"Only in the darkness can you see the stars."
- Martin Luther King Jr.
―
FOURTEEN: FRAGMENTS
Still, even as night coated the sky in strokes of oily onyx, the only thing I could recall was blood. Red blood, crimson like her river of hair that spilled over one shoulder. Even as the reddest sunset was covered deftly, smote out with ink-stained hands, snuffed out like a candle's wavering light, all I could see was red.
Red hair, red sky. Red blood.
The rest was a blur like the lens of a camera when it struggled to focus on anything. I vaguely remembered flames everywhere, whether it was mine or someone else's, I did not know. I recalled a shriek and a sob and then darkness plunging everywhere, shadows whispering through the trees, the Atrium suddenly flooded with people.
People. Bodies? No. They were alive. Weren't they? Or corpses. Which was it?
Blood on my hands. Ash in my hair. Warm hands and reassuring voices that meant nothing to me.
And one lone figure kneeling in the blood with a sticky knife in its outstretched hands, knees soaked in blood, fingers drenched in scarlet. Eyes pointing downwards, mouth not working, body not responding.
I still hadn't seen Ezra, or Helen for that matter.
People were still fussing over me in the infirmary. Hands constantly taking my pulse, asking how I was doing, taking my temperature, making me more comfortable...at this point, nothing really mattered.
Blood. Dagger. Neck.
I should have seen Ezra and Helen before now. It was what a good friend would have done.
Hair. Red. Dead.
"I'm fine, I think," I announced to the most nearby worker, and almost hastily left the place in a hurry. The red roses outside the golden window were starting to make me feel sick.
Dead. Dead. Dead.
She wasn't, she couldn't be, she was alright, she was fine, she wasn't dead.
Dead, dead, dead. Dead. Red.
I walked faster, counting the doors until I got to the same door with the loose doorknob and rusted numbers, the same cramped hallway. If I knew anything about Helen, it was that she trained herself to forget. Numbed herself to reality by playing with knives. Blurred the details by letting light cover her vision.
I found my two swords sitting neatly on my bed. My bed was made and my clothes were hung up and washed. It slightly bothered me that someone had come in and touched all of my personal belongings, but what mattered was the swords. I grabbed them and made sure to lock the door behind me.
―
I was wrong.
She was not training.
I checked Helen's room on my way out, pulling her out and tossing her favorite daggers into her hands. She recoiled at the touch of them, but I took her anyway. It was Ezra that I found at the Atrium, eyes focused on a target at the far end.
His wrists seemed to move in a perfect sync, flicking knives to the target ― some hitting and some missing, but either way, something told me that he didn't care whether they even came close.
"Not today, Cassandra, I can't," Helen said, tearing her gaze away from some point in the far off distance and forcing herself to meet my eyes.
"What about our magic lessons?"
She stiffened. "We can continue tomorrow."
"Oh, stop being dramatic. Tomorrow is, like, 24 hours away." An attempt at light conversation disintegrated as Helen sent me a dry look to shut up.
"I actually knew her, you know." Her voice was the softest I have ever heard. "You didn't."
The words stung, somehow. They had all grown up together with association with Ivyport. They had all been trained and honed their skills together. Most of all, I felt like I didn't belong. Not nearly as extreme as an intruder, but I felt out of place.
Where was my place? It wasn't here, in Ivyport, no matter how many ties I had to it and no matter how much I was told that I was supposed to be here. It wasn't back at home, that was for sure, in Southern California, in college, in an apartment with leaky faucets and annoying neighbors and a normal roommate. Everything had changed.
And suddenly, Ealyndris didn't seem so terrible after all.
Magic was still a dreamlike thing ― I could still hardly believe it existed even though I saw it on a day-to-day basis. Ealyndris was the home of magic. And dragons, apparently. And kings and queens. And all the epic crap that I had only read about in stories.
Maybe it would be an adventure.
Or maybe I would be brutally murdered by my own mother a few seconds after entering the world. Either way.
"I ― okay, I guess," I muttered, and decided that going to the Atrium was a waste of time.
As I was turning away, a smear of red licked across my vision. I rubbed at my eyes again. Blood everywhere. Crimson. Scarlet. Ruby. No. A sheaf of red hair, a spill of red blood. Dark, dark red. Spilling red. Spilling over a shoulder. Spilling from her neck.
My ears roared.
I began to make my way back to the dorms, but as I was walking, I remembered something. It was from what seemed like months before, but in reality it was only a week before, and yet it seemed foggy in my memory.
"You need it. More than you think you do. Not just tomorrow, not just the day after that."
Helen practiced with me. She pushed me until I decided that it would be too much of a hassle to object. And it did me good. It gave me energy to face the day. It also exhausted me until I could sleep dreamlessly without being haunted by a constant reminder of what was to come.
She was a friend that brought me out of that pit, and yet, I asked myself, why was I hiking back up to the dorms?
Without another moment's hesitation, I turned on my heel to find Helen again, and decided that this time, it would not be me giving in.
She was still at the Atrium, eyes caught on the spot where Kira was. The rosy stone that was scrubbed freshly clean by someone who did not know her. I didn't know her either.
I placed a hand on her shoulder, and a her head turned with a toss of that ashy hair. She looked troubled, eyebrows placed together and jaw clenched. She was silent, too, so I filled the silence with my own voice.
"I won't let you stand there and do nothing," I said.
"I'm sitting."
"You're difficult."
"You think I don't know that?"
I exhaled. "I'm not leaving."
Helen shook her head at me and stood up. "Then if it makes you happy, I'll leave. I won't come back or mope around or whatever else you're telling me to stop doing."
"You need to be occupied. Practice with me?"
"I already said no."
"I thought you said that you wanted me to be more prepared? We ― I don't have forever."
If that didn't convince her, I didn't know what would. A biting of her lip and a guilty dart of her eyes had me almost convinced that she would agree.
"I don't ― I can't ―" A shake of her head. She tried to avoid my eyes.
"Can't or won't? Just one lesson. 15 minutes, I swear."
"I―"
"I guess that's how it's going to be," I said to her, and turned to leave, starting to walk out of the Atrium while Helen's eyes were still glued on the same spot. I started to lose hope.
"Wait."
I turned around at the entrance.
A sigh as she turned to me. "Only 15 minutes. Then we're done."
―
Even though I could tell that Helen was somewhat reluctant, she still tried her best. I would give her that. This time, she taught me about healing ― not the complicated magic that Ezra could work to knit wounds back together completely, but the magic that could temporarily staunch blood loss, bring temporary relief to pain.
The key was temporary. And as long as it was maintained, it would sap away magic energy. Ezra's type of healing ― that was a whole different level. Helen said that with a little work I could get there, but I wasn't so sure.
All we could do was hope for the best.
At this point, all we could ever do was hope. I didn't know about the others, but I didn't have much left. It was all I could do.
I couldn't do much at this point but prepare for the next onslaught. I hoped that Helen's magic lessons and Ezra's combat lessons were enough. Again, hope.
At least that was one thing that couldn't be stolen from me.
―
Hey, look who updated! This is a much shorter chapter, I know, but I didn't want to drag it out unnecessarily when I could end it there. Let me know in the comments: How do you feel about Kira's death? What do you think about Helen and Cassandra now? Will Cass be ready for when the portal hits? Do let me know!
Thank you for reading! If you liked that chapter, please vote and/or comment, and do let me know any feedback you have. I appreciate it very much!
- viya -