My eyes skim around the room. It's dark. Too dark.
A shiver runs down my spine.
I know they're here.
They're always here, lurking around in the shadows, trying to seize the perfect moment to make their first move.
I try to ignore them, but it's hard.
Try not to think about them.
Condensation leaves my lips as I exhale. My hands are trembling. I push them down my jeans pockets, hoping that nobody else notices.
No matter what happens, you can't show fear.
My mouth feels dry as I swallow hard. I close my eyes, trying not to think about it, but it's impossible. It all pours down on me, much like it always does.
Memories of the first time I saw one knocks me over, leaving me out of breath.
I'd always felt them. We all do. But after doing some researched over the web and the library, I learned that only people who've been in a life or death situation can actually see them.
We're that lucky.
It feels as if it's our curse for surviving. That's how I've felt ever since it happened three years ago.
I heard the metal crunching before I felt the blow.
The world started to spin and it took me a few seconds to realize that everything was upside down. Something warm trickled down my head while my ears buzzed.
I remember looking around, but everything was blurred. I heard the faint sound of sirens in the distance while I tried to recognize where I was. My heart was thumping so loud that the sound echoed off my ears.
My eyes brim with tears as the memory of the pain I felt washed over me again. It's not the physical ache that makes my stomach sink. It's that I know what's coming next.
Every muscle of my body throbbed as I moved my neck to see from the rearview mirror. No matter how much time passes, a chill runs down my spine as snippets of that day flashes through my mind.
I see the dark navy baby seat as if I was there again, and I know that it's the silence that made my pulse race faster. Bailey was never quiet, as an eight-month-old, she was a little box of sounds. That same morning she'd been babbling non-stop.
A tear runs down my cheek as the memories wash over me. I cower in the corner where no one can see me. Reliving this moment makes my heart ache with unbearable pain.
Not knowing is always the worst.
I can hear my own broken voice as I shifted to move inside the car. "Bailey? sweetie?" I tried to sound calm, I didn't want to scare her even more.
Nothing.
I remember closing my eyes, chanting in my head: Let her be okay, please dear God, let her be okay.
"Bailey, please answer me?" My voice cracked at the end, as I swallowed down a sob. That's when I noticed the red blotches rapidly spreading across the sleeve of my arm. My chest was thumping faster than ever. "Bailey!" My arm was throbbing as I reached out for the seat-belt, but the thing was stuck.
My sight blurred. I suppose I was losing too much blood. It didn't matter at that moment. I just wanted to see my baby girl. I didn't notice how the temperature dropped until my left hand brushed against the glass. It felt cold, a cold deep, raw and consuming. Something I'd never felt in my life before.
I glanced around and noticed that the windows were covered in condensation. My breathing was shallow as goosebumps formed on my skin. The temperature dropped. My heartbeats were even faster.
Cold seeped through my bones as I remembered how I saw something move out of the corner of my eyes. It was dark and blurred like a shadow, but it appeared to suck out all the oxygen inside the car because my breathing became elaborated, and even if it ached, I shifted my hips, trying to move closer to my little girl.
My whole body trembled as I remembered the first time I saw one of them. The eyes were dark and bottomless. The teeth were sharp, and from the top of the head, you could see chunks of dry white hair peeking out.
It was evil.
I could feel the darkness encase me. My heartbeats were racing as it approached me, tilting the head, curious about me.
"Saraaaaahh..." His lips didn't move, but I could hear the voice as clear as if it was whispering it in my ear. A shiver ran through me, and my eyes teared up. "Saraaaaahh..."
I wanted to draw back and hold my knees, but I was stuck inside the car and my seatbelt wasn't working. I recall thinking that I was just glad that it was away from Bailey, but I didn't realize why it wasn't until later.
It inhaled softly and it was as it was taking all the warmth from my body. It inhaled one more time and my whole body trembled. I was so cold, so fucking cold. My eyelids felt heavy and my arms went limp by my side, and just as I was getting lost in that glacial obscurity, I remember hearing thumps and stranger's voices on the distance.
I now know that it was feeding on me. It took me two more encounters like this to figure it all out. Mayhap, it was all a nightmare, but if it was, I'd never woken up.
I also learned that they might look different, but they are all the same: Evil, hungry and dark.
I once saw a little girl with a teddy bear on her hands. She was pale and had a bullet hole on her forehead. Seeing her like that ached even more. It reminded me of Bailey, and how little she was when she passed away.
Then again, on days like this, when I'm surrounded by shadows, when I feel them lurking around, I'm glad she's gone so she doesn't have to live through this, so she doesn't have to feel like they suck your life replacing it with coldness.
I look around and I see two of them over the corner. My jaw is quivering as I try to take a deep breath because I know what's coming. I can feel them approaching and I wish that I didn't have to see them like everyone else.
Goosebumps form on my skin as I shut my eyes.
Don't open them. Don't let them win.
By now, I know their game. They look terrifying because the more scared you are, the better it is for them. They feed on our fear, it's what draws them closer to us.
Before I could see them, I remember that there were times when I felt a shiver run down my spine without no apparent reason, or how sometimes I felt like something passed in a blur beside me. Things that I couldn't make out, things that weren't there...
Now I know it was them.
They're always lurking around, trying to grab snippets of our energy to survive.
They live under our beds, on the back of our closets, on every dark place you have in your house.
They live among us.
And they wait.
They wait for moments like these.
When you're vulnerable, when your heart is pumping furiously inside your chest, when your breathing is elaborated or when you want to cry or scream...they're right there beside you.
I try not to let them consume me, but it's hard.
Especially when I remember Bailey and the pain and despair I felt that day comes crashing down on me.
I know they're feasting on me, and even if I try my best to calm myself down, the image of my little girl on her car seat plays in my head and I lose it.
My chest feels tight, tears roll down my cheeks and I just want it all to be over with.
I'm sorry for the rest of the people around me; mayhap my demise will help them keep the monsters at bay. Just for a little while.
Then again, I know they never go away.
They're waiting.
They're always waiting...