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r e l e v é
A rise or spring onto the toes (demi- or full pointe) from plié.
The whole issue with Rosen has completely spiralled out of control. Rosen is barely talking to us now. And by us I mean Sven and I. He has completely isolated himself after what happened in the park with Jareth. I don't even know if he's feeling ashamed or what exactly is going on, but I know that he isn't taking well what he did. The whole assault thing probably went against his morals and now he isn't feeling the best.
So that's why I haven't heard from Rosen in a bit again. Bringing Sven here didn't help either so my plan completely backfired. Sven had to fly back to New York for his finals so now I'm just alone in Walden. Technically I'm not alone since Saskia and Imogen are here as well and I can contact them any time, but things are kind of weird between us three at the moment.
Nothing specific happened if that's what you're thinking. I've just been so busy with Rosen and my new puppy, who I decided to call Peanut by the way, that I haven't even had time to talk to Saskia and Imogen, let alone do something with them. But that's going to change. Now that I have a bit more free time I'm on my hands I'm going to make sure that our friendship is still in tact and that they still want to hang out with me.
I'm sure if I told them everything they'd understand, but it's not my place to tell them. Saskia doesn't even know what happened to Rosen's father and brother so I'm sure she'd be even more shocked to find out that Rosen's entire family passed away in a span of a year. As long as she's concerned, they're all alive and I'm not going to talk about it since it's technically none of my business. If Rosen wants to say something then he'll do that on his own.
As I'm cleaning out my room and throwing away things that I don't really need anymore, Isabella appears by my door, peeking in to make sure that nothing naughty is going on. She basically stands there until I acknowledge her.
"What is it?" I ask, not bothering to look up from the things that I'm sorting. I can basically feel her breathing on my neck and I know she won't leave me alone until I pay attention to her.
"Do you have a second?" she asks.
I look up at her and raise an eyebrow. "Does it look like I have time? I'm sorting through my things, you know how I'm moving away at the end of summer so it's better to start organizing things right now, rather than leaving everything until the last second."
"It'll only take a second." Isabella grabs my arm, stopping me from sorting my stuff. "Please, I can help you later if you really want to. I just need to talk about something like right now."
I groan, push myself up from the ground, and force Isabella to sit next to me on my bed. This whole talking while sitting on my bed thing has become far too familiar. Back in Maine Bella barely talked to me and now she's always coming to me for advice. It's good to see that she finally realized that she doesn't know everything and maybe her older sister, aka me, knows more about things.
"It's about Graham," Isabella starts.
"So, he broke your heart? What else is new?"
Isabella laughs. "No, silly. As you know I like him a lot, heck I might even love him, and he seems to return the feelings. I've done a lot of research on how to know when a guy likes you and he fits all the topics that they talked about. This is it, Haze. A guy is finally interested in me."
"Good for you," I tell her. "Do you need help with something else?"
"Yes," Isabella admits. "Since you guys are graduating soon I was thinking of throwing a little party for Graham, kind of like a graduation celebration party. Maybe you can help me with that."
"Bella, our entire class is already throwing a massive graduation party. I don't think you need to throw another one just to make Graham happier. I bet he would like it more if you threw him like an intimate party, just the two of you. Maybe create like a cozy space in your room, get some of his favorite foods and movies and just chill together. Graham would absolutely love that."
"How do you know?" Isabella asks. "You aren't really friends with him so you can't possibly know that much about him."
"He's a guy, they're all the same basically. Give him food and tell him how much you appreciate him and he'll be happy. If he really likes you then he'll just want to be around you and the scenario isn't important at all."
"Thank you so much," Isabella says. "You're such a great sister." Her next move completely throws me off guard. She slowly pulls me in for a hug, something she hasn't done in forever. We're basically always fighting or she's always annoyed at me for some strange reason so it's nice to know that finally she has realized that she has no reason to be mad at me and I'm always there for her. I guess it's all because she is finally growing up. This all is probably happening because of the entire move as well. If we still lived in Maine I don't know if Isabella and I would ever be this close.
❀❀❀❀❀
Later that night I decide to give Saskia a call.
A lot has been happening lately and I feel like I've completely neglected her and thrown her to the side while Rosen and I both happily skipped off into the sunset. After all, she is the first person who decided to become my friend when I moved here and if it wasn't for her and Imogen, I would have never met Rosen.
She picks up after two rings.
"Hello, stranger," she chuckles. "I haven't heard from you in like twenty-four years. What's up?"
"Hey, Saskia. I know it has been too long. I was wondering if you're not busy maybe we can do something? We can also invite Imogen to join us since I haven't seen her in forever as well. I need some time with girls, a lot has been happening lately and I just need to take my mind off of things for a bit."
"What's wrong?" Saskia immediately asks, her voice going from bubbly and chirpy, to curious and scared.
"It's not really my place to tell you," I admit. "But everything's fine with me so you don't have to worry?"
"Did something happen with you and Rosen?"
My breath hitches in my throat for a second. I feel a dry lump appearing, suddenly lost for words. I know I can't tell her. It's not my right to tell her.
"No," I finally squeak. "Everything's completely fine."
"Alright.." Saskia trails off, clearly not buying my lie as well as I hoped she would. At least she doesn't ask any further questions about it which I appreciate a lot. "Imogen is coming over in about half an hour. We're planning to have a few drinks, eat some junk food and gossip about boys. You're welcome to join us, it's not like you live too far away from me."
"That's right, neighbour," I laugh. "I guess I'll come right over since I'm not doing anything right now. I hope that's fine with you."
"That's completely fine, I was just planning to open a bottle of white wine, do you want a glass as well."
"You know I don't drink alcohol," I remind her.
"Oh, yes, of course," she laughs. "I completely forgot for a second. Well just come over then and we can catch up before Imogen arrives."
"I'll see you in a bit." I tell her as I end the call.
Pushing myself off the bed I walk to my mirror to make sure I don't look completely horrible. After giving my hair a brush and pulling it up into a ponytail I grab a sweatshirt from my closet, pull it over my head and head towards Saskia's house, making sure I have my phone and my house keys with me. Since Isabella is staying home tonight I leave my puppy Peanut with her. I know Bella will take care of her for one night.
Saskia opens her door literally a second after I ring the door bell. Just like she usually does, she pulls me in for a tight hug and gushes about how we haven't seen each other in forever and how she misses me a lot. It's so refreshing to see someone so chirpy and positive all the time. I'm pretty sure I've never seen Saskia sad or upset, which is really weird. She must really love her life or she's just always on drugs or drunk. There's no way a person can be this happy all the time.
"What have you been up to recently?" I ask Saskia as she starts sipping on her wine and as I enjoy taking gulps of my ice tea, while we're both nibbling on a vegetable platter with way too much dip on it.
"Oh, you know, the usual. Shopping, hanging out with Imogen, surfing, beach volleyball."
Typical Saskia.
"What about boys?" I ask, raising an eyebrow at her.
Saskia giggles as a small blush appears on her cheeks. "Well there's a guy but nothing serious is happening right now. We're just talking, flirting and stuff like that. We haven't gone on a date or anything, he's kind of shy so I'm waiting for him to make the first move."
I look up at Saskia. She has never really been the type of girl to wait for guys to make the first move. She usually knows straight away if a guy likes her or not and then she takes matters into her own hands and basically forces the guy to date her. I don't know how and I don't know why, but that seems to work all the time.
"Why are you waiting?" I ask her as I bite into a piece of cauliflower. "You usually make the first move so why are things different now?"
"I don't know," Saskia shrugs. "He makes me nervous. Like super nervous and anxious. Whenever I talk to him I feel like my heart's about to jump out of my chest because I'm so nervous around him. He just has a way with words and I'm at a loss for words with him so I'm waiting for him. Maybe things will be different this time and it won't just be a two month relationship like all the one's I've had after Rosen."
"Awww," I giggle. "Are you falling in love with this guy?"
"Shut up," Saskia mumbles. "You know I don't do the whole love thing."
"Well if you're this nervous around him then something has to be different. Maybe he's the one."
"Yeah and maybe you're wrong."
"I'm never wrong," I argue back.
"This time you are." Saskia finishes her first glass of wine after saying that. I swear to God that girl can drink so much wine it's insane. While normal people take about 15-30 minutes to finish a glass of wine, she finishes one in like ten minutes. Not to mention she can have like two bottles of wine before she starts getting too tipsy. It's honestly a miracle. Maybe she was born with a stronger liver than the rest of us.
"Oh, I have to tell you something," Saskia announces. "You're going to love this."
"What is it?"
"I got accepted into NYU."
"You did?" I ask, my mouth dropping open. "I'm so proud of you, that's amazing!"
"And you know what else is going to happen, right? I'm moving to New York in the fall as well, just like you and Rosen. So we'll get to be friends and Sven will be there and it's just like old times and everything will be fabulous. Oh, we're going to have so much fun."
Before moving here I thought I'm going to be living alone in New York and none of my friends would be there. I even dreaded the whole process of having to make new friends there. Right now I already have one of my best friends living there. Not to mention, the guy I'm pretty sure I'm madly in love with is going to be living there, with me might I add, and one of my greatest friends in Walden is moving to New York as well. Not to mention if everything goes well for Serenity, then she'll be attending NYU in the fall time as well. Life can be pretty awesome sometimes if you let it be awesome.
"I can't wait," I tell Saskia. "It's gonna be so much fun. You, me, Rosen, Sven and Serenity."
"Serenity's moving to New York as well?" Saskia gasps. "How did my life get this awesome?"
"Well if she gets into NYU like you did then yes, she'll be moving to New York. We're gonna have to find a pretty big apartment if we're gonna live together."
"I wouldn't want to interrupt you and Rosen," Saskia wiggles her eyebrows at me, a very suggestive tone to her voice.
I feel my skin slowly starting to burn as a blush creeps onto my cheeks, turning my cheeks from a lovely shade of nude to a scary tone of red. Saskia laughs once she sees the way I reacted.
"Wait, you and Rosen have done stuff, right?" she asks.
I shake my head. "If you mean super intimate stuff then no."
"You two haven't banged?" Saskia's mouth drops open. She slaps my forearm. "What the hell is wrong with you? Why haven't you had sex with him yet?"
I roll my eyes at Saskia. "It's not like I can just walk up to him and be all 'Hey, Rosen, wanna bang?'. That's not how things work."
"Uh, yes it is. It's pretty simple. You like him and he likes you, what are you two waiting for?"
I'm waiting for Rosen to finish mourning his mother.
I shrug. "I don't know. I guess I just want everything to be special."
"You two can have hot graduation sex," Saskia suggest. "Imagine that."
"I'm not gonna imagine that," I reply, trying to shake those thoughts out of my head. I know that once somebody brings up something so intimate, I will think about it for the rest of my life. I can't just shake thoughts like that out of my head and now that Saskia has mentioned something like that, those thoughts are clouding my mind.
About five minutes later, Imogen finally arrives.
"I brought more wine!" she announces, holding up two bottles of white wine. Just like Saskia, she can hold her alcohol very well. These two girls are like made for each other: both of them are raging alcoholics with not a single problem in their world. Hmm, that explains why they're so happy all the time. They just drink a lot to numb the pain.
"Hazel and Rosen still haven't fucked," Saskia tells Imogen. The brunette next to Saskia looks at me, her mouth dropping open as well. She has the same exact reaction as Saskia when she first heard.
"What?" Imogen asks. "Are you insane? Bang that boy."
"I'm not ready yet," I softly murmur. Maybe they'll realize what I'm hinting at.
"Why aren't you ready? You two have been dating for so long now. You love him, don't you?" Saskia asks.
"Yes, I do love him."
"Then what's the problem?" Imogen asks. "Are you afraid you two won't be good in bed together? That he'll dump you after sex? What are you so scared of?"
I quietly start picking the skin around my fingernails as the two girls wait for my response.
"If you're afraid that Rosen isn't good in bed then I can guarantee that Rosen is amazing in bed. You two need to fuck. Not like some hardcore Christian Gray style sex, but something romantic and sweet. He's really good at that kind of stuff."
Just listening to Saskia talking about what Rosen is like in bed made me even more uncomfortable. I guess I've always been very awkward when it came to the topic of sex. Other girls always knew what they were talking about and I was like a fish out of water.
"I haven't had sex before, that's what I'm afraid of." I finally mutter. Saskia and Imogen both stay quiet as they look at me.
"What?" Imogen asks.
"I'm a virgin. I haven't had sex before." I tell them once again.
"You're a virgin?" Saskia asks.
I laugh. "Pretty sure we just covered this. Yes, I'm a virgin. That's why I'm afraid of having sex with Rosen. Now, can we just please drop the whole sex topic, it's making me very uncomfortable."
"But like, would you consider having sex with Rosen?" Saskia asks, completely ignoring what I just said. "Because I can give you tips if you're scared."
"I mean yes I'd do it but I don't think I'm ready yet."
"But if you love him then how are you not ready?" Imogen asks.
All of these questions are making me very frustrated. It's like they don't understand what it's like being a virgin and how people can be scared of losing their virginity. I know that they are clearly not virgins anymore, at least judging from the way they talk about sex, but they could at least be a bit more considerate.
"I'm just not ready, simple as that." I tell them both.
"Have you told him that you love him?" Imogen sips her drink as she waits for my reply.
Since I stay quiet for a bit, the two of them already know my answer. "You haven't told him, have you?" Saskia asks.
I shake my head. Of course I haven't told Rosen that I love him. It's not like I really have a chance with everything that's going on. I'm waiting for the perfect moment but right now I have no idea when the perfect moment will come. Maybe deep down I'm a bit scared that Rosen doesn't love me yet. Maybe he just has feelings for me but there isn't any love yet.
"Has Rosen told you that he loves you?" Imogen asks.
I shake my head once again.
"You two are honestly the most frustrating couple ever."
I chuckle at Saskia's response.
Yes, we're probably the most frustrating couple in the world. We're both very shy and quiet, neither of us know how to properly express our feelings and we're both super awkward yet sweet around each other.
And I wouldn't want things to be any other way.
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