By the time Dustie and I went over every event that had happened with Coda, I felt a lot better. In fact, I felt good enough to get in my Ranger and drive to the grocery store for a pint of half-baked ice cream. Coda loved ice cream and she'd let on that it was her favorite kind. The house was still eerily silent when I walked in, brushing some snow off the hood of my heavy Carhartt coat.
Kellan and Mark were nowhere to be seen, but I did find my aunt sitting on the living room floor with a basket full of half-folded clothes. She chewed her lip, looking deep in thought, and stared at the dusty orange T-shirt in her hands.
"Hey, I was looking for that this morning!" I grinned, plucking it from her grasp and wadding it up in my left hand. The pint of ice cream was still tucked under my right arm and she glanced to it and then back up at me.
"What's that all about?"
I jabbed my chin in the direction of Coda's room and shifted the cardboard carton. Even though I'd set it in my passenger seat and adjusted the vents, some of my Ranger's hot air had melted the outer layer.
Mama Callie stared skeptically up at me, her blonde eyebrows drawn together. She'd released her bottom lip from both sets of teeth to talk, leaving a little indent on the pink skin. Usually a well-put-together lady, it was odd to see my aunt sitting on the floor in dirty jeans with greasy hair hanging in her face. That was the initial sign of just how worried she was about Coda. "I hope you don't plan on eating all of that at once."
I shook my head, shooting her a half-grin. "Nope, it's not for me. It's for Coda."
The crease between her brows deepened and an almost dark look appeared in her normally sparkling blue eyes. She sighed. "Blake, are you sure that's a good idea?"
"Why wouldn't it be?" I stared at her, unwilling to back down. I'd gone through the trouble of driving to the store for a stupid container of ice cream in shitty weather and I wasn't about to just let it go to waste.
"Blake..." My aunt rubbed a hand down her face, suddenly looking exhausted. "Honey, I know you're trying to help her, but I think what she really needs right now is time to be alone and process everything. Unless you've started a custody battle and broke a boy's heart in the same day, you don't know how she's feeling, and it's probably not in the best interest of either of you girls to try and duke it out."
I could have gotten offended by her obvious distrust of me when it came to handling emotions, but I just let it roll off of my back. While she had a valid point, I had just spent the last two hours discussing exactly how to handle the situation with Dustie. I was actually pretty confident in my approach and strategy. "It's okay, mama Callie. You just gotta trust me."
She sighed again but waved me off. "Whatever, but if she comes out of this worse than before, you're asking to get your butt kicked."
Taking that as a cue to go ahead with my plan, I shot her a grin and bounded down the hallway, shrugging out of my coat and dropping it on the stairs before retrieving a spoon from the kitchen. Even though the ice cream was probably melted enough to drink like a milkshake, I didn't want to have to come back out and search for utensils.
I held the ice cream and spoon in one hand and knocked heartily on her bedroom door with the other, preparing myself for the worst. As predicted, the only noise from inside was a muffled, exhausted 'what'.
"Coda," I called, not even touching the doorknob, "can I come in?"
I heard some shuffling and the sound of something heavy hitting the bed before she replied. "Blake, just leave me alone."
Yesterday those words were like a knife to the heart, but today, I was ready for them. As Dustie and I had decided, Coda's defense mechanism was to close herself off from everything. But, too bad for her. I was going to get my way, as usual.
"Nope," I called cheerily, swinging open the door. When my best friend's greasy head came into view, I gave her a sympathetic smile and began picking my way over the mound of clothes she'd left on the floor from previous days. The pint of ice cream was still tucked under my arm, cold even through the pair of shirts I wore.
This time, there were no tears leaking from under Coda's swollen eyelids. She was curled in bed looking miserable and I guessed she had cried all of the water out of her little body. Making a mental note to send a water bottle in with Kellan later, I finally reached her bed. "Hey."
She grunted in response, making no other movement. Her eyes even stayed shut, which actually helped me. Not being able to see the pain and resentment made it that much easier for me to forge ahead with the speech I'd spent the last three hours writing in my head. "I brought you something."
I watched her lips purse like she was biting back a nasty comment and took the opportunity to set the ice cream and spoon on her nightstand. She could find them later, probably when the ice cream was totally melted. Not that it really mattered to me; it was the thought that counted.
"Listen, Coda," I began, taking a deep breath, "life has suckerpunched you and knocked you over so many damn times, but after every single thing that happened, you've stood up, dusted yourself off, and got right back on. If you've done it that many times, I know for a fact you can do it again. It's up to you to make it happen, but you're not doing it alone. I know you don't want me here and you don't want me to have any part of this because I tend to make things worse, but it's not on purpose. I may fuck up a lot, but I can promise you it's all out of love. Like it or not, I got your back, and I always will. So once you make up your mind to hand life's ass back to it, let me know. I'll be there to help." With that, I stood up and left the room, proud of myself.
After talking it all out with Dustie, I realized I never would be able to be that sweet, tactful best friend that would hold Coda and tell her things would be okay while she cried. I just didn't have it in me, and that was okay, because what I did have in me was a fierce loyalty that could move mountains, and a fire and a fight that would drop those mountains on somebody's head when worse came to worst. I had always been an all or nothing kind of girl, and it had served me well over the years. Thanks to Coda, I was learning to harness that volatility and use it for the better.
As I walked out of her messy bedroom, some kind of emotion welled up in my stomach, giving me the sense that everything was going to be okay. Even though she was stubborn, Coda tended to listen to me when I exploded on her like that. We both knew it was my way of showing love, and I would damn sure get my way in the end, because my intentions for her were nothing but good.
She had stayed motionless throughout my entire spiel. As I closed her bedroom door and traipsed down the hallway, my boots thumping against the hardwood, I sent up a prayer that she'd at least heard me and that my efforts hadn't been in vain. I knew Kellan would go talk to her and she would likely cry some more once he got home, but that was okay, too. As Mama Callie put it, she just needed time to cry and process and let it all out. For once in my life, I thank God for my stupid cousin and his uncanny ability to calm a girl down and make her see that the world wouldn't actually come to an end because of one small thing. It worked out well that I had no ability to deal with emotions because he always had that side covered for me.
I had just picked up my coat and set one foot on the stairs when I heard the front door swing open with its distinct creak. When footsteps sounded in the entryway, there was no doubt in my mind that Kellan was home and ready to save the day. For the second time, I tossed my coat back on the floor. The heavy-duty zipper clanked against the hardwood as I rushed towards the noise.
Kellan, who was shaking the light dusting of snow off the tips of his blonde curls, glanced up with wide-eyed surprise when I came hurtling forward and wrapped my short arms around his waist.
"Blake, is everything okay?" I almost laughed at the panic in his voice when he gripped me by the shoulders and pushed away to make sure I wasn't crying.
I nodded, grinning up at my much taller cousin. His blue eyes mirrored mine, though the emotions in them were completely opposite. "Kellan?"
"What?" His tone was cautious, like he expected me to be pranking him.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
I hugged him one more time and he awkwardly patted my back. Face pressed against his fleece pullover, my voice came out muffled. "Thanks for taking care of us and handling the things I can't, like Coda."
He patted my back again and I could feel him nodding, trying to process the strange new sensation of me being genuinely nice and initiating physical contact that wasn't a slug to the arm or a kick to the shins. As I squeezed him as tight as I possible could, it dawned on me that I had turned into a complete sap in the last few months. First, Coda had broken through the tough exterior I had and melted my heart into a puddle of stupid goo in less than a week of knowing me. Then my mother had made me literally cry at Christmas with a gift. I shook my head against his torso, feeling completely baffled. While life was completely kicking Coda's ass, it was turning me into a damn woman, emotions, tears, drama, and all.
Glancing up at the grin that had finally made its way onto my cousin's face, I didn't feel quite so stupid about the whole thing. His expression told me being a girl might not be the absolute worst thing in the world.
"Y'know," I began, finally stepping back and brushing the hair out of my eyes, "just because I hugged you doesn't mean I like you."
He grinned down with the same stupid white smile I'd punched more times than I could count. "Yeah, I know. And I don't like you either."
"Yeah, you loser," I muttered, taking another step back and fighting a smile. "But I do kinda love you. Only because you take care of shit for me."
"Love you, too, asshole."
"By the way, did you get science done?"
Kellan tipped his head back and groaned, still smiling a little. "Dammit, Blake, I asked you about seven times if you were even listening!"
"Hey," I threw my hands up defensively before waving in the direction of Coda's room, "I had bigger things to worry about than DNA or whatever the hell she was yelling about!"
Finally, he sobered, running a hand through the hat line in his hair. Like me, he brought a hat to school every single day just to wear before and after. You never realize how much of a security blanket a hat is until you're not allowed to wear one. "How is she?"
I shrugged and stared down at my boots. Mama Callie probably would've been pissed at me for bringing my wet shoes into her house if she hadn't been so preoccupied with Coda. "Well, she's not crying anymore."
He nodded, gaze following mine. Her door hadn't opened back up since I left nearly twenty minutes ago. I wondered if she'd even left the room all day.
"You might want to bring her some water, though. And if you go in, see if she ate any of the ice cream I got her."
"You got her ice cream?" Kellan's blue eyes widened in surprise. "I thought you were mad at her?"
Licking my lips, I shook my head. "I was more worried than mad. She hasn't had it easy and that just stresses me out."
My cousin nodded, letting a sympathetic smile touch his lips. "Hang in there, Blakey. It can only get better from here."
***
Aw, they don't hate each other! Honestly, I had so much fun writing this chapter! The dynamic between Blake and Kellan is one of my absolute favorite things about this series. But really, who would've known she had a soft side?
Anyway, I have great plans for the next chapter so let's see if I can pull it off! Love you all!
--Lindsey