When I awoke, it was not to the sound of heart monitors, or the tightening of a pressure cuff around my arm. It was instead to a cool, sweet breeze across my face, and gentle sunlight filtering through sheer curtains. The window in the corner of the room was cracked open, letting in the morning air, fresh and clean.The room was lit up from the golden light, and for a moment, I sat and basked in the silence. Silence and privacy were luxuries I hadn't been afforded in weeks. There were no nurses stopping by to check my vitals, no journalists standing outside the ward, begging for an interview, and most disconcerting of all, no Lex hovering by my bedside.
For three weeks I had woken up to his concerned gaze, his strangely mercurial eyes boring into mine. It seemed to me like he never ate and rarely slept-he was at my side, day and night.
And now I was alone-albeit in his apartment, and the silence, however intoxicating, was slowly becoming suffocating.
I lifted myself slowly out of bed, wrapping a thick cardigan over my shoulders. I cringed when my leg took on my weight, and gritted my teeth against the pain. Below the hem of my silky shorts, the wound pulsed angry red lines from under the white bandages. It was hot and tender to the touch, but the swelling had gone down. It would leave an ugly scar, a jagged line that crossed my entire thigh-but compared to some of the other injuries I had seen...I shuddered, and pushed the thought to the back of my mind.
When I opened my door, and stepped out onto the balcony, soft music filtered up from kitchen. I could hear Lex's soft footsteps as he paced around. He was on the phone-the cadence of his words said as much, even if I couldn't hear what he was saying. I edged down the stairs, trying to catch at least part of his conversation.
"...well then tell them to hurry. It's been nearly a month. Surely there's some evidence that can hold him accountable?" He was saying, drumming his fingertips on the marble countertop. "I don't care, George. Get it done." He dropped his phone, and rested his head in his hands, sighing.
"Good morning." I ventured timidly from the base of the stairs. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything."
Lex snapped his head up, and smiled tiredly. There were bags under his eyes, and his hair looked as though he'd been running his hands through it obsessively.
"Good morning." He said. "How are you feeling today?"
I limped over to a barstool, and sat heavily. The large window was clear again, the vista beyond it breathtaking.
"Tired." I said. "And my leg hurts. But otherwise, I'm alright. I could be worse."
Lex had turned his back to me, and was rummaging in a drawer. "I have the painkillers the doctor prescribed in here." He said, his back still to me. "He said they might make you a little..." He trailed off.
"High?" I asked innocently.
Lex turned to look at me, his fiery look burning me up.
"And what would you know about that sort of thing?" His tone was stern. I giggled, and played with the cuffs of my cardigan.
"Not as much as you, I'm sure." I batted my eyelashes. Lex placed two white pills in front of me, along with a glass of water.
"Watch yourself, darling." Lex said, and placed the orange prescription bottle in his pocket. "I don't much like sass."
I placed the pills in my mouth, and swallowed them, gagging slightly at the bitter taste. They left a powdery film over my fingers, and I brushed it off on my leg.
"What were those?" I asked, suddenly aware of the risk I'd just taken. "Can I see the bottle?"
Lex patted his pocket, and shook his head. "They're codeine. And..." He closed his eyes, and I watched him closely. "I'm sorry, Ruth. But the doctors..." He trailed off, watching me. I narrowed my eyes at him, confused.
"What?" I demanded.
Lex perched on the island, and put a hand on my shoulder. His fingers were twitching-another nervous tic of his.
"They worried that you might try and take them all at once. Survivor's guilt, you know. He reached up and stroked my hair. "I just want to be safe."
I closed my eyes, and tilted my head backwards, frustration and disbelief running through my veins.
"Is that why there's no razors in my bathroom?" I realized, and I looked closely around the kitchen. "And why you've taken all the kitchen knives?"
Lex cleared his throat awkwardly, and nodded. He looked guilty, and I instantly knew that he believed he had been doing the right thing.
"I'm fine, Lex, honestly." I said, trying to keep the tremor from my voice. "You don't need to worry about me."
Lex stood, and from my position on my chair, he towered above me. I ducked my head instinctively, pulling the sleeves of my cardigan down over my hands. Lex took my chin in his long fingers, and lifted, so I looked him in the eyes.
"You're not fine." He said in a low voice. "You're far from fine. You woke up screaming last night. You can't look out a window without dissolving completely. So forgive me for trying to protect you from yourself."
I pulled my head back and down, and wiped the tiny tears from the corners of my eyes. I understood all of a sudden how this empire of his bowed to him. He was not, as I had thought, the soft genius son of a lucky business man. No, he was a force of nature. Though he hadn't raised his voice in the slightest, I knew he meant business.
"Sorry. I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault." He ran a thumb over my cheek. "Don't apologize. Let me help you."
We stood in silence for a long second, until the loud chime of an alarm shattered the air.
"That's mine." Lex grabbed his phone from the counter, and shut off the sound.
"I have to go visit the labs. I'm going to leave you a phone-my number is in it already. Call if you need anything."
He handed me a sleek iPhone, and I pocketed it, smiling at the idea of being able to reconnect myself. "But before you get any ideas, it's internet disabled. And you can only make calls within this building."
I frowned, and thumbed the phone open. It was blank, except for a phone app, with a list of pre-approved numbers.
"Why?" I asked.
"Safety, mostly. I have a lot of enemies. And I don't want you to be able to get onto the news or anything." Lex patted my shoulder, and then pulled on his white lab coat.
I resisted the urge to either throw the phone across the room or smack Lex upside the head, or both.
"I don't need to be coddled!" I said to his back.
Lex turned, his lab coat flying out behind him. "Oh, I beg to differ. You cannot tell me you don't need to be coddled when you spent the night screaming for your parents. I stayed with you all night, Ruth. I know what you need right now."
"You stayed with me all night?" I whispered. Lex nodded.
"I couldn't just leave you like that. You were screaming. You tried to hit me more than once."
I covered my mouth in shock and in horror.
"Oh my god."
Lex shoved his hair away from his face, and surreptitiously checked his watch.
"Go!" I shooed him. The guilt of having him stay up all night was overwhelming, and the idea of making him even a minute later nearly sent me into spasms. "Please. I need some time to think. I'll call you if I need anything."
Lex hesitated at the door of the elevator.
"You'll call every hour." He corrected. "I'll be up around three to give you more meds."
He stepped backwards into the waiting elevator, and waved as the doors slid shut.
I was alone, consciously so. The codeine was seeping into my veins now, and the air felt heavy against my skin. It was like swimming through honey with every step, and I had to practically crawl onto the couch.
I was so tired, and the couch so soft, that when I closed my eyes, I immediately fell into the dark abyss of sleep.
****
I woke up some time later to Lex shaking my shoulder. He looked frantic, and I rubbed my eyes, dazed.
"You didn't call." He said. I shook my head, trying to clear the fuzz of drug-induced sleep from my ears. It was no use. With every movement, the room spun around me, and I clutched the front of Lex's shirt in panic.
Lex pressed a hand to my forehead, and then lifted my eyelid. I tried to back away from his hand, but my head lolled back, and I fell into the couch.
"I think you might be allergic to codeine." He mused. "Or at least you have a very low tolerance for it. I've never seen anyone react to it like this before."
Fear swelled in my chest, and dark spots clouded my vision. I tensed myself up, trying to stay awake, afraid of my dreams if I did fall asleep again.
"Don't go away." I begged Lex. "I'm afraid."
Lex shushed me, and he pulled out his phone with one hand, texting quickly.
"I'm not leaving you." He assured me. "I'm right here. Jesus, Ruth, why didn't you tell me codeine made you like this?"
"I....didn't know."I murmured, my head in a fog. Nothing seemed to make sense. I wanted to sleep for days and days-but I knew if I did, whatever it was in my head would attack me again.
"Alright, okay, let's get you upstairs." Lex said, pocketing his phone. "Can you stand?"
I tried to sit up, but the couch held me down like a ton of cement.
"Clearly not." Lex slid an arm behind my shoulder blades, and another beneath my knees. The room flew around me, and I lost purchase with the ground. I was barely aware of going up the stairs, but the closer we drew to my room, the more the fear consumed me. It wasn't until the threshold that I began to scream.
"No!" I clutched at my throat. "No! He'll get me!" I cried in a panic.
Lex stepped back from the door, staring down at me.
"Who will get you, Ruth? You're safe. You need to go to bed." He stepped forwards again, and I nearly passed out with the force of the scream that ripped itself out from inside me.
"NO!" I went limp.
Lex gasped, the exertion of my frail but frightened frame becoming too much.
"Okay, Ruth, okay, look, we're going into my room." He soothed. "It's alright, I won't make you go into your room."
He sat down on his disheveled bed, heaving a sigh of relief. I curled into myself, my mind coiled into impenetrable knots. Lex placed a hand on my hair, letting me cry myself out.
"Don't go." I whimpered weakly. "I'm afraid."
Lex hushed me, and grabbed a blanket from somewhere beyond my field of vision.
"I'm right here. I'm not leaving. You need to sleep this out of your system, darling."
I gathered the blanket to my chest, and grabbed Lex's hand. The darkness was closing over me, the tidal wave of sleep unstoppable in it's path.
"You're safe, baby." Lex was whispering, over and over. "Just go to sleep."