"How much do you know?" was all I was able to say once I regained my composure.
Lucas tucked his right hand deep in his pocket, the other stayed planted beneath his loads of brown ringlets. "I don't know everything."
I rested my head on my folded arms and stared blankly at my pale pink wallpaper, caught in the eye of a hurricane thrashing around in my stomach. One second I felt as if my entire lunch was coming back up, the next I felt as if my stomach was an empty pit. When I shut my eyes, the room stopped spinning around me, but the nausea remained in place.
"I know that I was three when Emma gave you up to Dad." he pressed his forehead against the door to my closet, "I know that Dad cheated on Melissa with Emma."
"Who's Melissa?" I croaked.
"The triplets mom." Luke rubbed his face, "That's why she split. She didn't want to get cheated on again. I really don't blame her."
I shifted slightly, stretching my feet out in front of me, "Do they-"
"No." Luke stopped me before I could say anymore, "I don't plan on telling them, either."
"That's not fair. It's Mo-their mother, Lucas. They deserve to know they had nothing to do with her leaving." my brother finally turned his eyes back on me; I froze in place.
He looked as if he'd just been hit repeatedly by a mack truck. His eyes were dark and exhausted. His cheeks flushed and lacking any color. He was even hunched slightly, as if every word that left me was like a blow to the stomach to him.
"It's never the child's fault when the parents divorce or one of them leaves, Alex. Don't think it is." he whispered, "If Jace and Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum don't understand that by now, then there's no way I can help them."
I dropped my head, burying my hands in my hair. I could feel my nails digging into my scalp as I tried to process everything.
"If you knew, why didn't you tell me?" I forced out, turning on my brother. He squeezed his eyes shut and leaned against the wall.
"It wasn't my place, Lex." he murmured.
"Not your place? Dad cheated on your mot-"
"Melissa wasn't my mother either." Luke tilted his head and stared at the popcorn ceiling, "My mother was a street walker."
It took me a second to understand what he meant, "You mean a hooker?"
"I prefer street walker." Luke bit his lip, "But yeah, she was a hooker."
"When did Dad tell you?" I went on, redirecting the subject back to my previous question.
"About my mother or Melissa and Emma?" he arched his eyebrows, "I knew about my mother my entire life. I knew that there was no chance I'd ever see her and gave up on contacting her years ago."
"About Emma." I clarified.
"Dad didn't tell me." Luke sat with his back against the closet door, blue eyes on me, "I found the box when I was thirteen. You were only ten and you could actually see under your bed. We hadn't corrupted you yet." he tried his best at a smile, but it faltered immediately.
"I knew what it was like growing up without a mother. Knowing that she had left without a valid reason. That she had made it so nobody could find and contact her. There were millions of things I wanted to ask her, to say. I never wanted my innocent little sister to experience that." Lucas smiled sadly, shrugging one shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Luke." I responded.
"I should have burned the box, thrown it away then. But I couldn't. Maybe it was because I knew Dad wouldn't tell you if he could prevent it. I grew up without a mother and a father," he paused, "I wasn't going to let that happen to you or any of those idiots out there too."
"So I tried my best to do what I could for you guys. Sure, I wasn't that much older, but I taught myself to do a lot. Including push my feelings down to a point where they wouldn't come back up. I love you guys as much as I hate our father." Luke wrapped his arms around his knees as he finished, waiting for my answer.
"Did you ever meet her?" I questioned.
"I was three when you were born Alex." he stated, confirming my suspicions, "If you want more answers, you're going to have to talk to Dad."
I grabbed the corner of my dresser and pushed myself from the ground, sighing when I saw the imprint my rug had left on my thighs.
"What are you doing?" Luke blinked, surprised.
"I'm getting all this crap over with now so I can actually get some sleep tonight." I tried to move passed him, but he caught my wrist before I reached my door.
"Have you taken your pills?" he rose to his feet, checking the time on his phone, "Don't give me that look, Alex. Have you taken them?"
"No. I'll take them later whe-"
"Now." Luke snapped, stepping in front of my door with a stone like expression.
"Fine." I spun on my heel and pulled my pill divider from my dresser drawer. Taking the three pills for Monday, I tossed them into my mouth and took a swing from my water bottle. "Are you happy now?"
Luke gave me a quick nod, turning the knob and opening the door wide so I could see out into the empty hallway. I was greeted by the signed baseball bat Dad had gotten for his birthday last year hung on the wall opposite of my room.
"I'm here if you need someone to talk to, okay?" my brother gripped my shoulder tightly, a comforting look in his eyes. I was about to nod and walk off, but decided to act on impulse and hugged him. I stood there for a moment, in his warm and safe embrace, before forcing myself away and heading down the hall and for the stairs before I could change my mind.
*
I found Dad lounging in a chair in his office at the end of the hall. His door was cracked, allowing only me to view only a fraction of the room. He was holding a sports magazine in his hands, glasses slightly askew on his nose.
I knocked lightly, stirring him out of his daze, "Can I come in?"
He tossed his magazine on the table, waving me in. I pushed the door open enough for me to slip through and shut it gently behind me.
"Have you been crying, sweetie?" he sat upright, a crease of worry appearing on his forehead.
"You wanted to talk earlier. What about?" I decided to keep my questions to myself until I heard what he had to say.
"Oh, yes!" he clapped his hands and grabbed the manila folder before patting the empty spot on his hair beside him. I walked over, eying him skeptically as I perched on the arm of the chair.
"Aliyah and I have been talking. We wanted to run it by you guys first, but I don't think the boys will mind if I let you in on it first." he opened the folder and revealed a blueprint of what looked like a house, "We're thinking about building a house. Since Luke's out and the triplets will be out soon, Aliyah thinks we should downsize." I nodded, rubbing my sweaty palm against my jean shorts.
"I don't understand why that's such a big deal." I said, "I mean, not the house thing, that's great, Dad. But. . . but why can't you just do it and tell the boys we'll be moving at any time?" I asked, hating myself for being practical again.
"Aliyah also. . . since you guys are all grown up and Ally's worried she only has a few years left, we were thinking about having another baby." I nearly slid from my perch at the news, gripping the bottom of the arm to keep myself stable.
"Oh." was all I was able to say. He set the folder on top of his magazine and turned his body so he was facing me.
"That's okay with you, right, sweetie?" I climbed off the arm of the couch and crossed my arms over my chest.
"Yeah, Dad. It'll be nice to not be the baby of the family for once." I lied through my teeth as I pulled the door open and stepped out into the hallway, "I'll see you at dinner."
Once the door was shut behind me, I collapsed to the ground, my back against the door. I slammed my head back against it, shaking it as I tried to fight the tears that were beginning to pool in my eyes and blur my vision.
I wanted so desperately to storm back into the room and throw the pink box in my father's face and demand an explanation. I didn't want a younger sibling, I just wanted a father for once.
All six of us had grown up without a mother and father, Lucas being the closest we ever had. I would hate for another child with my dad's DNA being brought into this world and thrown to the side just as we had been when he decided he had enough of Aliyah.
I didn't want a child having to suffer through the pain of never having a father present. Of having half siblings, not one of them sharing a mother.
I didn't want a child to have to call my worthless excuse for a father Dad.
***AN***
Hope you guys enjoyed!
What are your feelings on Alex and how she handled everything? Do you think she's going to internalize her feelings or snap?
Let me know what you thought!
~ChasingMadness24