There was 180 comments last chapter, so here's today's second update!! Enjoy. x
Song recommended for chapter: In My Veins by Andrew Belle, Eric Mccarley
Please comment while reading. I love in-line comments, and I read every single one. It'd be nice to get some feedback and see your guys' reactions. Please, I update every day without break, I'd just love comments. <3
(There is chance for a double update if this chapter reaches 180+ comments. Not required, but comment if you want another update today. And don't spazz comment either (Nadia, I'm looking at you lol), gotta be in-line, thoughtful etc.)
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The wind picks up and ruffles my hair, but I don't move to push it back. I'm too busy imagining how worse this night can get. But I think it'd be too hard to top it. I'm stuck in the air with my ex-lover, whom hates me more than his mother, and that's saying a lot. He probably wants the door to give away and for me to fall out to my death. That's maybe a bit exaggerated, but he must want it to happen. I broke his already fragile heart. I put some pieces back and promised him a future where he could be happy, where he didn't have to live in darkness — I showed him the light. But then I cascaded an eclipse over his hopes and shattered his heart like it meant nothing.
But he will always mean more to me than he could ever know.
I am pulled from my thoughts when the cart jolts slightly, and gears grind, followed by shouting orders down below. People are trying to fix the ride, but they're not moving fast enough. I feel like I'm drowning in this silence, in the ocean that separates us. It's like we're on two different islands and mine is flooding, and I can't swim.
There's mumbling, and it takes everything in me to not look at him. He's on the phone with... with her.
"Yeah... you'll never believe who I'm stuck here with," he spits into the receiver. He sounds like venom is poisoning his tongue, like I am poisoning his tongue, and he spits it out with an icy force that knocks all the air out of my body. There's more mumbling and ice, then there's nothing but silence and the wind whistling in my ears. I don't have to look at him to know he's mentally murdering me with those big, black eyes. I loved them so, so to know that they've transformed into daggers and are aimed at my heart breaks it before they can reach it.
"Are you going to just sit there?" he barks and I hold back a whimper.
I swallow a thick lump in my throat. "What else do you want me to do, Grey?" my voice is low, shaky. I don't know what I am supposed to do. I can't talk to him, because he'll only jump down my throat and make me want to throw myself out and meet the ground. Maybe then I'll finally be able to breathe...
He scoffs, and I can't stop myself — I look at him. I was right, he is murdering me with those mesmerizing eyes. They glimmer with a flash of hatred so big and deep, they rival the largest blackhole in the space above our heads. And they're sucking me in, inch by inch, they want to swallow me and erase me from existence.
If only they knew how much I want the same thing...
"Nothing, just — just sit there and act like you didn't ruin us," he says with a sharp edge.
"I'm not acting like anything," I reply, balling my hands in my lap.
He scoffs, looking out at the sea. "Sure you aren't."
"Grey, I didn't mean for what happened to happen," I blurt out and he whirls in his seat to pin me with a scowl.
"No one else wrote that entry for you, Liv — that was all you. You made me believe that what we had was real — you made me fall in love with you —!" his veins strain against his tanned skin. Mixed with his pitch black eyes and bared teeth, he resembles a monster, but he is no rival to what lays beneath my own skin. I am ten times worse than him — forever worse.
"I didn't make you do anything!" I yell at him and he scrunches up his face, but remains silent. "I didn't make you fall in love with me. You did that yourself. I am the one who didn't want to fall in love with you. I — " I take a deep breath and glance at the metal ground. "I just — I was focused on what I thought was right for my future... what I didn't know, was that you were going to become it, or at least, you became my present and hopeful future."
He bursts out laughing and I grip the metal seat beneath me, as he stops and glares at me head-on. "Is that you're excuse?" he sounds incredulously. "Because of your fucking future? That was enough for you to go behind my back and treat me as a fucking project?" he barks so loud, I flinch and blink back the tears rapidly. I will not let them spill, no matter how much they crave to glide down my flushed skin. I don't want to appear anymore weak than I already am. It feels like I'm a little deer, a Bambi, and he's a vengeful snake, ready to gobble me up and spit me right back out.
But I can not hold back the six months of tears that have been brimming within my chest. First it's a little hiccup, and then I'm catapulting in a long silence of sobbing. I try to wipe them away, but they just keep coming. And I can't stop it. I want nothing more than to curl up in the corner and disappear from his eyes, but there is nowhere I can go. We're stranded in the air, and the only way out is too final. I can't leave this world like this: him looking at me like I'm the worst person to ever exist. He used to look at me with so much love, it hurt. And now he looks at me with so much hate, it hurts one-million times more.
"You can't act like we didn't have anything at all, Grey," I say when I get the tears under control. I look up through my eyelashes, and he still is shooting me the daggers. "We were in love once."
"Yeah... once," he spits. That cut me deep in my heart, and I find myself blinking back more tears. "We were good, Liv." His voice has gone softer, but something tells me it won't last long. "But then I found out who the real you was, and —" he takes a deep breath and clicks his tongue. Then he catches my eyes and says, with a blank face, voice void of any emotion whatsoever, "And then everything I ever felt for you vanished. Poof! Back to the old me, and for the better." He lets out a long sigh as I blink rapidly and swallow for air before I could pass out. "Maybe you were all I needed to see that there is nothing but vile, black things in everyone. There is no light, no hope... I thought I saw the exception in you, but I was wrong."
That stung worse than anything else. You could have stabbed me with a butcher knife or told me I lost my spot at Penn State or even that my parents were getting a divorce — none of it would have felt worse than this, this overwhelming, sickening pain that is consuming me with every second that passes. I want to get out. I need air, even though we are suspended in air, I have all of it that I could use. But I can't find the ability to use my lungs. I am choking back tears whilst fighting for breath. I feel as though I am going to pass out.
The cart suddenly shakes a bit, and then the sound of machine gears fill my ears, alongside my heart that is racing incredibly fast in my eardrum. And then, we slowly begin to descend, with the boy working the contraption apologizing for the inconvenience.
My eyes are blurry from the tears, but I can clearly see that the Grey I loved is not in front of me. There is a guy with his lips, and his eyes, and his leather jacket and boots... but it's not him. And as I wrap my arms around myself and blink back the tears that fall past my eyelashes anyway, I realize that I'm not the same Liv, either. I am what he classifies me as: a monster, a vile creature. One that never deserved his love, I realize. And I don't deserve to expect him to ever forgive him...
"Hope you enjoyed the Grey, Olivia," he says as he prepares to leave the cart. He looks back and quirks his lips into a sort of sad, yet viciously-wicked smirk, and says in a low voice I know will always lurk in the back of my dreams, towering over me, clouding me, "Because you will never experience it ever again. Only the black and white, only the boring, the dull. And I pray it consumes you..."
THE COOL WIND BLOWS MY HAIR AND TICKLES my neck, as I peer over the cliff the house sits on. Even as I stand here, barefoot and dress flowing slightly, I still cannot breathe. It as though there is a blockage between my lungs and my throat. Everything is hitched, and my head is light. If it weren't for the iron gate surrounding the edge, I'm certain I would fall over. I'd be crushed by rocks, and they'd find two halves of my heart in my chest when doing the autopsy. But they'd see that it's been broken the second Grey walked out of his apartment. And shattered into a million more pieces when I last saw him on the ferris wheel.
"Hey," a voice booms behind me.
I don't turn around.
I feel his presence before seeing him. He sighs, but doesn't move to say anything. It is silent for a long while, but it's okay, I guess.
"You don't have to stand here with me," I say and close my eyes. "I don't want to make you down, too." I feel like taping a sign to my forehead that says 'Stay clear — black cloud approaching.' Even that would, probably, not be enough to ward people from my dark aura. All I do is ruin people. I'm a ruiner.
Noah scoffs. "And miss standing here in absolute silence with you? As if." I sense the humor in his voice and smile. He nudges my shoulder with his, and I smile a bit wider. Finally, I tilt my head back and take in his shadow casted face. The other half, the visible part, shines with the moonlight beaming down on us from up above. His green eyes sparkle and his teeth nearly blind me. We stand here, staring at each other, until I can't take it anymore. I look away. I'll only ruin him, too...
Silence fills the air once again, and so does the slightly picked up wind. I sigh as I wrap my arms around my stomach.
"Oh, here. Take this." I look at his held out jeans jacket and scrunch my nose up.
"I couldn't." I rub my bumpy skin, goosebumps covering me from head to toe. I curse myself for not grabbing a cardigan to cover my exposed arms.
"Fine, then I will," he says, then I am suddenly cloaked with warmth. He cinches the heavy and large jacket over my shoulders and brushes my hair back. I hold my breath and look into his eyes. An unknown emotion passes through our gaze, my cheeks flush and he quirks a small smile. I look away quickly and fidget on my feet.
"I think — I — I'm going to, um, I'm gonna head inside," I say, stumbling over my words like a fool. I throw my thumb back at the lit up house for emphasis.
He nods slowly and flicks his eyes at the house... and then back into my eyes, my breath hitches, and I take more steps back. He frowns for the slightest of a second, but then he's baring a wide grin and nodding, hands pushed in his shorts.
"I should get going, too. But I'll see you tomorrow?" he raises his eyebrows.
"Yeah, goodnight." I give him an assuring smile before turning around. As I head into the house, I can't stop thinking: What the hell was that?
IMMEDIATE REACTION
NOOOOOO #LEY WHYYY
And what was that ending with Noah and Liv? Could this be the start of... Loah? IDK Niv? Egh, prolly not... right????
P.S. This story is #847 in Romance. Please help it go up in the category by commenting and voting. Vote, vote, vote (especially ghost readers, it takes a second to press that little star)
DOUBLE UPDATE
Yes, you read that right. There may be a double update if there are 180+ comments. I'm not trying to blackmail you or anything -- you don't have to get it to that number or I won't update again the next day. I'm always doing daily updates. But you do have a chance for a second one if that goal is reached. And I don't mean spazzing and doing short clipped ones that make no sense either. I mean in-lines, thoughtful (long) ones, thoughts, feelings, rants about the chapter. The goal is not far-fetched either, because I've gotten 100+ on a chapter before, and have gotten pretty close on a good day. I have faith in you guys, (I just really love seeing your comments, especially when you interact with each other, I lose my mind ahslhkhsad)
(Will do with every single chapter if goal is reached and then some (no cheating))
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DEDICATION
Tell me why (if you do) like this story. What made you come back around for the sequel. Splurge in details and don't hold back. I'll be dedicating chapters to those every few chapters. x
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QUESTION TIME
Tell me what you thought of this chapter overall! (Remember to be specific)
What was your favorite part? (Be specific)
Least favorite part? (Be specific)
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Thank you so, so, so, so much for reading!
- Allison x
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