My heart is actually broken. I twisted my ankle and dropped my poor baby aka my phone. I am so upset I've had this phone since November and this is the first time I've scratched. Guys my poor iPhone bounced on the concrete, and at that moment my heart bounced too. I am actually so upset 😭😩😩. And this was all because a stupid lady tried to steal my uber. It's been a long day man 😩😩 ffs now I'm gonna have to look at that stupid scratch every time I use it. #firstworldproblems.
*****
If there was two people I wouldn't miss if they disappeared it was Kendra and Nicole. I couldn't stand them. From the time they formed a friendship over their hate for me I knew they were unserious candidates. Imagine, your whole friendship is based on the fact that you don't like me, the fact that one girl can irk you so much that you form an alliance to chat shit. Like damn son. I can't help that I am so poppin.
Now I wasn't a mean girl. I wasn't a girl who walked around reeking havoc and causing drama. I genuinely believed in minding my own business. I was a social introvert. I knew a lot of the main people in my year group however I still managed to keep to myself and away from drama. I knew people but they didn't know me. I had successfully managed to keep myself to myself whilst simultaneously allowing people to think that they knew me. That in itself was an art form. With that being established, not a lot of people really knew me so when someone didn't like me I knew it wasn't because I did anything to them except from simply existing. And I loved it. I loved that I had the ability to irk and irritate people without doing nothing because that literally proved that I had haters. And without haters sweetheart can you really say that you are poppin?
In the case of Kendra and Nicole their hate was simply because they wasn't me. That may sound wild and some what cocky but that was the truth. Kendra was a girl who had spent her time laying on her back and still hadn't been wifed. She had been sleeping with my boyfriend last year and when I broke up with him he had not upgraded her contract from side chick to wifey, in fact he didn't even renew her side chick contract. As his former side chick her hate was some what warranted because she was never promoted. She wasn't me, the girlfriend, the position that she truly desired. So she was super pressed. And did I care? No because I felt no way about putting her back in her place when she got out of line.
Then there was Nicole who I personally believe is somehow related to Jerome because I am convinced that that level of deranged can only be inherited. The girl was insecure and it showed in her antics. She was Trey's on and off girlfriend. And she was jealous of everyone and anyone who was in contact with him. If she could I'm sure she would also be jealous of his clothes because they were touching him. Nicole was such an irrational girlfriend and it didn't make sense because Trey did nothing to make her doubt his love and loyalty to her. The boy worshipped the ground she walked on but it was clear that she had let her insecurities get the best of her. She looked like Terry Crews and that's okay because her man still loved her. Then there was Trey. Hands down the most attractive guy in our college. Even teachers blushed when he spoke to them. The boy was dripping swagu so of course girls were on him like flies. Bad bs were up in his DMs and he would ignore them all for her. It was clear that he loved her but they were always breaking up because she was always moving mad.
The one person she was insecure about though was me. She hated me so much. Me and Trey had been friends since birth. Everyone knew that. I'm his best friend and I personally don't mind taking a step back if it means that he will be happy. Moreover I'm dealing with my own relationship and it's issues. But for some reason Little Nicki was convinced that there was something going on between us. I had told sis that if I wanted Trey he would be all up in me because my pussy pops severely but she didn't seem to get it. If I wanted her man then she wouldn't have a man. Loool but seriously Trey was my best friend and we didn't see each other like that but she was just jealous that I knew him better than her. Which is understandable but I can't help the fact that we have grown up together.
Me, Kendra and Nicole were in the same philosophy class which as you can imagine was hilarious. It was hilarious how much these girls hated me when I had literally done nothing apart from being myself. Our teacher wasn't in so we was left with the task of completing our essay on A.J Ayer. Most people would leave in a situation like this, including me, but the implications paper was a big 50 marks and I aimed to get at least 45 marks for the essay in my final A2 exam.
"He told me he's falling in love with me and I think it's so funny because certain gyal get too gassed thinking they're wifey. Like no hey sis he's our man." Kendra said obnoxiously.
Nicole burst out laughing "Naaahhh Ken you're too petty." She said looking at me.
I blinked and continued with my work. I just found it funny that she really thought she was getting to me. If there was any truth in her statement I wouldn't exactly die. My life would go on. She seemed like a weak bitch anyways and she talked too much. Jerome would literally beat her tf up because she was too loud. Jerome felt no way about hitting women. The only difference is that I felt no way about knocking him tf out either. If he slapped me I can guarantee you I would leave a mark on his face. The relationship wasn't healthy, nor was it ideal but I always fought back because I knew if I didn't then he would beat me to a pulp.
Kendra continued to chat shit and I let her because I knew I would physically drag her one of these days. This girl was flirting with death. She eventually left class early leaving her deranged friend to stare at me. Nicole was honestly a nutter. Staring at me wasn't going to change the fact me and Trey was close. It really wasn't. I think in her heart she truly believed that her looks could kill however I was still breathing so...
As soon as I finished my timed essay I left looking for Jerome. We actually needed to talk because this situation was unhealthy. I had had enough of this joke of a relationship and it needed to end. I didn't want to end the relationship on bad terms but at the same time we wasn't going to be bredrins. This wasn't because I hated him but I could not fathom being friends with someone I was once in love with.
I reluctantly went to his business class where I knew his lesson should be finishing. As I got there I soon realised that the classroom was empty. This could mean one of two things: either his class left early or business was being held in a classroom. After calling and messaging without a reply, I gave up and decided to go home.
Like a dickhead I had left my Oyster card at home which meant I was stuck walking home. All my friends had finished an hour earlier than me so getting a ride home wasn't an option. I called Jerome again because that twenty minute walk up that long ass hill, wasn't looking appealing. Again no reply. Giving up, I knew I had no choice but to walk home. Before leaving college I decided to go to the toilet to fix my hair. Grabbing my toothbrush (don't judge me) I began to apply gel and tame my baby hairs that had frizzed out over the day. I was yet to find a gel that laid my hair the way Curls Passionfruit Control Paste did (which was currently out of stock).
Satisfied with the way my baby hairs framed my face, I gave myself the once over before deciding to leave. However my bladder was telling me otherwise. I hopped up and down like a toddler, deliberating on whether to use the toilets or not. I was convinced that the college toilets harboured all types of diseases. It actually baffled me how disgusting girls could be, used menstrual pads discarded on the floor, just trifling. Fuck it, I thought as the urge to pee came over me. I stumbled into one of the empty cubicles that actually was clean and went into a squat position. Midway through my pee I heard a kissing couple stumble in. Lord please dont let them do it. I prayed in my head. My college was grimy. The students had no self respect and would get freaky any and everywhere.
I flushed the toilet and decided to make a swift exit as I didn't want to slip up and see someone's asshole. But nothing could prepare me for what I was about to see. The girl began to moan as Jerome yes my boyfriend Jerome nibbled on her breast through her bra, in a teasing manner. The same way he would tease me.
I froze in shock. I couldn't believe what I was witnessing. They paused in shock by the sudden noise interrupting their intimate moment. Kendra smirked as she looked at both me and Jerome. I took a mental note of that smirk because I was going to have the exact same smirk on my face when I dragged her.
Jesus, I said I didn't want to fight today. With your strength I will walk away. - said no angry girl ever.
The smirk on her face irritated me. I wanted to know what was so amusing. Calmly I made my way to the sink and washed my hands. They watched me in silence as I dried my hands. My heart was pounding. I wasn't hurt but angry instead. It was like people were really trying to test my patience. It was almost like he forgot I have hands just because I try not to argue with him anymore. But a quick reminder would show him I wasn't the one.
"So I'm just assuming you don't value your life." I said calmly to no one in particular. None of them clearly appreciated the life God gave them. You know Jesus did not die on the cross for this.
"Huh?"
"HuHh." I said in a mocking tone as I clicked my knuckles, a bad habit I had adopted every time I was angry or anxious. Within a second I had slapped him so hard that it echoed in the bathroom. "I SAID DO YOU NOT VALUE YOUR FUCKING LIFE YOU FUCKING PRICK WHY ARE YOU PLAYING WITH ME WHEN YOU KNOW I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE?!! ARE YOU FUCKING DUMB?!" I screamed slapping him and punching him repeatedly in the face. "YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO BE FUCKING THIS DUMB BITCH!!" I said as I kicked Kendra to the side. I would drag her another day. This wasn't about her but about Jerome and his wandering ways.
If there was one thing that Jerome hated it was when I raised my voice at him. "ARE YOU MAD?!" Jerome yelled standing up and pushing his hand in my face.
At this point I snapped. "Move your fucking fishy fingers from my face you dickhead. Are you waved? You've been fingering this bitch and you want to put your dirty hands in my face. Are you mad?" I said slapping his hand away from my face.
Then the unprecedented happened. The side bitch fixed her mouth to speak. I'm still shocked at the audacity.
"Are you dumb? My pum is anything but fishy" she stated with confidence. Honestly. I will never understand some girls.
"Ok explain that to the cleaner who's gonna have to smell bacteria vaginosis tomorrow morning." I said in a dismissive tone.
"Are-" she started.
"Bitch was I fucking speaking to you? Stay on the sidelines where you belong. Don't let me start on you because I will literally tear you up and it will be more than a kick in your back you best believe that."
She smirked smugly and then said in a patronising tone, "You're just mad because he loves me." Guys. She said it with her chest. Love ke?
I giggled. Then Jerome giggled. And then we were full on laughing. Sometimes you just have to laugh at the delusional because there's no point entertaining their madness. Her face dropped in embarrassment as she watched me and my soon to be ex laugh in her face. I would be shocked too because we was literally at each others throats a minute ago. But this was just a prime example of how dysfunctional me and Jerome actually were.
Jerome's laugh soon came to a halt as he looked at her. "You're actually moving mad. Wait in the car bruv, you're just chatting bare air. Move man. Was anyone talking to you?" He said in a serious yet dismissive tone. You would think they would have at least had a united front and then he would pattern her in the car but nope. Jerome was still disrespectful as ever. She got up leaving just us two in the girls toilets. My breathing slowed as I calmed down and tried to think logically instead of emotionally.
"Baby you know she's nothing to me. Plus we haven't had se-"
"Jerome." I said interrupting him. "Don't try to justify it. You cheated. You've cheated before when I was doing splits in the bedroom and you're cheating now when we're not having sex. So don't stand in my fucking face and justify this shit."
"Rae Rae." He said reaching his arm out to hold me.
"DON'T!!" I said shaking "Don't touch me."
I took a moment to breathe as I planned to say everything that I had rehearsed in my head the day before. After a moment of silence I finally spoke up.
"You know I'm not even sad. I can't even say I'm heartbroken. I'm not even surprised. But I just find it funny that you spent everyday ensuring that I didn't do the exact same thing you was doing. It's like you won't be satisfied until I am completely broken."
Then he started doing dramatics. "Baby please. You know I love you. These past months I've fucked up. It's the weed man. It's got me moving paranoid. I know you're not like that. I will let you do you man. I will let you be you again. I love you Serayah. I love you just take me back we can work through this." He said with tears in his eyes.
"You are actually funny. You are really trying to blame weed for your actions. Is everything okay back home? Are you dumb? If you ever in your miserable life think that I will take you back after this shit then your mum raised a fucking fool. It is over, finished, finito, done, dead, dusted, locked off." I paused as I began to get angry again.
"You even have the nerve to be doing dramatic tears. Crocodile tears. You know I tried. Anything to make you happy, whether it meant cutting off a friend or changing the way I dressed I done it. And you have the cheek to cheat on me again. Are you dumb?"
"Serayah I can't lose you again. We can work through this." He said begging on his knees. I now understood why he had to dismiss Kendra. Imagine if she saw this. She would truly understand how pathetic he is.
"WORK THROUGH WHAT? You are the one who cheated. You. Its happened you cheated. Why should we work through it. You need to figure out why I'm not enough for you."
"Baby please you are more than everything to me. I need you. I will work on myself but please don't give up on me."
I knew what he was doing. He was trying to manipulate me and get me to show sympathy. But that wasn't going to work on me again.
"Oya open your ears. This relationship is over, finished. You even have the cheek to be begging. When I was begging you to leave me alone, to let go of my hair, to stop hitting me did you listen? Now you're begging. Wawu. The same Jerome who would backhand me. Wow. You actually make me sick."
"Don't be like that."
I laughed bitterly "Be like what? I should spin your jaw but I'm sure HIV, chlamydia, syphillis or whatever STD you're gonna catch is going to do that for me. I won't even ask you why you're fucking her. I know you can't explain why you're a psychotic narcissistic woman hungry prick. You are trash. You are the reason #menaretrash is popping on Twitter. And guess what?" I paused letting him have a chance to speak.
"What?" He said dejectedly.
"You are no longer my problem." I said smiling smugly.
Do you want to know what the joke is? He didn't respond. Loud, controlling, aggressive Jerome didn't respond. The boy was speechless and I took that as my cue to leave.
I walked out of the bathroom feeling numb. I wasn't sad or anything. The relationship had ended months ago but I was honestly more angry; angry at myself, angry at the fact that I put up with his shit and angry at the fact that this boy still played me with the same girl. Was I not woman enough for him?
I didn't realise it but tears was running down my eyes and I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't realise I was crying until I had bumped into someone.
"Rae?" A familiar voice said.
"Trey what you doing here I thought you had left."
"Gym, my arms are fully dead like imagine I was doing dead lifts when this peng tin- yo are you crying? What's wrong b?" He asked
"Trey after everything....after everything he still went to that reptile." I said whimping.
"Rahhhh. He's a dickhead who doesn't deserve you. Bmt if it makes you feel better I can break a couple bones-"
"Trey." I said laughing lightly.
"On a level it doesn't take long to catch a body." He chuckled "Nahhh but seriously stop crying b. He's not worth your tears. Real Gs don't cry over fuck boys."
I wiped my tears "Alie does he not know who tf I am?"
"Come on! Bad b Rae." He hugged me again "You're gonna be okay b. Trust me." He said kissing my forehead.
"Trust me." His voice rang in my head.
Without another word Trey unlocked his door to his Vauxhall Astra and let me in. He then gave me the aux cord and let me play all the songs from my 'heartache' playlist as he proceeded to drive me towards the shopping centre. Eventually he pulled up outside Costa and got out the car. Trey came back as quickly as he left, passing me a medium Tropical Cooler and a big chunky chocolate cookie. (AN: tropical cooler bangs like it tastes so peng, you're missing out of you haven't tried it).
"Thank you."
"No problem b. You know I've always got your back." He replied as he placed a soft kiss on my cheek and started the ignition.
And for the first time that day I smiled. My heart was broken but I didn't feel the pain because I was numb.
*****
That's the end of this chapter lovelies please comment and vote and let me know what you think.