Justins P.O.V
Asking the question was easy. But i knew that whatever Sel decided, it would change eveything
If Selena decides that were a thing, well then I will do what I had planned to do all along. Dedicate myself to our relationship. Give it my all. No more going back, if she wanted to accept me after all we have been through this would change my being. I promised to myself that I would do EVERYTHING possible to keep the fire kindled. I love Selena. and she is worth the pain.
If she decided to not be anything and be "friends" , well that would crush me. We both know we can't be friends, all the world doesn't stand seeing me with her and thinking were just friends. And personally I can't just be Selenas friend. She knows she can't be my friend either. She knows it would be tough because of all the things we have together. We have feelings for eachother. and for us to become "just friends" means. a total block off. That means no more sitings, cut off all compunction between us. Seperate for good. Like all ex's do.
I bite my tongue not letting myself look into the future without Selena. I don't see anything. without her, it's nothing.
I turn to her. Her hair flowing lightly in the air. Her cheeks Nice and smooth. Her eyes concentrating on the sea. I know she has been thinking about it as hard as I have.
I can't help but stare at her flawless face. Every structure has a million ounces of beauty. It's amazing.
"Um.. what do you want to be Justin" she says, not looking back at me. Her fingers tap the Hood of the car. I could tell she's nervous. I breathe in.
"You already know what I want" I say releasing air. " But, you don't understand anymore, I don't want you eternally and forever in my life" I say bluntly. Her head turns to me shocked. Not a smile on her face. I look down at the Hood as my heart beats a little faster.
"Oh yea. I know, I was gonna... say the same because.. I Um agree completely " she begins to say like a child whose parents just said "No!" to.
I chuckle to myself as I see her feel bad. How can she be so perfect.
" I don't want you Sel, I fucking need you!" I say out loud. She smiles to the sea. I could tell she was panicking. "That's part of the reason I was being all pissy a few minutes ago.... I just.... don't want to drop you off at your house.... and like.. never hear from you again... I don't want you to forget like you've done other times. ... I don't want you to walk away from me without telling me... without showing me that you didn't want me anymore.... showing me that you felt no love... showing me that there was no reason for me to try... I don't want this to be like last times. Sel,I'm inlove. with you and for you I'm willing to ingore. everyone... I mean EVERYONE in this world. for our love. Because at the end of the day it always comes down to you. Every step I take every thought or word I say. Every song I play. Everything I do. It always comes down to thinking of You. No matter where on this terrible planet I may be. Your all that matters to me. No one else." I say without stopping for breath "And if you think I'm wasting my time or that it's never gonna work, let me prove you wrong, let me show you that this will be the last time. I'm not sixteen for geez sakes! this isn't a damn crush anymore! this is true love. And I'm gonna do anything. ANYTHING to handle it." I say finally, my lips want to keep moving. but I refuse them to.
There's so much more I want to say but Selenas face expression stops me as a tear rolls down her cheek.My heart stops and I feel like a total idiot. What the he'll did I do? I came on to strong right when she was about to accept me in again. My fingers begin to tremble.
I bite my lip so hard to stop the tears from coming but I fail. The tears sting out of my eyes without a warning. They flood down my face and I dont have the decency to wipe them. what's the point. Im going to end up hurt after this moment. I look out at the sea and wish I would jump into the waves trying to forget this stinging pain that shoots through my heart.
Selena tears drop heavier and she bows her head. I'm not man enough to hold her. I don't deserve to hold her. I don't need to hold her. I need to get out of her life. I've fucked up mine why cant I stay out of hers? She was doing so good. I just had to be a beast and come and ruin all that for her.
I'm so stupid.I'm sorry Selena. Selena deserves a man. Not a guy like me. I'm insane. Shes my world. I'm not hers. why can't you understand that justin?
I see her wipe her tears off her face harshly. She slides off the Hood."Take me home" She says through tears. When she says that my heart aches. I breath hard say she walks to the passenger door.
I walk to the driver door t realizing I just lost Selena in a couple of seconds. how? by expressing what I feel? my love is to much for her.? Am I hurting her by loving her. I punch the Hood hard. A numbing feeling goes through my arm and I stare at the dent on the Hood.
I see Selena, shes in the car staring down, I know I've just scared her. Tears are still dropping from her cheeks. I want to hold her, but if I do I will fall into her small body. Hold her tight and never let go.
I let go of all the sweet thoughts and turn it into anger. How hard is it for her to accept all my love.?
I walk to the drivers door and open it so hard that it screeches to the widest way possible. I drop on the car and slam the door.I ignore Selenas sniffling and drive out hard and fast.
Selena P.O.V
My hearts pounding so hard. Justin has no idea it hurts. He's angry. He's angry as I've ever seen him. I'm so scared to be in the car with him right now. He makes a sharp turn and were driving into my street.I hold onto the door handle trying not to slip on my seat. Justin's hand holds the wheel tight.
His veins popping out in every price of skin he has. His breathing is so rough it's scary. His eyes stern looking forward. I calm myself and hope I don't faint with all this intensity. I want to tell Justin how I really feel but I can't. He's dug into himself he won't care what say.
I love Justin and his words made me so happy I didn't know how to react. I couldnt believe that after all we had been through he would just take me like that and make everything better? after I had avoided and got used to having a little hole in my heart? It was so unbelievable for my heart. My actions weren't thought through clearly so I told him to bring me home. Now he's mad and thinks I hate him. I dont wanna say a thing because he might even hurt me or something. What have I done?
The car comes to a stop so hard I'm lifted forward and then back again. Justins head is turned away from me. My head spins in circles wondering what just happened. His body language shows me that he just wants me to leave. he really doesn't wanna know more about me right now.
I undo my seat belt slowly. He doesn't move a muscle. My hand slides to where I need to open the door but I immediately stop myself and notice what I'm about to walk away from. Everything I've been waiting for, hurting for, crying and yearning for and all because I didnt know how to handle my feelings after such a long time.
I turn my body towards Justin. All I could see is the back of his head. I forget I'm crying until I try to say a word.
"Justin?" I choke out.
"hm? " he says cold like ice.
"Will you look at me?" I plead, tears drop, I count them
"why" he says even colder
"Because, I want to explain to you what happened back there!" I say fustrated. 6, 7.. 8 tears.
"Nothing happened back there" He states
"Is there what it was to you?" I tell him
"dont ask me questions like that. don't ask me questions like that." He says serious, still not facing me.
"Well I'm telling you, it meant a lot to me. you don't understand" I explain to him all my mental process. He slowly relaxes his chest and sits back. When I finish he looks over at me. His eyes red. He's been fighting tears. Gosh he's to much.
I lean into him and Peck him hard on his lips. His softly dry lips touch mine. His hand goes up to my neck as he tries to deepen the kiss, but I pull back quick.
"Te amo Justin" I say in Spanish. Smiling like an idiot.
"I love you a million times more" He says so relieved it warms me.
With that I begin to get off the car. Before I get off he grabs my hand.
" Hey, Marie the real surprise is that, for my birthday we want to go. to the bahamas and your on the private list, your definatly invited and you would make my birthday all the more meaningful" He smiles with hope.
"I would love to" I say, I think my words are enough to show him through I want to spend His birthday with him. I walk off the car as he smiles. A smile that I hadn't seen in a long while.
That's it then, I'm back with Justin. oh gosh I hope it's not a mistake. I hope this time we actually dedicate. Oh I missed him. I missed him so freaking much. That little idiot. I love him so much. But this time for sure, he screws up. I am out.
I'll be out forever.
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what do you think Justin's birthday will be like in the storry?!?!?,