Chapter 1: Remembering
Out of seven billion people in the world, I had to run into Brittany in New York.
"Santana!" Brittany squealed with a huge smile on her face. I couldn't believe she was so excited and I couldn't believe she was hugging me this tightly, even after the way we left things off.
"Brittany! Oh my God! Good to see you!" I said in an unsure voice. I just still couldn't believe it. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"I uh, came here to find my aunt. She lives in a crack house, but I need a place to stay while I'm on vacation here and I don't want to spend that much money," She giggled.
Brittany looked entirely okay with the idea of her staying at a house filled with junkies, but I was everything but okay with it. It was almost a natural instinct to protect Brittany, and to always look after her no matter what.
"A crack house? I mean, if you're anything like the last time I saw you, I don't think you'd survive there. And whether or not, it's still not a good place to stay," I reasoned, and I was definitely concerned for her.
Dani cleared her throat, purposefully in a loud manner.
"Still here," Dani whispered in my ear after I forgot to introduce her.
"Oh! Um, Britt, this is Dani-"
"Hi, I'm Santana's girlfriend. Didn't you and Santana go out back in high school?" Dani interjected as she shook hands with Brittany. I felt my own eyes widen and my mouth agape; what kind of question was that?
Dani's immediate question annoyed me, but what annoyed me most were her intentions. She had just met Brittany and she was already acting up.
"Oh wow! Girlfriend!" Brittany glanced at me and continued. "Well, yeah we dated but.. we decided to just be best friends. Which, I hope we still are! It'd be nice to hang out with you - both of you while I'm still here."
Brittany looked at me right in the eye as her lips formed a genuine smile. I swallowed thickly; oh god, those eyes. I haven't seen those in a while. Not only were they beautiful and blue, but there was always something about her eyes, and it was that noticeable, childish joy within them. It was impossible not to smile or laugh when you looked into them.
"That'd be really nice! Right, babe?" Dani stared back at me as she waited for a response. I looked back and forth between Dani and Brittany, panicking inside and hoping it wasn't some sort of trick question. I mean, my girlfriend and my ex-girlfriend? Getting along? Isn't there supposed to be some kind of instant hatred between the two? Like in the movies!
"Yep," I grinned. "Perfect."
"Here, this is my number," Dani breathed out while she took out a pen and a receipt from her purse and wrote her number on the back of the receipt. She ripped the receipt in half and handed the first half to Brittany and began to write on the other half. "And this is Santana's new number. Call us whenever you'd like to make plans. Well, it was really nice meeting you Brittany!" Dani then immediately turned around to begin walking away when I pulled her arm and dragged her close to me.
"Wait! Are you crazy? I'm not letting Brittany stay at some random crack house." I looked at Dani to see if she could understand where I was going with my words. I looked back at Brittany who was rocking back and forth on her feet. "Why don't you stay with me, Rachel, and Kurt?"
"I-I-uh, yeah, sure!" Brittany agreed, pulling on the handle of her suitcase with a large grin on her face.
I smiled inwardly and glanced at Dani who didn't seem too happy. Surprisingly, it didn't bother me as much as it should've. I shrugged it off and grabbed Brittany by the hand.
The three of us walked around trying to find a way out of the park. Dani suddenly pulled my arm and leaned close to my ear to speak to me - well, rant is more like it.
"Santana, it's nice of you to help out your old best friend out and all, but you could've at least asked if it was okay with me. I feel uncomfortable knowing the girl you used to be in love with is going to be staying at your place for a few weeks. Tell me, is it wrong for me to feel this way?" Dani whispered in my ear. She looked over to see if Brittany was listening. I looked to my left too, but Britt was in her own little world.
She then added, "Also, it's kind of weird that the three of us are holding hands all together. It looks like we're twelve year old best friends or some threesome couple - look, I just don't want to lose you."
"You don't have to worry about anything. I'm not planning on cheating on you, and Brittany and I agreed after we broke up that we'd be best friends and just best friends."
***
The whole ride to Dani's place was as silent as the walk to the park earlier today. It was hard to ignore the sheer awkward tension in the car, but no one bothered to try and make it better.
Finally, the car stopped in front of Dani's. I looked to my girlfriend as she smiled sadly and opened the car door. I decided to follow her outside and at least walk her to her door.
"Well, even though our date didn't exactly go the way you wanted it to, I still had a great time," I said softly as I placed one foot on the last step of the short staircase, hoping to lighten the mood. She seemed kind of down and I guess I didn't blame her.
"It's okay, I still had a good time too," she sighed, pursing her lips as she reached for my hand. "See you at work tomorrow?"
"Yeah. Good night." I leaned in for a kiss on the cheek when all of the sudden I felt Dani grab on to my face, and her lips crashed into mine. I tried to shorten the kiss, because this kiss wasn't like Dani's usual sweet kisses, it was rough and even forced. Finally, I succeeded and she removed her hands from my cheeks.
"Good night," She whispered.
My eyebrows furrowed; I didn't understand what Dani was trying to do or what was she trying to prove. She seemed like she was putting up some kind of act. Instead of overthinking it, I shrugged it off and began heading back to the cab.
I opened the door of the car and Dani instantly yelled out, "love you babe!"
I smiled, feelings slightly mortified.
She was being strange.
"Love.. you too," I laughed nervously, slowly taking a seat into the cab and shutting the door beside me.
The driver turned around and asked, "where off to next?" I gave him the address of the apartment and he turned back around, beginning the car to drive,
"You guys are adorable," Brittany mumbled, breaking the silence. My head spun around towards her, but she was resting her head against the window, looking out of it.
"Thanks," I replied.
"I knew you can do it Santana."
I glanced at her direction again. "Do what?"
She then finally turned around. "I told you that you needed to find yourself a real girlfriend. You look happier now that you've moved on."
Moved on.
I wasn't sure if I had moved on completely. Every now and then Brittany comes to mind. I'm not saying I still think about her in a way that would define me as "madly in love" or anything, but I still wouldn't call that moving on.
"Yeah. Dani's great. She's a complete lesbian too, so that's new," I joked.
Brittany looked at me with furrowed eyebrows. It made me believe that I offended her in some way, because well, she's not a complete lesbian. I acknowledged how rude it was to make fun of her orientation, and maybe even made me sound biphobic or something. I honestly never had a problem with Brittany's sexuality, it just always made sense to me even if it didn't to others; I just had a problem with Brittany liking anyone who wasn't me. But that was a thing of the past now and absolutely none of my business.
"She helped me a lot to get over you," I mentioned, changing the subject. "I was a mess for a bit. I constantly thought about how much I regretted breaking up with you and how I thought we should've been together forever. It's kind of funny actually, maybe even crazy."
"Well, I don't think it's crazy, but I get it," she responded, taking in an audibly deep breath. "You were my first love, Santana. It was hard getting over you too."
I looked up; my eyes instantly connected with those beautiful eyes. It wasn't the kind of eye contact you'd see in a romantic comedy or anything like that, it was a simple human connection. Brittany loved me, why did I ever feel the need to let her go?
"Anyways," I was trying to figure out what to say next to move on from the subject. "What brings you to New York?"
"Well," she breathed, smiling softly to the distance. "New York is pretty and the last time I was here I had such a great time, so I decided to come back."
"You were here before?" I asked, struggling to remember a time where Brittany was in New York.
"Nationals? Junior year? Remember?" She reminded me, letting out a light chortle. "We literally went together."
"Oh right, right." My cheeks began to heat up in a slight embarrassment; how did I even forget?
The cab stopped in front of our destination. I got out of the car first and opened the door for her.
"Need any help carrying anything?"
"No it's okay." Brittany smiled.
She grabbed her suit case and I payed for the ride. We walked to the apartment and again, it was dead silent. I guess we had nothing to talk about.
I took out my key and unlocked the door of the apartment. The first thing we saw when we walked in was Rachel and Kurt watching TV.
"Santana, you're early. How did the date go?" Rachel asked, probably not noticing that I brought Brittany home. Kurt was the first to take his eyes off the screen and he flipped.
"Oh my Betty White! Brittany! What're you doing here?" He got up to greet her. He seemed really happy to see her.
Rachel finally acknowledged Brittany's presence and looked up in shock. "Brittany!" They both surrounded her with hugs and greets.
"Yay," I let out dryly. "So, you guys are totally cool with Brittany staying here for her vacation. Alright, Britt, you need help unpacking?" Brittany nodded and I showed her the way to my side of the apartment.
Kurt and Rachel looked up at me with wide eyes. "Santana, why didn't you ask us before you invited Brittany to stay with us? You know we don't have that kind of room," Kurt complained, trying to avoid Brittany overhearing.
"Look, I know. I wouldn't even think about inviting her here if she had a safe place to stay. Her other option was to go be with her crazy ass, drug addicted aunt in a crack house," I explained, looking back and forth between the two. "Look, don't get your panties in a bunch, Lady Hummels, she'll sleep in my bed with me."
Kurt and Rachel both looked at each other like there was an issue.
"Okay, fine, fine. She can stay here, but..," Rachel suddenly looked awfully concerned, and traded glances with Kurt one last time before continuing. "Don't you think it's a bad idea to share a bed with her?"
I eyed Rachel carefully.
"What? Because we're ex-girlfriends? Do you think I'm gonna end up sleeping with her or something?" I asked, slightly annoyed - actually, that was an understatement. I was very annoyed.
Rachel and Kurt didn't answer, and looked at each other again.
"Wow, okay yeah. That's not gonna happen, and I can reassure you, alright? Everybody, chill." I then left to go help out Brittany unpack.
I walked into my bedroom where Brittany was, simply standing in a corner with everything still in the suitcase.
"I don't know where I should put my stuff. Also, where am I gonna sleep?" She asked.
"Well, with me. In my bed." I answered, and only then realizing the absolute awkwardness in that very statement.
"Oh.. okay." She finally responded.
I shook my head, trying to shake off the tension. I then showed her where she could put all of her stuff.
I didn't know why this was so awkward, we used to sleep in the same bed all the time. Well, we also always ended up having sex whenever we were on a bed back in the old days, but in my opinion, it wasn't a reason to be entirely uncomfortable.
I looked over at Brittany and she was taking off her shirt. I don't know why, but it made me just a tad uncomfortable - okay, maybe it was a good reason to feel a discomfort. I shook my head trying to forget about it, but I couldn't. For some reason, my eyes would slowly roll back to Brittany as if I wanted to watch her. I felt sick to my stomach; what the hell was I doing? I had Dani and I didn't want to hurt our relationship - although, why was I even thinking about our relationship? Oh god, I just proved to myself how guilty I am of this situation.
"San, can you pass me a shirt?" I heard Brittany ask.
"Sure. Any shorts or something?" I was hoping she'd say yes. It'd make me feel better if she had some pants on.
"No, just a shirt," She replied.
I searched through the drawer, pulled out the biggest shirt she brought, and threw it at her.
***
"Do you feel comfortable around me?" I blurted out, lying down in bed next to her (I immediately regretted asking the question). I really needed to relax.
She shrugged. "Uh, yeah I guess. It's just been way too long since we've seen each other. I missed you Santana."
It was nice to know she missed me as much as I missed her, which was something I wasn't going to deny. Thinking about the last time I saw her made me feel nostalgic. It was basically her last day of high-school. It was a shame she never got to experience graduating with a class. In fact, if she had graduated with me, maybe we wouldn't have separated. Anyway, that thought is now irrelevant and maybe people would've never realized her genius that I always knew she had.
Everything was fate, right?
"I missed you too, Britt," I admitted, sinking further into the bed. "I missed everything about you."
There was a moment of silence, but this time, it wasn't an awkward silence. It was such a comfortable silence and very relieving.
"It's not too late to be as close as we used to." She smiled. "I still consider you my best friend. I think you will always be my best friend."
I held out my pinky for old times sake. She took out her pinky too and wrapped it around mine. Then, we both started laughing at the nostalgia. I had this feeling that I haven't felt in a long time, that only Brittany could make me feel.
Suddenly, Rachel walked in, interrupting the moment.
"Oh! Sorry if I interrupted a bonding moment."
I looked at Rachel, judging her stupidity.
"Anyways, Brittany, Kurt and I wanted to know if you're comfortable sharing a bed with Santana. If you want your own bed, we are totally fine with making one out of pillows and blankets," Rachel insisted.
"No it's okay. I'm fine with sharing a bed," She responded.
We were still pinky-holding hands.
"Okay," Rachel mouthed, and she walked out slowly.
We both chuckled a bit. "What was that about? She was acting strange."
"I don't know. It's Rachel, she's always strange," I replied, letting out a little chuckle.