"Maya I'm not feeling too well," I told her. I was in no mood to go to Harry's party although I had told Zayn I'd come. I knew Mayas drinking habits and I was in no mood to babysit tonight. Besides Harry and I hadn't spoken since Monday, and thus I was sure he didn't want me to be there.
"You'll go. You told Zayn that you would. Besides I want you there. Please," Maya begged with her palms pressed together. "You wouldn't want to miss out on a chance to see Styles would you?"
"What?" I almost screamed. Where did she get that? I wasn't into him. I wasn't. I was just curious as to why his demeanour constantly changed.
"Cmon honey. He does have quite the looks, who wouldn't want to do him?" She laughed, and I gulped. I didn't need people to think I was into him which to be perfectly clear I wasn't. "The only thing bad about him is that girls swarm around him like flies." Maya cheered on.
"And his changing demeanor." I added, faking her a smile.
"You get used to that. He's a nice guy," she smiled, but I couldn't help but think there was more to the story than what she was letting me know, but I decided to shrug it off for now.
"To make things clear, I don't like him. I don't even know where you got the idea?" I said, trying to hide the fact that he had been on my mind a lot since he had entered my life.
"Zayn told me, but honey it's fine," she stated as if it was no big deal, when in reality it was a huge deal to me. What if he had told Harry as well? How embarrassing wouldn't that be?
"C'mon Trin, please. Please go with me," she begged, referring to the party.
"Fine, but if it's absolutely boring, I'll leave early," I surrendered.
"Yes," she squealed, and I rolled my eyes with a small smile at her enthusiasm. Maybe this was my chance to get to know some new people. Part of me was still yearning to know what had happened to Harry and maybe if he just had enough to drink he'd reveal the details to me, or just at least talk to me again. I wasn't sure what I'd done to him, but I'd like to know why he had suddenly been so quick to push me away.
"I don't know what to wear!" I complained getting back to reality and with the look Maya gave me I knew she had an idea.
When we arrived at Harry's place my eyes widened. Of course, he was living on the Upper East Side in a penthouse. Why am I not surprised? A man was even holding the door for us as we stepped inside the building, and I was feeling more uncomfortable by the second. I supposed Maya had been here before because the man just nodded and gave us a smile. Never had I been in a place like this apart from my dreams and I must admit I wasn't sure if I liked it. I adjusted the red dress I'd borrowed from Maya as we stepped into the elevator. I was totally misplaced. I mean, I was wearing this gorgeous, expensive dress, but I was sure everyone knew I couldn't afford this on my own. My Converse and jersey skirts for school surely didn't call out high-class.
Even though I thought I looked pretty it was nowhere near what Maya looked like. She was stunning in her black dress that hugged her body perfectly. Mine wasn't bad either, but I didn't have big boobs like her, and I found my hips too big compared to my small waist.
"Trinity?" She questioned.
"Hmm?" I said, unable to pronounce any words, as I was getting more nervous with every new floor we reached and a lump had formed in my throat.
"You okay? You look like you are going to throw up," she stated, and I felt something in my stomach churn.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I told her with a smile trying to hide my nervousness. When we got inside, the place was full and huge I had to add. I saw people everywhere. People I'd never seen before in my life, and I immediately smelled the liquor and the sweet smell of the same thing I had smelled coming off of Maya the other day. Coming here definitely was a bad idea.
"Trin, you look stunning," she assured me. I guess she could tell that this wasn't really making me the most comfortable. "Now cmon," she told me taking my hand and lead me to the kitchen. When we finally found our way to the kitchen having only passed hundred of drunk people and empty red cups scattered everywhere on our way, I immediately spotted all Maya's friends along with some girls I hadn't met before and that Paige girl that had been hitting on Harry a week ago. Why would he invite her if he had rejected her? I thought to myself, and Maya found her way to the bar leaving me standing awkwardly alone.
Harry looked up and his eyes locked with mine for a brief moment. "Why is she here?" I heard Louis ask Harry, and he shook his head.
"I don't know. I clearly didn't invite her. She has nothing to do here," Harry spoke coldly, and I wasn't sure if he intended for me to hear or not, but I heard him nonetheless which felt like an arrow through my heart. I adjusted the dress once again; as it kept sliding up feeling more uncomfortable by the second. I felt Harry's gaze bore into my skin as I did so.
Zayn wrapped his arms around both Harry and Louis and smiled at me, "I invited her, boys. So now please behave." Zayn told them and walked over to me to give me a hug.
"I'm glad you came," he told me with a wink, and I felt my heartbeat increase. I noticed Harry was staring at us, and he didn't look pleased with either of us.
"Thanks for the invite," I smiled politely and a blond haired girl with blue eyes, looking a bit like Maya just shorter came over to us.
"Who's this?" The girl asked, and I looked at Zayn expectantly waiting for him to introduce us.
"This is Trinity, Maya's roommate. And this is-" he wrapped his arm around the girl's waist, and it didn't take me long to figure out who she was. "-my girlfriend," he smiled, and Perrie shook my hand saying it was nice to meet me. She seemed genuine, but I felt like a train had just hit me. I thought Zayn had been single and not that I liked him like that, but maybe a part of me had hoped he liked me. Also the way he introduced me as Maya's roommate hurt. Well it was true, but I guess I had hoped I was his friend which was really naïve of me when we had only met each other a week ago.
"See you later," Zayn said with a smile and walked away to get a drink with Perrie.
"Hey stranger," Liam said coming over to me from behind, and I felt glad my moment by myself hadn't lasted longer.
"Hi," I said and gave him a smile just as Maya came over and handed me a red drink. I had no idea what was in it, but it smelled badly of alcohol and just the smell of it made me want to throw up.
"Thanks," I faked her a smile not planning on drinking it.
I watched Harry talking to Paige just like I had done a week ago and just like last time he didn't look happy. Paige caressed his black eye for a moment before he pushed her hand away, and I mentally laughed to myself. It was sad to see her trying so badly with a guy who clearly didn't want her. Harry was wearing a white tee that showed off part of the tattoos tattooed to his chest. I hadn't seen them before, and I wondered what they meant along with all the other ink stuck on his skin. I didn't like tattoos and neither did I like Harry's, but I wanted to know the meaning behind, that was if there even was any. His curls were swept to the left side of his face and his black, skinny jeans hugged his legs perfectly. I shouldn't pay attention to him. I should just ignore him and forget everything about him, but I couldn't. I was still certain he was my positive pole to my own negative one, though I wasn't sure why.
"Lets play a game," Maya called out to her friends, and a brown haired girl I didn't know who were. But when Liam pecked her lips, I assumed it was his girlfriend and soon after I learned her name was Sophia. Apparently all nice guys at Colombia were taken. Maya sat down on a barstool by the counter where the others were now sitting just as Zayn and Perrie came back with drinks in their hands rejoining us.
"Let's play 'I have never'," Maya said and for some reason the others were stupid enough to agree. I didn't want to play this game, but I couldn't see any escape out.
"Okay, I'll start. I have never slept with my teacher," Perrie said and for some reason they all started laughing. Clearly, they had intern jokes that I weren't part of and with every minute passing I felt less a part of the group.
"That's not fair," Maya exclaimed and took a sip of her drink. "It happened two years ago, and it's not like I'm proud of it," she complained and I was surprised she had slept with a teacher at the age of 16, but maybe that was normal inside this circle of people.
"Sure you aren't!" Louis laughed, and Sophia continued. Even though I didn't like the thought of this game at first, this was the perfect way to get to know these people better.
"I have never been shoplifting," she said proudly and Louis, Harry, Maya and Paige took a drink. I was shocked. Why would these people be shoplifting when they had everything they pointed at? I didn't get an answer and my thought was interrupted as Louis continued.
"I have never counted how many people I've ever had sex with," he said and everyone except him and Harry took a drink, however I didn't really drink anything as the smell was grossing me out, but I at least pretended. Apparently it was true, Harry did use girls.
"I have never masturbated using any sorts of food," Maya laughed and as the only person Paige took a drink. That was really messed up if you asked me, and my eyes went wide immediately. What kind of person with a right mind would do something like that?
"What kind did you use?" Louis questioned, clearly curious, and I just wanted to get the picture out of my head.
"A banana'" she laughed, and I gulped. Feeling shivers run down my spine. This was messed up and the fact that the others didn't seem to think so scared me in some way.
"Why am I not surprised?" Harry laughed bitterly, and I felt grossed out by all of it.
"I have never had sex outside," Liam claimed and everyone else except him, Sophia and I took a sip of their drink.
"I have never been unfaithful," Zayn said, giving Perrie a smile and Louis, Paige and Harry took a sip. Harry might be pretty on the outside, but it seemed like there was nothing decent about this guy, and I had no idea why I had ever found him intriguing.
"I have never- oh wait I did that," Louis chuckled to himself, clearly trying to think of something. "I have never used any type of plastic while having sex," he said, and Paige took a drink making the guys cheer for her. How could they find that a good thing? That was seriously disturbing, but I had learned by now, that Paige was nothing but a horny, desperate girl with no decent mind. And then it was Harry's turn and for some reason he was staring at me, already making me dread the thing he was going to say. I mean I was sure everyone here already thought of me as boring. I hadn't done anything bad. I hadn't gotten drunk. I didn't smoke, and I clearly hadn't had sex in weird places or masturbated before, and it didn't take a genius to figure that out.
"I have never had sex," Harry said, his British accent prominent and everyone started laughing, but he locked his eyes with mine dead serious and I understood why he had said that though no one else seemed to catch up.
"Yeah, right you haven't. That's probably as true as if I said I was gay," Louis laughed, and everyone took a drink and just as I was about to drink as well Maya pulled down my cup.
"Sweetie, you don't have to drink just because everyone else is. It's okay," she told me with a smile and placed a hand on my arm.
I felt a knot form in my throat and gulped. Bringing up that memory surely wasn't comfortable, but Harry wanted to know and for some reason I felt like I owed him the answer. Therefore, I took a drink as well feeling the alcohol burn my throat. If only, my first time had been with Niall. Unfortunately, he hadn't been my first and although I had tried my hardest to forget about it, it hadn't been easy. Especially not after meeting Justin the other day. He had taken a huge part from me that day. My dignity, my reputation and my virginity, something I would never get back and unfortunately I took that out on Niall. I didn't want to sleep with him when we got together. He understood that though. He knew what Justin had done to me. I just wished he didn't have to, and I wished I had waited for Niall so I had had a night worth remembering instead.
"Wow, who would have thought little 'miss innocent' here wasn't a virgin," Louis laughed, and I looked around embarrassed. Clearly, I was just one big joke.
"I think, I need something stronger," Harry spoke with a hoarse voice while leaving the table, and I couldn't help but wonder what the hell his problem was. Why was it important to him to know whether or not I was a virgin? Why did he care? As Harry left, I saw my escape to leave as well. I felt the need to go to the bathroom and I surely didn't like the tension that had built up since Harry's disappearance. "I gotta go to the bathroom," I told Maya, and she gave me a small nod leaving me to find the bathroom by myself. I headed for the living room, but I didn't find the bathroom anywhere. I asked a few people, but they were either too drunk to answer me or simply didn't care. I walked upstairs as the place was less crowded up there. I opened every door I passed by, but unfortunately it was just an office, the master bedroom and what looked like a few guest rooms. I opened the door to the next room hoping it would be the bathroom but instead, I found Harry sitting by himself hovered over his nightstand. A shiver ran down my spine as I watched what he was about to do. He was right when he said he needed something stronger. Because I caught him just about to sniff a white powder that I assumed was cocaine.
"Harry, don't," I said immediately not knowing why I cared, but my instincts spoke for me. He had been a dick to me most of the time, and that only made his rudeness even less okay which was why I should have just left him here not caring about what happened to him, but part of me knew I had to help him. I cared too much about people. I cared about him.
"Go away," he snorted not even looking up to face me. Did he even know it was me?
"No," I said walking closer to him. "You don't need this," I tried to assure him walking up next to him so that we were only mere inches from each other.
He stood up. "You don't know a thing about me!" He snapped. "I need this. I really need this," he tried to assure me referring to the white powder scattered around on his nightstand.
"You don't," I said trying to calm him. "I know life can be hard. But we get out on the other side. You don't need this to get through whatever it is you are struggling with," I spoke softly hoping my words would sink in.
He pushed me against the wall and placed his hands on each side trapping me in a position I knew I couldn't get out of, and I was afraid of what he might do to me. He looked so angry, and hurt and I just wanted to know why so I could help him. "Don't. Don't try to act like you know me. You don't know a damn thing about me!"
"I was just trying to help," I whispered, my voice almost gone.
"Why? Why would you want to help me?" He looked straight into my eyes and that sweet guy I had met almost a week ago seemed to be none existent and I thought maybe he didn't.
"Because you seemed like you could use it," I tried not knowing what the right words were in that moment, and I knew if I pushed the wrong button I'd only add fuel to his already burning flame.
He ran a hand through his hair and licked his bottom lip. "I don't need your help. You got that. I was fine before you walked into my life. I don't need you to lecture me about what's right and wrong. Why are you here anyway?"
"I was searching for the bathroom," I spoke quietly.
"I didn't mean that. Why did you come here tonight? Clearly, you don't fit in," he told me, and I felt tears form in my eyes. He was right, I didn't fit in. I wasn't like any of them. I wasn't rich. I didn't wear designer clothes. I didn't drink. Also I hadn't tried drugs and something told me it wasn't Harry's first time and it wouldn't surprise me if Maya and some of the others had tried it too.
"You're right, I should leave," I said trying my hardest not to cry.
He didn't let me go and I feared of what was going to happen next. "You think you are better than the rest of us don't you?" He laughed, but it wasn't a sweet laugh. It was evil, and the sound was like a knife penetrating my soul.
"No," I whispered trying my hardest to get my confidence back knowing it was probably useless. "I just don't want to change who I am to fit in. I'm fine by my own," I told him, and with those words he let me go. At that moment, he just looked like a broken, lost boy and I wondered what had happened to him in his past that would make him act this cruel towards me. As I left the room, the tears started falling and suddenly I didn't care about finding a bathroom. I just wanted to go home. After all, I had just used the bathroom as an excuse to get the hell away from the others. I called Maya. She needed to know I was leaving, but I didn't want to go find her knowing she was probably with her friends and that was a lot of people I didn't want to face again. "Hey Trin what's up?"
"I'm leaving. I'm not feeling too well," I said trying my hardest not to let my voice break. I didn't want her to know how weak I was in that moment.
"Should I come with you?" She asked, and I shook my head before I realized she couldn't see me.
"No. I'm fine. I'll just see you at home," I told her and hung up before she could say anything else. Knowing her she probably felt like she should come home with me which wasn't what I needed right now. I just wanted to be alone. When I got outside, the September air hit me like a wall making my teeth clatter. It was much colder than when we had arrived, and I cursed myself for not bringing a jacket once again. As if this night couldn't get any worse, I wasn't sure how to get home either. I couldn't afford using money on a taxi, which I should have thought of before I decided to come here. Walking home would take me forever, especially in the heels I had stupidly worn tonight, and I hadn't brought my subway card. The weather was freezing against my bare skin, and I really just wished I had stayed home tonight. I started walking, curling my arms around me in an attempt of warming myself, though it wasn't much use. My body was trembling and just as I thought things couldn't get any worse, I tripped and fell to the ground and of course my right heel broke. Profanities left my mouth, and I noticed my right knee had started bleeding, due to my fall. This clearly wasn't my night.
"Trinity," I heard a familiar voice yell from behind me, and I felt the tears form in my eyes once again.
"Stay away from me, Styles!" I yelled back, not wanting him to yell at me for no particular reason once more.
"Are you okay?" He asked, concern filling his voice. What was his problem? One minute he's an ass, and the next he wants to help me.
"Do I look okay?" I snapped, sitting on the ground while he hovered over me.
"Okay, stupid question," he agreed and tried to help me back on my feet, but I refused.
"Don't!" I screamed at him. "Don't try to act like you care because clearly you don't!"
"Sorry for wanting to help," he snapped, and I wiped away my tears.
"And I'm sorry that you can't figure out which guy you want to be. Just minutes ago you were screaming at me, insulting me, and now you want to help. What guy do you want to be? Because I don't like the version of you I saw in there!" I scolded, took off my shoes and got back on my feet.
"Fine! Just deal with this yourself. I don't care!" He yelled at me, making me feel like a little girl having done something wrong.
More tears left ran down my cheeks, and I looked at him with hurt not knowing what else to do. "Fine," I said in a whisper, my confidence gone. I turned around and headed in some unknown direction, hoping it was the right one. And then just as I thought I was alone I heard footsteps behind me. Please don't be a rapist or a serial killer. I thought too afraid to turn around.
"Are you seriously going to walk home?" The familiar voice asked, and the feeling of relief rushed over me realising it was just him, though I really just wanted to be alone right now.
"Yes. I don't believe I have any other options," I snapped.
"C'mon, don't be like this," he tried but I only yelled at him again.
"Like what? You should know how this is. I mean I learned from the best," I looked into his eyes, and they looked hurt and I felt slightly bad for yelling at him like I had done. His eyes were green almost like emeralds and I wondered why I hadn't noticed them before. They were illuminating.
"They are green," I spoke taken us both by surprise. Why did I have to pay attention to his eyes now? The color didn't matter and neither did he or so I tried to convince myself. He was nothing to me, and I should stop giving him the time of day.
"What?" He asked confused, and I shook my head, getting my mind back on track. I was furious with him and apparently he seemed hurt by my words, but what did he expect when he was acting like a total douchebag towards me? I continued crying, and at rest point I didn't know why. I didn't want to fight, but I also didn't want to play his game.
"Nothing," I quickly replied. Goose bumps were evident on my skin as I got colder by the second, and Harry apparently noticed.
A sigh escaped his mouth. "Just let me take you home," he said and took a step towards me, but I stepped back, refusing to let him help me. Now probably wasn't the best time to be stubborn, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want to seem weak to him.
"No," I said.
"Why are you being so difficult?" He scolded with a grunt, and I felt my body burn with anger towards him. Why did I have to be so difficult? He was the one with the changing mood and weird demeanor not me.
"Because I don't need you. I can take care of myself." I proclaimed.
"Really?" He looked from my feet to my head and then back at my feet that were only covered by the thin fabric from my tights.
"Yes," I told him looking him straight in the eyes. Did he actually care about me? Or was this just a cruel way of hurting me once again making me think he was a nice guy and then breaking me down with his words?
"Cmon let me just take you home," he told me with no emotions evident on his face, and I desperately just wanted to know what he was thinking.
"No. As I said, I don't need you," I fought back, though I was tired. I was tired of fighting him, and I didn't know why he had to be so cruel towards me most of the time.
"You are being really difficult you know that! Just let me pay for a fucking taxi that can take you home," he yelled getting more irritated with me.
"No. I don't need you or your money. Why do you care anyway?" I wondered.
"I don't," he spoke simply.
"No? Then what are you doing out here. As I said, I don't need you. You know, I really don't know what your problem is! And what is it with your black eye?" I asked and regretted it as soon as I did. Once again my curiosity had taken over me.
"I'm a boxer. I thought you knew that," he simply stated, but looked down immediately not wanting to face me. He was hiding something, I knew it and if I wasn't mistaken it had something to do with that eye. I couldn't help but think that the boxing part had only been to hide the truth.
"Okay, if that's your story. You might be able to fool everyone else, but I don't buy your crap," I told him and wiped away my tears. "I wish, I could say it was nice talking to you, but I'm cold and hurt and I can't feel my feet so I should really just leave," new tears fell from my eyes, and once again I started walking away from him feeling broken and alone.
"Where do you live?" He asked while grabbing my wrist, sending a rush of something unfamiliar through me, and I guessed fighting him was no longer an option. I didn't know why he was being like this, but I guessed some part of him did care about me though I wasn't sure why.
"Close to campus," I told him not wanting to turn around and face him.
"That's like 3,5 miles. I'm not letting you walk that far. Please just let me pay a taxi for you," he said almost begging and of course I didn't want to walk. It was freezing, and I couldn't feel my feet on the pavement any longer.
"Okay," I managed saying between my trembling lips.