Kate Marshall
The sun was coming through the slit between the thick hotel curtains. I had a good stretch and started looking forward to having a cup of coffee. Good morning, Cardiff!
The sun is shining, I'm not nervous, it's going to be an incredible show, and I'm going to really prove myself on this tour.
Okay, that's a bit of an attempt at delusion.
But I need to keep telling myself positive things. Tonight will go well. The show will go well.
I had just made it to the bathroom sink when my phone started buzzing. Oh, it's my mum.
"Hello," I answered, trying to hide the sleepiness in my voice.
"Dear! So glad I got a hold of you. Good luck tonight!"
"Thank you! I appreciate it." I truly do appreciate that my parents are working to come around to my choice to follow this dream instead of uni. My dad is taking a little more effort but it just matters that he's trying.
"How are you feeling?"
"A little nervous," I fibbed. I'm a lot nervous. But I want to be seen as confident, especially to the person who spent a year dying to say, I told you so.
"Well your father and I have a surprise for you. We're coming to your show tomorrow night! So get all those nerves out tonight! I'm kidding. But we just couldn't wait until you came to Ireland, that's not for a month. So we're catching a flight tomorrow morning." I listened to her as my nerves intensified. "Well say something! Aren't you excited?"
"Y-yes!" I struggled to get the word out. "Can't wait. Thank you!"
"We are just so excited, sweetheart. I know we were pretty childish in the beginning and I truly am sorry. I should never have doubted you. I mean, you're performing at Millennium Stadium for heaven's sake! Even your father has been talking about it all week. He's not as good at apologizing but I promise you he's excited. He's mostly come around."
My mum can just talk and talk with only little hums of approval from the other person to keep her going. Especially today too because her extra chipper tone seems to come from a place of guilt.
She finally paused. "Well thank you," I said. "That's great, Mum. I'm excited." That's a half truth. I am excited! I am glad they're happy for me! But I wanted to have so much experience under my belt before they watched me.
Tomorrow night? I only have one performance to practice and then they'll be here for the second Cardiff show!
"Oh, and we can't wait to see Niall again! That is just so wonderful that you two are dating." Fuck. "Adorable, really. I mean you were the sweetest of childhood friends. I was so worried after you let Connor go, and you really do love to let the good ones go. But when we visited and learned you're with Niall...wow. I'm just so proud of you! You've got this wonderfully organized and professional life! And nearly all by yourself. I'm just happy for you, that's all."
Shit. Fucking shit. She quit talking so I couldn't stay silent any longer. "Uh...yeah," I said. "I'm glad you're happy for me." I don't know what to say. I didn't think it would matter that much to them that they thought I was dating Niall that night he decided to joke around.
"Well I'll let you go. I'm sure you have all sorts of preparing to do. Love you! See you tomorrow."
"Love you. Bye," I replied.
Crap! Why didn't I tell them Niall and I were never dating? Oh right. Because it would've broken the trust my parents and I are working desperately hard to rebuild.
Why didn't I just pretend we broke up a couple weeks after the fact? Because I'm an idiot.
Why didn't I tell her the truth on the phone just now? Because she sounded so excited! Like giddy with excitement. And now she thinks my life is all so in order (ha!) and she was so happy for me. Plus, if I told her that today that would mean I didn't mention it when it "happened" so that would've hurt her.
Fuck.
I've got to ask Niall to pretend again just while they're here. Which is so hypocritical of me but becoming close to my parents again is more important than my pride.
Do I even hear myself? I sound ridiculous.
I did not need another thing to worry about today.
...
Niall Horan
"Testing, testing," a stage hand was saying into a mic. It's soundcheck for the first stop of the tour. Tonight will be fun.
"Alright guys, get up there. I want you to run the opener," one of our tour managers, Will, called up to us on the stage.
We all moved to grab our mics and "Clouds" started blaring from the speakers around me. Thankfully the band gets all in tune and does their own soundcheck before us boys come in so all there's left to check is our mics and my guitar.
We sang for a couple minutes, interrupted every thirty seconds or so for the sound guys to converse about what needs to happen. Harry looks like he just came from a workout, Liam looks still half asleep, and Louis looks incredibly bored, like he'd rather skip this and get straight to the actual show. So would I.
"Niall, grab your guitar and lets run "Where Do Broken Hearts Go" please guys." I turned and a stage hand was holding my guitar out to me. I grabbed it and threw the strap over my head. "Ready? One, two," he started.
We did the same thing with this song, playing most of it, and stopping a couple times to fix sound. I did some minor tuning of my guitar but it didn't need much.
I wonder how Kate's doing. I feel bad that she's so nervous. I remember that feeling.
Hanging out with her last night was fun. She's fun to be around. We just can't seem to get along for extended periods of time. She says I can be rude to her and I think she's so fucking indecisive about what she even wants from me. Although she's never changed her mind once I've started...
"Niall! The bridge please," Will said, exasperated.
"Sorry," I called back. Alright, try to pay attention.
I think Kate's soundcheck is next. Which you'd think since she opens she'd soundcheck first but I think it's because they need to get the stage all ready for her so that's one less stage change.
We finished up with "Where Do Broken Hearts Go" and started messing around with other random songs until they said we were good to go.
"Kate!" I heard a voice say, sounding pleased to see her. I immediately looked towards the backstage area, trying to find her.
She was walking out on the ground level, not on the stage, looking cautious and timid. She was dressed super casually and though she looked pale with nerves, she didn't have red eyes from crying like she did last night.
"Mate, stop staring," Harry mumbled quietly near my ear.
"I'm not," I hissed back.
"You've got some weird thing about her, yet when I'm in the same room as the two of you, you kind of are...rude," he continued quietly.
"I don't have some weird thing," I imitated quietly. "Shut up, someone will hear you. I'm just looking out for her. She's freaking out about performing for this many people."
"Yeah, okay," Harry said, sounding unconvinced.
I shot him a look that told him to stop talking. He laughed but he stopped.
I turned back towards Kate. She was talking to Gina, one of our other tour managers. It looks like maybe Gina has taken Kate under her wing.
I overheard Gina explaining the soundcheck process a bit and then she sent Kate up to the stage. I headed for the exit to backstage as Kate started coming my way.
"Good luck," I told her as I passed her.
"Thanks." She smiled at me. "I'll try not to pee myself."
"Yes! Learn from my mistakes," I kidded. "Hey, if I don't see you before you go on tonight," I started saying.
"Actually," Kate interrupted, "I need to ask you something later. Before the show would be great but it doesn't have to be."
"Oh! Okay, yeah. Well I'll meet you..."
"In my room?" Kate suggested. "In about an hour when I'm done with soundcheck?"
"Okay, sure. I'll see you then."
"Kate, we need to get rolling," Gina called up.
"Sorry!" I yelled back. "See you later," I told Kate.
Huh? She needs to ask me a question in her room? I need to not let my mind make wild predictions in the next hour.
...
"I was wrong! We can be friends with benefits. It will be simple and effortless with no stress or pressure for it to be more than just sex and we won't tell a soul..."
That's what the Kate in my head said to me in our little meeting. What are the odds of her actually saying that? Slim to none probably.
That month of just hooking up, no strings attached, was absolutely perfect. I had an old friend back to hang out with and the sex was great.
The problem is, Kate wants strings, and I don't know how to do strings. Well I don't even know if she wants my strings, in particular. Okay this metaphor has gone too far.
Kate was real wishy washy in the beginning of us rekindling our friendship. She was fragile and she went back and forth on what she wanted all the time. But now that she's seeing a little success in her career, she's been more like the Kate I grew up with.
I guess it's time to head in there and see what the hell this is all about.
I knocked and the door shifted in a bit.
"It's open," Kate called. I walked in. Wow, she's kind of...messy considering we haven't even been here a full day yet. Maybe the disheveled state of her room reflects her stress level?
Our rooms all have a little suite style area with a couch, coffee table, and television. That's where Kate found me standing when she walked out of her bathroom, towel drying her hair.
"I cut it a bit close, squeezing in a shower there. Hi!"
"Hey," I said back. She looked comfortable in her oversized uni sweatshirt. "So what did you want to ask me?"
"Yeah..." She looked nervous. "Sit with me." She sat down on the couch and I followed suit. I like that it's less awkward between us since last night's conversation. "I guess I should just spit it out."
"Okay," I said slowly, sounding very puzzled.
"Will you keep pretending we're dating when my parents visit tomorrow?"
Huh? I did not expect that. "You mean like...do the thing you got mad at me for doing?"
"I know, I know. It's so hypocritical of me! But I never told them anything more after that night and so they think we're still dating...well not still," she mumbled, talking super fast, "they think we are dating. And I just don't have the heart to tell them I let them believe a lie for months..."
"So you want to fix that by continuing to lie?" I asked, smirking.
"I know! It's ridiculous. It's the most hypocritical thing. I'm sorry I asked."
"Wait, what? Oh I'll play along. I have no shame! I was just making fun of you. It's so unlike you."
"I know. I know!" She sounds so extra stressed. "It's stupid, and I should just be honest. But I think this is one of those cases where a little white lie is better than the truth. Because then they don't have to think I didn't care about them enough to tell them when we "broke up" and then I can just tell them in a couple weeks that we've broken up and they can think I ran right to them. They're really making an effort now and I have to reciprocate," she went on, talking a mile a minute. I just stared at her, so incredibly beautiful, not a drop of makeup and with serious panic in her green eyes.
"Kate!" She kept mumbling super fast. "Stop! It's okay. You don't have to convince me or apologize. I started the lie so I don't mind keeping it up for a bit."
"Really? You don't think I'm the worst?"
"Katie, never. You're a good person."
She sighed a huge sigh of relief and leaned her head on my shoulder. After a moment of sitting there comfortably she sat back up and mumbled an apology.
"Think of it as practice for tomorrow," I joked, gently bringing her back to my side again. She resigned to leaning against me.
"Thank you," she mumbled.
"Don't even worry. Like I said, I started the lie."
"Well that is true," she said like she was pondering if that means she can allow some of the guilt to lift off her shoulders.
I put my arm around her. It feels so comfortable having her close to me. I don't usually feel this way, I usually just feel like that leads to attachment and I don't like attachment.
"You're still so tense," I said. "Relax. The only thing you need to focus on is the show tonight. Don't worry about your parents, I've got that covered. I'll lay it on real thick for Mr. and Mrs. Marshall."
Kate laughed, loosening up a bit, but still clearly nervous.
"I'm serious," I said. "You need to believe in yourself. I know there will always be some nerves but...look at me, Katie." She brought her eyes up to meet mine, still sitting especially close to me. "You deserve to be confident. You're talented. A couple mess ups are bound to happen but they don't take away from that fact. Katie, you're golden."
She grinned, her eyes a little watery. She leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. That's the second time she's done that in the last 24 hours. I must have an attractive cheek. A bright blush crept across her face.
"Practice for tomorrow," she softly joked with a smile, repeating my line.
"Hm, practice," I agreed, looking at her beautiful embarrassed face.
We had held eye contact for a good moment. She was leaning slightly. I want to kiss her. I'm going to kiss her.
I moved slowly, my eyes briefly traveling to her lips and back to her eyes again, building the anticipation. Her lips were just barely parted.
A loud couple of knocks on the door caused us to jump apart. I fought the urge to audibly groan with annoyance.
An excited voice called from the other side of the door, "Time to get ready for tonight, Kate! Get excited!"
"Anyway, if I don't see you again, good luck tonight. You're going to be great," I told her.
I opened the door and went out as casually as I could while the young girl holding makeup bags and hair tools looked at me suspiciously.
Maybe that was for the best. Maybe we were caught up in the moment and it would have been a mistake.
But maybe that look on Kate's face before I turned to leave was the exact same disappointment I felt.