warning: mentions of past physical abuse
as taehyung slowly closed the front door after seeing jungkook's figure disappear into the night, he lets out a huge breath and collapses against the door, knees turning weak as he slid to the ground.
his heart felt like it was going to combust.
raising his palm to his heart, his eyes widened when he felt his oxygen intake wearing thin. his lungs began to constrict and he fisted the material on his shirt in pain.
it was as if someone was trying to tear out his heart.
"it hurts," he whimpers, crouching over on his knees, gasping for air desperately.
it wasn't long before he felt tears collect on the corners of his eyes and then wetness running down his cheeks. it wasn't long before he forcefully pushed himself up from the floor and stumbled through the living room whilst coughing, attempting to make his way back into his bedroom.
the whole place smelled like jungkook.
the scent of expensive cologne mixed with camomile detergent was making his head hazy.
finally and successfully stepping into his room, his eyes cleared up a bit from the tears and his chest was no longer suffocatingly burning him.
he sniffled, weakly walking over to his nightstand and casting his eyes on a specific photo frame placed on top of it. "mom, i'm sorry," he mumbles, breaking out into a sob as the waterworks came flooding over him once again.
"i think... i'm falling for a guy."
right after he says those words, he unconsciously lets out a loud broken cry and falls to the ground for the second time. with his head in his hands, he repeatedly chants "sorry" like a mantra.
"i'm sorry i couldn't keep my promise," taehyung exclaims, choking on his own words. "i'm sorry you can't watch over me as i get married to my wife. i'm sorry you can't watch over my grandchildren in the future. i'm sorry that you have a son like me — I can't like women, I don't want to fall in love with a woman."
clutching the photo of his mother tightly in his arms whilst tears stained the glass within the frame, he gets even more devasted when he sees the exposed deep scar stretching across his upper thigh from where his shorts hiked up as he kneeled.
memories of what his childhood was like started flashing before his eyes. normal children had normal childhoods, yet his childhood was nothing close to normal.
not with a dad like his.
"i'm sorry that you had to die to that monster," taehyung whispers. "and i can't even repay you."