"Jeremy?" I asked with a shaky voice, hoping for a different answer.
"Yeah..." my gut curled on itself. A sudden cold front swept through my core, stiffening my limbs and muscles. "I know you guys were close for a long time." Peters could see my chin was quivering and he tried to comfort me, but I had to shake it off. I was now the lead detective on his disappearance and had to keep personal emotions out of this one. I put my blinders up and walked past Peters through the bullpen.
A shape materialized through the office window, as the sheriff came into view. He rose from his seat with the same expressionless face he always had. It was a blend of wrinkles, sadness and fatigue, served on the rocks. His white mustache twitched a little bit upon seeing me. That was all that moved.
"Detective Graves." His address showed me respect, which was a lot to ask from a man who watched me grow up.
"Sheriff Rogers." We didn't need to shake, we didn't need to hug. We weren't those types of people and we had been to the ends of hell and back together. We were at the beginning of another disappearance and we wanted a different result. We knew we had to act fast if there was any chance of finding him alive.
"Thanks for lending us a hand. I trust that Peters has briefed you on what we got?" Peters appeared behind me in the doorway.
"He told me I'm lead on this investigation... Thank you."
"You're welcome," Rogers responded. "We need your skill set. My friend, Police Chief Buckner, has a lot of faith in you. Says you are making quite a name for yourself down in Charlotte."
"You don't think my past here could cloud my judgment?" That would certainly be the prevailing opinion once word got out that I was leading the investigation.
"It will cloud your judgment," he answered plainly.
"Excuse me?"
"Your daughter was murdered five years ago. We never could find out who did it."
"That's right."
"You don't trust anyone in this town. Neither Peters nor I can say the same. So you are at an advantage not only do you know everyone in their strengths and flaws, but you also don't trust anyone. As a result, you will consider every suspect equally. So, don't kid yourself and act like you can rise above what happened five years ago. Because I know I haven't." He lifted and old expression to me, as if staring straight into my dark soul.
"Your judgment is clouded, but for the better. We need you, Amanda. If at any point you feel like you need to be benched, just let us know and we'll take over. But until then... tell us what you need."
I had to forgive him for not finding Suzie, a major part of me still resented him for it, but now being a detective myself, I know it's just not that easy. Here we have a suspected kidnapping in front of us and he's handing me the reins. A tear welled up in my eye – not because of my memories, not because my childhood friend was missing, but because Rogers saw I was wearing a mask and told me not to be ashamed to take it off. In that moment, I realized it was okay to be hurt, depressed and untrusting –and that was exactly why he needed me. That's exactly why he chose me.
There was something empowering in that notion. The reasons I thought I shouldn't take this case are the exact same reasons they needed me. My weaknesses weren't weaknesses at all. Sheriff Rogers always spoke like a true wise man and this just jumpstarted me. The self-analysis was over. I was in the game now.
�8!�>
"Alright... let's get to work."
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