Numb.
It was the only feeling I could even think of to describe this feeling. I felt so, empty. But at the same time, I felt like I was about to explode.
I was shaking, tears all over my face.
I was rocking back and forth, sitting on the floor in the silent hotel room I had returned to shortly after Michael texted me saying Luke was no longer in the room.
Why did I break up with him?
How stupid could I be?
Just leaving him like that? With no chance to let him explain?
He needs help, he’s so vulnerable and I left him when he needs me the most. I’m such a horrible person, he probably really fucking hates me right now.
All I wanted to do was just go back to normal and be in his arms. Have my back facing him as he wrapped his arms tightly around my waist and pull me in closer to his chest as he kissed my shoulder ever so softly like I was some sort of delicate flower.
We were never really normal in the first place, though.
But normal’s boring.
***
“Are you dipping your pretzels in peanut butter?” Luke questioned, his eyebrows furrowed as he bit his lip, holding back laughter.
I swung my legs back and forth, the back of my feet hitting the cupboard beneath me as I was sitting on the bench top with my legs dangling.
“Shut up. It’s weird, I know” I laughed, poking my tongue out to hide my embarrassment.
He stepped closer to me, now standing in between my legs.
“Weird is good” he said softly kissing my nose.
“The weirder,” he whispered, his voice vibrating against my lower jaw as he kissed it,
“The better.” he finished, kissing the corner of my mouth.
***
I started crying harder as I began to reminisce over all the memories I made with Luke, both the good and the bad.
***
“I’m so scared, Luke” I stammered as I cried into his chest, most likely ruining his plain white t-shirt.
“Hey hey baby, shhhhh, it’s okay” he soothed, combing his fingers through my hair.
“It was just a nightmare baby, I’m not going anywhere I promise” he whispered, kissing my temple.
“I love you” I said softly into the crook of his neck, “I love you too angel” he replied.
***
“Oh my God Luke! You need to stop! You’re so overprotective!” I screamed,
“Well EXCUSE ME for trying to look out for my girlfriend!” he screamed back,
“You weren’t looking out for me! You were being a jealous prick! God, I’m allowed to talk to other guys!” I yelled.
“Well I’m sure that if you saw me talking to another girl and looking all flirty you’d get angry too!” he spat,
“Well I wouldn’t fucking hit an innocent person just because I got jealous!” I snapped,
“Jesus Christ! You don’t even care about that guy. You’re only trying to prove a point here! If you knew him like I did you wouldn’t even be talking to him. Fuck, gee sorry for getting fired up about a greasy guy on pot staring at your boobs and wanting to get in your pants.” He screamed.
“Fucking hell” I sighed, putting my head in my hands and trying to fight back tears that I knew were about to come.
I heard Luke sigh before I felt a presence beside me, putting an arm around my shoulders.
“I’m sorry” he said softly.
“I’m sorry too, he was an asshole anyways,” I laughed.
He shook his head at me before joining in with the laughter.
“God, if I didn’t love you so much I wouldn’t be laughing right now” he chuckled, making me look up at him and smile genuinely before leaning in and kissing him.
***
“I love you so much,” I whispered, curling up into him even more.
“I love you more,” he giggled, like a girl in high school, which made me laugh.
“I’m going to marry you one day, and we’re going to have kids, but only if you want to have kids. Because I mean, you’d be such a fantastic mum, you really would” he said, making my heart flutter.
“You really think so?” I asked softly, “Yes, I really do” he replied, playing with my fingers - something I had recognized as a habit of his.
“Good, because I think you’d be a lovely father” I smiled, “yeah?” “yeah.”
“That settles it then, because in a few years, I’m going to come up with some amazing way to propose to you, and then a few years after that, we’re going to have the cutest little kids ever. Especially the girl, she’ll look just like you, I know it. And you’ll be my big princess, and she’ll be my little princess” he explained.
My heart melted at the thought.
“And the little boy will look just like you. And he’ll be my little rockstar, and you’ll be my big rockstar” I giggled, making him smile.
“God, I love you” he whispered, “Good, because I love you too” I whispered back.
***
And that’s when I realized, that there was no way I could let this relationship go to waste after one mistake, even if it was as big as this.
I love him, so much, and I wasn’t going to lose him. Because if I did, I don’t think I’d ever love anyone again.
He was my sunshine, even on rainy days, he was my moon; watching over me at night, and he was all of my stars. Every single one of them.
I wasn’t going to throw everything out the window just because he was on drugs.
I was supposed to help him, and that’s what I planned on doing.
So I jumped up from my spot on the carpet, grabbing my key for the room and my phone before stepping out of the room and locking the door behind me and running over to Michael’s room.
I knocked on the door quickly, only for it to be pulled open in seconds by a worried looking Michael, who let me in immediately.
“Daniella, you look like shit” Alex said softly, coming over to me and giving me a hug.
“Well thanks, that’s exactly what I wanted to hear right now,” I laughed.
She laughed back, before pulling away from the hug and that’s when I saw everyone.
Michael, Alex, Calum, Ashton, Ella, their manager John, the tour doctor, their make up artist, and a whole lot more of the crew that I had seen before.
Everyone, but him.
Everyone, but Luke.
Where was he?
“Where’s Luke?” I asked quickly, despite the fact that I really didn’t want to hear the answer.
“Do you want to sit down sweetheart? This may be a lot for you to take in,” a member of the crew I didn’t recognize offered,
“Where’s Luke?!” I repeated more firmly.
“He um - Daniella, Luke came to me last night, and he told me about the heroin. There’s no easy way to say this, but we all know he has a heroin addiction. He told me he wanted to get better, for you.” John said,
“Where is he?” I asked softly, with tears beginning to run down my face.
“He’s gone to a rehab facility,” John said.
“For how long? What rehab facility? I want to go and visit him,” I questioned.
“12 months is the minimum,” my heart sunk, “I’m sorry sweetie, the doctors there told us he isn’t ready to have visitors or calls or anything along those lines, no technology, etc.” he finished.
“Oh my God” I said softly, more to myself than anyone else.
I wasn’t going to see the boy I loved for another 12 months, the boy I could hardly go a day without seeing.
But the thing that frightened me more than anything else, was the question that kept replaying itself in my head, over and over.
Was Luke still going to love me when those 12 months are over?
---
WOWOWOWOWOW
ALL OF U THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO MAKE LUKE DIE WHAT
I'M NOT JOHN GREEN
LUKE'S GOING TO REHAB FOR 12 MONTHS??? MAYBE MORE???? NOT SURE HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS????
WOW THE LAST FEW CHAPTERS HAVE JUST BEEN DUMPING SHIT ON Y'ALL SO QUICKLY LIKE DRUGS EX GIRLFRIEND REHAB
K DEN LUKE
OKAY I LOVE YOU GUYS I'LL BE UPDATING AGAIN SOON I PROMISE!
LOVE ASH X