I feel self conscious. Well actually I'm not sure if that's the right word. But I keep running my tongue over my teeth like it will wear them back down to their normal shape. Blinking, looking at my hands. It's pretty darn hard not to look at the window or the mirror as we drive along but I don't want them to catch me at it.
Already they say they read me. And I hate to admit it but it's like they really can see what I'm thinking. I guess not. More like what I'm feeling. I'm not used to that and I resent it. I suppose you're wondering why I haven't kicked off about my brother? The truth is I don't believe it. So I won't think about it (even though I'm dying to ask all sorts of annoying questions).
And my Mother? I dunno. It was four months ago. She's dead and that's it so their's no point whinging. Having said that I can't help wanting to have Ian's brain scanned. What kind of moronic person moves to the town of his dead wife's husband? Daughter and step-daughter in tow? Ian; that's who. Yeah. My half sister is a year younger than me. Candace.
I don't want to talk about her so there. Nehr (sticking my tongue out just in case you wondered).
But I am pretty worried. Today.. something big's happened and I don't know what to do about it. I'M FREAKING OUT! Seriously, just sitting in the car I'm starting to panic, want to jump out and run back home to lock myself in my room.
Phew, breathe Jade. Right. So for all these years I've wanted to be a werewolf haven't I? All the crazy rituals, all the awesome useless wolf trivia, and it reached every part of my life. Including all my furniture, posters, trinkets, wall paper..
Can you imagine the horror if they found out? What if they thought I was a complete loser (supposing they don't already know)? Or became even more arrogant and big headed, like if they think I worship them or something? I nearly hyperventilate just thinking about it. In my mind I'm already ripping down the posters, stripping the bed cover off.
The car stops and I look up in surprise. "We're already here?"
Bastian nods, "Where do you think we are? It's England. There isn't that much woodland to get to the heart of." I consider this briefly as they all groan. Enough to get ridiculously, hopelessly lost in. "He went to America last year, hasn't stopped going on about the stupid forests ever since," Si fills me in.
Bastian starts on about some, like, completely like, amazing soil thing. I realise Bastian's maybe a year younger than me, the youngest in the.. pack? I know I said I want to be a werewolf - and I do! And that I've spent my life till now fantasizing about it (I have). But really I'm not going to hold my breath. When I see a pack of wolves I'll believe it.
The leaves crunch under our feet and we don't speak as we head off the lane and into the trees. I start to feel somewhat light headed as we go (like I really had anything in there in the first place, ha). I look at their faces and see nothing helpful. Nothing to make me worry excessively, and nothing to make me relax either.
They come to a sort of stand still, leaning on trees or shuffling around their feet in the dead leaves. Even though most of the trees here have their coat of greenery still. I'm fine. I am. I think. OH I DON'T KNOW! THIS IS ALL SO UNNATURAL! I don't know what's going on in my head right now, it feels so weird and confused - I have so much to think about but I can just stand here and think about what I think about what I think!
I breathe a little and frown as I see them looking at each other uncomfortably. What's- what's wrong? Raul is actually a psychopath who paid to have them bring me out here and gimme a dirt nap? That would explain why I have all these issues. Damned genetics.
"What's wrong? What's going on?"
I think I'm gonna tear my hair out till Farrell sighs and shrugs at me. "Nothing. First girl in the pack, it's going to complicate things that's all."
"Complicate things," Tamas snorts. "That's an understatement."
"Why? What can you do that I can't?" I'm not a feminist per say, but it gets up my nose when people- when something like this happens. They probably think I'm scared of mud. Some of them raise their eyebrows and there's more shrugging.
"All right. We'll deal with all that bit later. 'K, we'll show you how to do it first, explain the theory - then it's your go. Right?"
"Right."
Farrell looks around at them and says, "Thor, you show her how it's done."
He smiles smugly and steps forward into the empty space, opposite me Si and Bastian clear a way. Max rolls his eyes at Thor as he stretches and removes his jacket, he sticks his tongue out too. Thor just grins.
And starts taking his clothes off.
"Hey!" I yelp and fling my arms across my face, stumbling backwards and falling over on my butt. "W- what are you doing?" I hear my voice shaking. Then an exasperated noise that is probably Thor, "What does it look like I'm doing?"
"I don't know! I'm not looking!"
Someone gasps for air and I hear howling laughter from more than one person. My cheeks are burning and I scrunch my shoulders. I can't help my legs twisting about, trying to find a position that creates the biggest obstacle between myself and the stupid idiots.
"I'll break it down for you then." I hate the sarcastic humour in the voice. "I'm taking off my things so they don't get torn to shreds. That all right?"
"No! I had no warning you weirdos liked to- to just strip off! That is most definately not a wolf thing!"
There's all this snickering still but I'm just too mortified to care.
"Geez Jade! I'm not even naked!" He shouts this so loud it echoes, and they all laugh - even Thor (I think, I mean it's hard to tell with my hands pressed to my face, but their laughs all vary in sound).
"You aren't?"
"No. Don't be such a girl."
I take my hands away, frowning at the leaves as I climb to my feet. Then I look at Thor and he's wearing just his boxers and looking annoyed and I'm gasping and smacking my hands over my eyes, so quickly it feels like I slapped myself, and I feel my skin stinging.
"You have to watch Jade! How will you know what to do? You want to kill yourself, or your- your guardian?"
I don't answer these questions. Just stand there feeling unbalanced by my lack of vision. A voice addresses me and I just knew it was Tamas, already I can feel we aren't going to get on. "Hey Princess, I thought teenage girls were meant to be all crazy hyped up on hormones?"
"Not this one!" I growl in the direction I hear him from.
There's a while of just shuffling and muttering and I think they think I'll give. I won't. I'm stubborn.
"Right. Jade, Thor's put some spare clothes on and he's going to show you how to make the first change," Farrell intones. I look and he's right. Thor's wearing some baggy old stuff and I frown along with him.
"Where did you get those?"
Farrell shakes a hold-all bag at me, "That's what I meant earlier. You making things complicated. You can let those clothes you're wearing get ripped or you can take something from here, your choice how attached to them you are really."
"But where did the bag-"
"We keep some of our clothes in there so wherever we make the change back we've got something to wear. Keep them by the purple beech trees." I stare at him for a second then realise he doesn't literally mean a purple tree. He means trees like the one behind him, with the reddy kind of leaves.
"Through out the whole woodland?"
"Sure. There aren't so many purple beeches. Enough that there's one within a two minute walk from wherever you're standing."
I release a big breath. This is a really dreadful start. I never planned for pack life. To be honest, anything I fantasised after the change was pretty vague. It didn't occur to me I would be dealing with eight morons and my Father. I bite my lip at the bag of clothes. Oh what the hey, I don't really care what I throw on - these I'm wearing now can burn in hell for all I care. And I'm not changing with this lot about.
"OK."
Thor raises his eyebrows, like he doesn't want to get his hopes up my hassle is over. "OK?"
"OK."
He strides off to the gap between Bastian and Si. "Your first time, so you'll need a good run up."
More than one person muttered - show off. Thor leans back on one leg then throws himself forward as he sprints. He crouches lower as he goes then leaps into the air, transforming as he flies and landing terrifyingly without breaking his stride.
A fully formed, fanged and clawed wolf is running towards me. I hardly even think. I just feel a scream (unlike any previous scream of mine) torn from my throat, spinning around and attaching myself to the collosal oak. My limbs flash as I hightail it up the trunk.
That branch, right foot, left hand - faster, faster - left foot - FASTER! The branches and the breeze combine to make a whip that stings my arms and my face. It doesn't matter to me. Infact I climb for a long while till I even remember there are people on the ground. Then I stop and look down.
They are like match stick people. Except for the wolf, that from this height could almost be mistaken for a dog - no. No he could be nothing but a wolf, it's the way he sits that is like a dog. Staring up into the trees, at me.
I feel only anger and bitterness as I wait for the laughter to reach me. Embarrassment at my own ridiculous cowardice. Bitter that I always make an idiot of myself so completely. But then I see something of alarm in the tiny people. And then they raise their hands to their faces and they begin to shout.
"JADE! Come down! Come down from there! Jade get down!"
Now I can't help laughing 'cause they're scared. Don't know why, buncha wimps. So I let go of the trunk with my hands to tease them, putting my hands to my ears, "What did you say?"
Now they're desperate, "GET DOWN FROM THE TREE! JADE! JADE! GET DOWN!"
I shrug, and I don't know why I do it. A sudden reckless urge that's too sweet to resist- too strong. I jump. And hear them yell in horror, I even catch what one of them says, "Not that way!"
Because it's a long way down. A wonderfully long way down. And I land perfectly in front of Tamas, bending my knees and straightening happily. I grin at their pale, shocked faces. Si clutches his head, shaking it. "Not that way. If you had- I mean- Raul would have skinned us alive."
Max shakes his head too, infact most of them are doing this. "Don't do that again."
"That's not natural," Bastian shudders, "Wolves don't climb trees."
I'm confused. "Werewolves don't like heights?"
"No." Is the short answer I get. Then there's some laughter and jokes about girls who should just stay at home.
Then it's my turn.
I stand where they tell me, can't help but glance nervously at the expectant faces watching me. I try to just concentrate. But instead I keep shifting my weight from foot to foot. I test out different stances. I don't run.
"Chicken! Raul's gonna laugh his as-"
"Tamas."
"-butt off."
I swing my head automatically in irritation to look at him, death rays shooting from my eyes. "Shut up!"
Then I grit my teeth an I run forwards.