* Somewhere between Chapter 53 and 54
.
.
.
Luke's POV
11:45 PM
She's not inside, or Grace is shitting me.
But it can't be. I know she's been here. I know she's walked this hallway dozens of times, touched that knob dozens of times. I just know. I could even smell her pefume in the hall, it hurts.
If she's not here, where would she be? Not in that dinner, because I bet that place is full of those self-righteous people who touches the wine glass with just the tips of their fingers and lightly dabs the table napkin on their mouths even if the only thing they ate are biscuits. I'm not hating on them. I'm just saying Syd won't be with those kinds of people.
She definitely won't be in the streets, where there's a lot of people and it's suffocating. This isn't right.
I texted Melissa and the boys, asking them for ideas. It's about 3 in the afternoon in Sydney. Hopefully she's awake. I feel so helpless.
I walked up and down the empty hallway. The sounds of fireworks going off could already be heard, growing more and more frequent by the minute. I feel anxious. I texted Lou, trying to ask her for Sydny's number. If she changed her number, she won't recognize mine. It won't be registered on her phone. I doubt so.
My phone vibrated. It was Michael who replied first.
Michael: Maybe she's not in New York lol. Try the alps.
Of course I ignored that.
Ash: I don't think she likes to be where there are many people, dontcha think?
Calum: Not in the streets, I guess. Maybe in a dinner party with a friend.
Lou: if you do find her, dont tell her i gave it to you. Sydny Green (1-xxx-xxx-xx3)
Melissa: Luke, she mentioned something about wanting to watch the ball drop and the fireworks too.
I saved her new number on my phone, my finger hovering a little too long on the call button. If I call her, what the hell will I say? I might say something wrong and make things worse.
I sighed and thanked each of them. Not in the streets but she wants to see the ball drop, and wants to see fireworks too. Where the hell will you be able to do those things besides the streets? I doubt she made any new genuine friends that invited her to a party. And even if she was invited, I doubt she'd go.
My phone vibrated again.
Lou: she has to be there. My friend who was babysitting Lux said they met her. She was on her way there when they parted. That was about an hour ago.
Luke: but she's not in her room
Lou: maybe in the other parts of the hotel. Idk.
Lou: I gotta go. She'll be there.
I groaned, wanting to throw my phone out the window.
"Excuse me, sir. Everything okay?" A man's voice said.
I turned around. One of the hotel staffs was walking towards me. He was carrying a couple of small portable heaters.
"Um, no. Everything's fine." I answered, waving him off. He just smiled and started walking away without another word.
Where the hell would Sydny go to? It's not like I could check every part of this hotel. Then I realized how stupid I was. I followed the hotel staff, calling out.
"Hey, um, can I ask you a question?" I said, feeling awkward that I don't know his name.
"Of course." He shrugged. He's about the age of my brothers, but he's just as tall as Ben. This reminds me... man, I should have asked Jack for some tips out here. He and Celeste are just goals.
"Can you see the ball drop from this hotel?" I asked, walking towards him.
Ralph, as his nameplate says, nodded. "That is one of the reasons why a lot of tourists check in this hotel at this time of the year." Great. Now, he's advertising.
"Where's the best spot to watch it drop here in the hotel?"
"At the dinner sir, on the ballroom. Second floor." He answered.
No. This is wrong. She won't be there. I just know. She probably knows no one here so she definitely won't be interacting with strangers in that dinner party.
I frowned. A loud firework made a loud booming sound.
Wait. Fireworks!
"By any chance, is there a spot where you could watch the ball drop as well as the fireworks?" I asked again. If there is none, then I don't know where the hell I am going to go.
Ralph frowned. "Yes, I was just there. But not much people really goes up there. It's chilly."
BINGO.
"And where is that?" My heart was beginning to race.
"The rooftop." He answered. "But your clothes—"
"Nevermind my clothes!" I said a bit too enthusiastically. "Thank you so much!!!"
Ralph looked confused but I don't care anymore. I ran to the elevators, pressing on the Up button repeatedly. A couple was waiting too. One elevator opened after a minute or so. But it was going down, and it's filled with Canadians. Yes, I know because they were shoving each other.
"No, this is not our floor! Don't go oat." One of them said. That's how I knew they were Canadians.
The couple went inside. Now I'm alone, and the elevator going up is taking its sweet fucking time. Damn. I was anxiously tapping my fingers against my thighs. Somehow, I know this is right. It must be. It has to be.
Ding
The elevator opened. I went inside, and pressed the last button on the selection.
As it goes up, I tried to compose what I was going to say. 9. 10. 11. Nothing. I have nothing. I would probably just go out there, and stare at her, try to take all of her in even when she's too much, but to me she's just right. She's perfect.
The elevator doors opened. I stepped out, painfully slowly. The elevators where inside a glass room in the middle of the rooftop. Another hotel staff, was sleeping on his desk. Wow. He probably had a rough shift. New Year is unbelievably busy for some people who try to make the night extraordinary for others. The man was too deep in his sleep that he didn't even hear I was there.
Anyway, I stepped out of the glass door, just in time when a cool breeze blows over. Ralph wasn't wrong when he tried to warn me that my clothes weren't right. I lack a few extra layers.
I looked around. The whole rooftop was almost empty, except for one person.
I knew immediately it was her.
Sydny. I was standing 20 feet from her, still at the door of the glass room.
She was looking up. Her face lit up like the sky. A smile was forming on her face. She stood there, hugging her arms to herself, but she looked as beautiful as ever. She looked as beautiful as she was on the day I met her. As beautiful as she was during the times when she was crying over petty things. As beautiful as she was whenever I told her I love her. As beautiful as she was when I watched her leave so many times. But there was something off. She looked happy.
And I wanted to be happy for her. But she's alone, and she's happy, which just means she's fine like that. This moment played so many times in my head, each time is different. But there wasn't a version where it turned put she didn't need me after all. I played this moment so many times, but never like this.
Now, it hurts.
Maybe I shouldn't have come at all.
Then something broke her concentration. She reached for her pockets, pulling out her phone. In that split second, I hoped so badly for her to look this way. Maybe if she saw me, the rest of the night would play out differently. Maybe the ending would be the same as the way I played it in my head.
Syd pressed her phone to her ears, and continued looking at the sky. At first, she continued smiling. Laughing, even. After some time, she stopped looking at the sky, talking to whoever it was on the other line. And then she was biting her lip, then she looked down at her feet. She was trying not to cry. I've seen that too many times to be sure. Oh God, what is it? Why?
I wanted to run to her so bad, and try to comfort her in any way possible. But I might just make matters worse.
When the call was done, she just held her phone in her hands and continued watching the sky. This time, there's no smile on her face. Instead, her eyes were glistening from the tears. Right then, I couldn't take it.
I had to reach out one way or another. To hell with what might go wrong. I need to talk to her.
I got my phone out, which was still displaying her contact. This time, with no hesitation, I pressed the dial button.
.
.
.
Sydny's POV
11:54 PM
"HEY!" It was Andy. He was clearly drunk.
"What the hell?" I laughed. "Whose number is this?"
"First of all," he started. "I am not drunk. I'm just tipsy. Second, this is James' number. James or Jamie, I have no idea. I'm at a party here. Mum let me out."
"Okay, good for you." I said, watching the fireworks again.
"Good." He laughed. "I just wanna' say, I miss you. It's fun here in L.A., but I still miss you guys. Also, Mel and I just Facetimed. My phone died so I had to borrow a phone from someone. They looked like they were having so much fun there in Sydney. They had a grill out, and today (or technically tomorrow), they were going to the beach. I wish I was there. I wish we were there."
"Good for them." I said, trying to sound upbeat. I imagine the guys hanging out at the beach, completely forgetting about everything else. I remember the last time we went at the beach. Those salty kisses, water splashing, and of course, my jealous boyfriend. Damn, I miss Luke being overprotective about me like that. I mean, an overprotective boyfriend sucks, but Luke wouldn't be like that if he doesn't see anything worth being overprotective for. It's nice to have someone care that much for you. Right now, they're already probably convincing Luke that he should let even the thought of me go. To let it all go.
"Everyone misses you." Aw they still remember me. Fucking hell, this is ruining my happy bubble. I was just feeling all light and warm because of the fireworks. Now, all the loneliness is back. "But there's one thing missing." Andy added.
"And what's that?"
"Your Luke isn't with them." He sighed. "I don't think he's even trying to enjoy without you there. I asked Melissa about it, and she said he just needed some time for himself. Look, Luke and I aren't really that close, but I think he's so heartbroken by all this. And I don't just mean Taylor Swift kind of heartbroken. I mean Mayday Parade kind, and not just any Mayday Parade. I really mean The Last Something That Meant Anything kind of heartbroken, and I'm telling you that is depressing."
Under any other circumstances, his scale of being heartbroken would have made me laugh. But knowing what he meant is enough to make me feel heartbroken too. I have listened to that Mayday Parade song hundreds of times, and I still feel like crying. So yes, that is depressing. If Luke is going through that, if something bad happens to him, I will never ever forgive myself.
At this point, tears stung my eyes. But I'm not gonna' cry. No.
I kept imagining Luke all alone in his room, pushing people away. I kept seeing him, sitting all alone in his bed, wondering what he did wrong this time. I see him crying himself to sleep as everyone around him tries their best to make the most of the day.
I am breaking him.
I'm such a shitty person.
"Um," I started, my voice hoarse. The back of my neck is starting to hurt from trying keep myself from breaking down. "What do you think I should do?"
"Ohmygod are you crying?" Andy said, alarmed.
No, I thought. But I just bit my lip, afraid I would start crying hard as the previous thoughts replayed over and over in my head.
"Sydny, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to—"
"No, it's okay." I said, looking down at my feet. My voice was barely a whisper. "Thanks for telling me, Andy. You're a great friend."
"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked.
"Yes." I answered. "I have to go. It's almost 12."
Andy said bye, but the worry was still apparent in his voice.
I ended the call, holding my phone tightly in my hands. I wanted this to stop, but how? I have a huge hole in my chest for months now, and I've been feeling so miserable that I'm hurting other people. My life is going like hell, yet the world remains normal. The fireworks above still continue to light up the sky. The people below are cheering for whatever it is that's on the stage at the bottom of One Times Square. The world continues to rotate, and time approaches another year-end. How will I make it stop?
Suddenly, my phone started vibrating in my hands again. It's probably Andy trying to make sure I'm really okay. I answered anyway, not paying attention if it was the same caller or not. A brocade firework, one of the huge kinds, just went off. Wow.
"Hello?" I said.
"A beautiful girl like you shouldn't be alone on New Year's Eve." The caller said, his voice was deep. My heart raced. Is someone watching me?
Anxiously, I asked, "Who's this?"
I looked around. There was no one.
"Two weeks, and you've already forgotten my voice?" He said. "Come on, Syd."
Only ever four people call me Syd. Two of them are my parents, then Luke, and Nick. And this is definitely not Nick.
My heart feels like it was gonna' pump right out of my chest. Oh God. "Luke?" I said, my voice smaller than it was five seconds ago.
"Hey." I heard the smile in his voice. I almost melted. Why didn't I recognize his voice? Oh, that voice that I so love in the morning.
"H-how did you find me? How are you talking to me right now?" I still feel like crying. Actually, I feel more like crying now. I knew I missed him, but I didn't realize I missed him this much. I wanted to crawl inside my phone and just reach out to wherever he is.
"Your friends." He answered. "They're my friends too, you know. And in case you haven't noticed, they want me to fix this. So. . ." He paused a little too long. "I am."
But I should be the one fixing the mess I made. He's always been the one to pick up the pieces, and try to put it back together. And I'll find a way to ruin things again, one way or another. Why?
"They told you?" I asked. "Where are you?"
"Melissa told me about your wish to go to New York, see the ball drop on New Year's Eve, watch the fireworks with the person you love the most. The usual stuff you use to tell me all the time before." He answered. "Now you're in New York. I know, I saw the tweets. It's almost midnight where you are. And I'm guessing from the background noises, you're watching the fireworks, and waiting for the ball to drop."
I closed my eyes, listening to his every word. So many feelings are cramping up inside my chest. I just need to let a tear out.
"You're on a perfect evening. What's missing?" Luke asked, his voice soft like it was everytime he tells me goodnight before going to sleep.
"You." I answered, but my voice cracked. The words slip out of my mouth before I could even think about what I was going to say. Somehow, I already feel like tonight's gonna be another episode of crying myself to sleep.
He didn't reply. The other line went silent but not dead.
"Luke," I said, almost pleading. But this is wrong. There's not a version if tonight where this phonecall would end well. At least not a version I could think of. "Here we go again." I sighed. "Even if I do want you, even if every muscle in my body screams of wanting to be near you, I can't. It can't happen."
Literally. Partly figuratively, too. I let out a sob.
"What if it can?" He said. But this time, his voice wasn't just static.
For a moment, I felt completely lost. This is too much to take in. I turned around, and there he was. Holy shit, my brain forgot to think and make me breathe. The fireworks above felt like they were exploding inside of my chest. How is this happening?
The love of my life, standing utterly underdressed in the cool New York breeze. His lips were redder than usual, and her cheeks were pink. His hands were kept on his pocket, but he was there. He was here! With me!
"Oh my God." That was all I could say, because what the hell am I supposed to say.
But Luke smirked. His eyes were glistening. Tears were forming in them. "Are you just gonna' stand there?"
"You are a complete idiot!" I said, throwing my arms around his neck, burying my face at the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent. God, I miss all this. He was laughing as he wrapped his arms around my waist. And there's the perfect fit again. As perfect as ever.
"I love you too." He said, hugging me tigher.
When I pulled apart to look at him, I saw his face was wet. Mine was too. "I'm sorry." I started. "I'm so sorry for everything, Luke. I'm so stupid. I never should have left you alone in L.A. I should have—"
"Syd, stop talking." He said, looking at the distant.
I looked at where he was looking. The countdown was starting. I completely forgot about the countdown. Throughout this whole relationship, timing has made and broke us a couple of times. But tonight, timing was our friend. It was perfect. I continued looking at the big screen displayed on the One Times Square building.
The countdown was starting.
.
.
.
Luke's POV
The countdown was starting.
"6... 5... 4..." I said silently, but I wasn't looking at the screen anymore. My eyes were focused on her. The non-stop fireworks and the lights on the streets played shadows on her face. She looked like art.
"3... 2... 1..." She finished, looking me in the eye. "Happy New Year."
Before my mouth could open to say anything, I was already pulling her to me, planting my lips on hers. Damn, I miss this feeling so much.
And it was in the second that our lips touched that I suddenly felt that everything was indeed pointing to this moment. That the universe conspired to make this happen. The sky was lit up more than ever, the noise was becoming deafening, I am fucking shivering from the cold, but I couldn't care less. I'm with her, and that's all that mattered at this moment.
I felt my lips start to tremble from the cold, but Syd ran her tongue against it, making me smile. It felt different but it also feels the same. It's the same weird, but familiar feeling all over again. I love it.
I placed my hand at the small of her back, pulling her closer towards me but she never felt close enough. Her fingers found their way at their usual spot in my hair, tugging on it gently. I moaned on the familiar feeling. My other hands caressed her jaw softly. God, it almost feels like the first time.
After one good minute, we pulled apart. I was out of breath.
"I have never loved you more than I do now." She said, also breathless.
"Well, there isn't a day that I loved you less than I did yesterday, or than I will tomorrow." I replied in between kisses. Her lips are so warm. I physically need them right now. "I always try to love you in all the best way possible. Because that's how you deserved to be loved. I'm sorry for the times I made you felt otherwise."
Sydny looked down at her feet again. It either means she started crying or she's blushing. I don't hear sobs, so I'm guessing it's the latter.
"Hey, look at me." I said, pulling her chin up.
She was blushing, but her eyes were filled with tears too.
"I'm sorry I left you." She said, her voice low.
I shook my head. Both of my hands were holding hers. "Syd, don't."
"No. Listen to me, Luke." She said, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I didn't just leave. I was running away. I know you'll say it's fine, but it's not. I always said that it was your fault. But it wasn't. I have been running away ever since my mum died, because I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to deal with situations. I was so stupid—"
"No, you're not. Stop it." I argued, squeezing her hands.
"Listen!" She ordered. "I didn't realize that. . . I was also running away from you. When you came, I thought I had everything figured out. But then... yes, you made a mistake, and I gave up on you too easily. I wanted to get away from it, so I broke up with you, and I tried to convince myself everyday that I was no longer in love. There were so many reasons that I should have chosen to stay. Even when it was over, even when the pain was still there, you always to try to make me see how much you still love me. But I didn't trust myself with you because I thought if I did, all I was doing is letting myself get hurt again. So I tried other ways to forget—which I now hate myself for, and while I thought that was working out fine, there you go again. The strong blow of a wind that left my autumn leaves out of line. But that wasn't it. You still made everything fall into place, and it scares me how much I am letting you do it. I almost lost myself. I was running around aimlessly, not sure if anything I'm doing is right.
"So now I'm here. I ran away again. But then I realized I was trying so hard to find out what's wrong with all of this, because something did go wrong. And it sucks because no matter how much I try, you're still. . ."
Her voice faded. Right now, tears were already streaming on her face. Some were already forming on my eyes too. But I need to know what she was supposed to say.
"Still what?" I asked.
Her eyes looked into mine. They were sparkling, reflecting the lights from the sky. It was breathtaking. "You're still you." She whispered. "And that's all I ever really needed. Now, that I'm sure of."
For a moment, I was completely speechless. She wasn't looking at me anymore. She seemed to enjoy the view of her feet much better. And I still don't know what to say.
"Wow." I said, feeling stupid. I took my hands out of her to wipe the tears coming out of my eyes. "I used to make the big apology speeches. But they were nowhere near as good as yours. I didn't know they make you feel like this."
Then she looked at me, eyebrows furrowed, mouth slightly opened. "I just told you about how—" she started on a tone that she always uses when starting a fight.
"Just kidding, babe." I laughed, but really, I wanted to curl up into a spoon and cry. "No more sorry. I love you, and no matter what other crazy thing you do, that will not change. I promise. And I swear to my damn pinky."
At this, she laughs.
I removed the hair out of her face, and wiped the tears from her eyes. People say that if you say something too much, or look at something too much, you'll eventually get used to them, and get tired of them. But I have looked at this beautiful face perhaps a thousand of time, crying, laughing, frowning, silly, sick, stressed, and I never fail to feel the same wave of euphoria. It's a wonderul feeling to have.
"I'm not letting you go again, okay?" I said, kissing her on the forehead. "Not now. Not ever."
"Okay." She said.
"I have one last question though." I said, taking a little step back to look at her. Another breeze blows. I quiver.
"Can we do it inside? You're shivering!" She said, taking my hand.
"No." I answered, pulling it back. The rooftop looks like it's pulled out from the last High School Musical movie. I used to watch it all the time with Calum. It's perfect. "This place is more romantic than being with that sleeping hotel staff inside."
"We can go to my room!" She argued.
I pointed up. "Syd, the lights are romantic. This will be quick. It's not very hard, just a simple yes or no question."
"Okay go!" She said, looking at me worriedly.
More because of instinct than pure will, I bent down on one knee. Syd looked like her eyes are gonna' pop out of my head. "Relax. I am not going to ask for you to marry me." I started. "Yet." I winked.
She just nodded, but her eyes were still wide.
"I just want to ask you again, Sydny Elizabeth Green," I said, trying to control my shivering. "If you want to make me the happiest man in the world, again, by being mine..."
"Again." She finished, almost laughing. "Yes."
"Yes?"
"Yes!" She exclaimed. She was crying again, but this time it's out of a completely different emotion. "Now, get up before you die of hypothermia."
I did as told, and Sydny wrapped her arms around me at once. "God, I love you so much." I sighed. "It's crazy."
"I love you too." She said, kissing me on the mouth.
"Fuck. Now, I can kiss you anytime I want again." I said giddily.
Syd just laughed. "Shut up, and let's get you warmed up." And with that, she took my hand in his and led me inside.
As it turns out, there was a different version to this story. A different ending, and a different result. I thought I was going to go home with everything lost, but as it turns out, I already had everything. It may have took us a trip halfway across the globe to figure it all out, but hey, at least I could definitely say there was nothing like us.
- E N D -