Eric. He is why I'm doing this. He is why I want to die. Hell with it, I'm mute anyway. Obviously there is something wrong with him... and me.
I miss the way it used to be , I know I sound crazy but I miss my old pack. I miss when My sister nagged and her mate bugged me. I missed the comments given to me and I miss the work I was forced to do.
Its was way better than having your heart broken everyday. To constantly give your trust to someone who Always disobeys you. I regret leaving.
I regret it. I loved it when I used to count my bruises and get kicked in the face. I loved the abuse. I would have taken it any other day than to feel this pain.
My tenth reason. I can't believe I even tried to leave. I wouldn't have had such a dick for a mate. Always there is a problem and every time he messes up I get hurt.
If I stayed with my pack right now... I would be in my ripped mattress in the attic. I would at least be a little happy. I would be laying on my window side staring at the stars.
My sister would nag and I would work. At least people didn't hurt my heart. They would hurt me physically. But I would always be happy emotionally.
I'm shattered.
I looked around the room for the last time before I started to think silently. I thought in my mind lyrics as my wolf sung through our link.
"My heart is shattered,Nothing else matter. The fates are such a curse.
The broken dreams , although it seems like ill forgive. But I'll never forget the pain. The look in your eyes, the regret I'm feeling, because of you im leaving.
I could die from all this hate, moongoddess why did I deserve , such a heartless mate.
I'm in the dark. I'm locked away. My spirits lost and I am broken.
The pain is overwhelming. Why do I have to be afraid. After all I am such a disgrace.
The love I felt, has disappeared. My dreams are lost, I cannot live like this anymore.
I cannot bear it.. the pain from Eric.. Why did my second chance be him.
Now I'm here, Alone and living in fear. In the dark, because im such a big mistake.Moongoddess Why did I deserve such a heartless mate."
Isabel howled and sung the song as tears flew down my face. The pills I had taken were loaded with silver. They would burn me inside out.
I cried as hard as I could when I felt it. The surge. The pain came in waves. I cried out and screamed. It hurt so much.
I felt my heart stop and my stomach burn. My insides were on fire and I couldn't hold in the screams that erupted from my throat.
I screamed so hard that the stitches in my throat broke. Blood came out my mouth and I felt as my screams lessened.
Mark came bursting through the door. I didn't stop my screams and held my stomach. He saw the pills on my drawer and he picked me up.
His eyes held panic and I saw the fear. He shivered as he ran to my bathroom. When we got near the toilet he stuck his fingers in my mouth and to my throat.
By instinct I gagged. I ended up throwing up. The fluid went past my throat and I felt my stitches loosen even more.
Mark was rubbing my back softly and he whispered things into my ear. I cried as I felt the pain In my throat.
Tears were all over my face and blood was all over my mouth.
I felt as The burning in my stomach lessened and I felt as my body began to heal .
When I stopped vomiting I Looked around. Julia , Oscar and mark were with me . Julia was crying hard and Oscar was giving me a sad look.
I looked at them sadly before I tried to speak . My stitches caused me to be able to mumble.
With thier advanced hearing I knew they would hear it.
"Im sorry" Was all I managed to rasp out before my world went black.
*********************************************************
I woke up to a bright light. I walked and Looked around . I seemed to be walking on clouds. he air was smooth and in between thick and thin.
There was no sent, and I couldn't hear anything or sense any movement around me.
The moon was high in the sky and I wondered.
Its daytime and the moon is out? Why am I walking on clouds?Am I Dead?
I saw a woman walk up to me. She had Extremely blonde hair and Beautiful golden eyes that shimmered in the moons light.
She had one of the most beautiful gowns I have ever seen and she had the hottest heels I ever saw.
Her pale but full face and her stance proved it. The way my wolf cowered to her proved it too. The power radiating off her finalized it.
She was the moon goddess.
"Welcome Ashlyn . Nice to see you, though I wasn't expecting you so early " She spoke in the smoothest voice, it made my wolf happy.
She walked up to me and gave me a hug. Her skin was so soft it felt unreal. she smelled like Lilys and fresh dew.
My wolf relaxed at her touch, and I closed my eyes. Just a tluch made my wolf relaxed.
"Um.." Was all I managed to say.
Wait!! I can talk!!
"How am I able to tal-" I tried to ask her, but she interrupted me .
"Well I decided you needed your voice, And Darling , Please forgive him. He is special and you need to forgive him" She said.
I knew Exactly who she was talking about. What does she mean by special?Like.. special Ed?
"Eric? Why should I worry about that creep" I said to her.
"Stop. He is your mate. Do you think I put you guys together so you could go off and kill yourself!!" She boomed.
I could feel her anger , She looked at me harshly and Her gaze was intimidating. The power raidiating from her made my wolf be submissive.
I looked down and showed my neck, submission clear through my actions.
" I will help you , But You need to forgive him. You don't need to do It right away, But you do need him " She said.
"Eric has caused me so much pain. I can't, I feel so alone, I c-cant" I said to her, my eyes watering.
"Ashlyn. Don't be afraid , Don't run from your problems like your parents did . Eric loves you so deeply , And I bet when he gains control again he will feel regret . He is in a bad time in his life . You need to love him . Stop running from your fears. Don't be afraid to fight " She said almost pleadingly .
She was so right . I always run from my problems. Me trying to kill myself was Way to harsh.
Eric would never forgive himself and My friends would never forget it.
I always run. I always back out. I need to learn how to fight back. No matter what, Eric is my mate and I need to play my part.
He needs me now and I need him.
"Oh my dear Ashlyn you have such a long way to go" She cooed while playing with my hair.
"I feel so Stupid! Why haven't I seen it before. Now I am dead and I won't be able to tell him the truth!!" I spoke out loud to her.
A tear fell down my face and the moon goddess stared at me.
Her hand wiped away my tear and her soft gold eyes comforted me.
" Don't worry darling. I will send you back, I'll give you your voice back and I will help you with Eric , But here is the deal." She stared at me sternly.
" Promise me you won't run from your problems . You need to forgive someone truly" She said.
"I promise, Just please. Don't let me get hurt again " I whispered to her while engulfing her in a hug.
She is like my mother. She reminds me of the soft voice and sweet touch. I could talk to her openly anytime.
We pulled away after the clouds we were standing on, turned black. The clouds shook and I held on to her.
"It's time for you to leave now sweetie . Don't forget our little wager, Stop running from your problems " She whispered to me before her golden eyes and blonde hair turned pitch black .
The clouds parted and She gave me one last hug . She let go of me and I fell in the hole. The world was dark.
I found myself falling from the sky as it rained. Lighting slashed everywhere and I saw multiple wolfs howling.
They were howling of death. Somebody died.
I fell closer to the ground and realized this was Eric's pack. I died. All the wolfs were howling.
I felt my pace of falling increase and Everything went dizzy. Right before I hit the ground I disappeared and the world went dark.