's facial expressions. I have no idea what's going through their heads once I say something, so I feel like I have to preface everything I say with 'don't hate me' or 'please don't think I'm crazy'.
"It's a judgment free flat remember?" Dan reminds me.
"I-I guess, y-yeah," I stutter. I hate stuttering; it lets people know how anxious I am. I feel Dan place his hand onto my knee in an attempt to pacify me. "Wait.... We're not even at the flat. This is a hotel room," I say, although I guess the sentiment is the same whether we're in our lounge or some run down hotel room.
"Hey," he says softly. "You can ask me or tell me anything. You know that right? No matter what you do it's not like I'm gonna leave. We've done so much and come so far to part ways because of one conversation," he rationalizes. I take a deep breath to try and calm my nerves some.
"Okay. I close my eyes out of habit while I gather my thoughts and any courage I can muster. "Would it be okay if I touched your face?" I finally ask. Dan is silent and if it weren't for his hand on my knee I would have thought he had left. Then he surprises me by gently squeezing my hand in his and the gently bringing it up to his face.
"Go ahead," he says, holding my fingers by his lips. I take another deep breath and start to move my hand. From his lips I move my hand up the bridge of his nose until I find his forehead and lightly brush his fringe to the side. I bring my other hand up to him as well.
"You're sure this is okay?" I ask anxiously. I trail one of my hands down to his lips to feel his reply as well as hearing it.
"Absolutely," he says and then he smiles. I feel tears threatening to spill as I recognize his features. The curve of his smile and the slight indent of his dimple. I find his nose and caress my thumbs over his cheekbones.
"Can you close your eyes?" I ask tentatively. I feel him nod in response before moving my hands up to glide over his eyes. After moving away from his eyes, I let one hand drop and run my hand down the side of his face. I'm not sure what is going on with my thoughts, but I'm suddenly overcome with the overwhelming need to kiss him. "Open," I instruct, in reference to his possibly still closed eyes. Dan says nothing, but I hope his eyes are open so I don't make a fool of myself as I slowly lean in to close the small gap between us.
He meets me halfway.
Our lips meet and I use my hands to gently hold onto his cheeks. It's not a makeout session, just a kiss. His lips are soft and slightly chapped and I can feel his warm breath on my face. I pull back after a few seconds, not daring to say anything.
Being capital B Blind is an odd thing. In a way I feel as though all of my thoughts, feeling, and experiences are heightened as if my brain is trying to make up for my lack of sight. Right now, it feels as though my lips are buzzing from the sensation of having Dan's lips pressed against them. I know they're not, but it feels like they are. In fact, every time Dan's skin makes contact with mine, it feels as though a mini shock passes from his body to mine- transferred over via skin on skin contact. It's blissfully electrifying.
Dan isn't saying anything either. But he hasn't run away, so I guess that's a good sign. If he hated me I'm almost certain he would have gotten up to leave after what just happened. I contemplate saying something to him when my thoughts are cut short by his lips pressing against mine once more. This time there is more need in the kiss.
Although I'm taken aback initially, due to the shock of his presence, I'm quick to reciprocate his actions. I try to pour my emotions into the kiss so he knows I'm not just allowing him to kiss me. He's the one to pull back this time, although he doesn't pull all the way back. Instead, he leaves his forehead pressed against mine, our noses almost touching. I can feel his warm breaths against my lips and I'm certain he can feel mine as well.
I dare to speak, "That was nice," I say. Short and sweet. I don't want to let him know that I've been wanting to kiss him for about the past year, and that his kiss was everything I had hoped it would be and more. I don't want to be creepy- or scare him off.
"Yeah, yeah it was," he says back.
••••
"Phil! We are not watching a horror movie about a hotel at night while we are in a hotel!" Dan objects.
I roll my eyes at him, smirking. "Aw, come on Danny. Live life on the edge," I laugh.
"Excuse you, but I do not plan on being murdered tonight, if that's what you mean."
"Don't be ridiculous," I sigh. "Fine, then. You pick a movie."
"Can it be a surprise?" Dan asks.
"Fine," I say. "Although you better not put on Shrek or I'm walking out of this hotel room. And please know I still stand by what I said- that horror movie looks really good."
"No offense, Phil, but you don't even have to see whatever disturbing events play out in it!" Dan laughs. I can hear a slight hesitancy in his laugh though, it's not as carefree as it was before this whole "going blind" thing. I want him to know that I'm not offended or anything and that I know he's just joking. It was really hard in the beginning and that comment of his probably would have set me off, but it's okay now.
"Oi!" I say, leaning over to playfully shove him. It must have been a bit harder than I anticipated because Dan lurches to the left. I quickly throw out my arm to try and catch him, wrapping my arm around his waist and pulling him to my side. I smile and rest my head on Dan's shoulder once he's safely back onto the bed. "Although, I'd just to make the point that arguably the movie could be more scary to me because I would only have the audio and everything left, all the gore and gruesome images, would be left to my hyperactive imagination."
"Whatever," he chuckles. I can almost hear his eye roll as he presses play and the movie begins. I feel Dan wrap his arm around me and he hugs me closer to him, which is basically impossible since I'm already practically on top of him. I decide to move my head from his shoulder to his chest and I close my eyes. It's not like I need to have a good view of the television or anything. I can hear his heart beating. I can feel his comforting warmth all throughout me, and in that moment I realize-
This is all I need.
~~
WC: 3515
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Authors' Note:
B: hola !!
N: hellos (: *trees by TOP starts playing*
B: *i havent packed or showered yet and I leave in 20 minutes nice*
N: *smh*
B: BUT I did write about lightning safety for 20 minutes :)
N: good job (?) how's about you write about how you feel about our writing journey from the prologue to chapter 16 *insert smiley face with one tear*
B: well.. I mean, I think we did great. Lots of words. Going to be lots of tears (maybe) ;)
N: zut umm I checked the WC .. *hang on*
N: so I put all of it into one document and put it into Arial 12pt font w 1.15 spacing: it is *still loading...*
B: *waits patiently*
N: *still loading* ** lotsa pages**
N: TWO HUNDRED NINETY SIX PAGES and 145,122 words
N: that is longer than Jane Austen's Emma
B: HOLY HECK.. Wait it's longer than Emma?? Oh my goodness.. *we should wrap up this note bc I have to go soon*
N: we still need an authors' note for the epilogue too eep
B: SPEED TYPE!! THANKS FOR READING PLEASE COMMENT YOUR THOUGHTS AND VOTE AND STUFF !! *runs to epilouge*
N: *meets you over there*
~~
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