We walked into the house. The lights were on this time, making it easier to see the people and their faces.
The music rattled my chest, making my heart beat faster and my body pulse with each pounding beat.
The air was stuffy and the tables were completely filled with red, plastic cups. El grabbed a hold of my arm, pulling me down the small hallway and into the already crowded kitchen. We passed a couple, making out against the wall, practically naked. If I wasn't already nauseous, that would have definitely done the trick for me.
"Don't worry, lights will go out in about an hour then you won't be able to see the shit that actually happens here.", El informed me as we pushed through a few more people, finally making it to a large group in the corner.
"That makes me feel one hundred times better.", I joked. She laughed and let go of my arm to cling onto a guy who had his back to us. They're so cute. If only I was able to have that.
Louis turned around, his smile growing brighter at the sight of his beautiful girlfriend. He kissed her on the cheek, then looked up to me.
"Ah, Khloe!", he wrapped me in an awkward hug. "Are you deciding to stay this time?" he joked and smiled as he pulled away, linking his arm around El's waist.
"I dunno.", I chuckled. "Depends." On if Niall pulls anything- I wanted to add on, but instead just smiled. He nodded, and turned a bit to allow me to step into the circle with them.
There were a few familiar faces, and a few unfamiliar. I took in each one, lingering the longest on Luke, and the least on Niall.
He smirked at me when his eyes caught mine, but I shot my eyes back to Luke, giving him a faint smile. Luke smiled widely back, the one where his eyes crinkle at the corners, and his teeth show through.
I couldn't help but stare at the little black ring that circled around his bottom lip. I've never been the type of girl to find a guy like any of these boys attractive, but for some reason, this year has been like a new me. Going to parties, hanging around guys who have tattoos and piercings. People who drink and smoke. Definitely not my usual cup of tea, but the change feels nice.
I watched as he stood up from the windowsill and started walking across the circle towards me. I felt me knees go weak, however kept the smile painted on my face.
Oh my gosh. Why do I get like this? I never get butterflies from guys, I never feel nervous, and I never 'go weak in the knees'!
"Who's the pretty lady, Luke?", The black (not to be racist) one asked. He had short black hair and beautiful brown eyes. He was in a pair of dark jeans and a blue t-shirt.
I smiled at the compliment and turned to Luke. "Uh, this is Khloe." He smiled down at me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. Cue the butterflies. My smile stayed put as I turned back towards the group. I noticed Niall shift uncomfortably out of the corner of my eye. Sucks.
"Khloe, this is...", He pointed to the guy who spoke first. "Zak. He's on the basketball team." Luke then went around, naming everyone in the group who were new faces to me. There was Zak, Collin, and Zayn. Collin had light brown hair and green eyes, and Zayn had dark brown, almost black hair with deep brown eyes.
They were all apart of the frat house; Zak being the oldest, and Luke, Niall and Harry being the youngest.
Then there was the blonde girl on the left of Collin. Emily. She looked a little curvy, and tall, but was absolutely beautiful. Her blonde curls fell in ringlets around her face and her blue eyes sparked in the light.
"I'm going to get something to drink. Want anything?", Luke leaned in close to my ear so I could hear him over the music. I pulled my gaze off the girl, looking up to him. Smiling, I shook my head and he gave my shoulder a light squeeze. "Are you sure?"
"She said she doesn't want anything.", A familiar voice sliced through the dense air around us like a blade cutting through glass. Sharp with an edge as it shatters into a million tiny pieces.
My head snapped over to Niall. I glared at him, although he didn't notice because he was only focused on sending daggers to Luke.
What the hell is his problem? Is it because I don't want him? Because of Luke and I being friends? I don't get it.
Why does he now all of a sudden care what I want, or who I want to be my friends?
Why am I even thinking about this? It's pointless! Wasting my time, asking myself questions that are meaningless and ridiculous because it's not like I'll ever get answers anyways.
I was shocked and impatiently growing more annoyed by the second. Everyone seemed to have turned back to their conversations after staring at Niall for his completely uncalled for outburst.
I looked up at Luke as his arm tensed around my shoulder. He gave me a weak smile and I gave a small one back, my stomach still raging even though Niall had seemed to make it die down quite a bit.
"I'll have a water.", He started to turn away before I stopped him, giving him an even bigger smile. "Thank you." He pulled his lip ring between his teeth as if contemplating on what to do. Before I could say anything, I found his lips pressing to my cheek. If possible, my smile grew wider, and I could feel the burning start on my face as the blood rushed to the surface.
I cannot believe it! I wanted to scream, or throw myself onto the floor and just lay there. My mind cleared of all thoughts as his lips lingered there. They were on fire like my cheek, making it easier to feel the coldness of the ring. The seconds felt like hours before his lips finally came unconnected from my heated flesh. I smiled and he returned it, turning to walk over to the counter.
Did that really just happen? I don't know why I wanted it so much, but I did. It's like having his lips burn through my skin just made me forget everything. Why I was here in the first place, the drinking, Niall. Everything.
Niall abruptly stood up and paced across the circle, making sure to knock me a bit as he left, walking towards the living room.
I sighed and rubbed my shoulder lightly before awkwardly turning to see Louis and Eleanor in a heavy make out session. To be honest, I forget she was even here.
"Here ya go.", I looked back to see Luke behind me, standing with a glass of water.
"Thank you.", I took it from him, trying not to choke as I took a drink and he kissed my cheek again. I know I've said that I hated the feeling he gives me, but now it's all I want. I like the butterflies and the nervousness. Never have I before, but with him I do. It's different.
He looked around the circle for a minute, taking in everyone's face. Zak and Zayn talking, El and Lou sucking each others faces, and Collin and Emily flirting.
I'm surprised I haven't seen Harry yet. Or even Perrie or Liz. They were here when we first walking in, but after they ran straight to the living room without a second glance.
"Where's Niall?", I looked up to Luke and shrugged. If I knew, I probably wouldn't care anyways. He only cares for himself, he doesn't give a shit about anything, and he think the world revolves around him and his wants. Not someone I'm really interested in having around.
"Well, would you want to dance? It's kinda stuffy in here." Did he really just ask?
"Yeah, sure.", my voice came out more shaky than intended; deep in contrast, as his voice was calm and collected, not a hint of any nerves rushing through him.
I placed my glass in the sink, although it was still half full. Luke waited for me, and smiled as I followed him into the -ten times more crowded- living room. The lights had gone out now, and the strobe lights flickered throughout the room, making it feel like an actual club.
I can truthfully say that I'm not even near as scared and nervous as I was last Friday, but then again I didn't have someone familiar by my side.
The bass pounded through my chest, and the music was mainly hip-hop, dub-step, or R&B.
I sighed and smiles as Luke pulled my body close to him. He placed his hands on my hips, slipping his thumbs into the belt loops of my shorts.
It was a little awkward at first, but I think it was from the butterflies and nerves that I received from his touch. To say the least, it was nothing how Niall and I grinded. This was slow and more of a swaying hips type, where as mine and Niall's was a hot and sweaty type. Like what most people are doing here.
I huffed in annoyance. Every time I'd try to go down or move in a different way, he'd stop me and bring me back even closer to his chest. He placed his hand on my thighs, trailing up, resting right under the cut-off of my shorts. I sighed, the nerves becoming more overwhelming.
However, these weren't the normal nerves I get from him, instead these gave me a weird feeling. Like the first time I ever walked into this damn house.
Luke started rubbing small circles, trailing to my inner thigh. I jumped and stepped away from him, creating a rather large space. It seemed to have taken Luke back a little as I turned to see his face in shock, kind of how I seen Niall's after we kissed for the first time in the bathroom.
I don't mean to compare Luke and Niall because they're nothing alike, just Niall was my first experience when dealing with guys like them. The frat boys. However, Luke is nothing like Niall, just some of his actions are.
"What the hell, Luke?" He took a step closer to lessen the space, but I took one back to even it back out again.
"Hey, Khlo..." He sighed as if being defeated although I haven't really even fought back yet. "I'm sorry, I just want to be as close with you as possible. I shouldn't have done that."
I nodded and nervously bit my lip. He just wants to be close?
When I didn't say anything, his eyes began to shade over and he too, bit his lip - the first sign of nervousness that I've seen come from him.
"Do you just want to go sit and talk?" I nodded and followed him to the stairs. He stopped for a second and turned to me with his eyebrows raised as if asking if it's okay. I nodded again and trailed behind him.
I haven't been up here yet, but it seems to split off in the middle, one hallway lead right and the other left. The carpet was a royal blue color, and the walls were half oak plank, and the top half was painted a beige color.
I followed Luke down the right hallway to the last door on the left wall. His room was a little messy, but pretty clean for a teenage boy.
"Um, Luke?" He turned to look at me. "May I use the bathroom?" He nodded and gave me the quick directions. I smiled and thanked him, leading back down the hall.
Niall's POV*
I walked up the stairs, stopping at the top. The smell of stale cigarette smoke filling my senses. I scrunched my face a bit but continued to my old room.
It was empty, feeling cold and lonely. Kinda like myself. I sat on the bed- the only object in the room- and stared out the window, watching and listening to drunk kids ramble on outside.
The music was still shaking the house, but at least it was quieter up her.
I've never been the one to sit and think for myself, but right now it was all I could do.
I needed a break. Mentally and physically. I needed a break from my thoughts. From my 'family'. And from this damn frat house, but the only problem is that I have no where to go.
I could always ask my dad for some money to leave, but he probably wouldn't give me any seeing as he just payed over 25 grand to the school to let me stay here.
I have nothing. I don't know why it's just now hitting me because I never have had anything, but it is, and it's hard. I have no one left.
My mum left us. My dad only tolerates me because it looks good on his part for work. My brother and sister left me behind in the dust as they went off to live their lives.
The boys don't understand and never even attempt to. They don't care about me. They only care are about the parties I throw. And unless I'm drinking, they barely acknowledge me.
And the one girl that won't leave my mind wants nothing to do with me. I know that I'm not good at showing how I feel to others, but I seemed to have fucked up any chance with her. She was supposed to just be a quick fuck, but it turned into so much more and we haven't even got that far yet. Instead, we always seem to go backwards. Never making improvements, only mistakes.
I want her. No. I need her. But how am I suppose to get her when all I do is fuck shit up? It's to the point where she would pick Luke over me. She thinks he's so much better. But the shit I've done would never compare to what he does. One of the main reasons that I could never trust him as a brother.
I legit have no one left. Not one person.
I use girls, I party, I drink, and I look to violence as an answer. Somehow in my fucked up mind, it's a reliever. Relieves me of my past. Relieves me of my pain. But now when I have nothing, I'm left to drown in it. But, I guess that's my punishment.
I felt a hot tear run down my cheek, pooling at the corner of my lips. I hastily wiped it away. "You don't cry in my house. Crying is for wimps. I will not have a wimpy ass son, so if you're going to cry, get the hell out." My dads words played over and over in my head. I was six. Too little to even know the world. The world outside of my house. The house that my mum had left only months before. The house that I was left to suffer in. The house known for abuse, and alcoholics.
I looked up to see my father standing at the top of the stairs. He had a clear bottle in one hand, and the other hand on the chipped railing. I watched as he pressed the bottle to his lips, taking the biggest drink I've ever seen.
It's been five months. Five months since this all started. Since daddy would walk through the doors late at night. Since I first heard the fighting.
Three months since I had to watch my mummy get dragged around by her hair. Or sit in a corner and cry.
Three months since she started sleeping with me at night.
"I'll always be here with you, no matter what. When you look in that sky late at night, always look to the moon and know that I'm watching over you. I promise, Niall."
She would tell me that every night. She would hold my tiny hand in hers and press light, feathery kisses onto each knuckle, sometimes leaving behind a small trace of blood. Her dry lips would then press to my forehead, and I knew then that it was time to close my eyes and forget the chain of events that had happened today because tomorrow was a new day. A new start.
It had been one month today, exactly, that my mum had said those simple words to me for the last time. She was a strong woman, but you can only hold on for so long, until your fingers start to slip.
I was fuzzed out of my hazy state as I watched the man that I didn't even know anymore stumble down the old creaking stairs, holding on with all of his support. I could run, but it wouldn't do me any good, so instead, I turned my back to him and pulled at the hem of my shirt until it reached my shoulder blades, and squinted my eyes as tight as I could, ready for the pain that was about to strike my tiny body. Ready for the relief of the cool air to breeze against my heated skin just before the belt would cause a sting of pain.
It wasn't as bad this time, mainly because he was too deep under intoxication. The sting only lasted for a quick second this time. When I lowered my shirt, and turned around to face the man, he was smiling.
Not a full happy smile that mummy would when she seen me, but instead it was a deviled smile and his eyes would grow black. It was the first time I'd ever seen it, which frightened me a strong bit.
"Getting used to it, are we?", He asked and goosebumps filled my skin as I shook my head. He didn't take it though, as he slammed his bottle to the ground. I watched it shatter into a million little fragmentes, while the clear liquid splattered, in a twisted way reminding me of my mum when he would hit her.
I swallowed and watched as he grabbed ahold of my ear. I slightly winced, letting the tears roll down my cheeks.
It felt like a ton of bricks had hit me as my small body had coiled up against the smooth wall that I'd just been shoved into.
I sat in a small ball, just simply letting the tears free fall without any attempt of sound or to even wipe them away.
My father laughed and paced in front of me slowly, straightening out his ragged shirt. He glared at me, before bending down right in front of me, point his large finger at my face.
"You don't cry in my house. Crying is for wimps. I will not have a wimpy ass son, so if you're going to cry, get the hell out."
I immediately wiped them away, shaking my head to signal and okay.
"I don't have no where to go daddy." Don't he see that heaven's the only place left?
He smiled again and stood up to go back towards the small excuse of a kitchen.
When are Greg and Annie gonna be home from school?
I blinked a couple times, trying to get the tears to stop. Why is my life such shit? Couldn't my mum just have taken me and walked out? Couldn't she have just hung on a little longer? I know it's selfish of me to think this, but she's the only one who had ever loved me, and she was gone. My everything was gone.
And the worst part is, it's my father's fault I'm a fuck up. It's his fault that I can't treat a girl right. It's his fault. All of it. Everything is his fault.
I'm not wanted, I think he's made that more than clear. I'm a screw up of a child. I'm not loved. I'm nothing. Absolutely nothing. I'm just here, stuck on this damn earth, for what reason? There is none. I'm a delinquent. I'm a shame. And I'm nothing. There's no point in me here, so why am I?
I looked up to the sky, through the small window. The air was thick, and dark. However, the stars shown perfectly. All of them. My eyes caught the biggest and brightest object that was out tonight. I stared at it, wondering how even though it had been through hell, hit and beat up by more than a billion large, flying objects, how it still shown to be perfectly round. How could it be put through absolute shit, and still appear to be new?
I stared at it for a little longer, wondering if she was still up there. Did she keep her word? Does she still love me, despite the shit I've caused?
Probably not. Who would?
More tears flowed, but I didn't stop them this time. I let them just roll. Letting all my weaknesses shine through. Letting all the emptiness and loneliness come to the surface. I'm done. I've got nothing left to give to myslef. To anyone else. Nothing. It's what I am, and what I have. That's it.
I glanced to the white closet that was bare with chipped paint. I quickly stood up, walking over to it.
I opened the doors, kneeling on the floor. It was dark in here, the only light being given off from outside. I felt around the floor boards, looking for the little latch.
I was the only one to know about it. After all, this was my room, and I doubt anyone would really pay enough attention to realize it was there.
I felt a sharp pain in my finger, but it was nothing more than I've received in the past. I looked down, trying to let my eyes adjust so that way I could see it.
Once I found it, I lifted the floor board, rummaging around in the dirt.
I know it's here. It's been here for longer than I can imagine. Even before I came to this damn school.
I quickly wiped more tears away so I could concentrate. It's like once they started, they can't stop.
I felt my hand hit a cold and hard object. I smiled to myself, pulling out the old scotch bottle.
I sat down, crouching by the wall, as I leaned my head back.
With every drink, my throat became immune to the burning sensation, starting to love the feeling.
"You're so stupid.", He would say. I took a drink, washing away the memory, letting the hot tears continue.
"Couldn't you have been like Greg?" , I'd drink.
" Go find someone who cares." Drink.
"Why are you still here? You're worthless." And another.
I'd repeat his words, making sure to tell myself they're true. That's the truth. The truth always comes out when you're drunk. My father was a prime example of that.
I kept letting the words replay, making sure to take a drink with each. I pulled my legs to my chest, banging my head lightly against the wall.
"Niall?"