Dedicated kay Ate @weifiwafer. Sobrang in love ako sa mga One-Shot Stories nya.:">
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"A love so strong will carry on.
It's not the end. Let's start again.
I still believe."
~AquilaAndromeda~
March 19, 2014
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i still believe - stupid mistake
Breaking up with her was the most foolish decision I have ever made. I regret making her cry. I blame myself for breaking her heart. I loved her. Sobra-sobrang pagmamahal ang ibinigay ko sa kanya. Pero in the end, ako rin ang nakasakit sa kanya.
Minahal nya ako ng higit pa kanino; tinanggap nya lahat ng pagkukulang ko, pero ako rin ang sumira sa tiwala nya. Ang lakas pa ng loob ko para ako ang makipaghiwalay. But I couldn’t think of any other way to end her misery. She wasn’t happy anymore. She cries every single day dahil sa ginawa ko, and I couldn’t bear seeing her breaking because of a stupid mistake I made.
I cheated on her.
Oo, niloko ko sya. At walang ibang dapat sisihin sa nangyari kung hindi ako. Ako yung lalake. I should have been faithful. Pero pinili kong saktan ang kaisa-isang babae na minahal ko, at patuloy pa ring minamahal. Kung hindi lang dahil sa katangahan ko, masaya pa sana kami ngayon. Nasa tabi ko pa sana sya, habang hawak ang mga kamay nya. Sana hanggang ngayon, buo pa rin yung mga pangarap na sinimulan namin - na ako rin ang nagwasak.
It started off as a bet; a game. Ayokong gawin; hinindian ko yung dare, but I ended up enjoying the supposed consequence of my loss sa isang katuwaan between me and my friends.
“Paano ba yan, Drake, talo kayo,” maangas na sabi ni Sid. Ipinasa nya sakin ang bola at agad ko naman yung sinalo.
“Aish, oo na!” irita kong sagot. “Ito kasi.” Hinampas ko sa braso ang katabi kong si Manuel na napabalikwas sa pagkakasandal sa pader.
“Anong ako? E ikaw nga dyan ang hindi maka-three points.” Gumanti sya ng suntok sa braso ko. “Dapat ikaw lang ang mag-suffer sa consequence.”
“Oo nga, Drake,” gatong pa ni Jeric.
“Oo na!” napalakas na sabi ko. “Kala nyo naman ang gagaling nyo. Tss.” Nakabusangot na ang mukha ko. Ginawa ko naman yung best ko sa game, tapos ako pa ang sisisihin nila.
It was a sunny Saturday nang magkatuwaan kaming maglaro ng basketball sa open court ng village. May dare sa matatalo. Dahil confident ako sa team ko - ako, si Manuel at Jeric - umoo ako sa kasunduan na hindi ko rin alam kung ano. Natalo kami, bad trip.
“So, anong dare ang ibibigay natin dito kay Drake?” Lumapit si Arnold kay Sid at inakbayan ang kakampi.
Sid smirked and bobbed his head. “I just have the brightest idea.”
“Share mo naman samin, Sid!” nakangising aso na sabi ni Vincent.
************
“Pare naman! Walang ganyanan. Hindi ko kaya yan!” Tumayo ako at tumalikod sa kanila. Anong klaseng mga kaibigan to at ganyan ang pinapagawa sakin? Kahit pa biru-biro lang, hindi kaya ng konsensya ko na gawin yun.
“Drake, walang atrasan, diba?” nakahawak sa balikat ko na sabi ni Sid. Inakbayan nya ako and dragged me back to the group. He was insisting with a dare na kahit kelan, hindi ko maaatim na gawin.
“Just do it, Drake. For fun lang naman e!” pamimilit pa ni Vincent.
“Kung upakan kita for fun, gusto mo?”
“Woah!” bulalas nya, “masyado kang seryoso.”
“Kaya kayo natalo e. You take everything seriously.” Pailing-iling na dagdag ni Arnold.
Matalim na tingin ang itinapon ko kay Arnold. “I can take you seriously, too, kapag ipinilit nyo yang dare na yan.” I would rather they make me strip sa kalsada kesa ang gawin ang gusto nila.
They want me to go to a bar, hook with a girl, and do a crazy stuff with her for an hour. Sinong matinong lalake ang papayag gawin ang dare na yun? It would have been just fine kung free man ako, kung wala akong commitment. At kung ako pa yung dating ako. But I wasn’t.
“Pare, may girlfriend ako. Mahal ko si Kate. I can’t do that to her,” pakikusap ko. Hinding-hindi ko kayang lokohin ang girlfriend ko. “Ibang dare na lang.”
Muli pa, tinapik ako sa balikat ni Sid. “Hindi nya naman malalaman e.”
“Kahit pa!”
“Drake, just do it. Para matapos na to.”
Akmang susuntukin ko si Jeric nang pigilan ako ni Manuel.
I buried my face in my palms out of frustration. Was I really considering agreeing on doing that thing? ‘My goodness, Drake! Isipin mo na lang si Kate!’
************
“Hi, Babe! How was your game?” masiglang bati sakin ng babaeng sobra kong mahal pagkapasok ko sa bahay. I could smell the pasta she just cooked.
Every weekend, pumupunta sya sa bahay para ipagluto ako. All week long daw kasing fast food ang laman ng tiyan ko. At least once a week, makatikim daw ako ng lutong bahay. She’s a great cook. That’s one of the countless reasons why I love her so much.
She stood up and gave me a warm hug. “Pawis na pawis ka na. Pero ang bango mo pa rin,” matamis ang ngiti na sabi niya. Inamoy amoy pa nya ang jersey na suot ko. Tumingala sya sakin at tumitig sa mukha ko. “Napagod ba ang Babe ko?”
I hugged her tightly. “I love you, Kate.” Buong puso kong sinabi sa kanya ang mga kataga na yun. I never felt such urge to tell her I love her. I wanted to reassure her that I love her, and I always will.
She smiled at me so innocently. “I love you, Drake.”
Ang bigat sa puso na sa likod ng isip ko, may kasalanan akong nagawa sa kanya. Mahal na mahal ko si Kate. At kahit kailan, hindi ko magagawang magtago sa kanya ng isang bagay na gugulo sa isipan ko hanggat hindi ko naaamin sa kanya. It was last week nang matalo kami sa bet. At isang linggo ko na ring dinadala sa konsensya ko ang bagay na yun.
Naligo ako bago kami kumain. After we ate the dinner she prepared, umupo kami sa sofa. She rested her body on mine habang yakap ko sya at nilalaro ang mga daliri naming dalawa.
I met Kate when we were in first year college. She stood out among all my classmates. Hindi ako nahirapang makipagkaibigan sa kanya, because she was kind and sweet. Mabait sya sa lahat, matulungin, at maaalalahanin. Kaya nang lumalim ang pagtingin ko sa kanya, hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip na ligawan sya.
I had a reputation sa school na matindi sa chicks. Playboy daw ako. Pero hindi naman yun totoo because I never even had a girlfriend. Maloko at ma-trip lang ako. I easily get girls’ attention pero hindi ako nanligaw ever. But when I met Kate, there was a part of me na nagudyok sa akin na seryosohin sya. Linigawan ko sya nung second sem that same year. After 2 months, sinagot nya ako.
Hindi sya easy-to-get. I worked hard for her yes, and she took her time in getting to know me, as how I told her to.
‘Hindi naman ako nagmamadali. I would wait until you’re sure of your answer… until you’re sure of your feelings for me,’ I said as I reached for her hand. ‘I would wait, Kate.’
Seryoso ako sa kanya. Kaya nung umoo sya, ako na yata yung pinakamasayang tao sa mundo. We had a happy relationship. She was the perfect girl for me. And although I wasn’t the perfect man for her, I tried to be the man she deserved.
Pa-graduate na kami ngayon, and I’m really happy she held onto me.
“Babe,” I whispered.
“Mmm?”
I cleared my throat. “Are you still happy with me?” My heart was pounding.
I heard her chuckle. “What kind of question is that? Of course, I am!”
Ngumiti ako at pinagdapo ang mga palad namin. “Thank you, Kate.”
“For what?” tumingala sya sakin, kunot ang noo. “Ano bang nangyayari sayo and you’re suddenly asking me these?”
“Wala naman,” kabado kong sakot. “I just wanna know.” I smiled at her.
“Well, know that I am happy. And I will always love you.”
“No matter what?”
“No matter what.” She raised her head and planted a soft kiss on my lips. I closed my eyes as I savored that kiss.
************
“Babe, have you ever doubted my feelings for you?”
She looked at me like I’m an unsolved puzzle. “Drake…” seryosong sambit nya sa pangalan ko.
We were at their house. May tatapusin syang project and she invited me to come para daw may makausap sya at hindi makatulugan ang ginagawa nya. Yes, I come to their house often, and she comes to mine as often. But it never happened that I crossed my line. I respect Kate so much to the extent of waiting for the right time for that to happen: after our wedding.
“I never and would never doubt you, or your feelings for me.”
Napayuko ako because of her answer. Lumapit sya sakin at hinawakan ako sa magkabilang pisngi.
“Babe, what’s wrong?” she asked, her voice full of concern. “Bakit ba ganyan ang mga tanong mo sakin? Are you—”
“No, Babe. No.” I feel really terrible with the way I’m acting. I’m so guilty of this something na hindi ko na alam kung paano pa itatago sa kanya. “Kate,” inabot ko ang mga kamay nya at hinalikan ang mga yun. “I’m sorry. I’m really truly sorry. Hindi ko sinasadya. Hindi ko rin naman ginusto. It’s just that, we lost and I had a deal with them. Hindi ko gustong—”
“Drake, slow down! Wala akong maintindihan.”
I heaved a sigh, almost dying inside. Hinawakan ko sya sa mga balikat at pinaupo sya sa tapat ko. I held her hands again. Humugot ako ng lakas ng loob para sabihin sa kanya kung ano yung nangyari.
There was disbelief in her eyes after I told her everything. She was so hurt, and it was my goddamned fault! Doble ang sakit na nararamdaman ko dahil ako ang rason ng pag-iyak nya ngayon.
I pulled her close and locked her on my arms. Lumuluha na din ako. “Kate, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please, forgive me.”
“How could you, Drake?” humihikbing tanong nya. “How could you do that to me?” Nagpumilit syang kumawala sa yakap ko.
“Kate... I didn't--”
“No, Drake!” Agad syang tumayo at pinunasan ang mga luha nya. “Maybe it’s better kung umalis ka na muna.”
“Kate...” tumayo ako at lumapit sa kanya pero tinabig nya ang kamay ko.
“Drake, umalis ka na muna. Ayokong gumawa ng isang desisyon na pagsisisihan natin pareho sa huli,” matigas na sabi nya. “Umalis ka na muna.”
Gusto ko man syang i-comfort, hindi ko magawa. Kasalanan ko to e. Kaya kahit na ang sakit para sakin na makita syang lumuluha dahil sa kagagawan ko, tumalikod na ako at umalis. Pero bago ako tuluyang lumabas, liningon ko sya.
“Know that I love you and I will always regret the day I made you cry.”
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This was supposed to be a one-shot. I don't know what happened at naging ganto. Yes, this is just the first part. Two-shots to bale. Haha I will post the next part before the week ends. Pasensya po sa drama.:D
ET: ABOVE ALL, a short story about a guy who loves a girl from afar.:)