It doesn't take long for Louis to realise that he's been forgotten and he'd be okay with it, but in this case he isn't, because Harry Styles is standing on the other side of the room. Louis doesn't even have to look over because he just knows that Harry's gaze is locked on him and he can feel the back of his skull burning from the intense glare. Louis stares at the pale wall in front of him, concentrating on everything but the fact he's in a room with a psycho. His fingers slightly twitch with anxiety and he can't help but shudder as he can hear Harry lighting up a cigarette.
"Are you just going to stare at that wall or will you be sociable?"
Louis bites down on the inside of his cheek, and he's never prayed this hard in his life for Liam to come back because Louis just knows that being in a room alone with Harry is going to turn into a shit storm. It's colder in the room, colder than it was just 10 minutes ago. Louis wraps the thin jumper he wears closer around him, shivering slightly before turning his head slightly. Harry sits on a bench, long and slender legs dangling off the edge, the tips of his boots brushing against the concrete floor. Harry's hand is next to his face, a frail looking cigarette lodged between his pale, long fingers. Harry's eyes are still on Louis and Louis may be across the room, but he finds himself lost in the sea of Harry's eyes. Harry's face looks like it's carved from the angels above, and his skin looks like porcelain. His face is blank and unmoving and it makes Louis uncomfortable. Louis crosses his arms and takes a step back, and slightly jumps when his back thumps against the hard wall. The silent room erupts in a giant laugh from Harry, who uses his spare hand to clamp over his own mouth.
"You're an idiot,"
"Thanks," Louis whispers
"I believe this is the first time in a while since we've engaged in a conversation," Harry tilts his head
"Yeah,"
"You don't have to be so rude, what's wrong with you? All these quick and sharp replies. Is there any chance you could talk normally?"
"Yes, I can speak normally, have you ever considered the chance I actually don't want to talk to you,"
"What have I ever done to you?"
"Harry, you saved my life once and I'm thankful but seriously-,"
"But seriously what? I saved your fucking ass. I could of let you bleed out but I decided to be nice and keep you alive, and this is how you repay me?"
"I'm thankful that you saved me, okay. But you attacked me that time in the bathrooms and I'd rather stay away from you to be honest, you're not really my type of person,"
Harry slides off the table and crosses the room in what seems like only a couple of his giant strides before he's about a meter away from Louis. Louis feels so enclosed in this space and he can't find enough air to breathe. Harry's eyebrows are furrowed and his dark hair is slicked back with whatever he uses. Harry doesn't come any closer, because he obviously feels the fear that's radiating off Louis.
"I didn't want to attack you,"
"But you did,"
"I-I get angry sometimes and I do things that I don't mean,"
"Oh I know, I know all about that," Louis replies back flatly
"No, you don't know about it because you don't understand,"
"I don't understand but I know that you get so mad, so mad that you're capable of murdering the love of your life and those people,"
"Louis please, don't do this. I don't want to snap. I've been good,"
"You've only been good because the amount of medication this asylum gives you is enough to make you a vegetable, without the medication, you would have killed us all,"
"That's not true,"
"Harry. I've seen you when they inject you with all those needles, and when they have to literally hold your arms back when they force all those pills down. The medication that they give you, it's fucking horrible but it's the only thing they can do. They don't want to kill you, but they don't want you alive enough to kill everyone. Do you understand?" Louis shouts
Harry freezes as the words tumble out of Louis' mouth and Louis almost hits himself, but he keeps his eyes on Harry, trying to decipher what Harry is going to do. Harry's eyes slowly move to the floor, and his face looks like stone, almost like he's trying to figure something out. His hands are balled into fists on his side and his chest rises and falls. Louis' eyes flicker over to the door and he considers his chances of being able to escape without Harry grabbing him, but Harry would catch up with him too fast.
"Are you okay?"
"You're right." Harry whispers
"What?"
"You're right about the medication. I don't even know what they give me, it's almost like a sedative, but it's not enough to knock me out. It makes me feel like i'm floating..I don't feel anything. They don't want me dead but they don't want me alive either," Harry looks up, eyes locking with Louis'.
Louis' chest tightens because he's never seen Harry's eyes this shade of green before, usually they're almost as dark as the night sky but right now they're emerald green. They're glazed over in tears but he blinks through them, he looks absolutely destroyed. Louis feels sorry for him, and he has no idea why because Harry deserves every piece of hell launched at him.
"I don't know what to say,"
Harry takes a step forward, and Louis actually doesn't breathe because he's against a wall and Harry is right there, eyes bright and skin slightly flushed, like he had just run a marathon. Harry doesn't say anything, he just pulls Louis' hand up into his face and slightly pushes up the sleeve, to reveal his wrists. There's a deafening silence and all Louis can hear is his own muffled thoughts and the sound of his heart thumping in his ears, and he doesn't know what to feel because Harry's fingertips are tracing the scar from Zayn.
"I know what it feels like, to feel so useless, that you turn to razors to inflict pain, to feel okay again,"
"What the hell are you going on about?"
Harry doesn't take a step back, but he lets Louis' hand fall back to his side before he brings his own arm up between the two and rolls up his sleeve and Louis is frozen, because it's a pattern he's all too used to. Harry's skin is pale but the scars that scatter his skin are even paler. Louis' mouth runs dry but he's slightly thankful because there's no new looking scars.
"I used to cut myself really badly, because I didn't know how to control whatever was wrong with me. Instead of inflicting pain on others, I'd do it to myself, and it made things so much worse because I needed to cause myself more pain every time. Jade convinced me to stop, and I did. I haven't done it since the day I promised her I wouldn't,"
"I-I'm sorry,"
"It's okay,"
Louis brings his own hand to touch Harry's skin and as soon as he feels the warmth of Harry's skin under his fingertips, the warmth disappears, as fast as it appeared. Louis looks up and notices Harry has dropped his hand back down to his side, and is pulling his sleeves back down.
"Don't touch me," He whispers, his eyes darkening
"Harry, I didn't mean to,"
"Jesus fucking christ,"
Harry walks backwards and pulls at his own hair, eyes closed tightly, veins appearing in his tensed neck. Louis realises this is his perfect chance to escape and get away from Harry before he does get hurt because Harry is losing a battle with himself right now. Louis takes a step, followed by another but a voice stops him.
"Don't,"
"Harry, I seriously didn't mean to,"
"No one touches me, do you fucking understand that? Not even when I fuck people, no one touches me. What makes you think you can touch me? The last person and the only person to ever touch me is and ever will be Jayde,"
"Sorry,"
"Sorry doesn't fucking cut it,"
"If you didn't want me touching it, then why the fuck show me?!"
"I-I don't know why I showed you..."
Harry stands there, shoulders shaking and his lips trembling and he just runs his hands over his face, something inside Louis snaps and he walks towards Harry, ignoring Harry's puzzled eyes and he slams his mouth against Harry's.
Harry's frozen, fallen from his face to his side and Louis presses a bit harder before pulling back a bit, looking into Harry's eyes through his lashes. Harry's eyes wide, pupils dilated and eyebrows furrowed.
"What the fuck," Harry shouts, shoving Louis off him.
"I-,"
"WHY THE FUCK-,"
"I didn't-I thought-,"
"You thought just because I showed you my fucking scars, means that I liked you or something? Are you fucking stupid. I have a girlfriend and I love her more than anything. You're nothing!"
Louis feels like he's been slapped hard in the face and his mouth opens slightly and he starts crying, his chest tight and aching. He hasn't felt this rejected since Stan and Harry stares at Louis, silently. He grabs Louis' collar in his hand and slams him against the wall.
"Let me tell you something Louis," Harry spits
Louis closes his eyes, tears streaming down his cheeks and his body shaking with terror. He can feel Harry leaning over him and he can smell Harry and the cigarette that he had just before.
"Harry Styles doesn't get kissed, Harry Styles does the kissing, you got it?"
Louis nods.
"I can't hear you,"
"Okay,"
"ANSWER ME YOU FUCKING IDIOT,"
"I get it, Harry,"
"Good,"
"Don't you ever kiss me again, or in fact, don't you ever come near me again." Harry's voice lowers
"Or else what?" Louis frowns
"Or else you're going to end up just like all those people I murdered,"
Louis swallows and Harry stares at him, his breath fanning over Louis' face.
"Oh and Louis,"
"What?"
The next thing that happens knocks the air out of Louis' lungs, and sets his skin on fire and his hands to tighten their grip on Harry's shirt. Louis isn't going to pretend he hasn't thought of this moment before, because he has, multiple times and it's a lot better than he ever imagined. Harry's lips weren't as hard as they were just seconds ago, they're so soft and they move almost erotically against his own, tongue brushing against the bottom lip, hips slightly grinding down on Louis. Harry is so close, and he smells so good and Louis doesn't want to let go and he doesn't want Harry to let go and as much as Harry doesn't want to admit it, he doesn't let go, and he thinks...he won't let go, not now, and not for a very long time.