*Justin*
2:12 PM
"You alright?" I asked Bella, looking over as she shifted in her seat.
"Yeah, my burn is just acting up."
"Do you need your medicine?"
"No, no it's ok. We're almost home - and my medicine would require taking the bandage off and - no it's ok."
"Are you sure?" I reached over, scooping up her hand in mine and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"Yeah, I'll be ok. We have like ten minutes."
"You excited?"
"Yeah," She nodded quickly, smiling over at me. "I really am."
"Well good. I'm glad you're coming home."
"Are you still coming over for Christmas Eve?"
"Do you want me to?" I raised an eyebrow, looking up at her in the rearview mirror.
"Of course I do. It's Christmas."
"I know, I know - I just...I don't know."
"I want you there. I really do."
"Ok...well if you're dad let's me stay tonight...I'll have to leave in the morning to get your presents, and I should stop by and see my family for a little while, but I'll still come over at three, and I'll call when I get there and when I'm on my way."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I told you I was going to do anything to earn your trust back. I mean that."
"I know you do."
We pulled into her neighborhood, and eventually pulled up to her house.
It felt like it had been months since I had been here.
"Wait for me, I'll help."
"Justin..."
I had already gotten out of the car and went over to the side where she already had the door open.
"Bella, be careful. You literally just got out of the hospital." I helped her down gently, holding tightly to her hand.
"I know...is it weird that I'm actually excited to see my brother and Dad?"
"No." I shook my head, tucking a strand of her hair back. "Not at all."
The door opened to her house, but it wasn't Josh or Sean that came out, and Bella's eyes widened, a smile curling along her lips.
"Mom?!"
"Oh my god, sweetheart."
They ran to each other, and by the time Sean and Josh came out of the house, the girls were both crying.
I didn't blame them at all.
This was all my fault. I wouldn't be surprised if Josh ran down here and smashed my face in. I wouldn't fight him off either.
I found myself walking forward, just a little because I was hesitant, especially when Josh moved forward.
That's when Bella pulled away from her Mom, watching as Josh got closer - and the weirdest thing happened.
Josh hugged me.
"Thank you for saving my sister."
"Of course." I swallowed, hugging him back for a minute before we pulled back, and Bella smiled softly, quickly wiping her eyes.
Then the hugs were passed around to her, everyone being gentle while I got her bags out of the car, sighing discreetly.
If she wouldn't have met me that day...she'd be happier. I was too selfish to let her go at this point. I didn't deserve her.
I never would.
"I can help." Josh came up beside me, lightly taking one of the two bags I had of Bella's.
"Thanks."
"No problem."
We followed in behind everyone else, and then went to her room to put her bags down.
"How is she?" Josh asked, putting his hands in his pockets.
"Um...I'm not really sure... really jumpy - and scared."
"That doesn't suprise me." He sighed, looking around her room. "At least she's ok."
"Yeah." I nodded, weakly smiling at him before we walked out.
"Justin?" Bella's voice filled the hall and I held out my hand just in time to keep her from bumping into me, a light grip on her shoulders.
"Hey, I'm right here." I slid my hands up to her neck, moving my thumbs along her cheeks. "You ok?"
"Yeah, I just asked my dad if you could stay...you know with me tonight. He said it was ok, do you still want to?"
"Of course I do."
"Well my mom is in the guest bedroom...so he wants you to sleep on the couch in my room, but when they're asleep you can forget that."
Her voice was only a whisper, and she was smiling, her hands rested on my lower abdomen.
"Alright, sounds good to me." I chuckled, leaning down and pressed my lips to her forehead.
I wanted to kiss her lips, I really did...I hadn't kissed her for almost three weeks now. I just didn't know if she wanted me to...if I even had that right anymore.
I had to earn it back, little by little, and if that meant not kissing her the way a wanted to for a couple of weeks...I'd deal with it.
"We're having pizza for dinner, and I know we had Chickfila earlier, but I never thought I'd be thankflu for something such as pizza until I had that damn hospital food."
"I'm glad you're excited about food."
"Shhh," She blushed quickly, the smile fading from her face. "Justin, you said you wouldn't-"
"I won't, I'm just saying," I sighed, gently pulling her a little closer to me. "I'm worried about you."
"There isn't any reason to be. I'm fine."
"Bells, come on-"
"Stop, please." She swallowed, quickly looking down.
"I'm sorry."
"It's ok."
"We should change your bandage."
"Yeah."
I took her hand, pulling her back to her room and into the bathroom, then went for her bag and got out the medicine with a fresh bandage.
"Are you mad at me?" She asked, fiddling with her palms.
"What? No. Why would I be?" I asked her, walking in and gently lifted her up on the counter to the sink by her hips.
"Because I was being mean and snappy when I know you just care about me."
"Of course I do." I frowned, tucking back her hair. "I wish you saw how beautiful you are."
"Justin-"
"No. Listen to me. You're beautiful. Now I don't know where in the world you got the idea that you're not, but you are. So you need to push those thoughts away and listen to me."
She nodded, a small smile curling along her lips.
"Say it." I instructed, leaning closer so she held my gaze.
"Just-"
"Say it."
"I'm beautiful."
"Yes you are." I grinned at her, kissing the tip of her nose. "Now let's put this bandage on."
______________________________
*Justin*
9:36 PM
Everyone had now gone to bed, and desipte the pillow and blankets Sean had brought into Bella's room for me, I laid next to her, waiting for her to drift off to sleep before i did.
"What's wrong?" I asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and thumbed her cheek. "Does something hurt?"
"No, nothing hurts."
"What is it?"
"What are you going to tell the police?"
"I-I don't know. That was kind of pushed to the back of mind for now...but I have to tell the truth."
"They'll take you away from me. They can't do that- this wasn't your fault either- it was Manny's. He did this and-"
"But they have to know. They have to know that I can help them catch him. He'll be gone forever. We can be happy, we'll have a family one day and we won't have to be scared. You won't have to be afraid anymore Bella."
"But I need you. You've changed, you're different. I have to go back to that place - he knows where I am and he's still out there. All those people died and I feel so guilty. Every time something falls or even the slightest sound is made, I flinch and it's embarrassing. He wanted to kill me to hurt you. I can't imagine what it would be like to live without you - and what if he would have won? Then you'd live out the rest of your life blaming yourself- and- and..." She was sobbing now, her face rested in my chest as I held her, pressing my lips against the side of her head.
She trembled underneath me, I could feel my shirt clenched by her fists, and I didn't care.
I just wanted her to be happy again...to feel safe.
"He didn't win Bella. We did. He's never going to win. I love you. I love you and I'm always going to protect you. I'm never going to fail you again, I promise, but it's ok to be scared."
"Not like this." She cried out into my chest, trying to pull herself closer. "This isn't ok."
"I'm going to be here the whole night. You're safe with me, and you can't put the guilty thoughts in your head."
"You can't go to jail."
"Bella, they have to know everything in order to catch him. If I just sit here and don't tell them everything, they are going to find out about me later - they'll think I was involved. I bet you they are already going to twist things and try to say I was involved when they ask questions."
"What? Why?"
"Because they played it off so well. Think about it. You and Trent - I hated him. He kissed you. He was also Angela's boyfriend, who was trying to get with me. You broke up a week with me before this all happened and I was on drugs. They could say that I was angry, that I-"
"No they can't. They can't do that because everyone watched you pull me out of the fire."
"Yeah, and they can say I did that to cover my ass."
"You didn't do it! They know who did it!"
"Bella, calm down. Everything is going to be ok."
"You're not going to jail. You're not."
"Sleep." I said in her ear, kissing her temple after. "Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and we are home now. It's ok to escape for a little while. Get some rest."
She didn't argue back, her head nuzzled deeper into my chest, and I moved my hands slowly along her back so I didn't hurt her, but I knew it was one of those things that helped her sleep.
I knew when her breathing steadied again she was really asleep, and I rested my lips in her hair, holding her as tightly as I could without hurting her.
I knew I had to talk to her Dad, but when was the main concern. I had things to say Bella didn't know about, and it had to stay that way.
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*Bella*
8:42 PM
I groaned with a small stretch as I woke up, feeling my eyes swollen when I tried to open them and nestled back in the covers.
It was definitely from me crying last night.
When I looked beside me my heart quickened a little, because Justin wasn't there.
But I sat up straight, and his bag was still on the couch, and the blanket there had been messed with.
Maybe he moved last night.
I pushed myself up, going over to my vanity and picked up my concealer, blending it in quickly before leaving my room.
"Justin? Dad? Mom?"
"Hi sweetheart." Mom said as I walked in the kitchen to the smell of pancakes. "Here, have something to eat."
Josh was in there too, but there was no sign of Dad or Justin.
"Where's Justin and Dad?"
"They're talking. They have been for a while now. They should be done soon."
"Oh, ok."
That scared me a little bit in itself. I knew what they were talking about- at least I think I did.
And I was scared that Dad would try to make me say goodbye again.
My stomach was in knots, and I tried to eat, but it wasn't until Justin came out that I really couldn't touch anything.
"What happened?" I asked, scanning his face for some sort of idea.
He nodded his head for me to follow, and I got that knot in my stomach again, unsure of what he was about to tell me.
I stood up, following Justin into the hall and reached for his arm, my heart pounding in my chest.
"Justin, what's going on?"
"Nothing - I mean...I told him everything. You're Dad knows everything...but he told me not to go to the police. He's going to drop an anonymous tip and work out some stuff. He can do that...and he basically said he knows it would kill you to see me in jail, so he's taking care of it."
"He knows you've killed people?"
"Yes, and why I did. I didn't have a choice. I'm lucky you didn't run when that happened, and this way I won't go to jail. They won't know it was me...but then there's still the question of you in all this...as long as you stick with what you said before I think you'll be ok."
"Ok..." I whispered, fiddling with my hands as I looked down at the ground.
"It's going to be ok." He coaxed, taking my hands and tugged me a step closer, being careful as he let go and slid his hands to the small of my back.
My hands rested on his chest, his lips lightly pressing against my forehead.
He hadn't kissed me for a good two weeks...maybe three. Sure, I'd gotten countless pecks on the cheek and forehead...which was sweet but...we hadn't had an intimate kiss for...three weeks.
It had almost been three weeks.
At this point I thought he didn't want to kiss me, that he was still sorting things out, that possibly he was just afraid of hurting me.
I don't know.
"I'm sorry about last night," I told him, curling my fingers just a little against his shirt. "About crying and-"
"Don't apologize. You have every reason to be worried and upset. There's nothing to apologize for."
"Ok." I quickly nodded, slipping my arms up and around his neck and hugged him, resting my face in the crevice of his neck.
"I should go after we eat. I'm going to pop in to see my family for a little while, get your presents, and I'll come back."
"Alright." I nodded again, but tightened my grip, taking in his familiar scent, closing my eyes as we stood there.
"Will you be ok?"
"Yeah, I will. I have the rest of my family here, I'll be ok."
"Ok."
I pulled back to see him smiling softly, and I wanted to give him a short peck on the lips, but I didn't.
Instead he took my hand, leading me off into the kitchen where I had left my pancakes and sat beside me.
My mom smiled, and my dad was in there now. I was surprised they were in the same room...just because of my mom maybe.
"Morning Izzy." Dad smiled, looking up from his coffee.
"Morning." I smiled back, a real smile as I saw that everything was ok.
He wasn't trying to get Justin out of my life again after he knew those things.
My mom was here - with my dad and brother under the same roof.
Maybe this is what Justin felt like.
__________________
*Justin*
3:52 PM
After stopping by my parents house for a bit, I headed back to my apartment, looking around after I unlocked the door and pushed it open, dropping my bag to the floor.
I felt like I hadn't been home in ages...maybe not home...just here. I hadn't really missed this place.
I headed into my room, opening up the closet and flipped through my shirts, pulling down a dark blue button up and then went into my dresser for my black dress pants.
I wanted to look somewhat dressed up, especially for dinner with her parents on Christmas Eve.
I took a quick shower, letting my musles relax in the hot water for a few minutes before I got out and got dressed.
I told Bella I'd be there about five...and I couldn't be late. It was all about trust. I needed her to trust me again.
So I blow dried my hair in its usual way, then sprayed myself with cologne before making sure I had her presents, then dialed her number in my phone.
"Hi Justin." I heard the smile in her voice as I grabbed my keys, opening up the door that led to the hallway before picking up the bag of presents.
"Hi, I just wanted to tell you I'm leaving now."
"Oh ok, thanks. I'm almost done getting ready myself. How is your family?"
"Good, and they demand to see you as soon as you're feeling better."
"I'd love to see them." She giggled on the other end, the sound bringing a whole new smile to my face.
"We'll figure out something, I'll see you in a few minutes?"
"Yes you will."
"Alright, I love you."
"I love you too. Bye Justin."
"Bye Bells."
I laughed at myself as I hung up, slipping my phone in my back pocket.
I liked 'Bells.'
____________
*Bella*
"I got it!" I called, pushing myself up and went to the front door, throwing it open to see Justin standing out on my porch in the snow.
"Hey."
"Hey." I smiled, reaching out and hugged him. "You look very handsome."
"Thanks, you look very pretty too."
"Thank you, my mom helped me." I felt myself blushing, and I pulled back from the hug, letting him inside.
"It smells good."
"Like Christmas." There was a huge smile on my face as he sat the bag down, my hands taking hold of his coat.
"You feeling better?"
"Yeah, at the moment I am." I nodded, feeling his hands slide along my hips.
"Great, I'm glad to hear that."
I thought he was going to kiss me then by the way he leaned in, and I guess he did, but he pressed his lips to my forehead.
For the past week it had been cute, but as each day I grew more and more frustrated.
It's Christmas Eve. Kiss me dammit.
"I think dinner was almost ready." I told him, pulling him into the kitchen by his hand.
Well, this might be one frustrating Christmas Eve.
_________________
8:12 PM
"Here, open it." I smiled, pushing the box towards Justin.
"What is it?" He asked, pulling it onto his lap.
"That's why you have to open it silly."
Justin grinned, tearing at the paper and then lifted up the lid to reveal the Knick's jersey and the tickets.
"Seriously?"
"Yeah, I thought that would be fun." I nodded, watching as he lifted it up, then smiled at me.
"Thank you." He leaned over, pecking my cheek.
"You're welcome."
I held in a sigh, weakly smiling as he reached into his pocket, my eyebrows coming together in curiousity.
"Here. Last one."
"Justin..." I started, looking at the little black box.
"Open it."
I smiled, lifting up the lid and felt my mouth fall open.
He got me a ring - not an engagement ring, but a ring.
"You like it?" Justin asked, his eyes lighting up as mine lifted up from the ring.
"Of course I do. It's a bow, it's pink, and oh my gosh, you got our names engraved in it?"
"Yeah, I did. I thought it made it more personal."
"It does." I smiled, running my finger over it. "Will you put it on?"
"Sure." He chuckled, pulling it gently out of the box and slid it on my ring finger on my right hand.
I smiled, then it faded as I thought to myself, staring at the ring.
He hadn't kissed me. I wanted to kiss him. I didn't know why...
"What's wrong?" He asked, slipping his finger under my chest.
"I-I just..." I fumbled with my hands, trying to think of the right words to say. "You haven't kissed me...not once since-"
I couldn't finish that sentence. If I did I'd cry. I didn't want to do that anymore.
"I didn't know if you wanted me to - if I was allowed to since things happened between us..." He said softly, his caramel eyes holding my gaze.
"Of course you are." I whispered back, my eyes quickly flickering down.
His hand slid my neck then, his thumb moving in a circle against my cheek.
My breathing hitched, as if this was all new, as if he was going to kiss me again for the first time.
He inched closer, as if he was afraid of hurting me, and my eyes flickered down to his lips, then back up.
God I just wanted him to kiss me.
There it was, little sparks as his lips pressed against mine lightly, my neck cupped in each of his palms.
I reached up, resting my hands on his arms and kissed him back just before the kiss broke.
"How was-"
But I cut him off, pulling him back and scooted a little closer and slid my arms around his neck, running my fingers through the ends of his hair.
His hands fell down to my waist and slowly to my back, but I jumped a little from my bruises, a whimper escaping my lips as I pulled back.
"Oh my god, Bella I'm so sorry. Are you ok?"
"No, I'm ok." I nodded, holding onto his biceps. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry. It's not your fault."
"This sucks." I mumbled, taking his hands and pulled them back around my waist.
"I know." He sighed, reaching up for a moment and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. "You'll be better soon."
I leaned in again, kissing him this time and slid my arms back around his neck.
"I love you." I said against his lips, keeping my eyes closed.
"I love you."
"My ring is beautiful. Thank you. I don't think I'm going to take it off."
"Well I'm really happy you like it."
"I do." I nodded quickly, nibbling down on my lip. "So...who are you going to take to that basketball game?"
"I was thinking Mike," He said with a straight face, watching mine fall before a smile curled back along his lips. "I'm just kidding, of course I'm taking you. We can make a date out of it."
"You might have to explain things to me...I only went to a few of the games last year, and one of them was just to see you."
"Good times." He chuckled, running his hands slowly along my sides. "Remember that one night where I almost beat the shit out of Troy?"
"Yeah I remember, and we finally decided to go back on that second date."
"Hey, I would have called you."
"Oh would you have?" I teased, running my fingers through the back of his hair again.
"Yes! Trust me, you're basically all I thought about for that week. I was just scared about possibly being in a committed relationship."
"And how is it?"
"It's not that bad."
"Shut up." I laughed, smacking him lightly on the chest.
"Its great. I love being with you." He smiled, pressing his lips to my cheek.
"I think you have to." With a giggle I leaned in closer, resting my face in the crevice of his neck. "You smell good."
"Well I hope I don't smell bad."
"No, not at all. I like your cologne...next time you should take my bear and spray it with your cologne so when you aren't around I can cuddle with my bear."
"Alright." He chuckled, kissing the tip of my nose. "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas."
I hugged him then, resting my face in the side of his neck.
It's ok to escape everything for a while...and that's what I'm doing.
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SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG.
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