Child David
Jacob's focus as a young boy was that of identity. Jacob's father (Richard) had left when Jacob was three years old. Jacob's mother (Lou) resented his father throughout Jacob's childhood and until her final days. Jacob's younger sister (Diana) as girls often do learned how to be a woman through her mother and clung to Lou for protection and security, physical as well as emotional.
Lou blamed Jacob's father for the hurt in their lives and the hurt in his mother's life was evident. Jacob realized that he was a man and that he should be as his dad was but was told that Jacob was not like his dad by his mother. He was confused and did not understand who he was. Jacob prayed to God that Jacob could have a father in his life, another man for him to model himself after. Jacob loved his mother and was eager to gain her acceptance but was constantly confused by the conflict and love she had for Jacob but not other men.
Jacob's only role model was his grandfather, he learned later that his mother had what was probably a deep resentment within herself and towards her father because she became pregnant at a young age and was sent off to a Catholic home to give her child away.
Jacob's grandfather passed when he was twelve years old and he sought out a male exemplar. The family moved into their grandfather's home after he passed. The neighbors included five boys. The youngest was Jacob's age and the oldest was 15 years older. He began to spend many hours in their home and learned that they enjoyed marijuana and alcohol, well the older boys did.
The oldest son (Carl) was married and while Jacob was at the reception he began to drink champagne. An older girl there, I imagine 17 or 18 began making out with Jacob. At the time he had moved into the garage. Jacob invited her and some other over to the garage. They played def Leopard and made out. Jacob had not even develop and was scared to death that he may fail or do something terrible with the girl. He did however enjoy this attention from someone he hardly even knew. The idea to Jacob that he could gain so much attention from a complete stranger, to be intimate made him feel wanted and some sort of relationship.
Jacob later became violently ill from the cheap champagne but was well on his way to acceptance. The neighbors began buying Jacob forties of beer before school. He would take his clanging back pack to junior high school, ditch school and sneak into the nearby creek where Jacob would drink with new different friends he began meeting who also enjoyed drinking.
Jacob found himself to be somewhat popular with the new group of girls in junior high school and to in a way enjoyed the attention without actually knowing what to do with the new fame. Jacob wanted to fit in so he began dissociating myself with his old friends who did not do drugs and started pursuing friends that enjoyed drugs and alcohol.
Jacob's friends changed as he pushed good people away and sought friends in dysfunctional families. He was happy to find people without fathers, he finally felt normal. Jacob also began to enjoy getting high and being intoxicated. He also wanted to separate himself from his mother and sister who he found no identity in.
One of Jacob's friends Michael Jones. Jones was full of charisma, strength and confidence, Jones drove a big 4x4 pick up truck and a new motorcycle. Jacob idolized Jones and soon became a companion. Jacob had gone to Jones' home that he was living in San Luis Obispo California and found himself in a coke party. He began talking to an older man who started doing lines of cocaine with Jacob. Jones was nowhere around and Jacob searched around looking for him. The older man Jacob was with, dumped out an eight ball of cocaine and told him Jones and some others where in the next room and that the older man would do the entirety of his cocaine with me if Jacob did not got into the other room. Jacob agreed but had to see what Jones was doing. Jacob found him with others in the next room, looking like they were in almost a trance. They were cooking and smoking cocaine. Jacob soon found himself involved with a new addiction and enjoyed the head change of inhaling cocaine into Jacob's lungs.
Jacob had a summer job that he used to keep his cocaine habit. After Jacob had joined the Army and was married found was informed of a memorial service for Jones. Jones had been living with his girlfriend in Lake Tahoe, and become enraged. The police were called, they saw Jones sitting with a toy gun. To his demise the police shot him seven times in the chest.
Jacob had a group of friends in high school and we spent much of his time at one of their homes and it was normally Taurus' house. His home was near the high school, his mother worked as a nurse at the State Mental Health institution in town. Taurus' mother was a alcoholic, heroin addict, cocaine freak in love with various men and women in her life. She let us do whatever we wanted to in her home and seemed to find humor in it. Taurus' older sister had a six month old baby and would supply us with marijuana and alcohol. It soon became a normal part of the day to walk over to their home put our money together to buy a fifth of whisky and get hammered while smoking as much pot as possible.
Jacob's other friends had not began smoking cocaine as he had with Brandon but many drug addicts and alcoholics who worked at the local mental institution were friends of Taurus' mom and we would party with them.
One night after smoking cocaine and broke Jacob met Reggie at Taurus' home an employee at the Mental Institution where Taurus' mom worked. Reggie told him that he had a way for us to come up with the money we needed for more cocaine. Jacob left with Reggie on our way to a local shopping center. Reggie told Jacob to find a car with a purse, break the window and take the purse. Jacob walked over to a car spotted a purse broke the window, took the purse and ran back to the car. They arrived back to Taurus' home and dumped out the contents of the purse. There was no money and the credit cards where and all belonged to Ran Crover. Ran had been a neighbor in Santa Margarita. Jacob's mother struggled to provide for Diana and Jacob and at times we had little food. We had run out of food and money and Ran would leave a hundred dollar bill from time to time on our door. Out of all the peoples purses Jacob could stolen from in the world he stole from a woman that provided food to his family when they were hungry.
Jacob freshman year of high school I took a drama class where I met my first love (Shawny). Jacob's sister and mother were leaving for the weekend to a women's church retreat and he would have the house to himself. Shawny's brother dropped her off and he pulled out a board game for us to play. Shawny pulled off her shirt revealing two huge beautiful breasts. She then asked if they were going to the bedroom. Jacob had to process what was happening and thought to himself that she was bored with the board game and I was getting lucky. The following week Shawny dumped me for a sophomore, Jacob was heartbroken. Over the next couple of years Shawny and Jacob would get together here and there for this and that.
Jacob had not seen his father since elementary school and began drinking more and partaking of drugs on more than a regular basis. One of the neighbor brothers (Mark) was a drug dealer in town. Jacob dropped out of school and would spend his days with Mark and his younger brother Calvin slinging drugs around town. Most mornings would consist of Jacob waking up smoking some pot and walking next door. Mark would walk outside roast another bowl of pot and start checking his beeper to see where their first stop for the day would take them selling drugs.
Around noon Mark, Calvin and Jacob would head off in his 1977 GMC Sprint. I remember walking up to the front door of a customer, Mark pulling out a rock of cocaine the size of Jacob's fist and knocking on the door of a person buying drugs from him. All stops would include a bowl of marijuana and sometimes a line of coke or crank. If the beeper was not buzzing with customers at times we would stay and party with our drugs.
Jacob spent many or most days from the age of sixteen to seventeen riding along with the drug dealing neighbors. The evenings were either spent at Taurus's or another one of our friends Snake's. Snake's mother would buy us alcohol and marijuana most times we asked. The other times Snake had two larger sisters (Kathy and Cindy) that lived across the street from him and frankly just enjoyed our attention.
Kathy was a brand mother of a three month old baby. Kathy's boyfriend was abusive and would burn the baby and broke his arm causing child services to take Kathy's baby. Kathy would trouble Jacob often times to have sex with her. One night while we were drinking at her apartment and Jacob had laid down on the couch to sleep another one of our friend's mother decided to begin making out with Jacob. She was old enough to be his mother but frankly was somewhat attractive and had a great body. Her son walked down stairs a couple of times and interrupted us and I am sure he did not trust his mother with me. After too many disruptions from her son Jacob had her go upstairs. Kathy came down stairs placing her head on my lap. She stopped ran off and returned with a beer bottle.
She climbed on top of Jacob. All the sudden she ended up bending Jacob's penis in half. He writhed in pain almost in tears he rolled over demanding she leave.