I yawn and for once, I am waking up by choice. No one shaking me and shouting my name, god bless. Weird, thought. Am I in a coma? Is this like in that movie where that girl can hear everything around her and blah blah?
Not that I've ever seen it.
I sit up in my bed and let out a little yawn that turns into a quiet groan. For once, I've slept alright and I'm not waking up with a headache of any form of pain in my body. Which is good, cause I think Lou has something planned for us today.
I kinda feel like I've been neglecting her, or pushing her away. Especially for the boys and if it weren't for Lou, I probably wouldn't of ever met them.
Being with Lou makes me kinda miss my mom or wish she was my mom, as bad as that sounds. But she's way to young to be my mom, so more like a really cool aunt. She's just so nice and caring and knows I have good intentions. She also knows vaguely about my dad, but what is there to say? If I can't tell her, I can't tell anyone and everyone's just gonna have to deal with it.
I feel like I haven't thought about my dad in a long time and I know I shouldnt cause 'life is for the living' and shit but I still feel like he's with me, you know? And I don't want that. It's like phantom pain, or something.
You know how you hear stories of those war veterans and they lose a limb and when they come back, they tend to still feel something as thought their limb was there, sorta.
I guess you could say that's how I feel. Even thought he's gone, I still feel him. Even thought I haven't seen him in months now I can still feel him lurking the halls.
"Lou?" I yawn again as I pull myself up.
"Yeah?" She comes out of the washroom, her hairbrush in her hand. "You okay?"
"What're the plans?" I ask, bending over to pick up my suitcase and pick my clothes. I hope we go out, I could use some actual air for once. I'm kinda tired of hanging out around the hotel.
"We could.." She shakes her head. "no.." She smiles. "Let's go to the mall. I have an idea." She grins and I just nod.
Once she goes back into the washroom, I yank open my suitcase and begin throwing clothes onto my bed till I find something nice to put together. Lately, I've been wearing just my skirt and a random shirt but maybe I should switch it up a bit.
Since I've maybe opened up a bit, I noticed I've mellowed out a bit. I don't swear as much and I'm less angry; less afraid essentially too.
I grab a black and white baseball tee and my black jean shorts and hurry to put them on before Lou comes out.
"Okay, breakfast and then we'll leave." Lou says, her hair now styled and now she's dressed.
***
"Don't move." Lou warns as she globs on cold goop into my hair.
We made a quick run to the mall, neither of us really hurrying for anything in particular except Lou very much wanted to redo my hair and touch up some spots. So now we're in the process of dying one side of my part black and the other to lavender. But all I really picked up at the mall was a Habs t-shirt and some new combs.
"We could do Michaels hair too, soon. I know he's been asking for it." Lou says, running her fingers through my hair. "I don't know what yet, but I was thinking vibrant." She smiles.
"Whatever works, I think I'm growing on him." I chuckle.
"I think you're growing on Ashton too." She says and I just nod. "Don't move!" She shrieks.
"Sorry, sorry." I mumble. "But yeah, Ashton... I think I really like him. I fel really comfortable around him."
"You're not worried about anyone else?" She says and then corrects herself. "Not that I'm saying there's anything to worry about bu-"
"No, I'm okay." I nod. "There's just something about this boy, you know?"
"I guess so." She ties my one side of hair and then peels off her gloves. Lou isn't afraid to speak her mind and I would love for her feedback right now.
She knows us both really well, I just need to know if this could even work out. If this is even possible in the slighest.
"I feel like there's something you're not telling us." I pout.
"I love you both dearly." She says.
"But?"
"But I don't know how you guys would work. Ryan, you're so.... Not mean, but maybe a bit blunt or harsh." She says delicately and I just nod. I know what she's saying, I'm forever being told the same things. "I mean, Ashton barely likes it when his own bandmates swear."
"Well, he seems to enjoy my company." I bite my lip. "He's even taken me out a few times. Breakfast, and stuff." I just lean back on the toilet.
"Let's just wash out your hair." She says, pulling the shower curtain out of the tub.
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"Wow, Ryan!" The boys gap as I come into the dressing room.
"What? Is there something on my face?" I begin rubbing my face frantically before resting my hand on the top of my head. "Oh, yeah, the hair." I laugh quietly.
"It looks really cool!" Luke says, his mouth open and smiling.
"Maybe even a bit punk rock." Michael says and he cringes as thought it pained him to say that.
"Really gorgeous." Ashton says to Calum and nudges his arm.
I feel myself blush a bit and shake it off. I don't blush. I shake my head and hope they didn't noticed.
"Awww, Ryan, are you blushing?" Calum teases and comes over to me, pulling me into a side hug. I squirm and try and pull away but he keeps me there.
Luke runs over and hugs me too, squeezing us tightly.
"Aw, group hug!" Ashton says, running over and pulling Michael with him into the hug.
I just stand there with an uncomfortable look on my face but I really am enjoying it. A nice hug and I'm not scared and I don't feel any form of panic in my body. Let's hope things stay like this.
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Authors note:
Sorry this sucks but stuff is coming your way soon ;)