JACE WALLACE KRISTOFF JEON POV
It has been a week since Larissa and I cut ties, when all is said and done. As a matter of fact, this is the first time I dwell on a certain situation. After we decided to break up a month ago, I presumed, that there will still be a probability of us to be together again. For that reason, I did not feel that miserable.
But, our confrontation last week got me down in the dumps. I cannot even look at my phone, do live videos, continue my video blogs, talk to anyone. I lost interest in doing anything to divert my attention.
All I did was to watch Netflix, but steer clear of romance films, eat cup noodles, order fried chicken, and drink beer instead of buying ice cream. I missed out on my healthy lifestyle for seven consecutive days already. For sure, I am now unhealthier than the woman living next door.
I wonder how is Irish doing. I haven't seen her since our grocery hangout. She did not even bother to ask me to buy her ice cream again. Maybe, her serotonin levels got too high. Ha-ha.
Grandma Sunny overheard me and Larissa talking last week, which is why, she is checking on me since that day, to ascertain if I am still alive. It is also the first time, that I opened up to grandma about Larissa and me. I told her everything about the night before our fourth anniversary, 'cause she heard that I was gonna propose to Larissa.
Grandma just said, "You've been having fun being a 'heartbreaker' in the past, before she came into your life. Now, you've found your match. I told you before, that you can dismiss your mistakes from your mind, but karma won't."
I blocked Larissa on all social media sites, that we're connected. I also deleted everything on my phone, related to her. The only thing that I haven't deleted, was our video blog account, 'cause we both own it. We upload our short films there, but it has been four months, since we stopped doing it. We both started focusing on our own video blogs that time, just because.
And, about our home with friends, it will still remain the same. We all went through hardships to have it, so I can't be selfish about it. But, staying there is clearly not possible, even if we have our own rooms.
It's 10 minutes before nine o'clock and I am thinking about doing a music cover for my video blog again, since many requested for it. I set up everything to record my music cover and without further ado, I get the show on the road.
♫ Lately I've been thinkin'
Thinkin' 'bout what we had
I know it was hard
It was all that we knew
Have you been drinkin'?
To take all the pain away?
I wish that I could give you what you deserve
'Cause nothing can ever
Ever replace you
Nothing can make me feel like you do
You know there's no one
I can relate to
And know we won't find a love that's so true
There's nothing like us
There's nothing like you and me
Together through the storm
There's nothing like us
There's nothing like you and me
Together
I gave you everything, baby
Well, everything I had to give
Girl, why would you push me away?
Lost in confusion
Like an illusion
You know I'm used to making your day
But that is the past now
We didn't last now
I guess that this is meant to be
Tell me, was it worth it?
We were so perfect
But, baby, I just want you to see
There's nothing like us
There's nothing like you and me
Together through the storm
There's nothing like us
There's nothing like you and me
Together ♫
I uploaded it right away. The next few minutes, I started receiving comments about me and Larissa again. There were numerous misconceptions, that I wish I could respond to or clarify, but I chose to keep mum. There were many negative comments about our breakup, either about me or Larissa. Even if I find it disrespectful and judgemental, I cannot do anything with it, since video blogging is my aspiration, so I should be open to criticisms. To be honest, sometimes, I want a break from the public eye. Especially now, that I receive more attention, because of that damn breakup.
"Argh!", I just turned off my phone and my PC, just to take a break from social media. It is starting to suffocate me.
I took the two cans of beer left. I thought about drinking at the rooftop, 'cause I never went there yet, since I moved here. Besides, I must breath some fresh air after a week of staying inside my unit.
*sobs*
While I am going upstairs, I can hear someone crying. I set my foot on the rooftop after few steps and I just saw a clothesline and a three-seater swing seat.
The swing seat was not facing the direction where the staircase is, but I recognized, that it is Irish who is sitting there. Without doubt, she is the one I hear crying.
*sobs*
I sat beside her slowly and in silence. She noticed and look at me just for a second. Yet, she just continued to shed tears with her earphones on. She cried like she doesn't care if somebody is around.
She didn't even mind when I took her right earphone and tune in to what she's listening to. I did not expect the song, that was playing, is the song that I just covered.
♫ But that is the past now
We didn't last now
I guess that this is meant to be...♫
She took off the earphones and didn't let the song finish, so I tried to speak to her.
"*clears throat* Hey...", she wiped her tears with her hands and slowly looked at me without saying a word.
"Is that stare telling me to buy ice cream?", I asked to lighten up the ambience.
"Can I have one?", for a moment, I did not get what she was asking. But, I understood it, when she signalled me with her eyes, pointing to the cans of beer I was holding.
"I'll give you this, if your stomach is not empty.", I answered.
"I cooked my junk foods and ate already.", what she said, made me giggle a bit. I opened the two cans of beer and gave the other one to her.
We both took a sip and I aimed to talk to her again.
"Do you often listen to that song?", I asked.
"No. My Spotify is in shuffle and it played. I hate that song."
"And yet, you almost finished listening to the song. *chuckles*"
"Because, I am trying to hurt myself until my tears run dry and my heart gives up on that man."
"I just covered that song.", I just said, to avoid talking about her heartbreak.
"What?"
"I was thinking about letting you listen to my cover of "Nothing Like Us", but you hate it. Too bad, you can't hear my breathtaking voice. *chuckles*", I jokingly said.
"I already heard you singing "Lost Stars", and yes, your voice was breathtaking, that I literally fainted.", I burst out laughing, because of her response.
"Didn't know that you have the ability to crack someone up. *laughs*"
"Can I hear it?", she suddenly asked.
"Sure. But, I am too lazy to get my phone downstairs. So, just find me.", I pointed to her phone.
"So, you do covers?", I nodded and saw that she's typing my first names on the search bar.
"How did you know all my names?"
"I heard your grandma shouting your name, when I woke up from fainting."
"*laughs* You have a sharp memory."
"Too sharp, that I can't even erase Hans from my memories."
"Sshh! If you keep on talking about him, it will just sharpen your memory of him more.", I saw her scrolling through my video blogs from my solo account.
"So, you're popular, huh?"
"Yeah, I don't even know why you don't know me.", I jokingly said.
"*rolls eyes* Whatever.", she put on her earphones and played the video of me, singing Justin Bieber's song.
While she was busy watching and listening at my music cover, I can't keep away from thinking about Larissa. At this time of the day, we drink beer, eat fried chicken, do fun talks, watch Netflix, watch our video blogs, cuddle, and...
...make love (well, not all the time). Wait, why do I have to think about that?
Irish took off her earphones, after three minutes and twelve seconds of watching my music cover, and drank the beer without stop. She vigorously crumpled the beer can, after she finished it in just two chugs.
"*chuckles* Hey slow down! Is that how breathtaking my voice is?", I jokingly said, 'cause she is teary-eyed again.
"Do you want more? You can take mine.", I offered my half-consumed beer, but she refused.
"You look sad.", she said out-of-the-blue.
"What do you mean?", I asked.
"You appear to be so down in the video."
"Of course, I can't smile while singing a sad song. Is that why you're about to cry now?*chuckles*", I just said.
"No. I feel the pain from your voice."
"*chuckles* Can I take that as a compliment?"
"You know...you don't need to hide it. You can cry it out. If you let your wretched emotions linger inside you, it will suffocate you."
"Crying won't change anything. Aren't you tired of it?"
"Crying helps me breathe."
"*chuckles* It's your respiratory system who does that."
"Ha-ha. Funny. *rolls eyes*", she said sarcastically.
"*chuckles* Hey, you should not just cry. You should help yourself recover from it."
"I don't know. It just gets harder each day."
"What do you do, by the way? Like, any work or whatsoever?"
"I resigned. I'm just lost and stuck."
"That's absolutely why you can't stop crying. You got nothing to do and dwell in the past, which is more suffocating. Will you just live like that?"
"What the hell should I do then?"
"Find a job and move on. When you get busy, moving on will be easy. Do you have any aspirations?"
"I just want a genuine happiness."
"How would you feel that, if you keep on living in the past and do nothing?"
"'Cause he was the one who let me experience, what genuine happiness is.", she is referring to Hans again.
"Happiness doesn't come from anyone or anywhere. It's a choice. It's in you."
"That choice doesn't even exist inside me."
"It was always there, but you just don't want to open your mind to it and you don't care to choose it."
"I just feel incomplete.", I hate hearing that word.
"Nothing's permanent in this world. Sometimes, the one that completes you, will wreck you."
"Did she wreck you?", she suddenly asked.
*silence*
"What do you mean?", I replied.
"The woman who visited you...Larissa, right? I saw a video thumbnail, earlier, with you and her in it. It's even entitled, 'Parting Ways | Larissa ♥Wallace Short Films'.", of all the short films she saw, why it should be about parting ways? "I also saw some comments about your breakup, in your music cover video.", she added.
"Let's not talk about her."
"Sometimes, it's better to talk it out with strangers."
"*chuckles* You are an acquaintance already."
"Acquaintance or whatever, I can lend you my ear. Besides, I am a lonely human being and not into social media accounts to tittle-tattle about your life."
"*chuckles* Why women wants to talk about gloomy feelings, instead of happy thoughts?"
"Because, that is mostly how we release our rage, despair, or pain."
"Well, yeah, but...aren't you gonna feel bad or distressed, if you will let someone feel the heaviness you feel?"
"Well, it's not my intention to let someone feel what I feel. I just want someone who understands."
"Not everyone will understand you. Sometimes, they must experience what you've been through, to fully understand you."
"Being open is different. What if that someone might help you solve your problems? What if that someone might comfort you? What if that someone listens, instead of pushing you away?"
"Yes, but some people are like chalk and cheese, y'know? We have different viewpoints. For me, I would choose not to let you know the afflictions I feel, 'cause I know that you're feeling troubled."
"I don't mind if you open up to me."
"But, I do. I won't talk about heartbreak if you are heartbroken."
"What if I talk about my heartbreak, 'cause you said, you are a one-call-away buddy?"
"I will just listen. But, I will never respond to talk about it further, 'cause all I can do is to try to make you smile."
"A one week of getting-to-know-each-other beats a twelve-year relationship.", it took about few seconds, before I get what she said.
"What the f*ck? Seriously?!", I was astounded about what she revealed. I didn't know Hans's relationship history. As far as I know, he is in a relationship with Skylah (one of Larissa's closest friends) for more than three years already.
"I cannot even bear, that he is already engaged."
"Are you sure if the woman you know, is the same woman who he is engaged to?", I can't help but ask.
"I thought you don't talk about it further?"
"It's just...terrible.", I just said. "Anyway, what's gonna make you smile? *smiles*", I asked.
"I clearly remember her first and last name, and her face. It is an unforgettable nightmare.", she ignored my question and continued to talk about her heartbreak. I didn't speak and just listened.
*silence*
"Can you tell me his fiance's name?"
"Um...I prefer not to. What if it's her? It will just hurt you."
"It hurts me already knowing, that he is engaged and not with me. So, what's the difference?"
"Well, I don't want to see you hurt more. I'd rather tell you my favorite name from my first names, than telling you her name."
"Skylah Joy Nam?", she suddenly said the name. I just sighed after hearing it.
*silence*
"So, it's her. I'm not surprised though.", I can feel the pain from her voice.
*silence*
"Ice cream or beer? *chuckles*", I said, before she cries again.
"Can you do something else other than that?", she seriously asked.
"Um...are you asking me to do you a favor?"
"Something like that."
"*smiles* Okay. What is it?"
"Make me smile genuinely."
"An ice cream and being drunk can do that. *smiles*"
"What if it's not a food or a drink? What can you do?"
"Well, what do you want?"
"Be my friend."
"*chuckles* I thought you're gonna say 'boyfriend'. *laughs* Just kidding. *smiles*"
"It wouldn't be impossible to fall for you though.", she candidly said.
"*chuckles* I can be your friend, but don't fall for me."
"Why?"
"*chuckles* What why? Don't tell me you're drunk, 'cause of that one can of beer. *laughs*"
"Well, it's not questionable, 'cause it seems you're the only person left who cares to talk and listen to me."
"Don't fall for someone, while you're still suffering from your past. You might end up damaging that someone."
"Well, I am not the type of person who damages someone. I'm the one that often gets damaged."
"And, it is only you who can restore yourself."
"Who broke up? You or Larissa?", she asked abruptly.
"It is a mutual decision."
"What's the reason?"
"*chuckles* Are we talking about me now?", I asked and she just nodded.
"Well...maybe, it's just not meant to be.", I replied plainly.
"That's all?"
"That explains it all."
"Okay...I won't force you to open up.", she seemed to notice that I don't want to talk about it much.
"*smiles* Thank you."
"I decided to surprise Hans, a night before our 12th anniversary.", she proceeded.
"He was always the one who is busy to surprise me, when there are special events. So, I thought about making an advance move to surprise him. ", do we even almost have the same story?
"We haven't seen each other for a week already, 'cause I got loads of work to finish and got too occupied with preparations for our anniversary.
...
That night, he didn't had an idea, that I'm about to pick him up from his apartment and bring him to a reserved place where I got everything ready. What I told him is that, I won't be able to see him again that day, because I need to meet a deadline from my work.
...
I arrived at his place and his apartment pass-code, which I clearly know, had changed. I called him to open the door, but he went out and didn't let me in. So, I was thinking that he has a surprise for me too, that's why he changed the pass-code. And---"
"You caught a woman in his apartment.", I supposed and I was right 'cause she started to shed tears again.
"I don't know what to do that night. I almost killed myself. It was the very first time that Hans shouted at me, comparing me to that woman. He even had the guts to slap me.", she continued.
"Wait, what? Hans slapped you?", knowing Hans, I cannot imagine that he could do that. I can't even forgive myself if I did that to any woman. She just nodded as a response.
"I can't even believe that I still stayed with him that night. Skylah left immediately, when I came. Everything is wasted. In a snap, those twelve years passed into oblivion."
"I can't blame you for staying, 'cause love makes us moronic.", I even stayed with Larissa after I caught her secretly communicating and hanging out with his ex. "But, you already caught him red-handed and he even physically hurt you. You should've just left and just f*ck off no matter how long you've been together.", I continued.
"Well, he fooled me and I fell for it. He was always sorry and he wants us to start over. He kept on telling me, that I'm the only one who will always be special. He told me, that woman is just nothing and she is not important. He made me believe for a month, while I was always ranting at him about that nightmare.
...
One day, he lost his patience and told me that he is in a relationship with another woman. He wants to end everything with me for good and all. He made me believe that it is not Skylah or anyone I know. But, here I am again, a half-witted woman, who will accept him no matter what. I'm even willing to be the third-party. Believe it or not, I chased a cheater.
...
He told me to leave him alone, so that he could think about saving us. He kept my hopes up on us. I have waited. After quite some time, he invited me to talk in person and I assumed, that he decided to get back together and leave whoever that woman is. During our talk, he was always busy with his phone. And, I happen to see the name of the person who he was chatting with...
...and it's Skylah. I thought the woman, that he's in a relationship with, is not her. But, it's really her.
...
I can't believe, that he could do that to me. After all? What the f*ck happened? It's just so... vague."
"If you have conflicts about something often. Then, that must be the reason.", I said, based on my experience.
"When he compared me to the woman, I heard a lot of things that he never said to me."
"Maybe, that's it."
"Being too dependent? Weakling? Self-willed? Delicate? Immature? I almost gave everything to him and trusted him almost half of my existence.", I choose not to respond to that, 'cause I don't fully know her yet and I also don't know Hans's side.
"What does he want? S*x?! Can't he wait?!", she continued to rant and rave.
Wait...what?!
Is she still...???
I don't know if I will be amazed by her purity or I will be astounded by their 12-year relationship without even making love.
"I hate him for devastating me and I hate myself more for loving him.", I just kept listening to her, 'cause I don't know what to say.
*silence*
"Sometimes, it's you who destroys yourself. You can't truly love a person, if you don't wholly love yourself. And, it's not love anymore, if you bring out the worst in each other.", I said.
*silence*
"I was not like this before. I became fed up of everything."
"I know I'm not in the place to give you an advice, since I don't know the whole story. But, you said, you want me to be your friend. So, all I can say is, you can restore yourself, if you allow it. No one can fix you, but yourself. But, of course, you must first open the door to forgiveness, before you can rebuild yourself."
*silence*
"What if I can't forgive? It has been almost three years and I still can't come to grips with what happened."
"If God forgives, how can you not forgive?"
*silence*
"He is not the only man in the world. He may be a part of your life for twelve years, but that doesn't mean you should give up your whole life, just because he stopped being a part of you."
*silence*
"I don't know if I can make you genuinely smile, as you requested. But, I can definitely be your friend. *smiles*", I just said to change the topic and because I noticed that she was out of words.
I stood up from the swing seat and I reached out my hand to her.
"Why?", she asked.
"I'm gonna drop you off at your doorstep, 'cause you might be giddy from drinking or from being dehydrated because of crying. *chuckles*", I jokingly said to shift the mood.
"I think you're drunk."
She didn't hold my hand, but she stood up. She directly walked downstairs, so I just followed.
"*chuckles* I have a high alcohol tolerance."
We stopped at her doorstep. She opened her unit's door and went inside. Before she said, 'bye' or close the door...
"What's your favorite name from your first names?", she suddenly asked.
"Jace. 'Cause no one close to me or someone I personally know, who calls me Jace. Plus, it's shorter than Wallace and Kristoff. It's the only name I love to learn to write when I started schooling. *laughs*"
"*smiles a bit* Thank you, Jace."
"*smiles* You're welcome, Irish."
"Um...did I somehow comfort you?", she asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Knowing my heartbreak story. Did it comfort you?"
"*chuckles* Of course not. It's dreadful. It's worse than my heartbreak story."
"That's actually the reason why I wanted to let you know my heartbreak story. I wanted to comfort you and let you feel, that there's something worse than what you've been through. So, don't feel miserable."
"*smiles* Thank you. But, don't feel miserable too, just because your heartbreak story is worse than mine or anybody else."
"*sighs* I'm trying."
"Stop trying, start doing."
"What can I do for you? You granted my request. I just feel uncomfortable, if I don't do something for you."
"*chuckles* Just choose to be happy and do something to restore yourself."
*silence*
"Um...so...I'll go. Get some sleep. *smiles*", I said and she waved and was about to close the door, but...
"Jace...", she called, so I stopped from walking.
"Yeah?", I asked.
"Strawberry Swing by Coldplay...I listen to it most of the time, especially when I'm down. Just wanna share it with you. *smiles a bit and waves*", she said and closed the door.
From what she said, I began having thoughts about the only highlight of my childhood memories. That song is highly significant for me, 'cause it turned me into a happy person. It reminds me of a girl whom I've only met once. Sadly, it's unachievable to find her, 'cause we were still young that time and we never knew each other's name. Since then, I just named her, 'friend'.
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Note:
Hi there! Thank you for reading. Only vote if you are truly interested.
Do you open up about the tough times in your life or not? Why so?
Any comments? Just feel free to type it below.
This part is dedicated to you, dreamyjing! Thank you for giving time to read "The Immatured One" ♥
God Bless! ♥