Dear Diary,
Its been tree weeks since I became friends with the Heathers! Well, I wouldn't exactly call them 'friends' , more like, thier my co-workers, and our job is being popular and shit.
My notebook flies out of my hands when someone pushes into me, I turn and see that the purson who knocked me over was none other than Heather Duke.
"What's your damage Heather!?"
"Hey, don't blame me, Heather said to haul your ass into the caff, pronto"
I follow Heather through the maze of hallways, for a seemingly infinate amount of time. Finally, we reach the cafeteria.
"Hey V." Heather Chandler says, McNamara behind her. "I need you to forge a love letter in Ram Sweeny's handwriting.
"Why, and for who?"
"Just write!,
Dear Martha,
I have been thinking about, us,
A lot latly, It would make me so
Happy if you made it to my homecoming party this weekend
Ram"
"Heather, you can't do this! Martha has had a crush on him, like, forever"
"Veronica! WHY are you pulling my dick? You wanted to be a part of the hottest click in school, and if I wasn't allready the head of it, I'd want the same thing" Chandler rants on and on
"Plus" Duke spoke up, "it will give he shower nosel masturbation material for a week"
"SHUT UP HEATHER" Chandler yells as she snatches the note away from me
"Ram!" Satan yelled at her astranged boyfriend, Chandler even wore red
"Yeah" the jock said, pulling his arms away from the nerd, who then fell to the ground
"Take this note over to Martha Dumptruck"
"Whats in it?" Ram asks, perhaps in the dumbest voice humanly possible
"Advice from my Gyno, shes having an extra-heavy flow"
"Ewww" he takes the note, only holding it by two fingers, as if it was a tampon, and plops it down on Martha's lunch tray
She opens it up and reads it as the Heathers exitedly await a reaction, instead, she smiles lightly and tosses it aside
"That was a dud." McNamara says.
We all go to our table and eat lunch, I am compleatly silent, writing in my diary and listening to conversations
"How rightchous would it be in between a Veronica Sawyer and Heather Chandler sandwich" Ram says
"I just want to take Heather, put her on my johnson, and spin her around lika a damn helicopter" Kurt yells out
Then they both scream "PUNCH IT IN"
Disgusting...
Ram starts to speak again "who's that guy making googely eyes at Veronica"
"I dunno man, lets beat him up"
"Shit Kurt, were to old for that crap, lets give 'em a good scare though"
The pair walk over to the boy, hes wearing full black, and a black trenchcoat.
"What dis your boyfriend say when you moved to Sherwood, Ohio?"
"Hey Ram, doesn't the cafeteria have a 'no fags allowed policy?"
The boy speaks up, damn he's hot "They seem to have an open door policy for assholes though."
The jocks look at each other
"Hold his arms."
The boy takes thebook he was reading and beat Kurt and Ram off of him
"HOLY SHIT" someone yells
Dear diary, I have found my prom date