Chapter 2 – A Change Is Gonna Come...
As we sat in the car I got many a missed call from Rakeem but even though my heart told me to answer it and find out what exactly it was that he wanted, my head told me to stop being such an idiot and thinking such crazy things cause I knew exactly what he wanted and why it couldn’t happen. We finally got to this club and I could hear R Kelly Ignition Remix blasting out onto the street and I smiled.
‘Jheeeeze, this was my song! I never knew they played this type of music in these posh clubs, you did well!’ Theo just grinned and got out of the car and opened my door for me, helping me out because as beautiful as this dress was, it was riding up a bit too much for my liking. This club was clearly exclusive because the line to get in was ridiculous and full of people that didn't stand a chance in entering. I would have been one of those people if I wasn’t with Theo right about now, I thought to myself. But luckily I was so, I held onto to his hand as he led me into the purple light stairway down into the club. I could smell the Ciroc and Grey Goose in the air and I couldn’t help but grin a little at the gasps of girls clocking my dress, shoes and bag and also the fine arm candy I was holding onto. Also, for the first time in a good few years I actually appreciated the approving looks of the guys in the club, maybe because I felt unappreciated by Nate but quickly shook those thoughts off and remembered why I was here, to enjoy my birthday night with my best friend.
It was about 8:30pm and I turned off my phone because I didn't want any calls to disrupt my time with Theo. We got to a VIP booth in the corner of the club and I felt like flipping royalty! Drinks were flowing, these begs were tryna dance near the booth so we could let them in – the jokes me and Theo were having were just too much. Theo went to the bathroom and left me in the booth which was fine, I had my drink in my hand and was doing a cute little dougie to Drake – The Motto when I saw a girl in the middle of the club staring me down like I’d done something to her. At first I was so confused cause I did not know this girl from Adam so why the hell is she looking at me like that. I didn't want to get angry but the alcohol in my system was tryna gass me so I calmed myself down and realised why I’d been given these death stares. This girl was all over this guy in another booth, clutching on to him for dear life like she wouldn’t exist without him and as I looked more closely at his face I realised it was Rakeem. She must have been wanting me dead because he had been looking at me since I’d been there. I laughed to myself and shook my head at her foolishness – if that was his new girl, firstly, I thought to myself, she’s a definite downgrade on me (just saying) and secondly, I don't want Rakeem so there is no need for these ’if looks could kill’ glares she was giving me. I looked away and poured myself another drink as I waited for Theo to come back. The DJ was killing his set and I was enjoying the music too much. He had switched it to bashment and I heard the intro to Ramping Shop blast through the speakers. I was vybzing by myself, clocking the looks of some cheap guys by the bar holding up empty bottles of Moet for the photographer, I felt someone behind me and they wrapped their arms around my waist. It felt so familiar and normal to me, so I assumed it was Theo but secretly hoped it was Nate surprising me and coming to apologise for earlier. The person pressed their face into my neck and whispered,
‘You did miss me then.’ My body went stiff and my blood ran cold. It was Rakeem and in my alcoholic state, I’d let my guard down and allowed him to get close to me. I turned to face him and tried to push him away but couldn’t move. He was looking at me intently, a sly smirk on his face, pressing me so tight to him I had to give up struggling cause there really was no use. I tried to look everywhere but his at his face because I knew in my heart that if I did, feelings and thoughts I’d kept under wraps for years would come back and I didn't want that to happen. Even knowing that he was touching me caused my body to tell me that this was right, I was meant to be in his arms and that I’d been waiting for this for like ever. But it wasn’t right and my body was living in a fairytale that needed to be snapped out of. I thought to myself, where the fuck is Theo and how damn long does it take to go to the bathroom! Rakeem’s hold loosened and he held my hand. I still refused to look at him but he sat me down next to him in the booth and turned my face towards him. I was facing him but hung my head, looking at the seats, our shoes, the floor, trying to escape the inevitable.
‘Tee, please look at me. If you just do that for me, hear me out, I won’t bother you again I swear on my dad’s life.’ I knew this plea was genuine because he never mentioned his dad cause he died the year before I met him and it hit him really hard, so I looked up at him. I could not deny the boy still looked as beautiful as he did 2 years ago and that shocked me to my core. I didn't know what to expect after seeing him but I did think prison would have changed him which it did; he had a hell of a lot more muscle, he had a fresh trimmed beard and had cut his hair showing smooth perfect waves. His eyes were still as bright as ever but I could see the experience in them and the pain at just mentioning his dad and my heart sunk to my stomach – I couldn’t handle all these emotions coming at me like this.
‘I know you don’t want to talk to me or see me but baby I needed to see you, just be near you again. I never got to explain what happened, why I went away, why I couldn’t get in contact and that killed me every day I was inside. I loved you so damn much and to know that I’d hurt you without being able to do anything about it made me think life wasn’t worth living at many points during my time. When my sentence was reduced and I knew I’d be able to see you again, it gave me another lease on life, it gave me a reason to carry on. Fuck, you know you’re the only person in the world I would ever say this to, and to this day I don't know what I would do without you in my life.’ I felt myself choking up, the heat of tears about to fall in my eyes which I quickly dabbed away. I’d waited 2 years to hear his voice, hear him say that he loved me, be real with me and it made me an emotional wreck inside but I kept my composure. I had forgotten he was still holding my hand and was reminded as he slowly stroked the back of my hand and held my face.
‘You are the only girl I’ve ever and will ever love. Forget everything that has happened in the past, I know I fucked up and I will always be the first person to admit that but I want me and you to be together again. You know you’re perfect for me, putting me straight, giving me that shy smile whenever I’d say you’re beautiful. I miss all of that and I know I can make up for all of it and more but only if you give me a second chance. But it’s all on you.’ I was just about to reply when Theo came back to the booth. I took my hand out of Rakeem’s and wiped my eyes. Rakeem’s hand fell from my face and he stood up face to face with Theo.
‘What the fuck is he doing here Tay? Did he make you cry, cause I swear ima kill him.’
‘Slow the fuck down, she is fine so you can fuck off now, we’re talking.’
‘Tay, come with me we’re out. You stay the fuck away from her, ya heard? If I hear or see you near her again, I’ll be the last face you’ll ever see.’ Theo took my hand and pulled me out of the booth and club and opened my door of his car. He sat in the driver’s seat and took a deep breath. He turned in his seat and looked over at me while I was staring into my hands, trying to figure out what exactly had just happened and why it had had such an effect on me
‘Tay I’m sorry I was like that but you know you’re my girl, you’re like my life so seeing him made me so mad...why were y’all even together talking?’ I looked up at Theo – was he actually serious? If he hadn't of left me by myself in that booth for so damn long, Rakeem would have never gotten the chance to even get close to me. The alcohol was wearing off and my good mood was gone so I looked at Theo and said in a quiet voice,
‘If you hadn’t have left me alone for as long as you did, none of this would have happened. I want to go home please.’ I turned back in my seat and closed my eyes to stop myself from crying. My birthday had officially been fucked over and all I wanted to do was go home, climb into bed and ignore all of the bullshit until tomorrow. I must have fallen asleep because Theo had my door open and was slowly shaking me awake. We were at my house and the lights were out.
‘I guess my mum and dad are out so the twins should be asleep.’ I looked at my watch and saw it was only 10:30. I had forgotten about what had happened in the club until Theo took my hands and stood in front of me.
‘Tay I am sorry for going off like that, I was trying to sort some shit and it took way longer than I thought. For as long as I live I swear ima never leave you like that again, I promise. I love you boo, you know that right?’ This should have made everything alright but the fact that there was so much unsaid between Rakeem and I just made me still feel uneasy. I knew Theo was trying and didn't know the extent to which Rakeem had gotten to me, so I smiled, kissed his cheek and gave him a hug.
‘I love you too, never leave me ever again no matter what please.’ I meant that with every being of my body, I needed Theo with me through this even if he didn't know why, he is what would keep me sane. I linked arms with him and walked towards the house. I put the key in the lock, opened the front door and the lights came up.
‘SURPRISE!!!’ A ridiculously huge bunch of people appeared out of nowhere and scared the fuck out of me. My heart was racing and I was just in shock.
‘This is why I took so long, we wanted everything to be perfect, I’m sorry it didn't turn out that way.’ I felt like such a fool for even doubting Theo so I threw my arms around his neck and gave him a long hug.
‘It’s perfect, thank you’
‘Good. Happy birthday baby girl.’ I looked around and everyone I knew was in my house. Aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, it was just mad. My mum and dad came up to me and hugged me and then disappeared out of the house along with a line of my aunts and uncles who each in turn hugged and kissed my cheeks in a hurry. I grabbed onto my mum before they left the house.
‘Umm where exactly are you lots going?’ My mum looked at me as if I was mad.
‘You really think we are going to stay here and supervise your party? Chale, you are grown now! If anything breaks, you had better just hide it or replace it fast fast! Love you!’ She laughed and kissed my cheek before running after my dad and the rest of my older relatives. My family were a bunch of absolute nutters but I don't know what I’d do without them. As I made my way to the kitchen to get a plate of food – of course my mum had cooked, what's an Africans birthday party without a big pot of rice! – I heard Kez and Ria scream.
‘OHMYGOODGODLOOKATYOURDRESSTHOUGH!” I turned to see their mouths opened wide and laughed hard. Ria pulled me towards her and spun me around about a million times like once wasn’t enough.
‘I cannot tell a lie, see if I was a boy yeah, firstly you wouldn’t be wearing that dress anywhere but in our bedroom and secondly, actually bun a second point, I just wouldn’t let you out of the house!’ She even had the cheek to bite her lip and wink at me like she was some skanky boy on road! I literally could do nothing but laugh at her but it was nice to be receiving these compliments.
‘Nah no joke Tay, you are a SPICE. Nathan is a very lucky guy.’ I froze at the sound of his name. I hadn't seen him since the cinema incident and I realised I missed him and hadn't seen him at my party since I’d gotten here. I could feel my sadness spreading all over my face and all of a sudden I felt someone come up behind me and put their hands over my eyes. My heart raced and I thought to myself, people really need to stop doing this to me, it’s not good for my health. I relaxed because I knew it couldn’t be Rakeem and assumed it was Theo until I smelt the familiar fragrance of Paco Rabanne One Million and knew it was Nate. I took his hands off my eyes, turned to face him and kissed him. He looked at me and smiled and wiped the tears I didn't realise were falling from my eyes.
‘Baby I am sorry for earlier, me and Theo were in on it the whole time, me, Kez and Ria have been organising this with him for a while but we didn't think you’d get so upset with me.’ I just stared at him in shock as Theo came to join us with a guilty smirk on his face. So my so called friends and boyfriend had been plotting behind my back this whole time?! And I didn't have a clue?! Jheeze, I really needed to step up my snooping game but I did appreciate all the effort the put in to making my birthday great.
‘I hate you all you do know that right?’ They laughed and huddled round me in a big group hug and for a second I forgot all about the bull with Rakeem and all I was thinking about was how much I loved my friends and fam and they were all I needed in this life.
The next couple of weeks after my birthday we had to go back to college to collect our A Level results. I hated being one of the youngest in my year because if results were bad, all the birthday celebration would be in vain as my mum would say and it would be back to hitting the books and living in the library. But this year was even more important because I really wanted to go to uni in September and if I didn't get the grades, I’d have to apply the next year and I really wasn’t feeling to do that at all. Me. Kez and Ria had all applied for different first choice uni’s; Kings, UCL and LSE but we had all chosen Royal Holloway as our back up – we had extremely high standards for ourselves and our teachers had high expectations of us too so the drive up to college wasn’t the most pleasant of journeys.
‘I can’t even think straight you know. I can hear my heart pumping in my ears, my palms are sweaty, my face is hot – I beg you roll down the windows!’ Ria was squirming in the passenger seat as I tried to calm my own self down whilst driving us to college in one piece.
‘Ri, I beg you stop moving about, you're distracting me – if you keep doing this, we won’t get to college alive let alone uni!’ I was just as anxious as Ria but I couldn’t show and was trying to supress it. I had a feeling in my gut that something bad was going to happen and was desperately trying to ignore it. Kez was silent in the backseat, staring out of the window. Even though she had applied to London uni’s there really wasn’t any point because unlike us she had taken SATS and applied for the university of New York and had found out in December that she had been accepted. She had just applied for English uni’s just to be able to reject them and feel smug which we found hilarious at the time but now it had set in that she was leaving in a couple of weeks for New York and she would officially be out of our lives forever. Well, that’s me being dramatic, out of our lives until we could drum up enough money to go and see her.
After what seemed like forever we arrived at college and saw a huge group of our year standing outside waiting for the doors to open to collect our results. If you saw the faces on some people, you would have thought the world was about to end or somebody had just died. The solemnness of the situation was too much for me to handle and I burst out laughing.
‘Nah Taylor, on a real it’s a serious ting you know, I am actually shook. If I don’t get into uni, my fam are sending me back to Nigeria – I can’t go back there! 6am starts and sweeping compounds – are you dizzy?!’Olu actually gave us too many jokes. Anytime he referred to life in Nigeria, his eyes filled with tears that never felt and you could hear the pure hatred he had towards it.
‘Even if you do get the grades and go uni, immigration will ship you back before you reach!’ Marcus appeared from nowhere as per usual, ending Olu’s life like he did. They were best friends and had been since like forever but you would never guess cause they were constantly insulting each other – if there was ever a day they were being nice towards each other, you knew something was about to go down. We all filed into the building and waited for our head of year to hand out those dreaded brown envolopes. Our form room suddenly became a church, people praying for good grades, people singing hymns to their selves, someone reciting scripture – their mothers would be so proud of them, I thought to myself, cause they sure as hell don’t do that when theyre in church! Our head of year, Mr Johnson opened the form room door and told us that we could come collect our results. As we all filed out of the room to outside his office, I saw Ria still sitting on a chair, staring out of the window. I squatted in front of her which was a mean feat cause the skinny jeans I had on had just come out of the wash and were just not rating any type of strenuous physical movement I attempted to do.
‘Ri, you alright? We can go get our results now, let’s just get it over and done with.’ She didn’t even twitch, just kept staring out of the window and I saw tears start streaming down her cheeks. I didn’t even think she was aware she was crying until she turned to look at me and I held her hands.
‘Everything is going to change and not for the better Tay. Yeah, we’ve finished college and its meant to be great but it’s not, is it? We’re going to be split up, it’s not going to be us anymore, and it’s just not going to be the same.’ I realised she was talking about me, her and Kez and my heart started to hurt. She was right, Kez was jetting off to New York in August and even if me and Ria both went to Royal Holloway it just wouldn’t be the same without Kez.
‘Ri, we’ll be alright. Of course life without Kez won’t be the same but we can go visit her and you know she’ll come visit us whenever she can so we’ll be good, don’t worry.’ But as I was talking Ria kept shaking her head and I knew something was wrong. Her usually bright grey/green eyes had turned the darkest shade of grey and I couldn’t bear to see her like this – whatever it was, I was sure we could sort it.
‘Ri, what’s wrong? What are you not telling me?’ I was starting to get really worried. She hadn’t been acting herself since my party but I dismissed it, counting it down to the anticipation and anxiety of results day. But the way she was acting in front of me now, I knew it was something more than that. She just put her head on her hands which were still in mine and tried to control her breathing, all the while the tears continued to fall down her face.
‘I did something really stupid Tay. I mean, really stupid. Like, I didn’t even mean to, you know. It all happened so fucking fast and was all a damn blur… I mean, you know I’m not like that. I don’t do shit like this. For fuck’s sake. I am such an idiot. Tay, what the fuck am I going to do. I just don’t know what to do…’ She continued to ramble on into our hands until I lifted up her head and she suddenly stopped talking and stared at me blankly. Before I could ask her to translate what she had just been talking about she took her hands out of mine and wiped her eyes.
‘I’m pregnant and Daniel is the father.’ My jaw dropped. My heart skipped a beat. I had a sudden rush of blood to my head and I was frozen to the spot. Ria?! Pregnant?! No, this was a definite joke. It had to be. What the fuck? Ria?! With Daniel? When? Why? What the actual fuck? I wanted to hug her and tell her everything would be okay but at the same time I wanted to slap her face and beat the baby out of her. How could she have been so stupid? Millions of thoughts ran through my mind; it must have happened at my party. In my house. Without protection? Ria wouldn’t be that stupid. She must have been drunk. So he took advantage of her? He must have. He was a dick. A fucking dick. Daniel was Ria’s ex and me and Kez hated him. Whilst he and Ria were together, he had started getting aggressive and arguments became more and more frequent to the point where he had started hitting her. Initially not in obvious places, on her arms and legs which could be easily covered up, but there was that one time. He had punched her in the face and it had shut her eye fully closed and she didn’t come to college for a good few weeks ignoring calls and texts from me and Kez, not even allowing us to come over to her house. It wasn’t until we bumped into her in the corner shop after college wearing a huge baggy jumper, leggings, UGGs and sunglasses and the glasses had fallen off, that we had realised why she had been avoiding us. The left side of her face had swollen up and her eye was a deep shade of purple and black. The anger and hatred I felt that day rushed back and I left Ria to go get Kez. I walked down the hall, praying Ria would stay put and found Kez talking with Olu, Marcus and whole bunch of other people in our year. I ignored the massive grin on Olu’s face and grabbed Kez.
‘Oi where have you lot been? We all opened our results – Olu is going uni! What a joke!’ Olu screwed but grinned hard afterwards. He had worked hard but I couldn’t think about that right now, it really wasn’t the time. I walked up to Mr Johnson, collected mine and Ria’s envelopes and dragged Kez out his classroom and into the form room where RIa had gone back to staring out of the window. I locked the door behind me and sat against the sofa in front of Ria and Kez did the same.
‘Guys, what is going on here? Ri have you been crying? Nah, real talk someone needs to tell me what is going on right now, this isn’t even funny.’ Once again Ria did not twitch so it was down to me to explain.
‘Ria is pregnant and Daniel is the father.’ I didn’t look at her whilst I said it but I could feel the heat of her anger next to me as she balled up her fists and brought her knees to her chest. She said something but it was inaudible, so I turned towards her to hear what she was saying.
‘Is this a joke, because if it is, this really isn’t funny.’ She had her eyes squeezed shut as if to not let this piece of information in and her hair covered her face, concealing her frustration. Ria got off the chair and sat on the floor in front of us. She had stopped crying and was just looking at the floor.
‘It’s not a joke. This is real. I took about 20 tests yesterday to convince myself it wasn’t true but each and every one was positive. Not one gave me even a glimpse of hope that this nightmare isn’t true. All I can think about is how I don’t remember anything. All I remember is seeing Daniel, us talking on the sofa and him asking me to forgive him and then it all goes blank. I don’t remember how I got home, I don’t remember how it happened but all I do know is that I have to have this baby whether I want it or not and my family are going to kill me.’ That statement was so true, my heart felt heavy for her. Her parents were pastors and preached to the youth about the importance of keeping sex for after marriage. Obviously she had had sex with Daniel before and her parents didn’t know but this was different – they were firm believers against abortion so this baby was definitely being born. I kept thinking to myself that I would not want to be in her position right now. My mum would probably send me to Ghana and tell me to raise my child in the village there. I had no idea what her parents were going to do or say but as her best friend I decided I was going to support her no matter what. Kez stood up and paced round the room a couple of times, muttering something to herself when she suddenly stopped in the middle of the room.
‘How could you have been so damn stupid Ria? Daniel of all the people. He hit you. He punched you in the face like you were equipment used for training boxers. He used and manipulated you into turning against me and Taylor, made you lie to us and nearly stopped us from being friends again. He is a coward, an abuser and I hate him. And now I hate you for being so stupid as to get that drunk to be able to sleep with him and now be carrying his child. Fuck you, fuck him and fuck this, I don’t want any part of it. I am so glad I am going to New York next week because if I had to stay in this drama, I swear to God, I would be in jail for murder. Have a nice life Ria, it’s been real but I just can’t do this. Tay, call me.’ Kez unlocked the form room door and left. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. I didn’t want to believe it. I wanted to run after Kez and tell her to come back and take back what she said but she was right, this situation was too much to handle and we had been through it before when we had found out Daniel had been hitting her. I wasn’t going to leave Ria alone but I couldn’t help fully understanding where Kez was coming from. I pulled Ria to me and hugged her hard. She didn’t cry, her eyes were all cried out, instead she gripped onto my jacket like a small child as I rocked her in my arms, not knowing what to do or where to begin, but knowing that it was going to be a long ass road till something good happened.
I helped Ria put on her coat and picked her bag off the floor and we walked out of college to my car. Kez was outside talking with Mr Johnson who called me and Ria to come over. I couldn’t hear exactly what Kez said but it seemed like she made an excuse and made her way towards the car and Mr Johnson went back into the building.
‘Tay, I beg you drop me home please, I need to sort out some stuff. I want you to come help me pack tomorrow cause I want to be done so I can enjoy Saturday and Sunday before that early flight on Monday, so I’ll call or bbm you yeah?’ I nodded and she got into the back and Ria had sat in the passenger seat, staring straight ahead like before. The tension inside the car was too damn much for me to handle – my two best friends, my rocks who had taken care of me when I had a breakdown after Rakeem went to prison, the unbreakable two who had been best friends before I’d known them and had immediately accepted me like we were family. All those years of jokes, emotion shared and dealt with together, broken and shattered because of a foolish drunken mistake. Alcohol was truly the devil. I swore to myself I’d never let myself get that drunk that I’d live to regret what I did in the state and silently prayed and asked God to help me to stick to it. The journey to Kez’s house really wasn’t that long but the dead silence in the car made it seem 100 times longer than usual. I rolled up outside Kez’s house and she jumped out.
‘Bye Tay, remember to call me yeah?’ I nodded and watched as she didn’t even acknowledge Ria’s presence in the car. I knew this was killing Ria inside because I felt her twitch ever so slightly but before I could say something to ease the tension, Kez was unlocking her front door and entering her house. I literally didn’t know what to do. I was in the middle. I wasn’t used to this. Usually I was the one whose problems needed sorting. I never thought it would come to a time where I was the one who had to sort other people’s problems out and I didn’t like it one bit. As I drove Ria back to her house I reached for her hand. I kept thinking that if I was in her situation, I would appreciate at least one person to be there for me, even if they couldn’t condone what I had done so I decided to be that person for her. She turned to me and tried to smile but the pain on her face was too much and it was half-hearted.
‘Tay, I’m gonna tell them today, as soon as I get into the house. Sooner rather than later. Please can you come in with me? You don’t have to say anything I promise but…but I just need someone there, symbolically on my side.’ She knew and I knew I would do it but we also both knew I wasn’t on her side. I squeezed her hand, silently agreeing to what she had asked but also avoiding setting in stone the truth we both knew. We got to her house and I cut the engine off. I shifted in my seat to face Ria and she was staring at her house.
‘I’m walking into my death. I guess I should just get it over and done with.’ She got out of my car and I followed her to her front door. Ria lived in this ridiculously beautiful house that looked like the White House from the outside and the inside was lavish and expensive, the sort of interior you were afraid to touch in case you broke something. That was one of the many things I had immediately loved about Ria – she had everything anyone would ever want and need and yet you would never know because she was so humble about it all.
‘Mum, Dad, I’m home!’ Their house was so big, shouting was the only successful way of communication.
‘We’re in the kitchen, come and tell us how your results went!’ I had completely forgotten about our unopened results in my bag. I got Ria’s envelope out and handed it to her as we made our way to the kitchen. Ria was an only child since her younger brother had been killed in a hit and run accident on the way to school last year and as a result, her parents had put all their love, support and attention on Ria which was going to make this whole situation even more painful than it would be in a normal household. We entered the kitchen and her mum had her back to us, stirring something in a huge metal pot that smelt like some kind of chicken stew and made me realise I was ridiculously hungry. Right on cue, my stomach growled and prayed her mum didn’t hear.
‘Taylor, you haven’t eaten have you? Don’t worry, you know I am going to make you eat well well before you go home, I can’t have your parents thinking I starve you when you visit!’ I cracked a small smile, Ria’s mum never failed to make me laugh.
‘Elizabeth, leave the poor girl alone! Taylor, sit down and eat!’ Her dad emerged out of the conservatory with a bible in his hand which caused a tinge in my heart. Ria handed her mum the envelope and her mum ripped it open in anticipation.
‘OH MY GOODNESS, RIA YOU AMAZING CHILD!’ She screamed with joy and for a split second I saw a glimpse of happiness in Ria’s eyes before she realised that she was going to ruin everything with her bad news.
‘BRANDON! TWO A*’S AND AN A! OUR LITTLE GIRL IS A GENIUS!’ Her dad snatched the envelope from her mum and looked over them for a while. Then a huge grin spread across his face and he hugged Ria hard, crushing her in the process. I saw Ria start to cry and had to stop myself from doing the same. Her dad reached into the cupboard and brought out a huge bottle of champagne.
‘Tonight, we will celebrate! We are so proud of you girl! You have such a bright future ahead of you and I want you to know we will be behind you 100% no matter what you want to do you, you hear?’ At that, Ria burst into tears and her mum rushed to hug her.
‘Awww, sweetie don’t cry, let’s enjoy this moment!’ Ria pulled away from her mum and grabbed onto my hand. I hadn’t said anything because I didn’t know what to say and I just felt incredibly awkward. Ria took a deep breath in an wiped her eyes.
‘I need to tell you something important and I just need for you to hear me out please.’ Her parents looked at her whilst she said this, their happiness and smiles lingering on their faces as they waited in anticipation. She stared down at the floor as I felt her long nails dig into the flesh of my hand.
‘I got drunk at Taylor’s surprise party and ended up doing something really stupid.’ I heard a gasp from her mum and the smile faded from her dad’s face as they both stared at her intently.
‘What exactly was this stupid thing Ria? Please choose your words wisely because if it is what I think it is, I don’t think my heart will be able to take it.’ I looked at her mum’s face whilst he spoke – her lips were pressed tightly together, one hand on her small, gold necklace with a cross symbol and the other hand gripping onto her husband’s hand which was firmly on her waist, holding her like a steady foundation as if at any moment she would fall and collapse.
‘I am two weeks pregnant…..and Daniel is the father.’ Her mum crumbled in her dad’s arms, all the blood and energy draining from her body. Ria stepped forward to help them up but her dad stopped her.
‘I’ll be back. I’m going to take her upstairs to lie down. Stay down here.’ His face was completely blank, showing no emotion whatsoever. His eyes had turned a fiery shade of brown, a far cry from his usual sweet hazel eyes and the only other time I had seen this happen was when he found out about what Daniel had been doing to Ria and when her brother died. Ria was still holding onto my hand, attempting to control her breathing and not cry. I could tell it killed her to have to tell her parents that information and turn what was a celebration into a time of distress and hurt but it was better than trying to keep it a secret. Her dad came back downstairs and closed the kitchen door behind him slowly. He came to stand in front of us, his hands covering his face. As he leant back against the kitchen counter, I decided this was my time to leave – I had been there whilst she had told her parents which is exactly what I said I’d do but I was not about to stay here whilst she got shouted at. As I prised my hand out of Ria’s, her dad stopped me.
‘Taylor, I am aware that you are not in the wrong here but I would like you stay and hear what I have to say to Ria because if no one is here, I might not be responsible for my actions.’ I felt a shiver down my spine – never had I heard such words filled with disgust and anger come from his mouth before in my life. I mean, he was a pastor. He has a congregation full of sinners and people who confess things like this to him all the time. I guess it’s a lot different when it happens under your own roof.
‘Ria. Never in my life would I think I would be having this conversation with you. We have given you everything you have ever needed in life – EVERYTHING. You live in a beautiful house. You can buy whatever you want without looking at the price. If you ever needed anything we told you to always just ask. We have always been here for you no matter what. When I found out what…what that fool did to do, I wanted to break his neck and leave him for dead. I could have easily done it and felt better but I didn’t. I prayed on it and I prayed he would get what he deserved and God punished him justly because he ended up getting kicked out of his parent’s house and out college. I prayed for you and prayed that he would never become a factor in your life again. Everything was going so well Ria.’ He picked up the envelope with her grades in.
‘You see these grades? They mean absolutely nothing now, nothing at all. How are you going to go university with a child to raise. You are still a child yourself, Ria. You have had such a sheltered upbringing, an upbringing many would be so jealous of and now you have thrown all of that away? For what? Alcohol? Seriously Ria, I thought we had brought you up better than that. Obviously I was extremely wrong.’ Ria made to speak but he raised his hand.
‘If you speak, I swear on the holy Bible I will slap you so hard you will regret even breathing. I have never been so disappointed and angry in my entire life Ria. I don’t even feel I know you anymore. But I do know what you’re going to do. You know we do not approve of abortion and even more so we do not believe in sex before marriage. You have ignored both of this and shoved it in mine and your mothers faces and as a result you will be punished. You are going to have this child and you will live here until the child is born. When the child is born you are going to have a choice – you are either going to give it up for adoption where the child can be given to a family that wants and deserves a child and then go and live with your aunt or cousins or you can keep your child and leave this house. It will be up to but either way, after the baby is born you will no longer be living in this house.’ He got up and left the kitchen, closing the door behind him and went upstairs.
'Ria, I don't want to leave you but I really do need to go. I'll call you as soon as I get home yeah?' I did genuinely feel bad for leaving her but what could I do? She hugged me and as I quickly left her house. When I closed the front door behind me, I suddenly realised that I had been holding my breath the whole time as if I had been underwater. I appreciated the cold wind on my face cause I had felt hot as hell up in there. I got in my car and looked at my phone. I had like 50 missed calls from my mum and dad and texts from everyone asking how my results were. I saw a text from Kez and read it in hope that it was about making up with Ria.
Kez: called you but you didn’t pick up so I guess you’re with her…lemme know when you get home…oh and one last thing – don’t try get me to make up with her before I go, am done looking after her. Xx
I turned my phone off and rested my head on the steering wheel – was this really happening? How could we go from being ridiculously tight, talking about our futures to no longer being friends and splitting up? I got ready to start the car and realised I hadn’t even opened my results. They seemed so insignificant in the grand scheme of things but I opened them anyway. I saw 3 A*’s and had to read them again because I was sure this was just an elaborate dream, it had to be. Me? 3 A*’s? The first thing that came to my mind was that I could apply to Cambridge and get in swiftly! But I really wasn’t looking to go there so thoughts turned to the fact that I was actually going to Kings in September. Despite all the drama of the day, we all did mad well with our results so I guess something positive came out of everything. I started the car and put in my favourite afrobeats mixtape by DJ Neptizzle and blasted it with the windows shut so the music would silence my thoughts about the madness of the day I’d had. I got home and Theo was sitting outside my front door. I honked my horn to get his attention but he didn’t move. The blood drained from my face as I realised something was seriously wrong. I jumped out of my car and ran to my front door. As I knelt down next to him I saw he was clutching his side and I could see blood. He turned his head to me and his eyes were bloodshot, his eye swollen and his lip was bust. Tears were forming in my eyes and I could feel the heat of anger rising in my stomach whilst I got my phone out of the car and called the police and an ambulance.
‘Theo, how long have you been out here? What the fuck happened? Who did this to you?’ All I could think was that he might die on me and that that would kill me and as much as I tried to push those thoughts away, they hounded me, echoing loudly in my head I tried to come to terms with what was happening. As I put down the phone, I saw Theo’s eyes slowly closing and I screamed.
‘NOOOOO, Theo please stay with me, don’t do this, don’t leave me PLEASE THEO NOOOOOO, OPEN YOUR EYES.’ I held him close to me, pressing my hand on his, trying to keep his blood inside him. I felt his eyes flicker open against my chest and I breathed a sigh of relief. He held onto my wrist with his other hand and I knew that was his way of saying he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, he had promised to never leave me again and he would live out that promise. My front door opened and my mum, dad and the twins were standing there.
‘Theo’s been hurt really badly mum and I don’t know what to do. I’ve called an ambulance and the police but I just don’t want him to die, please mum help me.’ As I was speaking I could feel myself choking up but I kept telling myself not to cry, I had to be strong for Theo. My mum told Trey to get a blanket for us, water and her medicine bag. The twins stood looking in horror, I saw tears in Tia’s eyes and I saw the anger in Trey’s. My dad lifted Tia up in his arms as she began to cry and he took her inside. Trey came back out with the stuff and a furry blanket and helped wrap it around me and Theo and then sat down next to us. My mum is a nurse so I knew she would know what to do. She cleaned the blood from Theo’s lip and made him drink some water just as the ambulance and police arrived. It was such a haze as the paramedics carefully lifted him up into the ambulance and asked too many questions for me to handle. It was just all too much and before I knew it, I was inside the back of the ambulance with my mum, with Theo still holding onto my wrist, tears falling down my face as my mum held me and told me everything was going to be alright. We got to the hospital and Theo was rushed into in A&E and I realised I’d been praying silently as had my mum for the duration of the journey.
‘God works in mysterious ways. Theo is a good child of God so don’t you even worry, he will be just fine.’ I nodded and sat down next to my mum. I have always hated hospitals. And being here because Theo is hurt makes me hate them 100 times more. I took my phone out of my pocket and texted Nate.
Me: today has bin mad, Kez and Ria aint friends anymore, Ria is pregnant and now am in hospital with mum and Theo. Theo got hurt real bad, dnno who by but I will find out. praying he wont die on me, dnno what I’d do. will call/text you when I know more or get home. love you xxxxxxx
I put my phone back in my pocket and the nurse came out into the waiting room. I searched her face for a sign, anything to tell me that he was alright, he was alive and well but couldn’t see a thing. I burst into tears and held my head in my hands. I wanted to ground below my feet to open up and swallow me up. This just couldn’t be happening. Theo was my life. Without him I was nothing. He kept me sane. He was my heart and if he was gone all that would remain would be an empty space of which I would have to live with for the rest of my life. My mum held me close and rubbed my back, not saying anything because she knows I am not one for emotional stuff. The nurse came to sit down next to us.
‘Are you Taylor?’ I looked up through my blurry, tear filled eyes and slowly nodded. How did she know my name? Did my mum tell her?
‘Your friend is asking of you, he wants to make sure you’re alright.’ She smiled at me, got up and walked towards the ward doors.
‘Theo is alive? He’s alright? Oh, thank God he’s alright.’ I hugged my mum hard and felt her smile on top of my head.
‘I told you, God takes care of his children.’ She whispered into my hair and in that instance I felt closer to God than I’d ever felt in my lifetime. I stood up and followed the nurse into the ward and saw Theo at the end of the hall. He looked so pale and drained, hooked up to all these tubes and wires. I felt myself choking up as I got closer to him and tried to hold myself together. As I sat down in the chair next to his bed, he opened his eyes and stretched his hand towards me. I got up and sat on his bed and gripped onto his hand and put our hands in my lap.
‘I am so sorry Theo. This is all my fault. You would have never come to London if it wasn’t my stupid birthday. You would be chilling in America, not lying in a grim hospital bed. I am so s-‘
‘Tay, shut the fuck up.’ His voice was deeper than usual, grisly and low. He coughed and held his side tight, his face grimacing from the pain.
‘Who did this to you?’ He looked away from me and closed his eyes. I knew immediately who it was.
‘It was Rakeem and his guys wasn’t it. For fucksake, is that a joke?’ I was livid. To think I was actually considering hearing him out and talking things through with him and he goes and beats up my best friend and leaves him for dead. There was no way in hell I was letting him get away with this. Theo reached up to touch my face and I bent down towards him and held his hand to my face.
‘Tay, this is all my own fault ite? I was on my way to my house and I saw him across the street. He came up to me and asked if you were ite cause you hadn’t been returning his calls all day and he wanted to know how your results was. I told him you didn’t wanna hear from him and things got a lil…rough.’ I looked at Theo’s face, taking in every cut and bruise. I gently touched his face, leaned in towards him and before I knew what was happening I kissed him. To my surprise he kissed me back and I could taste his pain and anger. All I wanted to do was be there for him, love him and take care of him. Thoughts of Nate came into my head and I pulled away from him.
‘I am so sorry, I um, need to go.’ Theo didn’t let go of my wrist. My head was turned away from him but I could feel his beautiful eyes staring at intently, deep into the core of me.
‘Tay, look at me.’ I did as I was told.
‘You and me shoulda happened years ago but cause I moved to America it just wasn’t possible. I don’t care if you don’t believe me but everyday since I left London I regretted not telling you that I love you. Like more than a friend, always have and always willno matter what. When I say you’re my boo I mean it. I know you’re with Nate and y’all are happy but I needed to tell you especially after what just happened. He’s a cool dude and y’all are good together but always remember I love you and I aint going nowhere.’ He pulled me down towards him and kissed me. This time I didn’t even try and stop him because it just felt right. I had loved this guy for years and hadn’t realised he felt the same? I started to think what if’s; what if he had told me he loved me way back when, would he have tried to stay with his dad so we could be together? What if we had been together then, would we still be together now? These thoughts were really meaningless because I couldn’t turn back time but they went through my head all the same. We broke apart and Theo just grinned at me.
‘I always thought you’d be good kisser.’ We both laughed and I kept thinking, stop talking and let me kiss you again. Just as I was thinking this, Nate walked into the ward and towards us. If he had come just a few minutes earlier, I thought to myself, he would have caught me kissing Theo. I looked at Theo and I knew he was thinking the same – neither of us would mention what we just did, it would be as if it never happened. I got up and hugged Nate.
‘Theo what happened man? Don’t worry, whoever did this is gonna get it I swear.’ I hadn’t told Theo or Nate about Rakeem’s constant texts and calls but me and Theo had both not told Nate about what happened at the club. Nate only knew Rakeem as random, normal guy that I used to go out with because I hadn’t thought I would ever see or come into contact with him ever again. So much for that plan. Theo explained what had happened to Nate and I saw his face drop.
‘Rakeem as in your ex? Tay, why didn’t you tell me he’s been bothering you?’ I looked up at him, he was was genuinely concerned.
‘Rakeem isn’t your average guy Nate, he’s violent, dangerous and I didn’t want you getting hurt by getting involved. The whole reason Theo got hurt is cause me, Rakeem and him have history and I didn’t want you to get added to the mix. I’m sorry.’ I stared at the floor to avoid both Theo and Nate’s eyes.
‘Tay, you go home and I’ll explain everything to Nate yeah?’ I looked up and nodded at him, a silent thank you for saving me from doing something I knew I’d eventually have to do but dreaded. I gave him a gentle hug and then hugged Nate before I left. Nate lent in to kiss me and I felt Theo’s eyes watching us so quickly kissed him and made my way out of the hospital. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I had a call from withheld and immediately picked up knowing it was Rakeem.
Private Caller: Tee, I’m sorry but he got me vex. I didn’t know what else to do, he was just saying all the right things to provoke me and I fell for it.
I was fuming. How dare he try and make excuses for his despicable actions. I had to tell him about himself because this guy was clearly deluded.
Me: Rakeem you chat a lot of shit you know. Theo would never do that, he’s not that kind of guy. You basically left my best friend for dead and you expect me to talk to you and work things out? You’re crazy, you know that yeah? Leave me the fuck alone Rakeem. I have a boyfriend that I love and never want to hear or see you ever again as long as I live. You mean fuck all to me, you gave up the privilege of having my attention a long time ago and no one ever gets that more than once.
The line was silent and I thought he had cut off the phone but then I heard him breathe deeply and sigh.
P/C: I know you don’t mean that Tee cause if you did you would have cut the call on me instead of waiting to hear if I would reply. We both know that that night in the club you wanted to make things work and that’s cause me and you we go together. You and I both know that I won’t stop until I get what I want and what I want is you. I will move anything or anyone who gets in my way and this just happened to be a warning to one of those people in my way. I don’t want to hurt your friends so for their own safety, I beg you tell them to dead these talks about sorting me out cause you know it will only end badly for them. Tee, I love you and I would rather go back to jail for life than see you with that guy you’re calling your boyfriend. And don’t think I don’t know about you and your best friend. Why d’you think I had to set him straight? Tee, don’t play games with me cause when it comes to you I don’t mess about. Remember, without you I am nothing so intend to get you back.
He ended the call and I just stared at my phone. This was just fucked up. The two guys in my life that I loved with every fibre of my being were in danger because of me. And the guy I used to love that I desperately wanted and needed to hate had was able to get rid of those guys and all because I didn’t feel the same way I did about him two years ago. I walked towards the bus stop and sat down. I knew a change was going to come, it was inevitable, but I didn’t think it would be quite as bad as this. Life just got 100 times more complex and I doubted it was going to get any better.